Is my manager trying to sabotage me?

23 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 17,2025 at 8:47PM UTC

   First of all, there is no such thing as an "unofficial PIP." For a PIP to carry any weight (legally speaking), it must contain a list of infractions/missed expectations/etc. and set concrete goals for short-, medium--, and long-term progress. These have to be approved by HR and your legal department in most companies, which right now might be your best friend because what your boss is doing is setting the company up for a hefty lawsuit. If you are violating a code of conduct, the specific code that is being violated should be pointed to by a code identifier and/or a page number in the employee manual. From what you are saying, none of this is happening, so rather than be afraid of HR, you could check to see if there is an EEOC representative in your HR department because this "smells like" harassment. I doubt anyone in your HR department would condone this type of management.

2. AnonymousFebruary 19,2025 at 1:35PM UTC

   This might be one of the few times where HR can be helpful for you but honestly, you need to look at the long term. This manager, whatever their problem is, is not going to suddenly decide to not be a PITA for you. You need to think about your next steps and sadly, they may not be with this company. As a few other folks have mentioned, document everything and keep it on a separate, personal device (tablet, laptop, phone) or take timestamped photos of all your documents.

3. Lara McKuskyFebruary 21,2025 at 2:05PM UTC

   Remember though: HR is ultimately there to try and protect the company, not you. You want to go through HR so things are official. They will definitely try to keep things on the “up and up” so they don’t get sued, which could also help you.

4. AnonymousFebruary 23,2025 at 3:49PM UTC

   What is your relationship with your manager’s manager? I was a new manager to a company. I managed managers. I had a feeling this one manager that reported to me needed to go. I had a feeling she was doing things like you mention to her staff. However, hard to prove from my chair without someone coming forward. My gut was telling me she was gaslighting her staff, that she blamed them when things went wrong, she wasn’t taking responsibility for managing the team by putting in solid procedures, policies, and training. I could catch some things, but the hardest one for me was to understand what the dynamics were with her and her team. She would tell me someone was terrible, go on and on about their lack of knowledge but when I met with them to review a process or discuss proper process I could tell they actually weren’t “bad” at their job. Finally, one of them came forward. With examples, just like people are telling you to document. It helped me hold this manager accountable. I will say that unfortunately the colleagucame to me and quit same day (I couldn’t talk her out of it), but the information provided helped me get rid of this manager. Good luck. I think the advice to go to HR for “help” and “clarification” and “actionable remediation” could also be beneficial. This manager is setting the company up based on what you are saying so in this case HR may help to either get you better feedback and action items or maybe they will realize (not right away) that this manager needs a PIP. If you have a good trust and relationship with your manager’s manager that too could be a route. Depends on if you think this person will do the right thing.

5. AnonymousFebruary 17,2025 at 9:01PM UTC

   Document everything. Give a timeline of when she tasked you, when you completed it, when you sent it and any dates she provided feedback. Then if she is not going to communicate with you, go to HR. There is no unofficial PIP. Is she has not put you on a PIP in writing there isn't one. Have you spoken with HR? If not go directly with them letting them know what is happening and you are trying to rectify the situation but your boss will not communicate what exactly you said or she will not communicate and will not commit to meetings. Sounds like your boss needs to be on a PIP or let go.

6. AnonymousFebruary 17,2025 at 10:40PM UTC

   Keep following up via email on the same email trail, and if you don't get an answer mid week, you could respond back, saying I know you're busy would you prefer for me to reach out to > your manager's manager< to review this plan or to >HR< to review this plan to make sure that I'm on course for the changes that you need to see. Add> I would like to make sure your expectations and my actions are in alignment so that we can have a move forward plan.

7. Lara McKuskyFebruary 21,2025 at 2:03PM UTC

   Yes! I suggested she CC her boss’s boss on everything, b/c they may be totally unaware of what’s going on, since the boss isn’t using any proper channels!

8. AnonymousFebruary 17,2025 at 11:59PM UTC

   Do you have documentation of your boss saying that she, you and HR had a meeting? Document everything! If you are not getting a response, you may need to consider a meeting with HR. Any documentation of a meeting with HR should be in your employee file. Good luck!

9. AnonymousFebruary 19,2025 at 1:43PM UTC

   Mgmt is trying to force you out. Start looking for a job.

   To be clear, you aren't crazy and what they are doing is NOT right. Do u want to fight to stay at a place u r not wanted though?

