Thinking about leaving a great job for convenience and less stress

Anonymous

December 17,2022 at 11:20PM UTC

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Thinking about leaving a great job for convenience and less stress

I've been with my org for less than two years. It's a good job on paper-- great benefits, nice supervisor, some room for growth-- but there are significant downsides. The commute is long (1 hr +) when I do have to go onsite, the demands and to-do list never lighten up, and it can be very stressful at times (toss and turn at night stressful). I could request a transfer but no guarantees it would work out. My supervisor seems to like me exactly where I am. I'm doing well and the team I support likes my work and appreciates me. I think they'd be very disappointed if I leave so soon.

My husband and I are talking about moving to another city in our state. I could still commute but it would be a lot longer (long train ride). I could request to telework more, but it's unlikely it would be received well. I saw another position at a similar organization that would cut my commute down significantly. The job would pay a little less but it would not be as stressful. I applied and was invited for an interview after the holidays. Honestly, I feel torn about leaving my current job. There's a part of me that says I should tough it out for another year and that leaving so soon will not look good, but another part of me says I seriously need to lighten my load and lean out, I guess you could say, especially with my kids who need me around more.

I'd like to make sure I make the right choices and not burn bridges. I'd also like to keep my sanity and stay healthy. I sometimes wish I didn't apply for this job and get called. But it also feels like the right thing to do for my family long term. I'm ambivalent and concerned that ambivalence will come across during this interview. I feel like the fact that I don't even know how to best answer "why do you want to leave" is a red flag in my head and would come across during the interview. Other than that the commute is long and I'm burned out, I don't know what else to say.

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AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 1:26AM UTC
Change is tough but you seem to understand what you need and want in your life right now.
I would interview and see how it goes, get your questions answered and receive your offer. Then decide.
ShawnetteDecember 18,2022 at 1:43PM UTC
Based on what younare sharing regarding the commute, family life and your well being, an exploration of options makes sense to me. Do what is best for you, go on the interview and see what happens. Best wishes!
Robin EsterakDecember 18,2022 at 2:09PM UTC
What's best for you and your family is most important. Besides work - life balance, a long commute is a valid reason. In regards to burnout due to your current job, it is not likely to resolve without a change in your work flow or position. I wouldn't worry about being there for less than 2 years; if it's adding too much stress, you need a major change. Job hopping is a concern if you're at a company for a few months and have several in a row like that. If you take another job, the company will be fine in the long run. If/when you accept another position, you can offer to train your replacement. If you give proper notice and keep things professional, you won't burn bridges. You need to focus on what is best for you and your family.
AnonymousDecember 18,2022 at 3:41PM UTC
Considering the cost of gas and wear/tear on the car, the difference in pay may not be nearly as much as you think. I would set a budget to see how severely you would have to cut back on things if you were to take the new job. If the commute is half, consider half what you currently spend on gas. If you're still unsure, put two lists together with both jobs' plus and minus points. I made an apartment move with significantly higher rent a couple of years ago, but at the place I moved, I could walk to work (which I did) and only took the car out to run errands. Because of this, I got a "low mileage" rate on my car insurance which I believe is less than 6,000 miles per year. My car insurance was about half what it was before, which paid for the onsite parking garage.
Lisa MarieDecember 18,2022 at 4:32PM UTC
I am still not understanding why folks feel "torn" about leaving a job for another which makes them feel - and by extension - LIVE a better life.
They outline the good, bad, and ugly, but still feel torn or guilty?
How? Why?
What's the problem with simply doing exactly what you want for yourself?
Bottomline, the company, it'srs, managers, and your co-workers are always going to do what benefits them, so why shouldn't you?
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistDecember 18,2022 at 11:21PM UTC
ALL OF THIS!!!
Lori Laurito BetzDecember 19,2022 at 7:43PM UTC
I’m 49 and have two kids-one 32 and living on his own; one 17 and a senior in high school. It’s been hitting me since this school year started that we are on the cusp of a new stage in life and I’ve been thinking a LOT. I’ve had a lot of jobs and raised two kids…and let me tell you, the biggest regrets are the ones around things I wish I’d done differently as far as putting family first.
I will NEVER forget one time when my son was in 6th grade (and he’s the 32 year-old)…there was some event or other at his school and somehow I missed it and didn’t realize til I picked him up. I asked him why he didn’t tell me. He said “because I knew you’d have to work”…my heart still breaks and I swore that day I wouldn’t let that happen again.
You already have an HOUR commute. You’re starting to have stress insomnia. You know your kids need you around more. You have a chance at a job that would be closer, pay about the same, and give you more balance?? I wouldn’t worry about burning bridges, I’d worry more about burning the candle at both ends!
Go for that new job, do it for all of you! You can absolutely make choices that are better for your family and still have a successful, meaningful career. Choose YOU, choose your kids. You won’t be sorry.
AnonymousDecember 19,2022 at 11:18PM UTC
OP here. Thanks for this. Yes, at this point I need to view this as choosing myself and my kids. This position wasn't easy to come by and I feel like I'm at the top of my game careerwise, but it will sure be nice to be able to kick back a bit more with my kids and not wake up before the sun rises to get to work. I'm proud of having come this far but alas, it's going to wear me down in the long run. The other day I sat through a meeting and had a little bit of a reality check when the top manager praised two of my colleagues for their hard work but forgot to include me. It was a reminder to me that this is really just a job and we're all replaceable.
Kristen GladskyDecember 20,2022 at 5:25PM UTC
I think that the long commute is a valid reason to leave. Maybe you didn’t realize the toll it would take on you when you agreed to take the position.
Vanda LeeDecember 20,2022 at 10:20PM UTC
Take care of yourself 1st & don't worry about their disappointment. Take the interview & assess the possible new opportunity & then follow your instincts if you feel it's a good thing. Companies let people go everyday with no concerns...take care of YOU!
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 2:39PM UTC
sounds like my situation pre-pandemic. I’ve always had 1+ hour commutes (5 days a week). I led an amazing team of 20 and loved what I did but when the pandemic hit - it showed me that work can be done remotely and I could be home more with my family. I ended up negotiating 2 days a week in the office because face to face with the team was still important to me and the drive gave me some needed alone time. I ended up changing jobs because I wanted to travel more for work and be face to face with clients and my leadership position didn’t provide much opportunity for that. deep down you know what you really want. Follow thru with the interview and if you are selected then you can try to use that as leverage to get what you want at current job if you like it there minus a few inconveniences. OR just move on to the new opportunity and see how it works out. sure, they’ll be disappointed (we always hope they will be to some degree) but in this unsteady job market if you can get a new opportunity - take the risk and try it out and see what’s out there
AnonymousDecember 29,2022 at 10:02PM UTC
Thanks for everyone's feedback on this. I've been giving this a lot of thought and I do think I will go for the new opportunity if I'm offered the role. I'm proud that I landed at this place and have done well, but it's not going to work out long term unless my boss miraculously comes back with an offer to permit me to telework and report onsite only once a week or month, and I just don't think that's going to happen. I'm also concerned that while some places are declaring they're fully remote and have ditched their offices, others, including mine, may decide next year that they're ending telework and requiring everyone to report to work onsite. I think it's hard to assume something like that isn't going to happen with plenty of managers who prefer to have their staffers in front of them all day. It may not be easy career-wise to let this go if I'm given the chance to, but I know in my heart of hearts I will be nowhere near as tired and stressed out as I've been for the last year.