Our department manager is a bully

Anonymous

January 28,2023 at 2:33PM UTC

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Our department manager is a bully

I work remotely, and I have weekly meetings with my supervisor and they always state that I am doing great, I am thorough, etc.

My supervisor had the day off, and their manager started auditing my files and leaving really condescending public remarks in each file for all to see. I had to respond with the reason the file was not up to their standard (they actually had no context to what they were doing, and my work is very neat.) I had valid reasons, and after asking a coworker if they were getting audited, they checked and said it was only me.

We have 30 people in our group. I was the only person getting this wrath, and nobody else received such wrath from her in over a month, and not to such extreme.

My colleagues and supervisor agree I am in the higher performance. This manager seems to be making some sort of paper trail with no indication of why.

They have publicly humiliated me in public company forums, and upon research, they had no justification as I was filling standard operating procedures.

I wrote HR, and explained how I think she is targeting me and added proof. I also went as far as saying my attorney will be copied in. I am not stepping down, as this is my livelihood. This has been happening since I started there, and while my other colleagues have quit because of this managers condescending ways, I am not a quitter. I am older, and I have noticed ageism when job searching.

I have only called off because HR didn’t set up my health benefits for over 3 months even though my benefits started the day I hired. My father also died and i am the executor of his estate. I ran out of medication I need and suffer chronic migraines. I have taken some days off with my supervisors approval for my chronic migraines. I sent a request earlier for intermittent leave and I am waiting for HR to respond.

In my career I have always been a dedicated, high achiever. I am respectful to my coworkers, and management.

Did I do wrong by writing HR? I have heard that it usually leads to dismissal because HR protects the manager, however I still meet goals, I work thoughtfully for the client to be happy.

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Holly NunnallyJanuary 28,2023 at 3:36PM UTC
You did nothing wrong by reaching out to HR. Just know that HR is there to protect the company, not the employee. With that being said, ageism is real and almost impossible to prove. I would be documenting EVERYTHING that happens/has happened, and I would do all communications through email, while also sending copies to a private email.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 6:03PM UTC
I believe I got a good severance package in part from writing emails that occasionally dropped terminology that an employment court would notice. It's also good to say, "In our meeting you told me x y z, and I agreed to this, but then I realized blah blah blah needed clarification" or something to that effect -- it documents what the other person said as well as documenting a sincere effort to do a good job.
Alina Easterday CallahanJanuary 28,2023 at 4:19PM UTC
HR is there to protect the company, so you can get them on your side be giving them something to protect the company from.
If your manager is retaliating against you for taking time off for chronic migraines then that is a legal liability to the company (you could try to sue). So if you go to he with your issue and say “I’m worried she might be mad about the time off I took for my chronic migraines” hr will likely take the situation very seriously. Don’t actively threaten, just make sure the info is there for them to find and focus in on.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 6:00PM UTC
In the U.S. there's no legal liability without FMLA reasonable arrangements agreement or an ADA accommodation. Attendance issues are otherwise legit as "cause" for discipline and termination.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 5:57PM UTC
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
I have a similar story. High achievers and experienced employees threaten the self-esteem of insecure higher-ups, and we become targets. If your supervisor is able to mitigate this, then try to just ignore the ire. Your coworkers are being traumatized in their way because they are bystanders who wonder if they could be targeted next, so don't try to discuss this with them beyond validating your impressions.
It took me almost a year to find a new job, and it was in a smaller organization where experience is highly valued (though I am being paid less). In this smaller organization everyone is juggling too many balls to take on the goal of taking down a coworker or report.
Being older and needing time off for old-people reasons is inconvenient for everybody else, so there could be a little ill will for your time off. Try to apologize and keep things light. It may help to compare time off for elder care to time off for baby care. It might make your situation more relatable.
And yes, HR is probably on the side of your boss. If you have clients who are happy, they will be good references for you when you look for other jobs.
I found some validation from the Workplace Bullying Institute site and videos. I needed therapy to deal with the situation, and I tried really hard to develop my personal life as a kind of buffer because my job was my be-all and end-all, so being targeted was doubly hard for me. That investment paid off when I was finally let go - I had something besides work to think about, and my satisfied clients spoke well of me as references.
AnonymousJanuary 28,2023 at 10:37PM UTC
You state that your files are not up to their standard, but then you say they follow SOP. This does not sound like an audit because an audit will compare your files with SOP, not some arbitrary manager's opinion of what they ought to be. I was fired because I failed to note in each file when I sent letters to former clients and failed an audit. I sent out quarterly newsletters like I was supposed to, but I didn't update every active file. Unfortunately, this was a regulatory requirement that I didn't realize was part of the SOP.
If the manager did not give you clear instructions of things she needed in addition to the SOP, then you have every right to complain. I'm a bit confused about the time off for migraine comments. The ADA only recommends accommodations (such as lighting and other environmental changes that could reduce their frequency or severity). They don't generally consider time off above accrued PTO as a reasonable accommodation. Unfortunately, the company is the one that decides what is "reasonable" and what is not.
AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 4:47PM UTC
Since I wfh, I was advised by my supervisor to request intermittent leave of absence for my migraines since I can get upwards to 15 a month. I do take preventative medication and I have reduced the frequency, however I have not gone over any of my pto. In fact my attendance other than my dads death and funeral is pristine. I am never late.
AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 4:47AM UTC
I have a question: is your supervisor attempting to defend you to the boss?
If so, why has this not proved effective? And if your supervisor has not defended you, why not?
If your supervisor thinks you are a strong performer, why are you navigating this situation on your own?
I strongly suggest that you consult a plaintiffs’ employment lawyer (ie represents employees.) Best to hire an attorney who specializes in this field. Continue to document your poor treatment in a dated record created and kept at home. Include in your record the letter sent to HR and HR’s response or non-response.
You are clearly being singled out by the boss for added scrutiny. From what you report, it is possible that you are being singled out because of your age and/or because of your unapproved absences due to your chronic migraines. Should your employer be making a reasonable accommodation for these? Again, this is a question for a reputable employment lawyer.
Did you do wrong to involve HR? Yes and no. It might have been smarter to consult an employment lawyer before approaching HR, so that your complaint was written to maximize your chances of a favorable solution. You can rectify this now by involving an employment lawyer. More positively, you have put your organization on notice and sought a remedy and it is typically required to exhaust administrative remedies before taking legal action. So from that perspective, you have moved events forward.
AnonymousJanuary 29,2023 at 4:42PM UTC
I do have private slack messages when I addressed certain issues with my supervisor. He agreed with me and his comment was “I know you’re awesome” which didn’t leave me with a good feeling. My coworkers are nice, and only 1, i am comfortable asking for proof to confirm I am not crazy (we started at the same time and he also is a high achiever if not better). He validates me by looking at the data. Many people in our department have quit because of the micromanagement and condescension. Only one was openly verbal to a slack group on why he was leaving “management is just to overbearing and he couldn’t take it anymore” he was a quiet and good worker until he quit. I did find an aggressive employment law office that fights for workers, and their criteria was that I follow all procedures by contacting HR, and having proof, which I retained.
AnonymousJanuary 30,2023 at 7:41PM UTC
So glad to hear that you have an aggressive employment law office on your side.
AnonymousJanuary 30,2023 at 6:33PM UTC
Simply put lawyer up. If you suspect ageism and that they are building a case for termination you need to keep good copies of all your documentation as to what you think is going on. If they terminate you and you are not in an at will state you may have recourse. In an at will state it's a bit harder to prove. Also HR doesn't necessarily protect the manager, a good HR person - and there are many, will protect the best interests of all involved parties and will remain neutral.