Looking for career move advice...

Anonymous

July 18,2024 at 2:27PM UTC

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Looking for career move advice...

I have worked for my family's company since I graduated from college, my dad is my boss. It is a manufacturing company, very male dominated. For the past ten years I have overhauled our compliance programs, trained employees, onboarded, interviewed, and have been the sole purchasing manager. Many hats I have worn here, and working for a small (under 50 employees) family owned company, I didn't mind. I have been on hourly since I began, which at first was lovely because I would work overtime but as I have had children and my evenings and weekends became very family focused I have stopped working overtime, and have in return lost money because of it. I have asked numerous times to be moved to salary, put on the same pay as other family members within the company (same age, 3rd generation "future owners", same work loads if I am being honest I am far more involved) with no change. It has always been obvious that there is a favoritism to male family members: they make more, are not held to the same impossible standard, etc. So I began looking for work outside of the family business.

I have had two job offers that I turned down because I was promised more in my current role. I did not receive what was promised and in return lost money, and time working remotely (which other jobs offered). I am back in the same predicament now with a full remote opportunity, roughly 50k more year doing a specific subset of project management rather than wearing multiple hats.

I am at the point where I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what to do, what my best option is.. It has become clear over the years that working here is not the best for my overall wellbeing but there are some perks working for family. What would you do?

