Why is there this work stigma that if you’re young and childless you get attacked, gaslighted, and backed into a corner when you ask to take your own PTO And then get told other people can get time off because she says “they have cancer” (trying to make me feel bad) and health issues and kids. So basically you’re saying my time off isn’t as important because I’m not old with health issues and have no kids and get denied. Like what?!

16 Comments

1. Erika REYNOLDSApril 14,2026 at 12:48PM UTC

   I see.

2. AnonymousApril 14,2026 at 1:03PM UTC

   Well at least you get plenty of pto it seems like. You “only” took 12 days last year, I only get 10 total per year. But yes, you should be able to use your pto when asking for it ahead of time and it’s not up to them to decide whether you really “need” it or not.

3. Nancy GreenApril 14,2026 at 3:26PM UTC

   Do you have to provide the reason for requesting PTO when you request it? It seems like you shouldn't have to.

4. SheilaApril 20,2026 at 6:44PM UTC

   Do you need permission to get the day off? Does the boss have to authorize it in advance?

   PTO is either Personal Time off or Paid Time off. Either way seems like it is your time to take. You worked for it and you earned it. It's nobody's business why you are taking the days off.

5. AnonymousApril 27,2026 at 5:00PM UTC

   Yes you need permission. In the handbook if says two weeks in advance but they never go by that, however o did ask her for that one day in advance and she approved it after trying to gaslight me for it for ten minutes. I was emailing her about it and then she called me in her office and acted like a complete monster.

6. Karen JonesApril 21,2026 at 12:15PM UTC

   I agree, I felt once my kids were grown and they were out of the house and I would ask for time off. I was looked upon as why do you need time off your kids are grown. They don’t even live here. I think we all need to find a balance and treat everyone equal. If you need time off you need time off. I totally agree. No one should feel gaslighted. I would just lie constantly and say I had a doctors appointment or my mother had an appointment I just felt like that was the justification. They wanted to hear thank you for allowing me to vent.

7. AnonymousApril 27,2026 at 5:01PM UTC

   Right it’s not their business to even know why but usually I will tell them. Most times I ask for a day off it’s honestly due to my stress and mental health because the department is ran so poorly and with drama and favoritism.

8. AnonymousApril 21,2026 at 1:41PM UTC

   You ONLY took 12 days off in the past year??? Yet you are complaining that you aren't allowed to use your PTO in lieu of others with children/health issues? 12 days is pretty generous in today's job market; I know many people who get 5 sick days/5 personal days=10 days total.

   It sounds like you are making an issue about ONE request that was denied because clearly you weren't denied the 12 days you took in the last year. It would seem to me that there is more to this story than you are sharing. And your complete insensitivity towards someone with cancer/health issues is astounding ("I guess I need to have cancer or pop out a kid...")! Do you have any idea what someone with cancer goes through??? Do you not realize that they would give anything to NOT have cancer and be able to work??? You think you should have a day off over someone who is undergoing lifesaving cancer treatment???

   Maybe your entitled and insensitive attitude is why you are being denied time off. Maybe the fact that you seem to be in everyone else's business about their time off is why you are being denied. It is NONE of your business who has write-ups or why someone else needs time off!

   You sound like a horribly insensitive co-worker.

9. Kim PfeifferApril 23,2026 at 2:33PM UTC

   I don't follow. As a manager, I don't have to worry about covering work for someone taking off only a day or two. But those who take off for a full week or two weeks or for cancer leave, I still have to cover that work and the remaining employees have to step up. As far as the cancer leave goes, I'm frequently called "heartless" and "insensitive" on this website for pointing this out. I have nothing but sympathy and support for those facing medical problems, but that doesn't change the fact that I have work that must be done by the remaining employees. As a non-manager, I also felt irritated by those having multiple children, taking multiple maternity leaves, and leaving me to cover their work for an extended period of time. It sucked.

10. AnonymousApril 27,2026 at 4:52PM UTC

    Oh okay so it’s okay for everyone else but not me? You don’t even know these people. You’re so toxic for saying that. I’ve told the whole story. I’m not leaving anything out. My manager told me that, I’m not in people’s business. I never brought up anyone with health issues, my boss did that as leverage and to make me feel bad for asking for one day off for a personal reason. She’s mad because I called her out because when i asked for a day off the girl that was using her time off for her kids birthday which she asked that day off in front of me and my boss told her yes in front of me. It’s a very small department. She pointed that out to make me feel bad because there is no reason to deny me one day off if she’s doing it for everyone else. Business is business. The fact that you’re saying it’s okay for everyone else but how I feel is not okay makes you a very cruel twisted selfish and entitled person. She’s mad because I called her out on her bullshit because it is bullshit. That is unfair and discrimination. At the end of the day business is business and one day is way different than asking for a week off. You got to be out of your mind with your comment. You should re read what you said. It’s okay for them to feel the way they feel but it’s not okay for me to get upset by it. Everyone is going through things in this world today, not just people with cancer and people with kids. I’m at risk of foreclosure and losing my house due to a huge life change, and that’s why I applied for another position at my job, but ever since I had the courtesy of letting my boss know that she’s acted this way to me. Next time choose your words nicely. Everyone is going through hard things in life. You never know. Just because it’s not cancer or a health issue, or I don’t have kids doesn’t mean it’s of any less importance.

