I'm thinking about taking STD due to mental issues and focus on healing, but stressed about what to tell that to my manager and my direct reports.

Anonymous

October 2,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

I'm thinking about taking STD due to mental issues and focus on healing, but stressed about what to tell that to my manager and my direct reports.

I've been going through a tough episode of depression and anxiety attacks, not stemming from work but definitely fueled by it (and affecting it). In addition, the added high stress from my demanding job is leaving me depleted and making it hard to heal.

My therapist suggested to take ~6 of weeks medical leave to focus on healing, and while I feel that's exactly what I need, I don't know how it will be perceived by my manager and directs.

I can choose to not say the reason, but I'm a very open person usually and I don't want to lie to them. If I do say this is related to mental health -- I'm worried it will hurt me (that I will be less respected, will get less opportunities etc). My company is really advanced when it comes to mental wellbeing, but I still think that as a female manager -- admitting this is too much and that I need a mental break will hurt me and my fellow female co-workers ("you put a woman in a high demand job and she breaks" is what the ugly voice says).

Anyone here is a manager that took mental break, or had one that took? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

17 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

17 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 2:18PM UTC
You should do what your doctor says and take the 6 week leave. But you need to be honest with yourself during those 6 weeks and do some self assessing. If the job is too stressful for you-not because you are a female, consider the possibility of taking a step down. Think to your past, before you took the promotion, was your work conditions and stress more manageable? If so, then sometimes you have to make the smart decision, irrespective of what external people think. Put your well being first. Sure taking a step down could be a blow to your ego, but also consider the worst case scenario. If you have bills to pay and family to support, would you rather be pushed to the limit of not even being functional at home and work? These kinds of things can get real serious and escalate fast if measures are not taken proactively to mitigate the source of the stress/anxiety/etc. Use the time to not only heal and work through the source of your mental stress, but to understand your own limitations, be honest about it and make a decision that would yield you being your best self. No leadership or management position is worth it if it will lead to self destruction. 8 years ago I had a promotion and I became very sick. After I left the position. Same organization, different office, I started to get better. Good Luck to you and your healing. Never give up on yourself.
AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 3:25PM UTC
I think you prioritize your health regardless. You can speak with hr but with the understanding that it will be kept confidential fir the very reasons you've stated. Be very clear that you feel retaliation and to be harmed professionally by anyone knowing your medical situation.
AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 3:41PM UTC
I did, I called out sick went to dr and they provided me a dr note. I just emailed my dr. note to my manager and told them I would be out of work for a while. They didn't ask any questions but wished me well. I'm pretty sure they will know it's mental related based on the dr. note. You don't have to disclose the reason, nor can they ask. You can just state I was placed out of work for medical reasons. I wouldn't worry about them or the job itself, your health is more important. What will be, will be.
Dawn S. CrossOctober 2,2022 at 4:47PM UTC
A simple and straightforward answer is best.
To your manager - “My physician has recommended I take time off for health reasons. The recommended time is “xx”. I will make sure to have everything ready for a back-up during this time. I also suggest “name” to assist during this time.”
To your direct reports - “My physician has recommended that I take some time off. I will be going out on (date) and expect to return on (date). In the meantime my (manager name) and (other person) will be working with you on day to day processes. “
To HR - “I will be taking time off on recommendation of my physician. I expect to be out from (date to date). Please let me know what information I need to supply for documentation.
Short, simple, to the point. Only share what you wish and make sure to everything laid out for the person you recommend to help out while you are on leave.
Good luck and healing.
Cindy AllenOctober 3,2022 at 12:45PM UTC
This. Absolutely this. We often have a tendency to over share reasons. Once you say “for health reasons” some privacy protections should kick in and the people digging are generally discouraged from doing so. You don’t have to justify yourself. So take the time and get better.
AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 4:48PM UTC
I would just take the leave, provide your written health care provider's note and I would not overshare just yet. The reason is not because you are ashamed but because on our healing journeys it is often healthier to not share or vent to strangers until we have worked through those traumas. If you finally process and heal, maybe later you will be a better place to extend yourself grace and not question how much to share.
