I am a first time caregiver and wasn’t properly trained on how to lift this person nor had training for what it takes to be a caregiver.

Anonymous

May 19,2023 at 2:21AM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I am a first time caregiver and wasn’t properly trained on how to lift this person nor had training for what it takes to be a caregiver.

I was desperate for a job and was so eager to say yes when this opportunity was practically handed to me. I obtained an injury while trying to lift a 110lb boy. I continued to work for five months after being injured while also trying to heal from it. Although my boss said she would give me “medical leave”, she also gave me a hard time about taking time off because then she would have take off work or ask her 74 year old mother to help. She refused to ask for help elsewhere and so I continued to work with my injured back so that her mother wouldn’t have to. I finally decided to get a physical therapist who told me I was lifting the patient all wrong and that a gait belt is how we should be lifting him (they have no equipment to help lift so I have been doing all lifting including from the floor,in and out of bed and bathtub, and into the car. I have had no experience lifting anything and was nowhere in enough shape to be doing it all on my own). I went to my boss saying that a gait belt was recommended for helping with lifting. I asked if it was something that his medical supplier could get. She told me that it’s not something that HE needs but what I need and that I have to be the one to buy it. It’s not that expensive but I also have so many bills and loans that I’m paying. She could have gone about saying “no” in a completely different way in my opinion. She could tell I was upset and basically told be that people buy things to help them do their jobs all the time and that I’ll learn more as I mature. Then she went on to say that I should save money aside for when I want to do things with her son ? I am not investing my own hard earned income to take care of HER son. She is more than willing to spend money on her other children. My injury happened over half a year into the job and now I have worked for them for almost 1 1/2 years. I’m highly considering resigning since this isn’t the first time she has talked to me like this, but I don’t know how to go about it without her getting upset or telling me I don’t have a good enough reason to leave. Any advice?

