I feel like I'm walikng on eggshells

60 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 8,2022 at 4:24PM UTC

   I would consider jumping to a new job. If the same and starts up again then you can be assured that it probably isn't the job. I would then consider therapy to get to the root of your issue and learn ways to deal with anxiety.

2. JJSeptember 8,2022 at 5:04PM UTC

   I think a new challenge would fuel you and better pay can help with self-care to bring that anxiety down. Go for it!

3. AnonymousSeptember 8,2022 at 5:14PM UTC

   Sorry to hear this is happening to you! I'd say, explore the new role -- maybe this is serendipity/universe working in your favor re: new role + more money. Remember, there's no perfect job and every job has its quirks/culture/management style that may or may not work for you. Definitely make time for some self-care, too. You should never be made to feel you have to walk on eggshells for anyone, let alone a job. No job is worth your mental health. Good luck to you!

4. AnonymousSeptember 8,2022 at 5:16PM UTC

   Maybe a change and a higher salary would be good for you. Good luck!

5. AnonymousSeptember 8,2022 at 5:56PM UTC

   Stop doubting yourself and your capabilities. Its scary being back at work after 1.5 months of being unemployed. I know I was there. Take the higher salary and get back into the groove of things. You deserve to be where you are. Work on getting your confidence back!!!! You can do this!!!!!! Good luck!!!!!

6. AnonymousSeptember 8,2022 at 6:17PM UTC

   I agree with the other posts here to make the move.

   I feel the same way as you and am tired of worrying and re-reading my emails to make sure they'll be acceptable. First, my supervisor told me there are never too many questions. Later, she said I asked too many. And even later, she told me I give too much info so her ADD makes her tune me out while I'm talking or not finish reading my emails.

   So I've tried to be very much to the point. But I've been thrown under the bus when she hasn't dealt with a situation, or she doesn't reply to me. I've been told to be independent, then chastised and told to stay in my lane because she didn't do her job. Now she barely talks to me. It doesn't feel very satisfying.

   I'm going to look elsewhere because I don't expect her opinion of me to become better, I'm not being respected, and I don't trust her anymore.

7. Elise PilkingtonSeptember 9,2022 at 12:38PM UTC

   You're seeing the signs. You'll want to find something else sooner rather than later.

8. AnonymousSeptember 8,2022 at 6:18PM UTC

   I would 100% explore the new job. Getting back in to the job market is tough and I agree with others that more responsibility can be invigorating. Do not let this boss make you question your abilities or what you can handle. If your boss is pointing out minor mistakes and is oblivious to how that kind of negativity is impacting you, then he is not a good manager and they have a culture issue. It does not sound like you will be comfortable staying in that environment. On the flip side it is always nerve wracking to start at a new place, learn what your boss is like and how to manage them and it is somewhat natural to feel uncomfortable the first couple months in a new role. Go with your gut and from this post it sounds like your gut is telling you this isn't the place for you. I hope you explore the other opportunity but either way, best of luck and sending good vibes your way!

9. Barb HansenSeptember 8,2022 at 6:20PM UTC

   Here are some thoughts for you to ponder:

   Does your current anxiety come from your abilities or from your current work environment? Maybe your current manager is not the right manager for you.

   Are you capable of doing the work at the new company? I'm sure you are.

   Are you capable of managing a busy workload, prioritizing work and working with your manager to determine what tasks need to be done? I'm sure you are.

   Don't let a bad manager bring you down.

   FYI - managers who pick at what you did wrong without providing guidance on how to correct those errors are bad managers. Perhaps it's time to get out!

   Good luck!

10. AnonymousSeptember 8,2022 at 9:23PM UTC

    have you considered that it is the role of the boss to mentor you? They’re offering you direct feedback about areas to tweak and grow. Maybe the feedback feels harsh or maybe it could

    be said in a better way but that is the role of the manager.

11. AnonymousSeptember 9,2022 at 1:31PM UTC

    Yea, it seems that the style of this person’s manager is not working. If direct reports are feeling like they’re walking on eggshells, then most likely there’s a problem with the execution of management-which is part of being an effective manager.