But for now, if you are not sure, maybe follow your gut when unsure and wait. All does not have to be revealed all at once. YOU and your mental well-being are a priority and if there was anyone on your team going through this, you would not hesitate to tell them to take the time wihout explanation, if needed from dr. I am sure, so don't feel you have to justify your need for privacy.
AnonymousOctober 2,2022 at 11:53PM UTC
Following because I am considering the same due to on the job stress and other things. Wish you the best.
AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 4:49AM UTC
Your health is more important than work. I am not a manager but was diagnosed with depression and anxiety bec of my manager. My psychiatrist recommended that I should be transferred to another manager. It did not happen though the company is big on mental health. They just gave me a week of mental health leave.
But you know that meds and leaves are not the answer. You should be treating the root cause of your depression. Mine as I said is the manager so I just resigned.
Praying for your fast recovery.
AnonymousOctober 3,2022 at 2:38PM UTC
More and more companies are coming to understand that mental health is a crucial issues for their employees. You may be surprised by how well they respond. Also, you don't owe anyone but your HR person any type of explanation as to why you are taking leave. This is your personal health and it does not need to be shared with anyone. If your company is qualified for FMLA, ask your HR person for the necessary paperwork for unpaid FMLA and get your doctor to fill it out. Your HR manager has a duty to keep this confidential and should not tell your manager or your direct reports anything about why you are taking the six weeks off, other than to say it is covered under FMLA and that you will be out for that time. Who you share the details with is your business only. Best of luck to you. I hope you find strong coping mechanisms so you can begin to feel stronger in your mental health.
NepetaOctober 3,2022 at 6:13PM UTC
Good suggestion about the FMLA.
AnonymousOctober 4,2022 at 12:46PM UTC
My therapIst recommended something similar for me. I haven’t wanted to take that time because I work for a small company and there are some things only I know how to do. I’m seeing the results of not doing this and I’m starting to think the cost not to at least take some time is too high. I’m not as sharp as I should be and that’s really not fair to the company or to me.
Ive tried to push through for too long, which has contributed to my developing the state I’m in now. Oh, and IBS. Take the time you need.
Don’t worry about how it might be received and what might happen in the future. Remember that it is a job and there are other jobs and other companies to work for and only 1 you.
Shelby COctober 4,2022 at 1:29PM UTC
Mental health is health; however, there is still an issue with perception. It is just as important as our physical health. I understand your trepidation.
I have taken medical leave multiple times and if I had it all to do over again, from what I have seen happen with other female management and myself, I would have handled it differently. I am a very upfront and honest person as well. I now appreciate boundaries more than I did in my youth.
If it was me, I would not tell them what my reasons were - unless it was something obviously physical or limiting (eg pregnancy, broken leg). Thus, in your case, I would say that I was going out on medical leave or for personal reasons. Both are true. Nothing beyond that is anyone's business except yours and your healthcare team - not even HR.
Bevin MarieOctober 4,2022 at 1:50PM UTC
A close coworker took leave for mental health and anxiety issues and if I can offer any advice it would be to take leave before your ability to do your job is impacted. If you wait too long and you begin missing work or calling out frequently then in my experience that will be viewed much more negatively than taking a planned leave.
AnonymousOctober 4,2022 at 2:05PM UTC
Yes. Both due to physical and mental health needs. I told management that I just needed some time away for a mental health break. At my last job, we had "personal" days" we could accrue for these needs. You may not need as long as you think, and a long weekend or a week's vacation could help you "reboot." Short-term disability is a different story as that generally is covered by insurance (most often at 66% of your base pay) and requires medical documentation.
Joycelyn M. SiameOctober 4,2022 at 3:28PM UTC
Just say you are going on medical leave for your health. Don't disclose anymore. It truly is none of their business, in that regard. Good luck with everything... I've definitely been there. Focus more on taking care of yourself vs. what other people may think. You are, in fact, human after all.
AnonymousOctober 4,2022 at 5:24PM UTC
You’re not at all obligated to tell either your manager or direct report anything. Medical leave of absence in most cases is administer through HR or a third party hired by your company. For the sake of perception, I would only state that you are taking time for your health. You do not need to offer anything else.
Besides that, taking a medical leave of absence will and should not hinder you from any future opportunities if you taking it under FMLA (a Federal act that protects your job if you have been working for a company for more than a year and/or have worked 1250 hours).
Tabbi KinionOctober 5,2022 at 1:56AM UTC
I agree with many of the other commenters and have one question - what happens to your health and job performance if you don't take the break?