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Catherine BeersJuly 18,2024 at 2:49PM UTC
Make the jump! You're being taken for granted. They need to the consequences of their actions.
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 2:50PM UTC
If you love it and the perks then stay and enjoy your life and the comfortof working with your family. If, instead, you want to spread your wings and focus on earning more $ and learning new skills the consider work away from your family.
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 3:24PM UTC
Make the jump. Family will take advantage of you if you let them. And that very much seems the case with you.
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 3:42PM UTC
I think you've answered your own question. Take the new job and go with God's blessings!
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 4:32PM UTC
Accept the other position.
If your Dad is interested in keeping you, be prepared to negotiate a better package (salary, title, and future ownership options), and get it in writing so that it supersedes anything in a will or trust that would leave the business to the male members of the family. If you are giving 2-3 weeks' notice, he needs to work fast and have everything completed before you rescind your acceptance of the other offer.
Should you decide to leave, you will get experience working for another company that will make you more valuable if you decide to come back.
misskelleypJuly 18,2024 at 5:31PM UTC
I disagree. Accepting a counter offer never works out. And it's clear her family is not going to take her seriously. Plus, if she goes elsewhere she gets "real world" experience so that if at some point she's forced out of the family firm, she's got other companies on her resume - so she's not STUCK.
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 4:53PM UTC
Even though families aren't perfect, you can most likely always return to your family business if another role doesn't work out for you. If you take another role and it is a good one, you will probably learn a few new things that will help you in any future jobs you might have, including if you return to your family's business. Spreading your wings sounds like a good option.
misskelleypJuly 18,2024 at 5:29PM UTC
TAKE THE OFFER!! $50K more?? I don't see any quandary at all.... You'll never be taken seriously by dad and other family members. Go, and be at peace with your decision.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJuly 18,2024 at 6:54PM UTC
I did not see one single thing in your post that would make me do anything besides shout at you to ACCEPT THAT POSITION.
And be prepared for the same cycle of them lying to you to keep you. Please don't entertain a counter offer from them - if they wanted to make the changes they already promised you, they would have done so already.
From the sound of your post, you will always be treated like a second-class citizen at that company.
If you need permission to say yes to yourself, you've got it! Go somewhere where you will be paid what your worth and appreciated for your contributions.
Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachJuly 19,2024 at 12:09PM UTC
It sounds like you are torn out of a sense of family obligation. $50k more is a lot. If you want this job, take it. If there are red flags, what are they? Your family business isn’t interested in paying you your worth. Let them go for the right opportunity. You’ve turned down two so far. You seem to regret that. How will you feel in 6 months if you turn down this one and you are still in the same position?
GirlBossanova934974July 19,2024 at 12:33PM UTC
Sounds like the "FAMILY business" is being run for the benefit of ONLY a few members of the family. Certain select members at that. Time to take a job elsewhere BEFORE the other company changes its mind. Going forward, you need to take into account people who are NOT honest with you when it comes to job promises. Believe them for what they DO, NOT for what they say.. The first thing you learn as a business owner is that your word is your currency. Lose that and you lose everything. Good Luck!
Me!July 19,2024 at 1:04PM UTC
My advice move on and work for another company. Regardless of if you work for family or not commitments and promises matter. It sounds like you are ready to grow and the current job is limiting.
Jean NaanJuly 19,2024 at 1:04PM UTC
Take the offer!
fduntvJuly 19,2024 at 1:07PM UTC
Sometimes you just have to take a calculated risk, even if it seems scary to leave a familiar environment. If you don’t take risks you get stuck. In this situation it seems to me that you are aware that you need to leave, due to inadequate pay and second class treatment, but are still hesitant to do so, probably due to fear of failure.
KatJuly 19,2024 at 1:12PM UTC
Take the other job! I realize you feel loyalty to your family, but you need to do what's right for you. If your dad wasn't your boss, I'm sure you would've left years ago. You're underpaid, under appreciated and passed over for promotions regularly. They promise you things and don't deliver just to keep you there. It's time to do what's best for you. You've wasted too much time in a job and company that will never give you what you really want. Don't turn down any more offers. Why are you sacrificing your career growth for them? I realize the family dynamic complicates things. Loyalty, guilt and fear play a big part in keeping you stuck here. Take the job, don't look back and enjoy the rewards of finally being paid what you're worth and appreciated for all the skills you have!
Bosslady520080July 19,2024 at 1:34PM UTC
Take the job. You're always going to be second fiddle at your company. The "boys" will win every time. Go with no guilty conscience. Teach the family a lesson.
AnonymousJuly 19,2024 at 1:29PM UTC
Take the new job. That 50k not only helps you now - it increases your 401k contributions and social security for your retirement.
AnonymousJuly 19,2024 at 1:36PM UTC
You will not change their mindset. In 1969 I started my first job. One day I was talking to a co-worker who told me he was making exactly twice as me for doing exact same work.
I asked about it and was told that George would have to get married and support a wife and children, while I would get married and be suported by my husband.
That is how many older men still think and justify not paying women the same as men.
Rosa GoesJuly 20,2024 at 5:44PM UTC
Agreed. Older men especially traditional men have this mentality of the husband providing for wife and kids. But they forget the men if "today " are okay with women working and cost of living has gone up since then so both working parents are needed to financially support their family.
Karen KazmierczakJuly 19,2024 at 2:15PM UTC
