Coworker with Histrionic Traits

24 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 26,2024 at 1:35AM UTC

   Concentrate on delivering amazing work. If you are fielding constant positivity and accolades at work, it's pretty hard for someone to bitch and moan about you and play victim. Believe me, she will spend her time reading the room and dodging your success. People who display histrionic traits know that they need a ripe situation to flourish. They court opportunity and alliances. Your goal will be to limit your interaction with them with innocence. Devote your energy to other relationships and work at the highest excellence. You will thwart all attempts she makes at histrionics for fear she'll look ridiculous. Victims can only be victims when the stage is set. Don't set the stage.

2. AnonymousAugust 26,2024 at 9:38AM UTC

   It's good that you identified the situation promptly. Keep trying to get into a different position. You can always expect coworkers to come and go at workplaces, so over time, different roles will hopefully come available. If Histrionic has the mgrs on her side, I recommend to say nothing to them. Demonstrate that you can work with any workstyle. If your direct mgr permits it, develop a positive dialogue with them so they get to know you and can form their own opinion of you without mgr relying on Histrionic to tell them what you're like. Head off criticism about any parts of your job that Histrionic could shine a light on and direct drama to. Don't give up, you'll finally get into a different group.

3. Rebecca MillikenAugust 26,2024 at 12:44PM UTC

   When I've had to deal with difficult people in the past I just concentrate on doing my job and doing it well. It's hard to not get sucked in to a coworker's little games sometimes, but by just keeping your head down and working, and being professional at all times, you can get through it. Don't concern yourself with what she does, you cannot control that. You can only control what you do. Ignore as much as you can and focus on the job at hand.

4. GirlBossanova934974August 26,2024 at 1:42PM UTC

   The answer is quite simple. Make sure you keep your manager and managers constantly informed of what you are doing with weekly progress reports. If you have one on ones with your manager, make sure you keep a constant update of what your tasks are and what you have done. Do NOT let the other person control the information flow. PS: When I looked up the term you used aka Histrionic Personality Disorder, I realized that in my last role, I was working with a whole group of this type of person. ALWAYS crying out for attention! Using our group's SLACK channel as their personal gripe and moan channel. Always looking to backstab anyone via unplanned ZOOM meetings. Running to management behind your back at every chance. A true group of malicious vastly overprivileged malcontents.

5. AnonymousAugust 26,2024 at 3:27PM UTC

   certain behaviors can pose problematic in collaborative environments, especially when the collaboration is new and their behaviors have popped up previously. Keep in mind that just because traits are similar to mental health disorders doesn’t mean we can claim a diagnosis of someone else’s condition even if we have some experience with it. So, do be careful as to what you say to others about your assumptions of someone’s mental health. I would first discuss with your manager that you have some concerns about potential behavior issues and would like to make sure HR knows and can figure out an acceptable accommodation if that’s needed for them. However, if you are worried about personality conflicts making your work outcome worse than what you’re normally doing, make sure to keep notes and track progress with your manager each week, and suggest they offer one-on-one weekly progress reports with the other employee you’ll be working with to maintain fairness. Allow your manager to see any conflicts without your weekly check-ins devolving to complaint-fests about the other person. Keep it professional and point out places you know you need to improve and give feedback for how this “team” dynamic can best work for you. If the other employee is is not functioning in the dynamic as expected, using the meetings as a way to remain negative and complain about you, let your manager and HR sort out the issues. Be honest with any disruptive behaviors you encounter but otherwise simply ask how to better manage your work to include their work without putting your efforts to produce good work on the sidelines to cater to the other person’s behaviors. Accept they may be different and even difficult to work with but don’t risk your own mental health and good work to shoulder everything on your own. You may even want to consider going over the work that needs to be done with your manager and the employee, what the outcome should be - and when, then divide the work between you both (or discuss that’s what you’ll be doing), and any questions your coworker has can be answered by one or both you and the manager in a bi-weekly check-in. Short of sitting in a place with 24/7 cameras, you need to do what’s best to make sure the environment is comfortable for you, safe, and that the productivity expected is delivered.

6. AnonymousAugust 27,2024 at 1:03PM UTC

   CYA (as u should ALWAYS) and carry on.

7. AnonymousAugust 30,2024 at 4:20PM UTC

   What is cya?

8. Me!August 27,2024 at 1:25PM UTC

   Unless you are a licensed mental health professional I don’t feel it’s fair (for you or the other person) to diagnose them. We are all different and have our own issues. This co-worker just like you deserves to be treated like anyone else you work with. If they have exhibited untrustworthy actions in the past, be professional, document and rise above. Please remember we are not our issues and disabilities we are all individuals.

9. AnonymousAugust 27,2024 at 1:52PM UTC

   I am going to guess you learned this person detail about your co worker outside of work and your not assuming. Personally I think going to your manager would be disastrous for you. Best you can do is document everything, be professional and distance yourself from her. If she really is unstable she will be gone in short order.

10. Sarah BordersAugust 27,2024 at 2:42PM UTC

    There are some actions you can take that are beneficial when interacting with any coworker. First, document everything. Follow up every meeting—even just an impromptu conversation, with an email summarizing what was discussed and any resulting action items.

    Second, set boundaries. Don’t let yourself get drawn into drama, and if/when it starts in a conversation, it’s OK to interrupt and shift things back to the topic at hand. If it persists, end the conversation and walk away.

    Finally, over-communicate about your work with everyone—your boss, key stakeholders and partners, and all your colleagues. If everyone has the same information from your perspective, that becomes the dominant narrative.

11. AnonymousAugust 27,2024 at 3:00PM UTC

    First, are you qualified to diagnose a coworker with a severe personality diagnosis like HPD? You jump to the defense in the second paragraph, assuming she will sabotage you. What are you worried about?