11. AnonymousApril 27,2026 at 4:56PM UTC

    I also love how you’re speaking for these people you don’t know either as if you know them. I’ve always been that coworker that has to step up and cover others at every job, but when I’m going through a difficult time in life never got the same treatment. Maybe that’s what causes insensitivity is people like you that feel entitled and don’t have the same respect for others that work their ass off. I get way more than 12 days of PTO per year so no that’s not really a lot considering I’m there for than anyone else ???

12. Dr. Patty GrossApril 22,2026 at 12:09PM UTC

    Sorry, but 12 days off isn't great attendance, especially if it was in 1-2 day spurts. Many companies look at time off occurrences as well as the number of days, so if you took six two-day occurrences, that is six times you asked for time off, but since you also had interspersed one-day occurrences, you probably had more like eight to ten occurrences, getting close to once a month. A lot of people don't realize this can be an issue, and if they are called out, it can be a red flag.

13. Kim PfeifferApril 23,2026 at 2:30PM UTC

    I don't follow. As a manager, I don't have to worry about covering work for someone taking off only a day or two. But those who take off for a full week or two weeks or for cancer leave, I still have to cover that work and the remaining employees have to step up. As far as the cancer leave goes, I'm frequently called "heartless" on this website for pointing this out. I have nothing but sympathy for those facing medical problems, but that doesn't change that I have work that must be done by someone.

14. Dr. Patty GrossApril 28,2026 at 1:31PM UTC

    Frequently taking off single days, especially around a weekend or holiday, is often indicative of other problems. Substance abuse is one of them (hungover on Monday and leaving early on Friday to party). It also eventually leads to needing to ask for exceptions or "borrow" from unaccrued time off when real emergencies or illnesses occur.

15. Kim PfeifferApril 23,2026 at 2:34PM UTC

    I get this completely. As a manager, I don't have to worry about covering work for someone taking off only a day or two. But those who take off for a full week or two weeks or for cancer leave, I still have to cover that work and the remaining employees have to step up. As far as the cancer leave goes, I'm frequently called "heartless" and "insensitive" on this website for pointing this out. I have nothing but sympathy and support for those facing medical problems, but that doesn't change the fact that I have work that must be done by the remaining employees. As a non-manager, I also felt irritated by those having multiple children, taking multiple maternity leaves, and leaving me to cover their work for an extended period of time. It sucked.

16. maria roseApril 25,2026 at 3:24PM UTC

    The situation being described has occurred because of various reasons, most of which are related to a form of favoritism /seniority and lack of enforcement of staff schedule needs for the job and this occurs in every workplace where there is lack of enforcement of the key reasons why anyone is working at the job—everyone is there to work when scheduled and your personal life outside the job is not the priority. I am not saying that no one should never get time off but most of our personal life activities is planned and know just like the job has priorities and responsibilities and a time schedule. Take for example—holidays which are known on the calendar ones —Depending on your workplace—it’s either the most busiest time or when your workplace closes and it’s a known fact. It should be either an all hands on duty situation or everyone gets time off. Basically what I am saying is that there should be no situation to request time off for whatever reason for known events without a reasonable time in advance unless it was an emergency.. Just taking the example given by the OP —it appears that both the OP and another person wanted the same day off and requested it together at the same time in person. Which tells me that workplace has no formal time off request standard. Why that workplace allows last minute non emergency time off request is creating the confusion and dissatisfaction experienced by the OP.

    I can only address giving the OP an option to work around this by suggesting that they plan more ahead with request for time off— for example requesting the time 2 weeks ahead of when the schedule is posted in a both verbal and written manner that is acknowledged as received and recorded by the one who is the schedule manager. Yeah I know that planning ahead for personal activities might be not normal for today’s world but it might help to lock in getting that desired time off day requested . And that’s assuming that the OP has reviewed thoroughly how time off requests are made and handled in their employment handbook which all workplaces are required to have.

    This eliminates any reason by the management to deny your request because you are giving the request in advance not last minute. Any workplace that has employees knows exactly how many employees need to be present doing the job at any given hour and day and @Kim is describing a workplace that has an employee out on a leave of absence where the company technically can not remove the employee off the payroll as an active employee but with the employee being out not at work creates a staff shortage which should have been addressed by adding staff. But instead the company has decided to run short staffed for the entire leave of absence period. Lengthy leave of absence should not be used by management as a labor savings tool because technically that labor cost is still available and they should know exactly how many employees are needed to be present doing the job before it gets to what I call the bare bones schedule as described by @Kim. If the OP is working in that kind of job setup, then it is time to start looking for another job because that’s a job where you the employee are just a negative number effect on the company profit line.

    I highly recommend that the OP review the hiring paperwork for how to request time off requests and make any requests in advance not last minute as described in their post