Welp.

Welp. My boss has made it clear that I’m next on his list to fire. He has been cleaning house for some time. My peers have sensed the turn in his support and all act like after years of accolades that I can’t do anything right.

Suspiciously all of this happened after my kid got ill, I took a 2 week family leave and then have taken him to weekly treatment appointments for the past few months. I’ve been applying to jobs like crazy for past few months but haven’t gotten one call back. Even jobs I’m over qualified for and have internal references for have rejected me.

All of this plus sudden lack of support from people at work who I genuinely thought were my friends has left me shaken.

Question: How do you keep your confidence high?

#irony- I work for a company that just won an award from FairyGodBoss for being female/family friendly!

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13 Comments

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  1. Ellyn Specker Charap

    Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear, and this sort of thing is a confidence killer for sure. To keep your confidence high, try remembering that you are the exact same person who got accolades as you were before all of this. This is only happening because some people (your boss) can't handle actual human need, tragedy, or being reminded that they aren't the only person whose needs matter. Oddly, none of the things happening to you are about you. They are about a sad, scared workforce manipulated by a sad, scared man.

  2. Anonymous

    Check out “the mom project” you may find helpful resources there

  3. EMILY KIKUE FRANK

    I always tell my clients to keep a list of their accomplishments. It's a little cheesy and feels a little like affirmations at first, but it's a great thing to have handy when you're refreshing a resume or a LinkedIn profile or asking for a raise, and it's a wonderful thing to look over when you're feeling low. Especially note things like compliments you've gotten. I kind of like a notebook for this stuff, but you can keep it as a file, too which lets you categorize things so they're searchable.

    Anyway, I'm sorry you're dealing with this! I suspect your work "friends" are scared and in self-protection mode, which doesn't help you at all, but it's still good to remember.

  4. Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume Writer

    To keep your confidence high, I recommend a "confidence journal." This is your opportunity to journal about all the great things you have done, are now doing, and want to do in the future. Also, your great qualities, nice things others have said about you. No negativity or doubt allowed!

  5. Laura Brennan

    First off, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's a lot, and all at once. But you will make it through.

    One thing you should consider is changing how you talk about your job search -- to yourself first and foremost. People didn't "reject" you, they made a different choice. The way you talk about your search comes across as scattershot, you say you're applying for everything, including things you're overqualified for. This might seem like semantics, but language matters. You know viscerally that you need to get your confidence back; self-talk is the number one place to start.

    What if you rephrased your job search as "looking for a new opportunity?" To yourself first and foremost, and then also to everyone you talk to.

    I absolutely agree with Lesa and Emily: write this stuff down! Write down all the amazing things you do. Write down your professional accomplishments. Include the times you saved the day, the times you closed the deal, the times you were able to use hard and soft skills to make something happen.

    In addition to seeing what you already do well, think about what you would like to do better. NOT how to shore up something you’re not good at. No, there’s no fun in that. What would be fun? In what ways would you enjoy getting better at something you are already good at? What could you do to double-down on your expertise? Or, what is some new shiny skill that you could learn that would be fun and enhance your value? You build your confidence by getting better at something AND you will meet new people who are also moving forward in their careers. Surrounding yourself with people who are doing the kinds of things you want to do helps all of you. A good friend of mine always says, “Circles rise together.”

    Tap into your network for advice and support, not just to find another job – or rather, it’s all tied together. When someone gives you advice, they are investing in you. Your job is to make good on that investment. Unless it’s illegal or outside of your values*, take the advice! Report back with good news! People love to be acknowledged for having helped; if you actually take advice and let them know something good that came from it, they will be more likely to remember your name when a job opens up.

    * To clarify: if it makes you uncomfortable, like “make five cold calls” for instance, do it anyway. If it’s potentially relationship-threatening, like “if you haven’t heard back in three days, show up demanding an answer,” well, maybe don’t. Run it through your internal compass, but just being outside your comfort zone is not enough of a reason to not do it. Be willing to stretch, and always find something good to say about the experience.

    Finally, think about how you can parlay your specific skills into some short-term gigs if you find yourself fired sooner rather than later. Even just knowing you have options or a little money coming in another way can take your anxiety down a notch.

