Would appreciate some advice here.

18 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 26,2025 at 6:36PM UTC

   Always respond in writing copying her boss. Make sure to respond that you would appreciate respect in the workplace and am open to meeting with her and her boss to clarify.

2. AnonymousFebruary 26,2025 at 11:54PM UTC

   Unfortunately the boss doesn’t mind. He’s right here with us when she has blown up. We have the same bosses. Small company that I work for.

   The owners that are leaving just told me to document everything. Keep a running record of why this is becoming a hostile work environment.

3. AnonymousFebruary 27,2025 at 3:27AM UTC

   Well I guess that's all you can do.

4. AnonymousFebruary 27,2025 at 3:55PM UTC

   Your advantage is that you have maturity. You will need to show up with that and own it every day, and show her that. That also means calling out her bad behaviour on the spot. Try this the next time she flares up.

   "I have done very well in the positions I have held in the last 20 years, and my intent is that I am going to be successful here. But I am going to need your patience and collaboration. And to trust me that I am trying to figure this out.

   I am concerned that I am angering you. My intent is not to frustrate you. I want to have a good working relationship. I can see that you're agitated so let's pause here and meet at another time when we be more clear headed in problem resolution."

   For this to be effective, it needs to be in front of your mutual manager.

   Always take the higher ground! Hope that helps.

5. AnonymousFebruary 27,2025 at 5:13PM UTC

   I love this. Thank you.

6. AnonymousFebruary 27,2025 at 10:04PM UTC

   Here's some additional context.

   Channel motherly/coach/leader. She is an adult but acting like a child. She needs some matronly guidance, not to be belittled but to be firmly told what is appropriate behavior and what isn't, not in a demeaning way, but frankly and factually.

   When she has an outburst, you can pull her aside and say "Hey, I know you're frustrated. I can see how upsetting this is. But this is no way to act and your behavior is making me feel uncomfortable. We need a cool down period. Let's talk when you feel more relaxed."

   So what you're doing is channeling 1) your inner therapist by validating her emotional state and empathizing that she is feeling tension (remember: you are not validating behaviour, but rather creating a safe space for her emotions);

   2) then you channel mother duck and say that the behavior is not appropriate, you do not approve, and it is doing no one any favours--she is not contributing positively to problem resolution;

   3) finally you, yourself become vulnerable and tell her how it affects you (how it makes you feel). Then help her, and yourself, create boundaries and a safe space (cool off period) to protect eachother from imploding/exploding.

   And if this is not something you have ever done--fake it until you make it. Ask yourself "What would Oprah do?" Or whoever your idol boss bitch is, and do a little bit of acting.

   Goodluck

7. AnonymousFebruary 28,2025 at 5:14AM UTC

   I would take Karen aside after she threw you under the bus and let her know that calling someone out in a meeting is not the proper etiquette. It needs to be done one on one, not in front of other people.

   You may also want to try and build a personal relationship with her , even if you don’t really “like” her. Sometimes when you create that relationship, having coffee or going to lunch, can help with the situation. It’s harder to fuss about someone or complain when you have a relationship with them. It also allows you to bring up things that bother you or her and address them as a team

   also, I have found that if you make a mistake, own up to it and say sorry, it won’t happen again - it kind of takes the wind out of their sails. It’s kind of hard to fuss at someone when they have already owned up to it. But try not to make too many mistakes.

   also, sometimes a status report or an email on what is going on can make sure that people know what you are doing and accomplishing in a professional way. That way, when she starts to try and make trouble, you have a history of what’s been accomplished

8. GirlBossanova934974February 28,2025 at 2:55PM UTC

   I would spend my time learning this company's business processes and exceling at them. Do your best to tell people that paperwork needs to be reviewed and NOT to try and push things through at the last second. YOUR number one job at this point and time is to learn the ins and outs of your job and AVOID any more interactions with Karen! I don't think Karen's age has much to do with it. Karen is trying to cover up the fact that she dumped something on your desk at the last second and things did not have a chance to be properly reviewed.

