Hello, all.

Anonymous

October 7,2022 at 2:42PM UTC

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Hello, all.

I am posting on behalf of a friend. For a little over a year, she has been an effective leader of a small team. Several months ago, her team suffered a loss of a teammate who suddenly passed away as a result of a violent crime.

This teammate was beloved by her fellow team and held in high regard by her manager (manager, my friend). The time has come to fill the position left vacant, and my friend is swamped with grief that is making her question her effectiveness. Interviewing candidates, and consulting with her team regarding candidates are making her feel inadequate to replace this cherished team member.

She is and has been grieving. Teammates are and have been grieving.

Are there resources out there that you all know of that deal with "leading through grief"? That's the best label I can think of, perhaps you know of a better one? Books? Websites? Coaches that are accessible virtually?

I told her that I would inquire with the best group I know. That's you all.

Can you help? Any suggestions are very welcome. Thank you

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Barb HansenOctober 7,2022 at 3:05PM UTC
I can't help with "leading through grief" but I can help with a great resource on how any change to a team or a group leads to strife.
Any change to a team leads to some amount of strife.
Creating a new team, adding or removing a new team member or leader or ending a large project changes the team dynamics. Losing a beloved team member to a violent crime would only heighten the dynamics.
As a start, I suggest that your friend do some reading around (if they are new to this concept):
-Team Normings
-Tuckman's Stages of Group Development
Understanding what's normal in team dynamics may help your friend identify the normal upheavals in group dynamics vs. what her and her team are facing with their grief.
There are great scholarly and other trusted author's articles on the web.
AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 5:33PM UTC
Thank you so much, Barb
AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 6:40PM UTC
Well these things take time. Sometimes a lot of time.
I would suggest grief counseling and if tge company has an EAP, some group counseling for the team.
AnonymousOctober 7,2022 at 7:05PM UTC
thank you
Kathryn MontbriandOctober 8,2022 at 1:35PM UTC
A few years back we had a team member pass unexpectedly in my broader organization.
A few months after, the colleagues that had worked closely with this individual came together and held a memorial service on the corporate campus where they planted a tree in his honor with a plaque next to it and invited his family to join. I believe they also collected stories and memories and shared them with the family in a digital or printed format to give them a glimpse of what the person was like at work.
The experience offered closure and a chance to openly experience the grief and support of the broader community.
I can't speak to if/how that person was backfilled and how that went - but it might help to do some form of memorial to mark the occasion and provide a mental turning point for your friend and the team.
Thank you for being such a compassionate friend.
AnonymousOctober 11,2022 at 1:32PM UTC
I asked a therapist friend and she recommended:
- Leading Through Loss: How to Navigate Grief at Work
- Progressing Through Grief: Guided Exercises to Understand Your Emotions and Recover from Loss
- Different after You: Rediscovering Yourself and Healing after Grief and Trauma
- How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief
She also recommended therapy, either individual and/or group. Grief is like the ocean, it comes in at different times, sometimes calm, sometimes hits you unexpectedly. It's okay to lean into those feelings, and to share them with others. But the most important thing with a violent crime death is to process that, as well as continue to remember and discuss and remember all the wonderful things that person did, who they were as a person and how much they impacted your life. Remember the light.
AnonymousOctober 11,2022 at 8:18PM UTC
Thank you so much!
Crystal HowellOctober 10,2022 at 12:33PM UTC
So sorry to hear about the office loss, I would suggest to reach out to HR for a grief counselor to come to the office.
AnonymousOctober 10,2022 at 8:41PM UTC
thank you, Crystal