    Okay, and REALLY finally (I know, there’s a lot here, but we’re in the stretch!) remember that almost one-third of jobs open up again for some reason within 6 months. Stay on good terms and if possible in loose contact with everyone you applied to. Be helpful. Show up to the same networking events. Be on their radar so that when a job you’re right for, but didn’t get because they made a different choice (not a better choice, just a different one for reasons we can’t control) – when one of those jobs opens up again, you’ll be top-of-mind to fill it.

    You’ve got this!

  6. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    You asked for affirmations but I'm going to see if I can help you instead.

    If you're applying to jobs but not getting interviews, it's either your resume or the positions you're applying for.

    What have you done so far in your job search? Where do you have your resume posted? How often are you updating those profiles?

    Is your LinkedIn profile filled out and up to snuff? Do you have the green “open to work” banner on your LI profile and the other “open to work” indicator that recruiters with a LinkedIn Recruiter license can see?

    Are there specialty job sites you could be using? Do you have a degree? If so, are you utilizing the University's job site or alumni network?

  7. Anonymous

    I was coached to never use the LinkedIn "Open to Work" banner because it makes you look desperate to future employers.

  8. Amy Birkner Brown

    I don’t think that is the case any longer! So many great people getting laid off lately.

  9. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    Oy.
    Not this nonsense again. Of all the BS "advice" dished out by so-called "experts" to jobseekers, this piece of nonsense stands right on top of my last good nerve for real.

    What does that even MEAN?! If you were selling your house, would you just wait for someone to knock on your front door and ask you if the house was for sale?

    Telling people you're open to work means you go to the top of the list of virtually every recruiter I know and virtually every recruiter who responds about this BS on LinkedIn. We can search by people who are open to work, most likely to respond.

    I strongly encourage everyone to consider who is giving out advice. Is it someone who calls themselves a "career coach" or a "resume writer" looking to charge you a lot of money but who has never been a hiring manager or a recruiter? Or is it an actual recruiter with actual real life recruiting experience giving advice for free.

    Do not even get me started on the BS "ATS compliant" resume nonsense. There is no such thing as an ATS compliant resume.

    Yes, there are good coaches and resume writers out there but you really need to vet them before you hand over your hard earned money to them.

    The single biggest downside of LinkedIn is reaching out to people who are not looking and who don't respond to our messages. Most every recruiter targets active candidates first - it's called low hanging fruit.

    If you are actively looking (or even passively looking, there's an indicator for that too that recruiters with a LI Recruiter license can see) TELL US. Help us find you!

  10. Stephanie Lekowski

    Thank you for your advice here. I am also sick with the ATS advice; it's basically telling us to "ghostwrite" our own resume, to spit back keywords from the job description so you won't be eliminated. It's also assuming recruiters, HR managers, and hiring managers are not smart enough to catch on that potential candidates are just "telling them what they want to hear". I'm sure some places of business use the

    ATS to narrow down applicants, but that's their choice to take the human element out of the job search process.

  11. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    The ATS is not used to narrow down applicants. I - and every recruiter I know - looks at every single resume that applies to our open requisitions.

    I have experience with 7 or 8 different ATS and with different configurations of those systems.

    The ATS is basically an electronic filing cabinet that stores resumes, allows recruiters to manage and track candidates through the interview process, is where offer letters are generated.

    There typically is no sorting involved with the application process.

    Here's what happens (on all the systems I've ever used) when a candidate applies to one of my open requisitions: I click on their name in the list of applicants for that requisition. Their resume has not been ranked. It has not been sorted for keywords. It has not been "scored". It has not been filtered.

    I click "download resume". It downloads in whatever form - Word doc or PDF - the candidate uploaded it. I look at their resume. With my eyeballs.

    Keywords are just skills or experience that we use in our search strings to find candidates (which is different than applying). Ideally, they should just be an organic part of a person's resume. Loading your resume up with words you think recruiters or hiring managers want to see may get someone to click on your resume but if the experience isn't there, it doesn't matter how many "key words" you stuff your resume with.

  12. Sally

    This sucks. The world has gone crazy, and the mean people are rewarded for their hatred and jealousy. It's normal to lose self esteem as we associate out jobs/income with who we are. You are not to blame for their actions and you'll have your confidence back when you get away from toxic jobs and people.

  13. Anonymous

    Author here. I just came back to thank you. I’m still in a toxic job and still looking for work but your post was incredibly helpful. I refer back to it often!

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