   In the meantime document EVERYTHING and if the ball should drop before u find ur next job you'll be in a better position to negotiate a departure pkg (yes even if they fire u).

   Prayers and patience! I suggest u meditate or do whatever u need to maintain police and not allow them to see how this is wearing on u. At this point the best thing to do is kill them with kindness. Do not kiss @ss, but just don't give them the response they are clearly trying to illicit from you.

10. AnonymousFebruary 19,2025 at 3:29PM UTC

    When I read the unofficial PIP and “disrespectful” pieces, I audibly gasped because this is EXACTLY what happened to me not even a week ago. It’s a long story leading up to it but that’s how it ended and I couldn’t take it anymore. I literally quit the next day and found out they were trying to push me out and were going to give me an official PIP at some point. My advice - get out of there as soon as you can…seriously. This is not worth the time and mental stress. I wish you the best of luck.

11. AnonymousFebruary 19,2025 at 4:31PM UTC

    It does sound like she is trying to quietly fire you. Put in writing everything including all the timelines. Worst case you can protect yourself from retaliation. Speak to someone in HR/Legal about what is going on and ask for transparency about your status as an employee in good standing. Ask for an investigation and mention the words hostile workplace as not getting what you need from them. Good luck.

12. GirlBossanova934974February 20,2025 at 2:52PM UTC

    OMG! Where do they find these managers from these days? This so called manager is a an employment lawyer's best hope! This manager is operating completely out of bounds. Some things for you. 1) Make sure everything you do is DOCUMENTED. Every last scrap of email etc... 2) Make sure HR is informed of what is going on. Don't complain to them. JUST INFORM THEM. 3) There is no such thing as "unofficial PIP". If HR is not informed and on it, it does not exist. You want HR knowing about this crazy manager so that your lawyers can go after the company and company CANNOT deny it knew what was going on. 4) Your manager's failure to document any of your so called acts of disrespect is a flag red for employment lawyers.

13. Julie WozniakFebruary 21,2025 at 2:11PM UTC

    Exactly this! There is NO SUCH THING as an "unofficial PIP."

14. GirlBossanova934974February 21,2025 at 4:05PM UTC

    If this employee is terminated for this reason, I can see an employment lawyer extracting a large settlement.........HR for this company had better get involved ASAP and put a stop to this.

15. AnonymousFebruary 21,2025 at 1:13PM UTC

    I've been in your position and it was clear my future there was over. Eventually I landed in a better place and they got rid of her too. It's not right or fair, but sadly that's our world. Take care of yourself and you will get through this.

16. Lara McKuskyFebruary 21,2025 at 2:01PM UTC

    As a neurodivergent, I have twice now been pushed out of jobs. Despite being a super hard worker and taking on loads of tasks that I do well. Women have done it both times! I’m actually currently in that situation.

    Do loads of documenting. After every meeting, send an email detailing what you got out of it, what your next steps or tasks are, and CC or BCC HR and your boss’s boss. Take copious notes in a dedicated notebook. Note everything you do, times you were on the phone and with who, etc. Print every email this person sends you. Ask follow up questions for clarity and CC your boss’s boss.

    I would look at your company’s handbook. See what “policies” she is saying you are violating. IF disrespect is listed, it should also be noted what disrespect means or what disrespectful conduct includes. I would copy that policy into an email, cite the date you supposedly “violated” the code, and ask for a written document citing what you did specifically. If you don’t know the date, or have nothing official, ask for it. Then print the email out noting you sent it. Make a note or set an alarm to follow up in one week if no response. When you send the follow up, print that as well. Then send an email requesting an official PIP in writing with specific actionable tasks to complete or improve upon by a certain date. These should be measurable! So like: increase output of completed tasks by 10%. It should NOT be vague and subjective like: be more respectful. Send that request to your supervisor, to HR (who should have been involved in the first place), your boss’s boss, and include the policy for PIPs included in the handbook. A proper handbook should have steps delineated so employees are aware of what can happen/what a PIP is and how it works.

    And then yes, start applying to jobs.

    I’m sorry this is happening. It really freaking sucks and is so stressful! Good luck! I went through the court system for seven years trying to get divorced and settle custody. The one I learned: everything writing!! Document document document!!

17. AnonymousFebruary 21,2025 at 2:11PM UTC

    I worked for someone like that - and she ended up suing the company after she left in a 5 year law suit with 12 cases and lost all 12 of them (deeply unstable). When I was still working for her and got PIPed under false things (said I couldn't write, I'm a published author, etc), I called a lawyer.