    Look, there's a lot of personal and work-related PTSD out there. Maybe she is having a stress response to your behavior towards her. What is your contribution to this personality clash? Which might be what's really happening here.

    If she truly has a severe personality disorder, you will NOT be the only one affected. As another responder posted in this feed, if she is unstable, it will affect others, too, and she will be gone eventually.

    You can't control other people, only yourself. This is an excellent time to look inward, exercise some EI (Emotional Intelligence), and get a perspective on how your behavior is a contributing factor. Be professional, focus on your work, and stay in your lane. And if her behavior starts to affect your productivity, talk to your manager.

12. AnonymousAugust 27,2024 at 3:22PM UTC

    ? Don't project things before they happen. You do you, do the best work that you always do and if/when things occur document and ask for leadership support to solve things. If you play into any kind of behavior that you suspect is "histrionic" you become a part of that persons problem. Just do your job, don't change your role because of fear of dealing with them and that's it. Head down and do the job.

13. AnonymousAugust 28,2024 at 12:07PM UTC

    I don’t know what type of incident gave you the idea that this person has a personality disorder, however, a good practice at work is to have most communications in written form, at least those related to work tasks and assignments. These days is easier since we have teems and other platforms. Keep a good record of your work, try to communicate every important thing by email or teams or txt if you have work phone. That is a good practice with every work situation.

14. Leonor FitzgeraldAugust 28,2024 at 3:02PM UTC

    Well, the first thing I would suggest is to stop diagnosing her unless you are a doctor or she told you I have XYZ. Secondly, stop judging her before she does anything. You are already making scenarios in your head of what she will do to mess with you. Granted, you may have an intuition and be spot on, but if you believe you have to watch your back, document, keep written records, communicate via email, and respond with a clarification email after the meeting. If all your support documents still don't convince the managers that she is doing shady things to mess with your job, do you really want to work under that type of management? However, if her actions do not directly affect your work (sunshine naive act), don't make trouble where none exisits.

15. Ashley RichardAugust 28,2024 at 5:09PM UTC

    Unless you’re an LCSW or a psychologist, and her clinician specifically, I’d quit with the armchair diagnoses.
    If you’re keeping your side of the street clean and behaving appropriately you shouldn’t have any issues with your manager, and if you still do, then you’ll need to figure out if you need to move positions or employers after something happens instead of preemptively trying to make your coworker look unhinged.

16. AnonymousAugust 29,2024 at 1:11PM UTC

    I would not bring this up to a manager or senior manager, because the coworker has done nothing out of line to you so complaining now makes it look like you are the person with the problem, and going in to the new situation assuming worst intentions from your coworker.

17. AnonymousAugust 29,2024 at 9:54PM UTC

    Wear a hidden body camera, I use a Losfom Z01 with the Save REC button filed down so I don't accidentally only do audio recording. If you acquire one you will see why. I keep spare mem cards with me. Now if your state has two party consent laws for recording don't tell anyone you are recording, this is not a brag about it item. Only bring it to light if you get accused of a crime and arrested for it that is far worse punishment then the recording law if you didn't do it. Recording people at work saved me once from false allegations.

18. AnonymousAugust 29,2024 at 10:51PM UTC

    Which person has the personality disorder?

19. AnonymousAugust 30,2024 at 4:18PM UTC

    While I agree with some posters that "armchair diagnosis" aren't fair, it's also 100% valid (and part of human survival) to pick up on repeating, unchanging behaviors that have associations with antisocial tendencies in order to protect yourself. That being said, actual diagnosis does not matter as much as protecting yourself from someone exhibiting unsafe /inappropriate behaviors in contra to a collaborative workplace setting.

    Mental wiring/illness does not excuse abusive or unsafe (psychologically, emotionally,or otherwise) behaviors, so regardless of actual diagnosis, you need to protect yourself and learn how to work around 'difficult' personalities. A lot of mental wiring or illness is a spectrum, so navigating one person that displays antisocial traits is not always going to be the same as dealing with someone with similar tendencies/diagnosis.

    Keep a record of all interactions, distance yourself as much as possible, and do not allow their behaviors to illicit super emotional responses that they can use against you. Only go to senior managers with proof and a solution to the issues, otherwise they'll dismiss it as a he said she said issue. Think about what you'd like that solution to be for you mostly, as in, switching teams or limiting interaction.

20. Lori CasoAugust 31,2024 at 12:24PM UTC

    I see that you’re getting beat up by the group here because of your “self-diagnosis” so let’s just say that she’s someone who’s been difficult in the past… We can all relate to that!

    My advice? Invite her into the tent. It’s better to have an elephant in the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in ( old adage)

    So what does that mean? Give her some control in the work environment- make her feel important. Let her take credit ( along with credit comes responsibility.)

    Don’t fear this pairing - look at it as a challenge and you’ll be better off for it.

21. Lisa MarieAugust 31,2024 at 9:21PM UTC

    Since you recognize specific behaviors, one of the most prudent thing to do is research specifically how to efficiently, effectively, and successfully navigate and excel in situations with a person as you've described.

    Have you talked with the co-worker in question yet, to strategize and agree on how to work together and be successful?

    Do that, then send a recap email of how you plan to approach work tasks - copying your manager(s) you lay through framework of your partnership.

    Don't go looking for trouble where it may not even exist. Instead plan and lay a solid and positive foundation for success.

    Humans like to fight - especially each other and illnesses. Everything doesn't have to be negative or a fight. Approach this coworker differently then you currently feel... others can sometimes sense our negativity and reciprocate.

    Don't let it be said that you "started it."

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