12. Crystal HowellSeptember 8,2022 at 11:28PM UTC

    If you feel that way, or if they make you feel that way, maybe it's a sign, another company wants you at a better salary and role. Did you apply with them before? Just make sure you have the accurate job description.

13. AnonymousSeptember 9,2022 at 12:52PM UTC

    I had a micromanaging boss for years. Every little thing I did was picked over and tweaked so I never felt like I ever did a good enough job. Even when I matched what she had "corrected" (the font size or color of an excel table) or would follow her instructions exactly, she would still tweak it differently or say I hadn't done it right. She just couldn't allow me to do anything "perfectly" and used that to deny me pay raises and promotions. I put up with this for a very long time because my self-confidence was next to nothing and I was afraid to take on a new job. When I finally left I was at first overwhelmed by the amount of work at my new job but my boss wasn't a micromanager. They set standards that were consistent and also provided feedback that was positive and helpful. I've taken another job since then and my current boss is the same way. You realize how high you can fly when someone doesn't have their thumb on your back.

14. AnonymousSeptember 9,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    I changed jobs and joined a small organization.
    The executive Director is the founder. I have always been open to feedback as I always want to do the best job I can. I soon came to realize a pattern with the executive Director that she literally ripped apart anything that anyone did. It seems to be a way for her to feel powerful or in control. In talking about her behaviors with a friend who is an HR she describes her behavior as gaslighting. It really got in my head and started making me doubt myself. I have always been a high performer at any job I have had and suddenly I found myself totally doubting my abilities. I have been aggressively looking for a new job that is a better fit. It sounds like your current job is not a good environment for you.

15. AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 12:34PM UTC

    "Gaslighting" is real, and can happen on jobs, as it has with you, and in family and intimate relationships. Thank you for pointing that out.

16. Lisa OGradySeptember 9,2022 at 1:01PM UTC

    Have faith in yourself. I lost that for awhile due to some backstabbing coworkers but I got some counseling. The counselor recommended a book by Kristine Neff called “Self Compassion”. It helped me immensely. I recommend it to anyone who’s too hard on themselves when you know you’re a hard worker! Best Wishes. ( go for the other job!)

17. Jacqueline CutlerSeptember 9,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    Micromanagers seep under your skin and make you question everything. I would take the new job as soon as possible.

18. AnonymousSeptember 9,2022 at 3:11PM UTC

    If you feel that way that quickly, I'd take the new role.

19. Anna L KellySeptember 9,2022 at 3:52PM UTC

    Go with the new offer. I've been where you are. It does NOT get better.

20. AnonymousSeptember 9,2022 at 4:38PM UTC

    I agree with the other advice - if your current boss is a micromanager and you have another job offer, just take it and run. Micromanagers DO NOT CHANGE. This is about this person's management style, not you.

21. EMILY KIKUE FRANKSeptember 9,2022 at 5:29PM UTC

    I agree with everyone else here: micromanagers don't change and will begin to make you're the one at fault. Take the other offer and don't look back!

22. AnonymousSeptember 9,2022 at 7:54PM UTC

    Take the new job offer.
    If your new employer is already doing these things only 2 months in then it is a sign something is wrong.

    Also, do not worry or stress. Try to find a hobby or an outlet on how to cope with your anxiety. I know it’s easier said than done but if you’re overthinking everything then it could affect your performance.

    I think a new employment opportunity will do you good, your new employer is causing the anxiety and probably wants to exert control over you by making you feel stupid. I think you will do yourself and your mental health a favor by leaving as soon as possible.

    Congratulations and Good luck!

23. AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 11:38AM UTC

    A controlling boss is a controlling boss is a controlling boss. What you should do is to bust any myths at the new potential job. Before you reach back out, request to see if possible to shadow for a day to see what the work is like. Sit in some of the meetings to see how the new potential boss treats his staff. See if you can ask a potential peer questions to get a better idea on what to expect. try to do a walk around of the environment and observe peoples body language to guage whether they are miserable or happy. If you are able to do the above and feel comfortable, leave your current place for the new. Your current boss will not change.

24. AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 11:46AM UTC

    Worst case it’s the same culture but better pay. You at least maximized on something by switching. I’d take it

25. Meg SungaSeptember 10,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    Run.

    I had a similar situation. Had to be put in therapy my anxiety got so bad. You can set better expectations and boundaries in your next role. In the meantime, get out girl.

26. AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 1:05PM UTC

    Listen to the advice others have given. Go. Make better choices by going in prepared with some tools to manage your anxiety. Breath work, meditation at minimum, books or a coach. EMDR is a therapy some use.

27. AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

    I had a supervisor whose only communication with me was corrections, what I said was wrong, what I did was wrong. This went on for two years straight until she retired. Never once did I receive a compliment or acknowledgement that I ever did anything correctly. The supervisor after her was a screamer, pawned all her work on us, and was never in the office. We were told if we told anyone, she would fire us. For your own sanity, take the other job. If he's nit-picking on small errors, just wait until you get busy.

28. AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 2:30PM UTC

    I say take the new offer. You'll likely not be able to learn and grow in your current position. Some people feed off of making others miserable and if you're presented to get away from those types of people then take them.

29. Carol23September 10,2022 at 3:03PM UTC

    Take the new offer!! Yes it may be more demanding, but your new boss probably won't micromanage you. Or, they will do so, but in a different way. It doesn't sound like you feel comfortable in the current position. Why continue with the mental stress?

30. AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 6:47PM UTC

    You could consider the other job, but perhaps this is something you need to work through. There does seem to be a lot of managers who are not good at being managers. If the person micromanages, it’s usually a result of their own insecurities so they attempt to control everything and everyone around them. This often comes from inexperience because a manager’s reports are a reflection of how good they are at managing, but some take it to extreme. You could stick it out, thank him for his constructive criticism, and see if over time he begins to trust you.

    Whatever you do, go with your gut, and not your fears. If your gut says to stick it out, consider it. If your gut says this other role is more to your liking, then consider it, especially if there are interesting challenges that don’t instill fear. Never run away from your fears. Always work through them. It will make you stronger and more confident. I wish you great success in going with what feels right.

31. SANDRA MICHELSENSeptember 10,2022 at 7:06PM UTC

    Run!

32. AnonymousSeptember 10,2022 at 9:02PM UTC

    Accept the offer. This current job is nit a healthy choice. Move on.

33. AnonymousSeptember 11,2022 at 1:05PM UTC

    I just had a similar situation where I left a fast-paced job in the transportation industry where I was highly trusted by the owners and wore many hats—and moved to a smaller company in the medical field where my boss is entitled “Controller” and by that she means every single department in the building is to CC her on every email sent. If she doesn’t like the wording in something, she will have the person rewrite it the way SHE would say it. She’s 62 and has been there 27 years. After 5 months I was tired of constantly worrying about being edited and wasting my time to have my work undone and modified to fit this one person’s fancy. I was getting job offers for more money and better benefits and when I started talking to these places, I made special care to see how my potential team mates viewed the direct report boss. I left and accepted another job and have no regrets. Sometimes these places are just meant to be stepping stones and building blocks in the foundation of your career. Leave if you think you’ve found something better; you don’t owe anyone anything!

34. AnonymousSeptember 11,2022 at 1:24PM UTC

    What type of mistakes are being pointed out and is it done constructively and are they impactful mistakes? i.e. emails to customers? Presentations? Pointing out mistakes is not a bad thing. Everyone makes mistakes and we should always be teachable and learn from them even if they're minor.

35. AnonymousSeptember 11,2022 at 10:26PM UTC

    yes but if the op isn't fitting in they may be pointing out errors to build a case against them.

36. Mary0612September 11,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    accept it especially if it’s more money

37. AnonymousSeptember 11,2022 at 10:28PM UTC

    its a red flag if you're not fitting in already. How long is your probation period? how vulnerable are you? I would look into the other offer and just say this one isn't working out. It's better than being let go.

38. Heather BinghamSeptember 12,2022 at 12:56PM UTC

    I think a great many of us experience anxiety when going back to work after a break, especially when working for someone who is by nature critical. That sort of anxiety passes. I'm more concerned that you don't have enough to do - that isn't something that often works out well for any new joiner. You may experience anxiety in the alternative role, but this should diminish as you get settled in. At least if you're all busy, no one will have the time to nitpick.

