During a team meeting, I updated our HR team lead on a request I had handled and brought up one employee's case to discuss, but I was unsure if I had handled it correctly.

Anonymous

April 1,2023 at 10:44PM UTC

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During a team meeting, I updated our HR team lead on a request I had handled and brought up one employee's case to discuss, but I was unsure if I had handled it correctly. As I began to explain the situation, the team lead asked to see the original request. When I showed it to her, she abruptly interrupted the meeting and asked me to leave immediately to correct my mistake.

While I was at my computer making the correction, there was an awkward silence in the room. I could feel my two other colleagues exchanging nonverbal cues and whispering to each other, likely discussing me. I felt humiliated, like a little girl who had made a mistake and was being scolded.

To make matters worse, I am the oldest and most experienced member of the team. My colleague who is 15 years younger than me has a close relationship with the team lead, being the little sister of her girlfriend. At that moment, I felt like a helpless child, not a competent woman with education, experience, and a family to provide for.

Unfortunately, this incident was not an isolated one. During my probationary period, my work was poorly assessed, with my direct supervisor relying solely on the team lead's opinion. Things improved during the four months when she was on long-term leave, and my contract was even extended for three more months. However, when she returned, things became so unbearable that I had to seek therapy.

Despite all of this, I still have interest for HR. I am returning to the corporate world after a year-long gap, but I am hesitant due to my negative experiences with bad management and unsupportive coworkers. I know that I did not deserve to be treated so poorly, but I am afraid to get into a toxic environment again because my mental health was so thin at such times.

Any thoughts on the situation?

