Need a pep talk

Anonymous

August 20,2022 at 5:27PM UTC

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Need a pep talk

I have been at my job for 4 years and it’s been tough from the start with a challenging culture that is bro-like and colleagues actively trying to make my job harder. I have done well despite this and potentially on a path to promotion but no promises. It’s been the same job despite me asking for more opportunity and being successful. I was offered another job at a company with folks I’ve worked with before and they really want me - the job is similar in what I’ll be doing but also building out a partnership business. Also they’re paying me 40% more! I told my boss and her boss and they have just been calling me telling me I’m making a huge career mistake, I won’t like it, the people are bad and now I’m feeling so terrible and conflicted in what should be an exciting time to get a new opportunity.

My friends say they’re just doing this to make themselves not look bad that they lost good talent over their poor culture and lack of opportunity. I’ve been asking for more throughout but it’s only when I’m leaving they’re making promises. Are they right?

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Barb HansenAugust 20,2022 at 6:16PM UTC
I'm voting with your friends on this one.
My advice is to trust your gut - you know what's best for you.
Don't let your current managers distract you from what you need and deserve from your career (and man, a 40% bump in salary is life-changing so don't discount that).
SLTAugust 20,2022 at 6:59PM UTC
People who say "no" to an opportunity for someone else are jealous and insecure.
If it makes you happy and know it's legit, go for it!!!
Congratulations on the 40% pay increase!
Joanne RosenAugust 20,2022 at 7:17PM UTC
Say HELLO to your new job! Go, run, enjoy!
Stephanie LekowskiAugust 20,2022 at 7:49PM UTC
Listen to your friends. Your current job is treating you like an abusive partner who has been taking you for granted and now is trying to get you to not "break up" with them because they're "the best you can do". Take this opportunity and don't look back!
AnonymousAugust 20,2022 at 8:04PM UTC
I take another view. If you are scared of change, open yourself to doubt and look for reasons to listen to people who have never taken care of you and deliver very empty promises and find comfort in working the same job for 4 years with no promotion or significant raise then by all means stay, continue to stall and convince yourself to be conflicted.
If you're asking the question "are they right?" Then you need to understand why. Don't move into a great new job without understanding why you don't see your worth and are so easily filled with doubt.
There's a lesson here. I wish you well.
Crystal HowellAugust 20,2022 at 8:05PM UTC
Move on and promote yourself. Take the 40% extra and save it. Do You and what feels happy, time for a change, why not?
AnonymousAugust 20,2022 at 8:15PM UTC
Trust your instinct and intuition and patterns and history never lies. You said it yourself, in so many words you described how you did not feel valued or appreciated due to their sexist culture. They are only acting bitter now bc they know they are using valuable talent. Leave and don't look back. Job environments like that never change unless economy whacks them out of business. Good Luck on your new journey.
Robin LampertAugust 20,2022 at 10:18PM UTC
Pay attention to how people act.
It tells you more about them than what they say.
The people at your current job have not recognized your worth, they've made things hard, and only when they're about to lose you (at the cheap rate) are they telling you to stay. They're still not promising anything that you asked for. (And if they do, get it in writing.) Since you're not happy where you are, even if the new place isn't great, would it really be any worse? And the pay is much better. Why would you stay? Your current colleagues have demonstrated that they don't care about your wellbeing. I expect your friends do care. Unless they have an exceptionally bad track record, I'd listen to them.
Based on what you say, I'd suggest you take the new job and enjoy it.
Good luck!
AnonymousAugust 21,2022 at 12:12AM UTC
Suffering is a choice, your colleagues have been totally transparent with the value they place on your role with this team. Why on earth would you turn down this new opportunity under these circumstances?? As others have said, the 40% salary increase alone would be enough to motivate me! Please reconsider how much influence you’ll allow these coworkers to have in this decision.
AnonymousAugust 21,2022 at 2:56AM UTC
I'm so very sorry you don't appreciate the opportunity that has presented itself. I'm confused as to why you want to agree with people who don't want you to grow and move forward in your career because it might inconvenience them. If you're considering that they are right tells me that you have something else going on that might be a reason you want to stay.
AnonymousAugust 21,2022 at 5:50PM UTC
I was in a toxic workplace and similar was said to me to discourage me from leaving: "the grass isn't always greener elsewhere" - like I was going to make a big mistake. Three months into my new job (35% more income for me) and, yes, there are brown patches here, but overall it is **far more** greener. I cringe now thinking about my previous narrow-minded managers (which I put up with for years). Good luck with your choice! Remember, it's not forever. If the new job doesn't work out, there is another. Really.
AnonymousAugust 21,2022 at 8:12PM UTC
Lots of good advice here. I agree to move on and not look back. Also, if they try to counter offer and it’s not at least 40% more, RUN. They refuse to acknowledge your worth.
AnonymousAugust 21,2022 at 10:40PM UTC
Go for it. You already know the people. That's a plus. You deserve to be happy!
Amy HolmesAugust 21,2022 at 11:43PM UTC
Don’t let them guilt you out of making a job change that appears to be one that will make you happier and pay you more.
What an awful thing to do to someone—to try to manipulate them into staying in a job. It just reinforces how bad the culture is at your current job. If you trust the new job, then I would move your highly-competent self to the new job in a heartbeat and not look back.
Brandon MillerAugust 22,2022 at 8:33AM UTC
Don’t give up! You can have anything you desire in life.
Kristie WhiteAugust 22,2022 at 10:39AM UTC
They are not right. This is a game to them, a competition for talent and they are trying to win. If they convince you to stay, they win. And their treatment of you will go back to the same it was before or worse as soon as they know you are staying. Move on, you are working with losers.
AnonymousSeptember 1,2022 at 4:22PM UTC
Go, Dont look back, Enjoy your New Job.
You have worked with both sets of people - you seem to have enjoyed working with the other group better than your current group - so go for the new job, it is a clear step up on your current role, for significantly better money, working with people and a culture you seem to like better than your current situation. If it doesn't work out then you have additional experience to use in finding the next one.
If your current job really wanted to keep you they would make hard promises and not just trash talk the other opportunity.
Don't get involved in a back and forth - make a decision one way or the other and stick to it. If your current job makes that difficult that is on them - and another reason to put your own career first.