39. Balanced372207September 13,2022 at 6:27PM UTC

    I wish I could agree that if "you're all busy, no one will have the time to nitpick." Rarely, if ever does that happen. "Busy" people who are nitpickers will work their nitpicking into their schedules.

40. Heather BinghamSeptember 14,2022 at 7:48AM UTC

    Its a good point, but i think those types of manager are thankfully thinner on the ground. To both my knowledge and experience, nitpicking - not helpful correction, but over-correction - isf ed on idleness and the need to look important and busy when having not enough to do. On the whole people only have time to correct the worst errors with a full plate of work in front of them. But I agree that there are some exceptions who make it their raison d'etre to be difficult.

41. Valerie RiegerSeptember 12,2022 at 12:57PM UTC

    How the manager points them out would be a concern for me, not necessarily that the mistakes are pointed out. If the mistakes are pointed out privately and in a constructive manager, use the feedback as an opportunity to help you grow and develop. Also consider where the errors are being made. Are they customer facing? Financial? Payroll related? Also remember that it is your manager's responsibility to ensure that the work is done correctly and to organization standards.

    If the feedback is provided in a negative manner - in front of others or in a demeaning or condescending way - that's something else to consider.

    If the anxiety is from the fear of making a mistake you may want to inquire of the new position about training, the coaching/mentoring environment, etc.

42. Teena JonesSeptember 22,2022 at 12:41PM UTC

    Awesome feedback

43. AnonymousSeptember 12,2022 at 10:37PM UTC

    I’m trying to separate the reality from the spiral.

    A) Have you made lots of “mistakes?” And what was the nature of those mistakes? Was there an impact to customers?

    B) Do you worry a lot? Did you second-guess yourself In Your previous jobs? Are you prone to feeling as though you’ve made mistakes?

    Both can be true at the same time. My advice to you is—

    1) If you have made mistakes own up to them and work with your manager to get the support that you need.

    2) Be open and flexible when you receive feedback. Don’t expect the manager to give delicate feedback. Sometimes the manager must deliver the feedback in the leadership style that is commensurate with the situation.

    3) Build your confidence with small wins.

    4) Worst case scenario thinking is called catastrophizing. It’s part of generalized anxiety disorder. Consider seeking help to address any underlying anxiety.

44. Teena JonesSeptember 22,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    Great feedback.

45. AyianSeptember 13,2022 at 1:24PM UTC

    Workers are no longer rewarded for years of service with reasonable raises. If you liked the culture you were presented with at the other company and struggle with communication styles in your current company, switching may be best for your financial and mental health in both short and long term. Small businesses are unlikely to participate in management training that could equip them with skills and habits like checking in with a new hire.

46. AnonymousSeptember 13,2022 at 4:27PM UTC

    I would take the new offer after speaking with the employees there about work style of the management. I’d also be open to the feedback you’ve received at your current job, even if it wasn’t delivered well, so that if the issues were valid, you can work on improving your output. Good luck!

47. AnonymousSeptember 13,2022 at 4:47PM UTC

    Take the new offer. You don't know what it will be like until you get there so don6t ruminate on the what ifs. It's okay to prepare yourself for certian scenarios but focus on learning the job, your colleagues and their roles, and being yourself. They would not have made the offer if you didn't have something to offer them so don't lose sight in the fact that you bring value as well. Congrats.

48. melanie millsSeptember 14,2022 at 1:31AM UTC

    Take the new offer! The longer you stay in your current position, the more likely the criticism will continue and ruin your self esteem. It sounds like a toxic place to work. Don’t subject yourself to that treatment and leave as fast as you can. You deserve better treatment, guidance and if it’s not constructive criticism I say run from the negativity. Leave the worrying behind and start fresh at the new company.

49. AnonymousSeptember 18,2022 at 1:31PM UTC

    Accept the offer. I experienced something very similar in another job and it didn’t end well. Please choose your mental health.

50. Ms. S.September 20,2022 at 2:34PM UTC

    Accept the new offer and give your two weeks notice. Your boss is gaslighting you. You cannot continue to live with anxiety.

