During the pandemic and then after abruptly losing my job, I've gained weight due to stress.

36 Comments

1. AnonymousSeptember 13,2022 at 4:09PM UTC

   I think there is a general malaise among job seekers. It's just plain hard to keep up energy and optimism overall. You just get worn out.

   So here are the things I've found that work:

   1. A routine, especially in the morning. I go to yoga 5 days out of the week.

   2. I don't spend more than 4 hours per day dedicated to my job search.

   3. I make plans to be social. It is very important for my well-being to connect with optimistic people who share positivity and support.

   4. I prioritize my sleep. I can really feel the difference in my outlook when I'm rested.

   5. I make plans. Be it coffee, lunch to network, an author's talk at my library. farmer's market trip, a drive down the coast or meeting friends with dogs at the beach. I try and create outings to look forward to.

   These things have proven life savers during my drawn out search.

2. AnonymousSeptember 13,2022 at 8:07PM UTC

   Thank you, Anonymous. I value your feedback and I'm trying to get myself out there but fighting embarrassment. I know people mean to be supportive but everywhere I go I'm asked if I found a job yet and why not? I'm trying so hard but it's taking longer than I planned. Exercise is helping but I can't quiet my mind at night so I'm sleeping very well. You're right about the difficulty keeping up the energy and feeling malaise. I'm normally a positive person but I starting to feel beaten down after months of searching. I appreciate your advice and hope others read this post as well that are feeling down about job searching as it was helpful!

3. AnonymousSeptember 15,2022 at 12:43PM UTC

   Those asking you if you have a job yet are just plain rude and really do not have your best interest at heart. Next time ask them do they have a job for you? and then distance yourself from negative people. Are any of these people going to pay your bills, buy your groceries if you don't have a job? are they putting anything positive into your life? as soon as they start asking politely excuse yourself from their presence. You seem to be a nice person and allow others to dictate how you feel, you are awesome and you need to believe that too!

4. Maggie StoneSeptember 15,2022 at 12:26PM UTC

   Anonymous has offered great advice.
   Make sure you are taking time to do things you enjoy even if, or especially if, you don’t have the energy and motivation. It will have a positive effect. Trust me. Also remember you are not your job or your weight and your value is not on the outside.

5. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistSeptember 14,2022 at 6:18AM UTC

   So not for nothing, but we tend to be way harder on ourselves than other people are on us.

   I know you're unhappy with your appearance but just because you feel like you're judged doesn't mean you are.

   As a long time recruiter, I can tell you that what I care about is if you are a fit for the job.

   Do you have the skill set I need? Are you going to wow my hiring manager if I put you in front of them? I don't care what you're wearing. I don't care how you look as long as you look presentable and professional.

   I suggest you get out of your own head, stop dwelling on your perceived negatives and start focusing on what you bring to the table, what you have to offer and how you can rock it.

6. Afo Ogbeyalu KaluSeptember 15,2022 at 12:26PM UTC

   Weight gain can be disheartening. Just remember that those interviewing you know what they see before them. They are not comparing and contrasting "pre-pandemic you" with "pandemic you". More simply stated, present your best current self. Be well-groomed, spritz a little of your favorite or mood-boosting fragrance, get your lil caffeine fix, smile, and go wow the interviewer. Oftentimes, one's energy can have as much, if not more of an impact, than talking points in the interview!

   Best of luck

7. Elaine JaraSeptember 15,2022 at 12:31PM UTC

   It is so hard to feel confident when you don't feel your best physically.

   As someone who struggled with an ED and body image issues for a long time (still do but better these days), a mantra that really helped me is this: "Your body is the LEAST interesting thing about you."

   And it's so true. Think of people in your life, your career you admire - what comes to mind? Is it the way they look or the way they act? The way they crush their goals, the way they care for others, love their families, etc.?

   You are one of those people. And while I completely empathize with feeling "meh" in your own body, just remember, you have so much more to offer the world.

   Your body is the least interesting thing about you. Wishing you all the best and hope you find a company that makes you feel like a superstar!

   (PS - Agree with another commenter to find joy in the little things, whether it's dancing for exercise or making plans with friends. Having your head in the right place always helps meet your health goals!)

8. AnonymousSeptember 15,2022 at 12:48PM UTC

   Hi, I have just read the advice and there are some good words of encouragement in there. I just want to say I relate to what you said - I feel exactly like you. The fear can built on itself and start compounding quite rapidly too. I have had some old negative job interview experiences with unprofessional interviewers and the memory can come flooding back also. Job interviews are all about judgement, and we live in a 'lookist', appearance based society. However I choose to look at the heart (and yes, skills, experience etc) and I can only hope there are some more out there that do the same. Wishing you the best, and that you find your own unique "job interview secret power".

