I am a civil engineer by profession, currently five months pregnant with my first child. While this should be a joyful and exciting time, I’m finding myself overwhelmed and deeply stressed due to my current circumstances.

5 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 24,2025 at 12:58PM UTC

   First off, congratulations on your happy news.

   What helped me is my mom network. Friends and family who have been there and done that. Their wisdom and support was very different than my husband's.

   What I requested. And received, was a quiet space at work to concentrate and occasionally nap in the afternoon. It made a world of difference for me mentally. At 7 months I went remote. That too allowed me to work full term and not over do it.

   At home I enlisted friends to help me nest. No one told me that that urge is so powerful. I created not just a beautiful nursery with mostly hand me downs and renovated garage sale items, my bedroom was transformed with all the conveniences a new mom needs but was beautiful and relaxing . I especially appreciate the small fridge ($15 never used from a garage sale) set up in our bedroom for cold drinks and snacks so i could grab them easily without having to go downstairs or ask someone to get me things. I started this transformation at my 6th month. I made use of my bursts of energy on weekends.

   I found most needed furniture elements at garage sales for next to nothing and only had to buy new mattresses and inside cushions. My husband sanded and painted these to match our baby's color scheme. It saved so much money and gave my husband an active role in preparing. That feeling if getting ready for the baby was really satisfying.

   I depended on my husband and sister to handle household tasks of grocery shopping and picking up the house. I stocked the pantry with staples and renewed our cleaning supply before hitting my 9th month.

   I meal prepped when feeling up to it, and made sure to get outside not just for sunshine and exercise but to welcome my neighbors in on my journey. This opened the door for support for our family. My neighbors looked after my husband with home-cooked meals and baby sitting to allow my husband time to play soccer and me to shower and eat while having a trusted woman in the house.

   I agree that asking and receiving help is key.

   Also having a big calendar in the house to record doctors appointments abd key activities and notes helps to keep things organized and clear.

   Have a birthing team and plan not just for the birth but for the weeks and months following the birth. It was a comfort for me and included in my coverage

   So much is out of your control but advocating for yourself and actively researching benefits, programs etc opens up possibilities. My midwife turned me onto all sorts of community programs from transportation to and from doctors visits (donated by rideshare groups )to meal services that were extremely cost effective to yoga classes for new mothers at discounted prices It helped take some of the load off the day to day and supported my wellbeing. . So ask around. You'll be surprised at what's out there and people generally want to support you.

   Finally, breathe. Remember to exercise. Get outside in the sun and enjoy this time. I know it's overwhelming but you can control staying in the present. Taking up headspace on only what you can control and bringing joy into each day. It is a choice.

2. AnonymousJune 24,2025 at 1:39PM UTC

   If I could give you a hug, I would! Since I can't, I'll just say take a deep breath and give yourself some grace. You're managing a lot, and it's OK to not be OK.

   At your next prenatal appointment, mention that your worried and stressed to your doctor / midwife. I kept my midwife updated on how I was feeling mentally, and when things were getting to be a little too much, she offered to write a letter to my employer that said I was to stop working and go on short term disability at 38 weeks until the baby was born. It allowed me several weeks to get enough rest and get in tune with my body without work distractions and prepare for birth. I don't know what I would have done without those weeks off work! There are no guarantees that your provider will do this, but sharing your concerns to them might open up options that you didn't know were available.

   After the baby arrives, when people offer to help, let them help!! If I could go through the newborn phase again, I would be so much more receptive to accepting help rather than trying to prove to myself that I could do it all. Spoiler alert - no one can, especially in the newborn phase. So if a family member offers to come over and do laundry so you can take a nap, let them!

   Plan ahead, but don't look too far out, at least not all the time. It's easy to get overwhelmed and feel hopeless, and sometimes, you just need to get through the day, and you can't even think about tomorrow, or next month, or six months from now. So give yourself a break from long term strategizing whenever you need to.

   Hang in there! It's hard, and it takes strength to acknowledge it and seek solutions. I see you, I believe in you, and I'm cheering you on.

3. LauraJune 24,2025 at 2:15PM UTC

   You've received some wonderful responses below and I'm just going to add some input from the job angle.

   If you haven't yet, make sure you fully understand the way your company's leave policies work. While some companies simply provide the bare minimum unpaid FMLA time (if they even are required to do so), others offer much more robust programs. Either set up an informational meeting with HR or gather the information yourself beforehand and prepare the questions you want answered. There's FMLA which covers the time portion, STD which will cover some of the pay portion or the company may pay X amount of time for all parental leaves - it all depends on the company. Figuring out this component will at least help you figure out the financial landscape for the time right after your kiddo's arrival.

   I'm not sure if you are planning to go back full time, part time or not at all but now is definitely the time to start mapping out what you want, what you can afford and ways to achieve those.

   As for as work-from-home opportunities, would there be any way to do consulting?

   For your husband, make sure he is being strategic with his job search approach rather than just applying willy nilly, utilize AI to level up his job search and of course do as much networking and connecting as he can.

   Also, give yourself some grace. This is an exciting but also overwhelming time in your life and will continue to be when the baby arrives. Break things down into smaller chunks so it doesn't feel like you're having to take on the world all at once.

   Feel free to ask any questions, I worked in HR for nearly 20 years and currently help women looking to return to the workforce after a career break.

   Good luck and congrats!!!

4. AnonymousJune 26,2025 at 7:42PM UTC

   First of all, congrats to you! I think what you're feeling is normal. Lots of worries are on your shoulders, but your first priority is your time, to your family, to your child and any other children you may have. Make a list of all your worries. Then in the next column, write down what would ease the worries. Then see on paper if they are related to your pregnancy, and the costs associated. Then in the last column, make a list of your immediate needs, not wants.

   Baby formula, diapers, baby clothes, baby clothes detergent, all the things you can think of that your little one will need. Then focus on what are your needs, time away from the house, time away with the husband, a manicure, a pedicure, grocery store gift cards for shopping. Make a list of all the food your family eats on the normal and then if you're offered a shower, ask for these needs only. Ask for gift cards to stores where you will buy your baby needs, where you like to eat out, where you shop for groceries. It's always so hard to ask for help. I get it and understand it, but there are people who love you, will support you, and will come to your aid. If a member of a church community, ask them for help and maybe some prayers too to help you get through the worries. Worrying will not make change, but actively asking for help will. Look at food banks near you, do you qualify for assistance, even if it's just diapers and baby formula as that costs tons as we know. As for your husband being unemployed, without knowing what his skillset is, if degreed, suggest he visit his alma mater's career center or reach out to them if you do not live nearby. Look up all of your cities career fairs online. Many city, state, and county governmental agencies have fairs the public can attend. Even if you're struggling because he is not working, it's time for him to also go out and ask for help to get work to help support you and your child. There are people who would pay him to mow their lawn, clean apartments, etc. My brother held 3 jobs while in the military to support his family, and cleaned apartments for a real estate company and delivered pizza, just to make ends meet. Maybe he could work for Instacart or Door Dash in the interim. There is nothing beneath any of us to support and feed our families. If he can at least get something going to bring in income I think your worries may subside somewhat. I wish you the very best and remember, ask and you will receive.

5. BarbaraAugust 25,2025 at 4:14PM UTC

   Don’t you get paid disability for family leave?