9. AnonymousFebruary 28,2025 at 3:30PM UTC

   The good news is you know who you are working with. I too have a boss over 20 years younger than I. He inherited me. While we do genuinely like each other and he is an excellent manager there was a time when he made things really hard on me. He had been fed some really malicious lies about me from a malevolent colleague,

   also his direct report. I was stunned at the change in attitude towards me and couldn’t figure out what was going on. And he was nasty! I had a one on one meeting with him and his demeanor was outrageous and I told him so. He acted like a real jerk. I actually told his boss and the head of HR that I was sure he wanted me gone. They both were stunned because he spoke so highly of me and said how much he appreciated having me as his right hand as he learned his job. We had a 3 way with HR and he came clean about some of the things that were bothering him. One of them was that I seemed to be the go to person for everyone in the company.

   people had issues with tech, grammer, admin functions all kinds of stuff they were always at my desk asking me for help including the president etc. I loved being of help and using all my expertise to help everyone. It drove him crazy because he couldn’t manage my workload also he hated that I worked so many hours. He is a real stickler for work life balance. Boy do we come from different generations! He said in the meeting that he wanted me to be in his department until I no longer wanted to but we needed to make some changes. I was gobsmacked! So I had to make a commitment in writing that I would seriously curtail the amount of hours I was working and would have other departments go to him for any help they needed from me or other colleagues in my department and he would manage the workload. The president and other department heads weren’t thrilled about this but he took the heat for it. I learned that my old school work ethic had put undue stress on other colleagues in my department since people would go to them asking for all kinds of things because I’d set the precident. Well it had actually been set by our former boss. The malevolent employee hated me for this and even tho she handled it badly to my boss, she wasn’t wrong. So once I got my head around all of this and reorganized my time and how I worked we are so

   much more efficient and I love the fewer hours. I still get to help everyone but there is a difference and people are more thoughtful about what they ask of our department.

10. AnonymousFebruary 28,2025 at 5:16PM UTC

    Let's put age aside what she is doing is gaslighting you for her own attention. She is also shaking in her boots about her existence there. So the best way to deal with this is to get together with her agree to how you will both respect each other and hold each other up as a team. If you need to work things out when there is a misalignment then bring in HR or the manager to help. Alternatively, bring in the leader who you most trust. Let them know you are still learning and you want to do great work but if you don't know how to do something or where to go need their support to go to them in a time of need. Start looking for a new role now and the reason for the why is simple, new leadership that is struggling with the company on shaky ground. Don't spend time bad mouthing them or her that is wasted energy on your part. Rise above it all. Good luck.

11. Beth Whight MoralesMarch 2,2025 at 1:43PM UTC

    DON’T tell an interviewer you are leaving a company because new leadership is struggling and the company is on shaky ground. That IS badmouthing and it would make you look like a sellout. And, that is bad mouthing in a way that could get you sued for slander if it were to ever happen on a level that affected the company stock.

    You could say instead that the company has been reorganized, your position changed shortly after you took it, and that you are looking for something that matches your skill set. You’ll want to mention also, that there aren’t any positions open in the near future that would be a good match at your current company.

12. AnonymousMarch 2,2025 at 1:58PM UTC

    I'm also Gen X - others have already given great advice (document, apologize when you make a mistake, try to clear the air and find common ground). I've noticed that many (not all) who grew up using social media sees drama and bad behavior as social currency. They don't seem to know how behave in places where getting along with people who are different than they are is a requirement. Getting attention is a key goal, whether it is good or not, and they are terrified if they aren't getting it. So if you give someone like this an opening to take a shot at you, they absolutely will. The good news is that its not exactly personal (although it sure feels like it). It's neediness and envy, which clashes with our self-sufficient, live and let live cohort. Just keep doing your best and let her flare up. I observe that this behavior eventually settles down, leadership gets tired of the constant drama, or the person self-destructs. Not your problem- just keep doing your best and try to model professional, adult behavior when you can.