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

16 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

16 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 2:29AM UTC
Who cares if she gets upset? It's not worth destroying your body for. Just give her a week or two notice let her figure it out. Shame on her for expecting you to do all of that.
AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 11:42AM UTC
Unfortunately I have already committed to the summer before I decided that I have had enough. I’m waiting for her to send in the paperwork for a pay raise before I let her know that I’m leaving after summer. I feel like she keeps raising the pay because she is desperate for me to stay and can tell I’m becoming more distant. It sucks because there are days that seem really good but I have to keep reminding myself of the bad days so that I don’t change my mind again.
KatMay 21,2023 at 4:11PM UTC
Why wait to leave? If you don't have a legal, written, signed contract to stay until a specified date, quit! This is not normal, ethical or legal. There are a lot of workplace safety violations going on here (improper training, refusing to buy needed equipment, doing things outside the job description, etc.). There's also the issue of your injury. File a Worker's Comp claim if you haven't already! There are plenty of jobs out there to pay the bills while you build up your artistic career. Find one as soon as you can!
misskelleypMay 21,2023 at 11:47PM UTC
I don't think you owe her anything, except for a Worker's Comp claim. Get that handled and get yourself healed and she can bugger off. You'd be better using your summer to heal your body.
AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 8:17AM UTC
That’s absurd and her reality is highly tinted - it’s not on you to cushion her and take blows to you ego and self efficacy. She sounds manipulative and dangerous to be around if you are a young malleable mind who hasn’t firm boundaries yet. Don’t let her exploit you anymore - run from that crazy lady! If caregiving is your thing, a paraprofessional comes to mind or home nanny for young kids… you will have to write out your standards now and change mindset when you quit and define whatever u can about what I desire in next work arrangement…. & damn after that level of endurance you should be proud of what you are capable of but at same time never misplace your loyalty or go against gut instincts again or let someone take advantage of you. For you, I think this is all about being an empowered and resourceful job seeker - there are tons of interview tips and negotiation tips across the web now (find average pay in your area and demand nothing less than you deserve for example based on relative experience education and geography) tons of demand for good unskilled and skilled care out there - do better for yourself! Let her reap what she sow
AnonymousMay 19,2023 at 11:37AM UTC
Thank you. I’m only 23 but I also have never had a job in which the state paid me. I just feel like she takes full advantage of the fact that she isn’t the one who has to pay me. I do far more than what a normal caregiver would do already. I just get so annoyed because she talks like she is the the one doing ME a favor because this job pays well and is a great opportunity. At this point I don’t even care that it pays well because since I’ve started this job I have had to up my anxiety and depression meds, go to a regular therapist as well as a physical therapist. Caregiving isn’t even what I want to do either, it just pays the mortgage. I’m an artist and would love to start my own business.
AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 9:21PM UTC
As a Registered Nurse who spent many years in the home care arena, I am aware of the state programs you are speaking of as they are in every state. Also am aware of the attitudes that parents of disabled children can have regarding the demands made on their paid caregivers especially when the pay is not out of their own pocket. I mean no disrespect but there are many who behave horribly toward the people who are trying to provde the needed help. Get out of there. Don't know where you live but in most communities there are several Home Care agencies that train, place, and provide supervision and support for all caregivers as well as deal with the needs of the client and their families. I understand that being a caregiver was not your first choice of occupations but it is important work and you deserve to be treated with respect. You also need training to help avoid possibly life-altering injuries. A licensed home care agency will provide specific training for any task that you are assigned so that you don't injure yourself. There also will be a Plan of Care for each client stating what tasks you may and may NOT do so that the client and family cannot require you to do things outside of that plan. If there is a conflict about these things, the agency nurse intercedes to reinforce the Plan thus providing support for you. There are agencies that have many elderly clients that need you and don't require back breaking tasks. Remember "licensed" Home Care Agency. Licensed by the state with many regulations to follow. Important. Again, get out of the situation you are in. You are being taken advantage of and it won't get any better. Good luck and take care of your back!
AnonymousMay 21,2023 at 2:07AM UTC
Thank you! I really came here for reassurance that this isn’t how a trained caregiver is treated. I’m working with a young boy. He is unable to walk, talk, or talk or care of his hygiene. I’ve had to learn most everything myself. My contract said I should be able to lift 97lbs but he definitely weighed a little more than that. I feel like they should have put me through training or told me that I didn’t have enough training and not hire me. I feel like I do so much more than I’m supposed. I’m definitely leaving though. I can’t stand being treated like a child (which is exactly how she talks to me).
misskelleypMay 21,2023 at 11:46PM UTC
YES, this times a thousand!!!
Diane Frances Lesley-NeumanMay 19,2023 at 1:08PM UTC
This is illegal.
AnonymousMay 20,2023 at 10:37PM UTC
Is this ad-hoc, or are you working through an agency? If you are working through an agency, they should provide you with both training (unless that knowledge was a condition of employment) and the equipment you need to keep you and your client safe. Figure out who provides their licensing and make a complaint. Hand over your PT and medical bills to pay (if insurance hasn't already done so), and contact an employment attorney.
If you're doing this ad-hoc, don't let this person's "woe is me" manipulation cloud your judgment. Your health and well-being are more important. Take care of yourself. There are a lot of agencies that hire caregivers. Find one. Although this may not be a good reference, and the pay may not be as good, you might be surprised.
misskelleypMay 21,2023 at 11:43PM UTC
It sounds like you should file a worker's compensation claim with your state. If this person is paying you under the table, they will be a world of hurt, because most likely they are not paying the proper employer taxes. Get your injury healed, and know that hurting yourself on the job is something that harms YOU forever. An employer should provide you with the equipment needed to perform your job safely, including this lifting assistance device you mentioned. If I were you I'd start with a call to your state's Workers Compensation department, and go from there.
Zeecil KimmelMay 22,2023 at 12:39PM UTC
You sound very sweet and your employee has figured out how to manipulate your kindness. Listen to the other posters here - file workmen's comp and get out.
AyianMay 22,2023 at 5:33PM UTC
Workman's comp may or may not help you. In most cases, an injury report has a time limit to be covered. Do look into it anyway.
As for a 'good enough reason to leave', you get to decide that, not them. For example, "I refuse to work for someone who has no regard for my physical wellbeing" is good enough. It's just a job, you can walk away anytime.
AnonymousMay 22,2023 at 6:37PM UTC
I think if you like this work you should get some training in it I was a certified nurses aid for many years the local college had a certification course were you are taught how to lift ( using a gait belt) how to turn people who never get out of bed preventing bed sores etc soup to nuts taking blood pressure temps reporting
it sounds like you work for at home business that basically has one employee .. you I personally find this suspicious are they state verified?
anyway yes a gait belt helps you but it also is a way to make sure the person being moved is moved safely so it’s a two way street with that belt, you need to lift with your knees not your back and pivot when going from bed to chair, chair to bed etc getting people in and out of water if tricky at best and you have to be xtra careful when they wet .if the person is very large a hoyer lift would be needed but that requires two people , these are learned skills I have no doubt you can learn it but not where you are now . I would look for a new job and training. I can say the cna world needs really good dedicated kind people so if you like it look for other jobs I’m sure there are hundreds of openings from home Health care to nursing / rehab care homes
AnonymousMay 22,2023 at 7:24PM UTC
Caregiving is something that does require either direction from the family or professional training especially if you have to lift another human being. If you are feeling like this is not the role for you because physically and mentally (they way you are being treated by the family) isn't working then find another type of position where you are not as physically taxed. Get the PT that you need to heal and find another line of work. If you work through an agency the should be providing you with some insurance and if not then see if your state has some disability insurance that you can get funding for your therapy through.