Corporate Bullying - getting it out - learning to move on

Anonymous

July 12,2023 at 8:29AM UTC

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Corporate Bullying - getting it out - learning to move on

I've recently move on from a "Big4" consulting role. This is a job I really enjoyed for a while, it challenged me, I was learning every day, and was beginning to develop opportunities for myself I was excited about.

Late last year - I found myself in a situation where I was severely unhappy, overworked, and stressed. This was stemming from the leadership within the team I was working in.

I'm struggling to move past all of the drama I witnessed on my way out the door, and shortly after leaving - learning how common my feelings were among others. I saw multiple VERY good people walk out the door at the same time I did, because of the poor management, people skills, lack of empathy, support and kindness.

I'm also struggling after seeing instigators be rewarded with promotions - I saw incredibly POOR leadership, people skills, management and a complete lack of humility from these people. Seeing them rewarded hurts.

A lot happened in my last few months, that is far too much to write here. But I'm wondering if others had tips to move on from this, and how to work to leave it in the past.

My first and best coping mechanism so far has been to ensure that these are situations I NEVER place my teams through. What have you done if you've been in a similar situation?

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AnonymousJuly 12,2023 at 12:48PM UTC
I read something the other day that said, if you can't change a situation, then change what you can, which is yourself. Work on your perspective and being happy and blessed that you escaped without being unemployed or put in a financial bind. And... forget they exist. They (the mean people) probably have forgotten you.. You can actually build on setbacks & adversity and it sounds like you have. Look how much wiser you have become. And you have learned many valuable lessons.. Hope this helps...
AnonymousJuly 12,2023 at 3:45PM UTC
Therapy is your number one resource when you are internalizing external events.
AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 12:25PM UTC
I am so sorry that you had this experience. I can relate all so well. After leaving my toxic position, I realized I was suffering from PTSD (it was that traumatic). I got some counseling and started believing in myself again. I allowed myself to trust again, to actually voice an idea and concept and feel good about it. It is work but you have to get back to who you were to move forward. I do not focus on all of the people who were rewarded for doing literally nothing.. I encourage you to focus on enhancing your current skills and learning new ones ( I got a certification that will benefit me long term). I know the pain (and even anger) is real but you can definitely move pass this and be the wonderful person that you are. I pray for you success and well being.
AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 3:35PM UTC
Balance, find the joy in life again by balancing out the toxicity from this by feeding your soul with things you enjoy and affirmations from those things that reinforce the good in you. Then if you have exited this situation make a list of what is not tolerable again, write it out in stories that you can refer back to so that you don't make that same mistake again of joining a place that is nonsupportive of good people. Good leaders take the brunt of the pain from upper bad management for their staff but also know when to push back and directly say not acceptable to toxic behavior. If the top down feels what is okay and knowingly lets this continue then it is not fixable and you have to leave.
AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 4:36PM UTC
I am right there with you. I left a 16 year leadership position at a big box retailer 3 years ago and I’m still struggling. The first few years were great…I even met my husband there (still married by the way). The last 5 years there were nothing short of emotional torture. I had a boss who branded me as unlikeable and a peer who reinforced that with our team. I was isolated and felt I had no one to talk to that I could trust. I went to therapy because I was starting to feel like I didn’t want to live anymore. I was eventually made to step down and transfer stores which should have been a good thing, but for me it was difficult because I was treated completely different there and I struggled to remember who I was. I eventually left all together and went on to find happiness and acceptance in another smaller retailer but those feelings still bubble up. I would love to know how to move on as well.
AnonymousJuly 13,2023 at 8:56PM UTC
Why didn’t you get a contingent lawyer involved and sue them for bullying, retaliation and creating a hostile work environment?
Did you resign or were you laid off ? I get the impression that you are not currently working. I hope you didn’t just walk away because the Big 4 will buckle at the knees and settle quickly if you have documentation to your allegations or witnesses.
maria roseJuly 14,2023 at 5:48PM UTC
You want to move on from not having to deal with what bad interactions occurred at your previous job what you have to do is to acknowledge and know what type of workplace conditions you will not tolerate and not accept a position anywhere that has the same circumstances. You can do that by researching the specific workplace.
As for your former employer and a potential lawsuit for unlawful dismissal or harassment against them, do so only with documentation of your statements rather than am emotionally charged viewpoint of getting even and only after paying for and getting legal assistance.
AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 1:41AM UTC
I had a similar experience in a Fortune 100 company. (very well known, Starts with a D) Over an 8-year period. My first boss was so nasty I reported her to HR. This made things worse since they told her I had reported her. She was promoted to head of a huge important department. retired rich. Then within the same company, I worked with a woman that spent most of her time gossiping and making up mean lies about many of the people on our team. She took great joy in ruining people's lives. Many careers were ruined. People befriended her to keep her from going after them. She was promoted, then was fired for never coming into work and lying about it. She sued the company, won, and then went on to a competitor. She did the same thing again and then went on to work for another competitor. Because all of the former companies were afraid of being sued none of her behavior was ever reported. But everyone knew about it. She actually bragged about it. She is now in charge of a similar group of another Fortune 500 company. It just blows my mind the people that get promoted.
AnonymousJuly 15,2023 at 5:58PM UTC
This makes me so sad to read. And it is so very true.