9. Veronica NikkiSeptember 15,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

   I can sympathize about negative self-judgements as I've had a weight problem my whole life. But I can tell you that after a 40 year and continuing career, that it was never an obstacle in itself to get hired unless I had a negative attitude about myself. It's all attitude and presentation. Being well-groomed, well-dressed, smiling and being positive and likeable, being genuinely interested in others and establishing rapport are what matters. The best interviews are where you also want to know about the interviewer, not just answering questions. Remember, too-- the average size is 16 in the US now. There are more jobs than workers. Not trivializing your feelings but really try to see yourself as attractive and capable and qualified - an asset to any organization.

10. AnonymousSeptember 15,2022 at 1:32PM UTC

    OP: Thank you all and I really appreciate this community! You've always been able to lift my spirits, provide at times tough advice and I value having a network of professional and caring contributors! I have an interview this morning and feel more confident in what I bring to the table.

11. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistSeptember 15,2022 at 4:42PM UTC

    GOOD LUCK! Keep us posted. YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!!!!!!!!

12. AnonymousSeptember 15,2022 at 1:35PM UTC

    Yes, I am in the same boat. I gained about 90 lbs over the course of the pandemic due to extreme stress from losing my job and my husband's intense fear that forced us to stay inside for over a year. And then he got cancer, not Covid.

    This March I found myself very stressed out and unhappy at 345 lbs. I made a commitment to try to lose weight and through many bumps, I've now lost 60 lbs and still working.

    Job hunting has been next to impossible, largely because I haven't felt comfortable selling myself. While I am working on my weight, I know I can't wait to interview.

    My recommendation is to accept that you can't change your weight overnight and think about the things you can change that will make you feel more confident. Get your hair colored and cut, buy a few new tops in colors that you love, buy some new makeup that makes you feel confident.

    Then create talking points for yourself about why you are awesome. Review them several times before each interview and you can even create mantras to say out loud to reinforce them.

    I wish you good luck! Just remember you are not alone.

13. Ashley MoodySeptember 15,2022 at 1:45PM UTC

    As a person in recovery from an eating disorder, I understand the thoughts of feeling judged by others. However, what I have learned from my program and having body acceptance or neutrality now is that people really don’t think that way UNLESS they have their own body issues. Living in a diet culture is very difficult for women and we put such high expectations on ourselves. What if your body is just changing? That happens as we age….Look to those that inspire you…for me I admire Lizzo and all of her confidence…isn’t it contagious? That is what people look for…confidence in what you can do for the job. Hang in there…body acceptance or neutrality is an inside job! If you can, seek out counseling as this could help you find that inner peace and confidence that you are worth more than your body!!!

14. AnonymousSeptember 15,2022 at 1:58PM UTC

    I've gained weight during the pandemic as well, and I'm not at the highest weight of my life. It's wearing on me in a big way. It IS harder to lose weight as we age (I'm 55).

    HOWEVER, I am also a couple of months into the best-paying job I've ever held. I honestly think that part of the reason I got it is that the webcam was broken on the laptop I was using throughout the interview process, so they couldn't judge me based on my appearance.

    I worried about how they would react once they DID see me, but it's going very well and I've gotten great feedback on my performance.

15. EMILY KIKUE FRANKSeptember 15,2022 at 2:40PM UTC

    It's a sad thing that we're so judged by how we look that we participate in the judgment, ourselves. Plus, most of us are much harsher critics of ourselves than anyone else.

    Have you considered changing your hairstyle or anything like that? I started to go grey in a way that prematurely aged me (not that I'm not Gen X, mind you) and opted for purple hair to cover the grey because why the heck not? It perked me up and made greying way more fun. I doubt I look vastly different, but I feel different about how I look.

16. AnonymousSeptember 15,2022 at 3:30PM UTC

    It is so difficult to keep up your confidence during a job search. And, as everyone else has said, we are always harder on ourselves than others are.

    Start your days with positive affirmations (even looking in the mirror and acknowledging your best talents/skill/traits):

    What is your superpower?

    What are you best at?

    What have you accomplished in your life that you feel good about?

    Do you have a letter of reference that someone in your past has written for you? Re-read it and see what they see in you!

    Review your resume and look at all the positive things you have said about yourself!

