Asking for references..I find it difficult.

Anonymous

November 14,2022 at 4:02PM UTC

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Asking for references..I find it difficult.

I find it difficult to ask for references. I have friends who I worked with and for, a while who I still really don't like asking for references from. I have professors who loved my work and gave me good marks, but I still don't want to ask them for references. I worked for a company that was big on references, but I feel uncomfortable asking them because they were not happy that I left the company.

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Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterNovember 14,2022 at 4:07PM UTC
I'm not sure what your question is, but my coaching for you would be to spend some time figuring out why you find this difficult. What are you thinking - about yourself, your potential references, etc. - that is making this difficult for you? Once you identify your core belief here, you can decide whether that belief serves you or whether you want to believe something different.
AnonymousNovember 14,2022 at 4:13PM UTC
I feel I have alow confidence, I'm afraid to step forward I thnk.
AnonymousNovember 14,2022 at 4:13PM UTC
sry I meant to phrase this as a question lol.
Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterNovember 14,2022 at 7:43PM UTC
So then, your challenge is to begin slowly working on your confidence - which begins with your thoughts. What is a new thought you could begin practicing about yourself that you can believe and feel good about?
As an example, maybe you are currently thinking "I'm not a very good worker." What if, instead, you began practicing "I'm pretty good at ... [some aspect of your work]." Once that thought starts coming naturally to you, you could begin practicing a new thought, such as "I'm very good at..." or "I've received great feedback about my ability to..."
From a brain science perspective, you are creating new neural pathways in your brain.
AnonymousNovember 14,2022 at 4:12PM UTC
*more info-I regret leaving the company like that but they were extremely unorganized.
Heather CutlerNovember 14,2022 at 5:13PM UTC
Any time I've reached out to people asking for references, I provide them with VERY specific talking points about the role and what I'd like them to say on my behalf.
If I'm reaching out to three different people, they each receive different, yet complimentary, talking points so they can address all aspects of the job I'm applying for.
My references are always grateful for the talking points, they typically follow them closely, and they're quick to report back once the contact has been made.
My advice would be to make this as easy as possible for someone to say good things about you. Best of luck!
AnonymousNovember 14,2022 at 5:23PM UTC
If someone asked you for a reference, would you give it? Most people are willing to help someone that worked well with or for them with a reference. Professors are asked regularly. The best professors and managers are happy to see their students or reporting staff progress.
When asking a colleague or friend who has less experience writing a reference, it might help to offer to suggest some of the skills that they could mention - if they want that, have a few things ready to help get them started.
AnonymousNovember 14,2022 at 5:34PM UTC
definitely...I have given a former colleague a reference.
AnonymousNovember 14,2022 at 5:36PM UTC
You are not alone. It is normal to feel hesitant to reach out to someone to speak on your behalf. It all comes down to confidence in yourself and your abilities. Have confidence in your career successes. I appreciate when someone needs my help and wants a reference. I enjoy supporting those in my network. There may be those in your circle who feel the same way. Although it is uncomfortable at times, it can create stronger bonds and support while you navigate your career path.
If you are unsure of asking a past company due to how you left, then look for someone else in your circle that could speak to your strengths.
AnonymousNovember 14,2022 at 6:46PM UTC
I approach it as part of the process of getting what I want. Even though itself a personal request I come at it like part of the process of me getting the info I need to get where I want to go. I make it part of my ambition.
That approach takes it to a less personal place where it's not as personal. It's business.
Kathryn MontbriandNovember 15,2022 at 9:25PM UTC
One way I get over this is to think about what I might be able to offer the other person. It could be as simple as offering to be a reference for them anytime in the future. Or, you can make this part of your ongoing 'stay in touch' strategy by occasionally sending a note with an article that made you think or them or something you appreciate about them.
Then when you ask for a reference it will feel like part of helping each other vs. a one-sided transaction.