DISCUSSIONS

First time asking for advice.

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Anonymous

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First time asking for advice.

I've been at my current job for almost 3yrs. My bosses are a married couple and are great people, but as for bosses they're not so great. It is an office setting I was hired as an office manager yet manage nothing because the wife is very very controlling and changes things depending on her mood which in a month we see maybe 2 days of a good mood. If she's upset at the technicians she yells at me about it then ends by saying "I'm not mad at you it's the guys" yet she never yells at them. On the extremely rare occasion she tells them she says it in a nice tone acting like she understands it's still a work in progress. These guys have been here over 2yrs. they're not new. Then she can't answer a phone because if a customers tone is serious or some people just are rude, she literally cries on the phone so I answer. Yet she is trying to listen in telling me what to say or upset saying they're cheap or a pain not allowing me to hear the customer and focus on the actual customer. She will give me something to do I do it then as am doing it starts randomly giving me more or ask me to look something up in a program that is on her screen as well. Yes I've told her about this and she stops for a couple days then starts up again. The wife doesnt come in the office until noon, comes in and out after that then cries because she's frustrated she can't get work done. Well I was raised that work is a priority and if the business and employees start at 8am maybe try voming in by 8am. But her reason is they are not morning people. Yet everyone including her husband start early. As for her husband, he is the type that is foul mouthed when telling a story or speaking to her, never at me but he gets tired of her crying or complaining repetitively he will snap at her which I cannot do because I am professional at work and do not like confrontations like that. He also isn't great at communicating. He will schedule jobs without telling me, after HE had already had me scheduled other things then tells me to reschedule it. I can handle that but after rescheduling the same customer 3-4 times the customer gets upset so I tell him and he says he doesn't care about the personality or attitude. Then they say nobody us aloud time off during May-September. Yet they have left a few times on a Thursday-Tuesday in that time window and do not want to be bothered. Now don't get me wrong they're the owners they can do as they please and deserve a weekend getaway, but if I ask before you leave can we discuss what's going on for those days so I know what can be scheduled. The response I get is go over what I'm busy. I say ok so if someone calls can I schedule fir Monday he says I don't know I might be selling a job for Monday but I don't know yet. Then says "unless it's an emergency don't call me I gave things to do before we leave." Again as people not as employers they are nice. When it comes to managing they're not. I am completely beat down and frustrated, but I really need the job so I just take it and say ok because I don't want to upset them more and I'm not confrontational to begin with, but I'm tired and always dreading going in to work to a job that is very easy just they make it difficult. Any advice on how to deal with this situation. By the way there is no HR technically that is her.

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  1. PA

    Honestly, I would just quit. Sounds like she’s creating a toxic environment.

  2. Anonymous

    When you join this type of organization, you either drink the Kool Aid or leave. They will never change, you will always suffer. Start a quiet job campaign, and resign when you land the next job. Good time to look, year-over-year Sept is a great time to begin a new role. Good luck!

  3. Cassie Spencer

    This sounds like a situation where decisions need to be made. Do you want to stay and try to navigate some of these frustrations? Is it time to start looking at other options?

    It sounds like it's not a great environment and it sounds like over nearly three years you've gotten a good sense of what the environment is like / will be like long term.

  4. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    You wrote: "but I really need the job"

    You may need A job, but I doubt you need that job.

    I'm not sure why you keep saying they're nice people - they don't sound very nice and unless they're your personal friends, that's irrelevant.

    If you work for them, what matters is why kind of boss they are, how are they at managing people - and from the sound of the wife. how she is at managing herself.

    My advice to you is to fire up your resume and begin a job search yesterday. No one deserves to be treated that way.

  5. Anonymous

    Thank you. No they are definitely not my friends. I just appreciate that they gave me a job during Covid because it was so hard trying to find one. That and I guess I've always been loyal to whatever place I work for, this is one of the shortest time spans working at a job so I guess that's why I feel bad. I don't know maybe I'm a sucker. But you're right. Hearing someone else outside the situation say it's bad makes me feel like I'm not nuts. So you're right going to update my resume. Thanks for the pep talk.

  6. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    Just because they made you a job offer, doesn't give them the right to mistreat you. I'm sure you work very hard for every dime you earn. You owe them nothing besides an honest days work.

    The person you need to be loyal to is yourself. They could lay you off tomorrow and never give it a second thought.

    Good luck on your job search!

  7. Anonymous

    I really got the beat in the first 3 sentences. Spruce up your resume and get out. This is an awful environment where you deserve so much better. Apply for other jobs, and do your best to remove yourself. These are not nice people, they are people who have dragged you into their drama of a couple/family business. Get out of there. Sounds awful!

  8. Anonymous

    Lol, if only it was that easy. It's hard finding a new job right now.