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AnonymousApril 1,2023 at 10:57PM UTC
I wonder if she was threatened by your competence. I had two jobs where I felt targetedby jealous coworkers while those I reported to liked my work. Their behavior seems unprofessional in my opinion. Unfortunately this seems common. I think you should hold your head high and try again, and be careful to vet the new opportunity the best you can.
AnonymousApril 2,2023 at 12:43AM UTC
I would consider consulting work that could be performed remotely. That could give you back some control over your work and help you build your confidence.
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 12:21PM UTC
Why do you assume that all HR departments are like the one you are in now?
Also, ask yourself if there was any truth to the poor assessment. Is it possible that any of it was valid? Be careful putting all the blame for something like this on someone else.
Sharece WillcoxonApril 3,2023 at 12:32PM UTC
I’m wondering if this is an example of ageism since you mentioned that you seem to have seniority in terms of years in your field.
GirlBossanova934974April 3,2023 at 12:37PM UTC
Wow! Your Team Lead really needs some supervision and instruction from her direct supervisor. I don't care if it is HR or a non HR department, a manager should NEVER stop a meeting and tell a direct report to leave the room to fix a simple mistake. The proper course of action is to say to the direct report, "we will take that up AFTER the meeting" and/or "let's sidebar that one and I will get back with you right away". I wouldn't worry about your HR career. Stick with it. You have a bunch of very inexperienced managers to work with. And candidly, this is the one of the WORST departments, inexperienced managers should be at right now. You can look for another contract or transfer to another division or group.
Ellen Smith FaganApril 3,2023 at 12:40PM UTC
When I give good advice here, I find I am taking it to heart to apply to myself. Today?
RESPECT ALL AND ALWAYS PRAISE. Do this: Unless you can "get saved" in this matter - GET GONE TO A BETTER JOB ENVIRONMENT. It is suicide to stay if you know it's going to be combat and you always get to lose. And suicide will always be not ok.
Now I am going to address my issue - and send you back to tackle yours. When you go job shopping do not bring up your suffering - they will be quick and easy to hire someone who simply wants a change - NOT someone who wants to tell about a tragedy. Also: Go online and READ ABOUT YOUR JOB CATEGORY...HR is awful sometimes - depending. HR must be psychiatrists - quickly gathering data and processing it thru a variety of tests and then having to make the decisions involved in tht moment - it gets more personal than some jobs - like stuffing envelopes or managing a job scenario focused on objective tasks rather than subjective ones.
Therefore a "personal issue" with a fellow worker or supervisor is MORE likely to happen because "it gets into human reseources with human resources." :-)
I did one long ago but left before even a full year was out and sued and won - it was impossible. I was not permitted to obtain data about the job candidates I was supposed to send on to clients needing their services. The fees at that company wer high and the issues on the job life-threatening if not done right, so I could NOT stat in that position if I was not allowed to get the data needed to complete with integrity and safety.
On the other hand in some job situations, the person you are talking about might simply always be needing one to argue with all day long like you - and that is realllllly not okay. Leave for a nicer job. ASAP. Your children deserve a mommy who is respected and able to be fine and cheery enough. Staying in a bad work situation is certainly NOT making life at home as nice as it should be.
Be careful to not let your current boss know. you are new job shopping. By law it's not her business, and if she is already harassing you, she might get worse if she finds out you are leaving.
good luck in your new job
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 12:46PM UTC
I’m not sure I can provide a solid recommendation here but wanted to offer support and gratitude for sharing. As we age with work gaps due to life circumstances, it gets harder to assess situations on our own. I’m about to join a relatively younger team on corporate side as well and think I’ve already done a mis-step.
Not sure if this is one of those situations but it sounds like you did the right thing but unfortunately it was called out so abruptly causing self-doubt. You’ve got years of experience and sometimes it’s just that existing team members need to assert some power. I guess I would step back and do the bare minimum to continue learning about the team. I’m sorry this happened and hope that you can keep your head held high and focus on moving forward.
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 12:52PM UTC
It is a terrible experience being in a toxic work environment especially if you honestly feel you are doing your best job. Yes you need your paycheck but how much abuse are you willing to put up with. I had a very similar experience and was demeaned by the team lead who quickly became a supervisor who did everything he could to find fault, brow beat and try to humiliate and gas light me. This happened privately and in team meetings. He would ask me questions about other team members and things going on to the point that I told him I will not discuss his management issues anymore. I was once his coworker and had a friendly working relationship before! So long story is we ended up in court after filing a formal harassment charge with HR they terminated me. Sure the policy said you would not suffer repercussions from filing!! Yeah Right! Per the judge it is not illegal to be put through hell by a unethical and Bastard of a boss even if they are breaking their own policies etc.. I say run as fast as you can. There are educational videos on people trying to recover from toxic environments. This is a real thing and takes away your confidence. Google them, learn and move on!! Good luck!! ?
Crystal HowellApril 3,2023 at 12:56PM UTC
You didn't indicate what the mistake was, toxic work environments are not worth the stress. You know your job, you have a skill set, take a weekend by the ocean it helps. Look at temp agencies and get slowly ready for corporate gig. Good luck!
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 1:06PM UTC
Get Out
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 1:09PM UTC
I am so sorry you are dealing with the situation you describe.
I was in a horribly toxic work situation and I stuck it out for 3.5 years because I thought it would get better. When I would talk about leaving people would say “different people same crap”. I eventually realized no matter what I did the situation was not going to change unless I left. It certainly is a huge risk because you do not know what you are walking into. This board gave me excellent interview advice to help me feel out if it was toxic. I have been at my new job almost a year and it’s far from toxic.
I am sorry to shove my situation in your face but I hope it helps a little. You do not need the abuse so don’t stick around for it.
AyianApril 3,2023 at 1:26PM UTC
Leave. You cannot fix toxic people. You like HR, and that's great, but anytime work is stressful enough to warrant therapy, that is not a healthy environment.
While you are seeking your next role, take some time to really evaluate your personal boundaries in relation to workplace interactions and overall impact on your quality of life. Unless you're in a nonprofit role, work is what we do to fund our lives, not to feel fulfilled.
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 1:27PM UTC
Long time HR person. Yes, a lot of HR people/departments are awful. But there's a lot of good ones out there too. When I look at a job application/resume, if there are a lot of jobs in a short period of time, that's yellow flag. Not red, just yellow. When I see reasons like "I was being discriminated against" or "toxic work environment," that's a red flag. Even if you felt bullied or even if you were, there are more careful ways to explain it. If you had a job for a very short period of time, consider leaving it off your resume, especially if you didn't get any new skills from it. When I ask, "do you have any other work experience that you don't have listed," or "what were you doing between here and here," I listen carefully to the answer. If it sounds reasonable (I was temping, I was at McDonalds for a while, I was doing volunteer work, etc." I move on.