This won't be your last job but an opportunity that provides you what you need, This is another chapter in your journey. Time to fly!
AnonymousJuly 19,2024 at 2:17PM UTC
You're extending courtesies to your family's company that are not being reciprocated. Your dad has said in no uncertain terms, many times over, that he values others contributions to the family business more than yours. And he's comfortable leaving you at an hourly rate rather than rewarding years of dedication and hard work.
It's obvious to everyone on this board that this will be a WILDLY uncomfortable conversation when you give notice. Your father will back pedal, he'll offer to make you whole, move you to salary, etc. And my immediate next question would be why the threat of leaving was the event it took for him to action on this promise.
Its likely that this departure will upend the family dynamic for a bit, too. But your obligation is now to your husband and children. They are your priority and you must do what's right for them. $50k is a TON of money and I'm betting it could be life altering to you and your household. Savings for college, retirement, vacations, home improvements, a safety net fund, etc.
This is your path forward.
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJuly 19,2024 at 5:33PM UTC
How much do you typically get as a raise each year? How many year's worth of raises would it take for you to make up that $50k if you walk away from it.
I don't know what you're currently making, but say you're making $75k and get a 3% raise each year - without compounding your raises to get an exact amount, it would take you about 20 years to make up that $50k
Rebecca MillikenJuly 20,2024 at 12:30AM UTC
Take the new job. You are not valued and are taken for granted. Let your brothers do the work for once. Working for a non family company will boost your self esteem if it's (hopefully) a place that recognizes and appreciates your skills.
Your dad needs a wake up call. He thinks when you say you'll leave you don't mean it and he doesn't keep his promises. It's not fair to you. There is a fine line between loyalty and being a door mat.
Good luck to you. :)
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 12:29PM UTC
You know what you need to do. You are just scared to walk away from what you know to the unknown. Unfortunately what you have seen/are seeing in your family company isn't going to change. It is what it is. The question you need to ask, do I want to continue to be treated as trash and disrespected. If you answered no, then it is time to move on and don't listen to any of their promises.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 12:38PM UTC
I agree. And if you need supplemental income, see if there’s a side gig that you can take where you can be your own boss. They don’t need to know about it.
ChrishoggJuly 20,2024 at 12:51PM UTC
If you decide to leave, before you do, I encourage you to read these four books in the order shown:
What Color Is Your Parachute?, by Bolles
Designing Your Life, by Evans and Burnett
The Job Closer, by Dalton
The 2-Hour Job Search (Second Edition), by Dalton
Oh, by the way, there are no crystal balls, forest fairies, career books, counselors, or anything or anyone else that can tell you what you should be or what you should do.
But I've found over the decades that the first, or one of the first questions, that we all must answer when it comes to careers and jobs is: Who am I, what do I want to do, and why do I want to do it?
SusanJuly 20,2024 at 3:02PM UTC
best motivational post! Thank you. You were speaking to me!
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 3:12PM UTC
Solid advice.
However if you and/or you children stand not to inherit then walk away. However you legally in writing stand to inherit stay and earn an advance degree.
Rosa GoesJuly 20,2024 at 5:37PM UTC
It appears your life changed since you started working with family and now you have a family of your own with priorities. It's okay to move on to other opportunities, and the fact that you stayed and were not given what was promised is a clear indication to move on. No hard feelings.
AnonymousJuly 21,2024 at 1:00AM UTC
I agree with the advice to consider the long-term financial implications of a move, and to consult with the company’s attorneys and CPA to determine if you have an ownership interest and how it would be affected if you terminate your employment. To gain the time to do this, get a week to consider the new offer, say yes and negotiate a start date a month or so later.
That said, take the new job, if at all possible. The new setting will be helpful to you, as will the additional pay.
Your problem is a common one in family-owned firms. Working elsewhere will help you regain perspective and your sense of self-worth.
If your family wants you to return, they should be required to meet your terms — you might want an employment contract to be sure that you receive your due. And let your family’s company pay the fee for a lawyer of your choosing to negotiate and prepare the contract.
AnonymousJuly 21,2024 at 12:27PM UTC
You seem ready for the next career move. In your shoes I would take the offer.
You can always come back to the family business.
And hopefully some people will not take you for granted anymore after you leave.
KathyJuly 21,2024 at 2:50PM UTC
Take the offer. Once you're gone from the family business, I'm sure they will start to appreciate all of your contributions and hard work in the family business. If you ever decide to return to the family business you can write you own offer specifying salary, perks, ownership percentage, etc.
Good luck.
Heidi.beachnerJuly 22,2024 at 1:55PM UTC
You do not need a crystal ball. You know in your heart to move on to the better opportunity that your own father won’t reward you with. You deserve a clean break!
Maegan, Nike Sales Rep & Career CoachJuly 22,2024 at 6:26PM UTC
I would have a heart to heart with your dad. Let him know for the betterment of yourself and your family you are looking to be salaried with the title of X. Then you can give examples of how you are qualified and what you've contributed to the company. Depending on your relationship with him, you can share that you have turned down other roles in the past but may start exploring those possibilities again to do what is best for yourself professionally and your family.
Bosslady520080July 24,2024 at 1:12AM UTC
At some point you have to put yourself first. You are being used and abused. As you have seen this isn't changing. And it probably never will. Be brave. Walk away. For $50,000 a year more, run away. Expect backlash. So what. You need to come first and put your family as a priority. Just do it.

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