    The lawyer told me this: You need to document every interaction in factual terms. best way to do that is to write yourself an email each day listing out the things that happened in non-emotional language so it's time stamped. ex. "Boss scheduled meeting to discuss plan. Cancelled meeting without explanation.request to reschedule meeting ignored."

    You should also go to HR yourself and ask HR what the policies are and share some of these elements. Sometimes HR helps, many times HR is there to help the company not get sued. So if you've got your facts (don't share the emails - then they get anxious you'r about to call a lawyer), it'll help.

    If you do get cut, you've got your case to get money afterwards.

    In short...your boss is abusive. Protect yourself.

18. Sheila PhieldsFebruary 21,2025 at 2:14PM UTC

    Look for another job. This situation will never improve. It’s a FT job to keep your FT job. You are being pushed out.

19. Dawn McDonnellFebruary 23,2025 at 1:53PM UTC

    My advice , I have a close friend same thing only 39 years in marketing as VP at American Airlines the whole team got wacked 2.5 yrs ago she went to United then went thru a strategic sabatage by one woman , made her physically sick . She resigned . My advice document everything. Look for another job , prepare your case in your documentation for a potential grievance to Human recourses . Dates , events ect . While you look. Do what you gotta do and my friend LET HER FIRE YOU no matter how miserable you are put on a front

    Why? So you can collect unemployment and or sue them ( her) for ? Name it.
    otherwise ( SHE) will for sure try to make it miserable for you so you Quit to avoid paying unemployment benefits. KNOW the devil you’re dealing with. Make sure you stay on top of Heslth and know that Heslth insurance is a major financial expense. START looking ASAP it could take you 6-10 mths .
    Think out of the box. Is there anything you could do to start your own LLC selling your services?
    Take care of your health in a stressed out environment and keep your budget very very tight in case something goes sideways.
    Good luck
    getttter goin cover your rear end girl.

20. AnonymousFebruary 24,2025 at 1:32AM UTC

    Start sending out resumes, cause the PIP is how they try to make people quit or fire people. They doesn’t like you or I don’t know what all is going on with your work environment, but definitely start looking for another job. Prepare to leave. And HR is never your friend. They protect the company against employees they think will sue them.

21. Sylvia KohnFebruary 24,2025 at 5:02AM UTC

    That's "tripping" - making you "trip" so that you look at fault. I recommend:

    • Take notes at every meeting or interaction with her. Then email-ask "is that correct? if not, please reply to this email with corrections"
    • Do not engage your emotions - keep cold and don't fall for the "rage trap" - that's what she wants. The colder you are, the more control you have.
    • Communicate your schedule ahead of time. If she cancels of wants you to stay late, email that "as agreed, my schedule is [such] and you will be available at [next]".
    • Take FULL ownership of "landmine assignments" and make them your own. If you have difficulties, document conversations with her about it. If she doesn't give clear guidance (she won't) don't wait and take charge and talk directly to the customer/Management. It's yours, after all :) You can always say you were just being proactive.
22. Liz MilneFebruary 24,2025 at 2:07PM UTC

    She's a bully and she will see you trying to placate her as weakness.

    Time to get firm with her, and lay down the fact that if she does not provide proper actionable feedback, you cannot possibly meet her (probably mythical) bar for 'respect'.

    Email her, detailing the meetings she's cancelled, the unofficial PIP and your lack of clarity on the respect issues etc, ask for a meeting so you can meet her standards going forward. And CC in her direct manager (if you can trust them - if not, someone else that you can trust: a HR rep, union official, the CEO, someone ). The idea here is to get in writing what she's doing to you, and get witnesses to the fact that your attempts to 'improve' are being hamstrung by the person who is supposedly being affected by your 'disrespect' etc...

23. AnonymousFebruary 24,2025 at 2:53PM UTC

    I was in this position. It's all about control. The disrespectful thing reminded me a lot of what an old boss used to do.

    My boss used to do this thing and say, "someone has an issue with you." And when I asked for more details, she couldn't disclose it because "then it would create animosity with the person reporting the issue." She wouldn't even provide details of the situation, like did I drop the ball or get back to someone late.

    It was to create control and make team members not trust each other.

    I think document carefully, record calls if you're legally allowed to, and prepare to leave. And remember that HR is looking out for the company.

    This isn't a healthy environment and it's best to leave.