You were treated badly by your supervisor or team lead. We can all agree on that. And if you don't want to deal with such clods, then leave (does your employer have an EAP/good mental health benefits?). Favoritism sucks, and that sounds like what's happening here. A lot of things may be happening but regardless of what all they are, you're asking the right questions, and you probably know the answers too.
Good luck, I understand the frustration of the situation and hope you land on your feet at a fantastic new position.
Jenall GoldApril 3,2023 at 1:30PM UTC
Gut reaction: toxic. I did try to put myself in the other person's shoes, thinking they didn't know better. Maybe she is unaware that she comes off so harsh? But this is the HR meeting. I'm not in HR so perhaps I'm naive but I like to imagine this team as a community of people who are looking to understand. I am perplexed by your situation because it does not describe what I imagined. I read a post last week on LinkedIn titled, "There's No HR for HR." The author listed resources and tips for HR professionals. It might be a good resource for you too. I'm very curious to see where this fork in the road takes you. Know you are strong and capable!
Link to post here: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/melanie-naranjo_hrtech-hr-people-activity-7043932056547921920-z30D?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_android
AnonymousApril 5,2023 at 1:37AM UTC
Not the OP but loved your reply and compassion and resource @Jenall
Shelly EdwardsApril 3,2023 at 1:57PM UTC
This team lead has a horrible management and leadership style. Being a member of the HR team she should know better and do better. HR are supposed to be the drivers of good leadership. I would make a list of all of the ways she has made such terrible errors in judgement or publicly shamed you like this and take it to your direct supervisor. Be very clear that she has caused you mental anguish and is also showing favoritism to younger members of the team which is also not ok. Point out how much better you felt and performed when she was not there. In the meantime, start looking and get out of that environment. No job is worth your mental health. And no, HR jobs are not supposed to be like that so I’d look for other HR opportunities and then pursue a better environment quickly.
Kristie WhiteApril 3,2023 at 2:43PM UTC
I totally agree with Shelly Edwards below. I have worked in HR as a practitioner and on HR as a consultant and I can attest that you will find some of the worst leaders in HR - but also some of the best. Yes, HR IS supposed to be the role model for good leadership - but they are like any other department with politics, favoritism, bigotry, and character disorders. I have met them all.
Having said that - you know what kind of HR leader you DON'T want to be. And you know what kind of leadership you want to work with. As you look, I would try to prepare a list of questions for your new employer that might help you identify the leadership style of your superiors. You should ensure you have an interview with your immediate supervisor before you accept the position. Ask them how they would recommend handling a situation when their direct report needs to be corrected about an action and then listen to how they respond. Do they recommend the manager deal with the action immediately and harshly regardless of whether this causes distress to the report or do they recommend a private conversation? By asking for the advice they would give another, they will give you clues to their own style. And there may be other subtle questions you can ask to filter out their management style.
In the end, HR can be a rewarding field. I am an introvert and would never have chosen to work with people nonstop. But I landed in HR accidentally and it has seldom been boring! People are very unpredictable and challenging. And by being in HR, I have learned to LISTEN and it has helped me evolve my leadership skills and build a reputation for being a great boss by using the Golden Rule as my guiding principal - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It won't steer you wrong.
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 3:51PM UTC
Fear is often the reason most people don't pursue. You can only control your actions and reactions, and persuade the rest. You know your capabilities, where you excel and where you lack. That knowledge is golden when navigating this environment. Don't let your fear get the best of you and realize you only tolerate what you accept.
Start generating your options, plan accordingly, and execute.
You got this!
Monette AndersonApril 3,2023 at 5:09PM UTC
Going forward, I would take these conversations out of a public setting. I definitely think they could have handled it better, but I think bringing it up in a public forum left you open to having it dealt with there vs going to them privately. It also would have helped make the file of the employee you were dealing with more confidential as well. I also think you teach people how to treat you. You don't have much to lose, I think a conversation about how you felt in that moment, admitting your mistake and asking how you can work together to handle situations like this to provide more tact and discretion for all involved. Conversations like this are hard and awkward, but in my experience speaking up, setting your boundaries and communicating, leads to better work relationships and outcomes. I would look up a DESC script to get the conversation going...
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 5:12PM UTC
Clearly there is some sort of professional jealousy felt by that person or they just don't know how to be supportive. Put on your big girl pants if you're going to be in HR and stand up for yourself. Pull her aside correct her on the best way for you to receive feedback and ask that it be done privately and in a professional manner. Let her know that you are fine to take it but expect her to be respectful as she teaches you things that you do not know or have made mistakes on. Perhaps the chatter from the others was an I can't believe she just did that? Don't take it too much to heart instead make the mess into a workable workplace or move to a company where there is more dignity and respect.
AnonymousApril 3,2023 at 9:35PM UTC
I don't think returning to a traditional office setting is wise. Have you looked into wfh and contracting opportunities? These might be a better fit for your mental health.
Stephanie H. WicalApril 4,2023 at 8:37AM UTC
What was your mistake that you were asked to fix? (Don’t answer this question in this forum. Just answer it for yourself.) Did you expose confidential or restricted information? Sometimes people do this innocently, which may have been what happened. Some information can be shared privately with one member of the team, but not the other.
Charlotte LafferApril 4,2023 at 10:27PM UTC
It's difficult when you are a contractor. I think if it were me I would have made a comment like 'I felt unnecessarily called out in that situation." Then let her explain. I'm surprised that people in HR act like this, they should know better. Not every HR department, or boss, would be like that, most of us know better and have more respect for their teammates.
IntentionGirl299847April 5,2023 at 9:08PM UTC
It is called I have power and you don't syndrome or PAM plain ass mean. Terrible condition to have. You end up alone and hated at work for sure.
Jenniffer E.April 6,2023 at 3:03PM UTC
Learn from whatever mistakes you've made. Remember people make mistakes, even those people who treated you poorly. As you search for a new position make sure to ask questions about company culture and read between the lines to determine whether the company has a toxic work environment. Look for articles online to learn how to spot a company with toxic work culture during the interview process. Good LucK!