    And, think of something positive you can do for yourself everyday - yoga, a walk, a conversation with a friend that believes in you, journaling and encouraging yourself.

    Go into every interview putting your best self forward: Whatever makes you feel confident - having a fresh haircut, getting your nails done, putting together a professional outfit (even if you wear the same one for every interview!).

    Be your own cheerleader and focus on the positives. There will always be something we all feel negative about ourselves, but focusing on the positive helps us to walk in confidently to any interview or situation. (PS. I will be 60 next month and have to remind myself of all these things frequently!). You got this! :)

17. Megan RussellSeptember 15,2022 at 4:29PM UTC

    As someone who has struggled with yoyoing weight gain/loss and body issues, I understand how difficult it can be.
    The pandemic affected us all in ways we could have never imagined, and mine was also primarily weight gain.

    First, don't be so hard on yourself - I can promise no one else is. Second, my daily mantra is that "I will no longer apologize for taking up space", and I mean that from both a physical and emotional standpoint. I will not apologize for being confident and happy in the body I have now and the body I will have in the future. I also will not shrink and hide myself to make others more comfortable. Once you say it to yourself so many times, you will begin to internalize it, believe it, and exhibit it. Good luck and know that we're all rooting for you!

18. Nylonthread StringSeptember 15,2022 at 4:29PM UTC

    You are in good company—a lot of us gained weight during COVID!
    I have a few tips that I hope will help shift your perspective:

    -- If everyone looked the same, wouldn't life be boring?

    -- If your interviewer were judging you 100% (or even 50%) based on your appearance, would you even want to work for their company?

    -- Think about whether their workplace is worthy of YOU instead of the other way around!

    -- Your skills, your personality, and your experience are valuable. Know this and flaunt it!

    -- Everyone has a body with quirks that might make us unhappy, but that's a choice! Find your quirks that make you happy and drown out your internal judge.

    Like others have said, people respond to confidence above appearance! Do what you need to do to psych yourself up (read everything we all have written for you) and you'll be the rockstar your interviewers are looking for.

19. Doris AppelbaumSeptember 15,2022 at 5:17PM UTC

    Everyone is "facing this battle." I gained ten lbs. during the pandemic - too much "at-home" time and bakery. Wear appropriate clothing and think positive thoughts. You WILL get a job!

20. Mary MeffeSeptember 15,2022 at 6:08PM UTC

    This is harsh but stress does not cause weight gain. Eating more calories than you burn does. Exercise is not the answer. You can't outrun a poor diet. When you take control of your eating you will lose weight.

    In the meantime you can concentrate on hair, clothes, and makeup to give your best impression on camera.

21. Michelle HablitzelSeptember 15,2022 at 6:40PM UTC

    A healthy diet is important, but weight gain is not always as simple as calories in - calories out. Stress does impact how you metabolize food and every body is different. Check out "The Psychology of Eating" podcast -that's where I've gotten most of my information informing this opinion.

22. AnonymousSeptember 15,2022 at 8:01PM UTC

    And maybe leave diet and medical advice for doctors?

23. AnonymousSeptember 15,2022 at 7:24PM UTC

    Ms.
    Meffe, your statement is spoken like someone who has never had weight issues

24. Janet ParkhurstSeptember 17,2022 at 12:17AM UTC

    Hi Mary,

    I think the "cure" varies for everyone. I could stick to most stringent, healthy diet, but if I did not exercise, it was useless. For some reason, for me, I gain weight from lack of MOVING. Even when I hit and maintained my ideal weight, I had to become almost fanatical about exercise. I would literally gain 1 pound for every day I didn't work out. Go figure. But I think we're all different, so my advice to women is to do what works for you and then get out and live your life!

25. Michelle HablitzelSeptember 15,2022 at 6:38PM UTC

    Body image has been a huge struggle for me (and was often worse for me at my thinnest rather than my heaviest). I really like the podcast "The Psychology of Eating" and the blogger Karidahlgren.net and the workbook Why Weight? by Geneen Roth. They really helped me get to the root of some body image issues and dispel some myths about diet culture. Good for you for exercising - that is certainly key for me to manage stress and help my day off on the right foot.

26. Tabitha CameronSeptember 15,2022 at 9:44PM UTC

    I have been quite overweight my entire life and not extremely confident but I have seen candidates coming in for positions who have a rocking body and dressed for the beach or in jeans for a professional role. Dress well and look like you still care about your appearance i.e. discreet Jewellery, makeup, hair, shoes etc will leave a great impression. That you haven’t given up on yourself.