13. Alissa BurchMarch 2,2025 at 4:29PM UTC

    It may help to view this behavior like the chain-smoking bosses and older coworkers we all had back in the 80's and 90's. They were equally as awful until they had their smoke. I think the issue is similar with the younger generations and social media.

14. AnonymousMarch 2,2025 at 3:25PM UTC

    I’m also Gen X and feel your pain. Two thoughts:

    you referred to her as a girl. This mindset might be like blinders for you.

    Her behavior isn’t generational as much as that of someone flaunting office etiquette.

    i wonder if the Foo Fighters’s lyric, “What do you do when all your enemies are friends” could be informative!

    Just my take….good luck OP?

15. AnonymousMarch 3,2025 at 4:03PM UTC

    Did you hired at where, when, how? I-9/W2 paystub paper compliance, I cant emphasized enough job function, location, pay scale has to meet your expectation before start.

    Form I-9 is a document used to verify a W-2 employee's identity and confirm their legal authorization to work in the US. Under the federal Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986, employers cannot legally hire a W-2 employee in the US without using Form I-9. IRS Form W-2, also known as a “Wage and Tax Statement,” reports an employee's income from the prior year and how much tax the employer withheld. Employers send out W-2's to employees in January. A copy goes to the IRS: paystub has employer address, your name and government issued ID, pay rate, hours, deduction, tax status, listed. Paystub is not SS, since you apply companies has nothing to do with your SS.

    name, gender: no substitution or transfer, match official government ID, it doesn't matter how many years he/she older than you or younger than you.

    address: onsite, write clearly not WFH, not remote. Real estate scam not only cost your salary but also career growth.

    non-negotiables: simulator, imposter, impersonating, oral offer, "air" job

    Clearly spell out where you DON't belong to: graduated, out of school, no plan to go back for more degrees.

    Job function and credential: match with your application, no solicitation from 3rd party. Not others apply jobs on your behalf, then you don't know where you being grabbed.

    Say no to cross boundaries without guilt, stop working go to law enforcement report series crimes.

16. SalinaMarch 3,2025 at 7:25PM UTC

    I am also a Gen X and find these children impossible to work with. They are very entitled and want everything handed over right away. Instant gratification. Very much spoiled brats.

    My advice would be to document everything that is being done and said and have your own back. If you can find a partner in crime that would also be beneficial for you. Otherwise, document everything! Dont let your guard up ever and don’t tell this person anything. This generation is very ruthless and they only care about themselves.

17. AnonymousMarch 3,2025 at 7:30PM UTC

    Regardless of age difference, you are always within your right to tell someone that they can't speak to you in an inappropriate manner. Do not fall into the trap of it being about the differences in age (because that's a whole HR ball of yarn for you and for them), but you can say, something like, "While I appreciate your feedback during my training, I am going to ask you to speak to me in a more respectful manner like how I speak to you."

18. AnonymousMarch 4,2025 at 5:35AM UTC

    I’m a Gen Xer and am currently experiencing a similar situation whe a Millennial eight years younger than I. She has repeatedly thrown me under the bus and called me out in a couple of meetings. I agree with the fact that what these “bosses” do, what they say and how they behave is 100% unprofessional, especially when it’s a woman who is younger than you, yet you have more years of experience in the field, yet would not want her job. These types of people are extremely insecure and to a point feeble-minded. They crave attention and have false high-energy…and talk a lot. My best advice is to CYA like you e never done before, do your job to the best of your abilities,, breathe, when they act adolecent, respond professionally, confidently and remain calm. They unconsciously want to draw you into a situation where the interaction becomes a public “fight” of sorts. Don’t let them. When you control your response, it only makes them look bad. I hope this helps. Stay strong. Stay professional. Good Luck!