51. Teena JonesSeptember 22,2022 at 12:38PM UTC

    Exactly

52. AnonymousSeptember 22,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    As many already answered with what i agree, - take the new offer and give in your notice.
    I was in a very similar position and it cost my mental health. Your boss is not only gaslighting you but he is instilling something which will be very difficult to get over in your next role. I experienced so much anxiety I am now starting to observe minor signs of what i think is ADD. Please do NOT contemplate. Leave. Ensure handover procedures are handled accordingly. But also before making your decision please make sure the prospect company are legally compliant with certain protocols. Wanting to leave my previous company there were certain things in the working contract of the prospect company I had overlooked . Good luck.

53. Teena JonesSeptember 22,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

    There is a lot of great feedback provided to you. Many of us have shared experiences. You will need to evaluate your situation. A first read it does sound as if you are being gaslighted. However there is missing information that I don't expect to read here. Ask yourself is this job worth my self-esteem. What are the mistakes I made? How can I do better. Keep your eyes and ears open because if you don't like this position and you are unsure of the offer believe another one is out there. Keep looking for a good fit. But make sure you are ready to do what you do best and you will shine.

54. Deborah MichaliszynSeptember 23,2022 at 1:14PM UTC

    I honestly would go. First accept the other job though. I don't think you need to give notice since you just started. Plus, he probably has a few other people still from the interviews he could call, so don't feel guilty! Plus, imagine you stayed a longer time, and put up with it, but he continued the nitpicking. You tossed away a possible good opportunity, and have no other offers...and you are stressed to ying yang! You're writing meticulous notes to keep on top of it, your self esteem is going down down down....and, you know you WON'T GET A REFERENCE. So, it's not worth it right? If someone hates you on day 1, think about in 6 months! I had the same thing, and he basically set me up for failure, and false accusations too, and in the end, I left but I managed to get severance, because I caught them in some "technicalities" as well!! So terrible. So so awful that I had to do the same back just to get another job and not go bankrupt in the process. So, at the end of the day, I know you feel like you have one in the basket and jobs are hard to get, but you have another offer!! TAKE IT!! You see the red flags, you aren't dreaming, it's real. This person is NOT treating you with respect of really making you feel welcome or giving you the benefit of the doubt or anything, but this is NOT POSITIVE. It's abuse. If you can run, RUN!!!

55. AnonymousSeptember 23,2022 at 5:03PM UTC

    I have been in this exact situation.
    I tried desperately to leave before I was thrown out (but I do not have choices). But if I did I would take the job and start right away. If I had vacation, I would take it, while I assess whether or not the new job is just as bad as the old one. And if not, I would break up via email. You know they will not give you a good reference so why bother.

    They would throw you under the bus in a heartbeat. As someone who used to try and be fair, I woke up one day and realized INTEGRITY IS FOR SUCKERS.

56. Anne M GinsbergSeptember 23,2022 at 8:24PM UTC

    Take the new offer and get out of there. Your current situation will not get any better and you don’t need that. Walk out and into your new job with your head held high!!

57. Sachithri SuraweeraSeptember 26,2022 at 2:55AM UTC

    accept the offer , think about your progress before anything else

58. AnonymousSeptember 26,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

    Accept the offer. No one should feel they are "walking on eggshells" especially in a new job. There are better ways of communicating and your current boss apparently does not possess them. You are better than you think. Move forward.

59. jane miliciSeptember 28,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    Take the other job. Even if it doesn’t turn out your current boss isn’t going to change.

60. Barbara WhiteSeptember 30,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    If the other job is something you really want to do, then you should give proper notice and go! "Demanding" does not necessarily mean that it's not achievable. If you love the job, then the work won't feel like such a drain if that makes sense. The time flies when you feel like you're doing good work and it's fulfilling. You may be feeling less competent because you've been working in your current situation and your confidence in your abilities has taken a hit. So if you really want this other job, believe that you can rise to the challenge and go for it!

    As for your current job---keep in mind you're still in the honeymoon stage. If you're already feeling stressed out, that's not a good sign. Too much stress will take a toll on your health---been there, done that. Life's too short for that.