27. Heather BinghamSeptember 16,2022 at 12:44PM UTC

    I can understand where you're coming from. I have been overweight for years and years due to medication and I am, these days, fully body confident. It used to be a battle, though. One tip is to always buy clothes that are on the slightly larger side. I am never bursting out of anything and I never have a tight waistband, or a top that rides up, so there is never any physical discomfort reminding me of my size. At the same time, I don't often drown myself, unless I'm wearing a fab oversized-style dress. Trousers (slacks?) and a fitted top work fine. Also, invest in the best underwear you can afford. A perfectly fitted bra that makes everything sit in the right place every day will be comfortable and will also make you feel good when you look in the mirror, however large you are. Big girl pants actually do make you feel better too, especially if they match your bra, so I always laugh inwardly when I use that phrase (usually to the men I'm telling to wear them). Finally, ensure you wear the clothes that suit the personality you have. There are loads of larger clothes here in the UK with big, happy prints and tonnes of colour, but that doesn't suit me at all. I tend to wear darker plains next to my skin, but with a pattern on the outside. My current thing is to wear black or navy, but with an extravagantly patterned jacket or kimono. The dark colours closer to your skin are not drawing attention to the body you're uncomfortable with, but the splash of colour or print sitting over them show you're confident. I've never, ever written about this before, so I hope it doesn't sound like the big "I am", but I have spent years perfecting this for myself, so I wanted to share.

28. Beccakate5September 16,2022 at 1:30PM UTC

    Anyone else feel like women are judged harsher than men for weight? It stinks that we, as women, have a weird 'worker barbie' professional image that is ingrained. Think of all the other candidates, there's always that guy who can barely button his suit coat and has a 'beer belly' who is also interviewing against you who are wearing an amazing ensemble for you body. Rock what you've got! The rest is just fluff and you wouldn't want to be judged on your appearance anyway, just on what you can bring to the job. It's taken me a long time to get this way and several years of therapy, just know you can do it and you're worth it.

29. Cynthia Armistead NewmanSeptember 16,2022 at 8:51PM UTC

    Studies have shown that women ARE judged MUCH more stringently regarding our appearances than men are. It sucks, to be blunt.

30. AnonymousSeptember 16,2022 at 3:13PM UTC

    OP: Thank you all and I felt confident during my interview. Changing my mindset helped and I was able to articulate what I could bring to the table instead of feeling judged. I received affirmations that my answers were well received and I'll find out next week if I'll move forward in the process. In the meantime, I'm still sending out resumes and have a few other interviews next week. I've been fortunate to obtain interviews but I felt my confidence was holding me back during them. Thank you all and have a wonderful weekend!

31. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistSeptember 16,2022 at 9:20PM UTC

    GOOD FOR YOU! Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

32. AnonymousSeptember 20,2022 at 6:28PM UTC

    Awesome....the have beat one of the greatest obstacles we all face....ourselves! I wish you continued success on the "loving me" journey.

33. AnonymousSeptember 16,2022 at 4:44PM UTC

    Yassss! I feel this to my core.

    I started to focus on wearing

    colors and prints that made me feel good and look

    great with my skin tone. I also shifted to geometric glasses that give my round face lots of structure.

    My fitness is still in progress but meanwhile I look cool and I feel great.

34. vm FreebirdSeptember 19,2022 at 4:03AM UTC

    You need to accept who you are and where you're at. Find outfits that flatter you. It's who we are on the inside first. I have been in top shape and overweight and have come to realize I will be judged either way. I dress, work out, and pamper myself for me only!

35. Doris AppelbaumSeptember 20,2022 at 12:57AM UTC

    Yes, I gained some unwanted weight, too. Do not wear larger clothes; lose the weight.

36. Paula BrantnerSeptember 20,2022 at 12:53PM UTC

    Depending on your age (and I'm assuming that you're at least over 40 if you're mentioning it as a factor) you were almost certainly raised with messages that your external appearance was the only reason that you would get certain things, or that you deserve certain things.

    It's so hard to get rid of that internal voice, but until you do, you're holding yourself back from so many things that have the capacity to make you happy. To the extent that you can realize that those are a product of toxic misogyny, and focus on the things that you can enthusiastically embrace about yourself, you'll be so much better off.

    If you exercise every day, make sure it's for you -- because you feel stronger and better. Not because you think if you don't, not achieving what you want is a punishment for not working hard enough on your appearance.

    Who you are is not determined by a number on a scale. Don't let those around you make you think that it is.