  9. Lisa P

    Small businesses that are family-owned and run are usually the most dysfunctional businesses to work for. As you've mentioned, there is no oversight above and below - nobody can hold either of them to account, and they aren't good at managing. Most of these offices are run as an extension of the marriage - either very passive-aggressive or outright hostile at times (because most couples can't separate the marriage from their work).

    As a test, try writing down the various ways you think the situation would improve - "I need Joe to be more accountable to providing schedule updates so we know when we can schedule things", or "We need everyone to start at 8am". Then list how likely any of these things are to happen. My bet is you'll end up with zeros across the board.

    And I get needing a job. I am the only wage earner in our household and my job was recently cut to 50%. (And I really liked that job!) But it no longer works for us, so I have to find another job. You need to start looking as well, or realize that this is just what happiness in your job looks like and learn to let it go. (Most people can't let it go - most people want to do well, so when they can't answer client questions because they don't have the information, they get frustrated. But we all know employees who don't seem to care that they don't know what to tell a client. Those are the ones who will do fine working for this type of business.)

  10. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist

    Aw, thank you Tahlora! Happy 4th of July to you and all FGBers!

  11. Anonymous

    Working for this duo is tricky! You are the gate keeper/personal assistant! They don't want to be bothered with the public as they are busy with their goals! Many small businesses like this are never consistent, and don't give them a bucket list of how they should handle the office or you might be looking for another job. Keep opinions to yourself and start looking for work else where if you have to as I don't know your goals! Good luck

  12. Anonymous

    This is literally a Mom and Pop business. They are family and they run their business like a household.

    There is absolutely nothing you can do to change the working dynamic. I'm sorry but this is the job. It's unprofessional and dyson but it's their life.

    Clean up your resume and get out there and find a new job.

  13. Anonymous

    Get, Out. ASAP, This is not an environment you're going to last in- they do not know where their personal lives/selves end and begin. They will eventually blame you for all that goes wrong. You're trying to "Mommy" them, i.e. "I'll deal with vendors and customers that are mean, you go in the office and calm down." It's not working. Go find a sane job where people are grown-ups.

  14. Barbara

    I hope they pay you well! Looney bin and stress pay would be in order. I assume there is no board of directors either. Nothing you can do but leave or if you are well paid stay until it all falls apart n

  15. Rachel

    You are in a highly dysfunctional work environment. You can choose to stay, but if you do be aware that nothing is going to change. They appear to want the benefits of having their own business without doing any of the actual work, and they depend on you to be everywhere at once. I would look to leave at this point. This is not good for your mental or physical health. With your work ethic, you deserve much better.

  16. Anonymous

    Only read half of your pist and all I can say is, RUN! Update your resume and move on. That's a lose-lose company.

  17. Karen P. Storey

    GET OUT OF THERE ASAP!

  18. Jackie Ruka

    Ugh, sometimes setting new boundaries is a good way to reset and perhaps set up a meeting with him, not her so you can DO your job... if you want to stay. if not give them 30 days notice and start looking for a new position. That way they know you are unhappy, can train a new person and move on!!

  19. Ayian

    I have never had a good working experience in a nepotistic company. I would look for another position and when I have accepted an offer, sit the owner down (not the wife) and discuss the issues from a perspective of "this is hurting your business, it's better if you pay her to stay at home".

    Studies indicate that negotiating for salary or conditions with a counteroffer in hand doesn't work out in the long term, so don't accept any wheedling to stay or financial incentives.

  20. Anonymous

    As many folks had suggested, leave this place!

    It's an ultimate example of a toxic work environment.

    Toxicity breeds toxicity. I wouldn't be surprise if you had share how this is affecting you over the years that you've been there.

    This is definitely NOT yours to fix. It sounds like the two of them have major issues and are in dire need for self-development awareness and adjustment, BUT that is their job to do it, not yours to find ways or do it for them.

    I'd recommend that you update your resume and start looking for a new job. In the meantime, set and protect your boundaries from them as much as you can to reduce the stress that I'm guessing you've been experiencing for the past 3 years, nurture your mental well-being as your well-being and mindset will be key to doing well at interviews.

    You'll likely to be asked in interviews "Why do you decide to leave your current job?" If you haven't consider this question already, I'd recommend you keep it as concise as possible and not go into the drama that you've been dealing with throughout these years.

    Good luck with leaving this place sooner than later and landing at a new workplace where you thrive.

  21. LORI-ANN BURLINGAME

    Since you are this unhappy, you may want to start looking for another job that has a more positive work environment. Family owned businesses can be difficult to work for.

    What you may want to do is have a group meeting and to clarify responsibilities, boundaries, and customer service guidelines. You can be the answer to the company's lack of leadership and organization. It may not be easy, but you can do it. Have confidence in yourself!

  22. Anonymous

    Discretely apply to new jobs for larger organizations and get yourself out of there as quickly as possible. Good luck, hang in there!

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