Hi Everyone. Looking for some advice.

19 Comments

1. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdMay 21,2025 at 1:55PM UTC

   Hello!

   To begin, I'm sorry for what you're facing.

   Regarding the work and how someone wants it done - it's frustrating for sure. However, if it's not difficult for you or you see it costs more time in doing it his way - as much as you don't like it, I'd do it his way. He may have a personal reason for what he wants it done.

   If you find that what he's asking is costing you time, however, I'd document this and then document the way you do it showing how your way is quicker.

   As for the meetings, once he's spoken over you, turn to him and say, "Would you prefer to report on this as it appears you don't think I'm able to convey it in the manner you want?"

   As I don't know the ways he doesn't support you to his direct reports, the only thing I can say is to note whenever you have a project that you've completed it with all information you have been given and if they have any questions, to ask your manager.

   I know painfully well what's it like to not be released from a department. In my case it's because I'm good at what I do and people need me in my role. If there's no chance of movement, your only choice is to either stick it out, or leave. And yes, the current economy is horrid.

   I wish you all the best.

2. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 3:54PM UTC

   This is a personal choice. But ask yourself is leaving suddenly worth the prolonged misery of job searching for a year in this horrific market?

   Take a moment and build an exit plan so you do not create a bigger problem that will take years to recover from. You need to take your ego and emotions out of the situation and refocus on you personally and your priorities. Yes you're angry and frustrated.......but really?

   Your exit plan could involve side hustles, a renewed focus on your financial security and budget. Networking and a clear timeline to accomplish what you can and exploring your options.

   Yes this manager is extremely difficult but there is obviously little you can do. But is burning down your lifestyle worth it?

3. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 4:47PM UTC

   oh he sounds lovely (not). mansplaining is not a flex and men in management positions need to learn that somehow.

4. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 4:56PM UTC

   I'm a bit confused, if you report to him you noted "does not have my back when I'm working with his direct reports." But his direct reports would be your colleagues, no? Those relationships should be separate from him. So build those relationships on your own. Then what exactly makes you miserable? He's not giving you the slack you want that you had from 4 previous managers. Having 4 managers in 5 years is a red flag. People are leaving there for a reason. Perhaps he, your current manager, was hired to tighten up the staff and its responsibilities. Something sounds fishy to me. I would have another 1:1 and say look, I've been here 5 years and you're my 4th manager. I want to do a good job, but will you kindly let me know what your expectations are? Personally, if he hasn't been there long, how well does he really know your job? Something is just off here.

5. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 5:04PM UTC

   So this is risky advice, but if you're at the end of your rope and applying for other jobs (you should be), you might just try bucking back a bit. Some men who behave like this unfortunately respect it. I have worked with men who regularly interrupted me, and eventually got to the point where I'd say "I'd actually really love to finish this thought before we move on, [name], but I'm excited to hear your thoughts once I get this out." They don't love it, obviously, but you're not being rude and also demonstrating that you're *going* to finish your sentence. They'll either eventually stop interrupting you all the time or it'll become so clear to everyone else in these meetings that this person is refusing to let you speak that it's pretty likely others will start to complain about it, too. For me, it got to the point where someone *else* said "I'd love to hear the end of her sentence, actually" when I was interrupted by this person in a meeting. This person wasn't my direct manager but was several steps above me hierarchically. Again, super risky move to potentially antagonize your manager, but I was ultimately more willing to risk my job than I was to get talked over.

   You're at the point, it seems like, where you just have to decide whether you're going to take it or not and act accordingly. This sucks, we've all been there, and I'm sorry!

6. AnonymousMay 21,2025 at 6:26PM UTC

   I'm no expert, but I am 60, have worked full-time since the mid-80's, am brazen and a warrior and quite frankly I'm pretty damn good at body language, and speaking up.

   Speak. Up. When you're interrupted, say, excuse me, Mark, I'm not quite done. Stand. Up. Stand up when you speak, letting the listeners know, I'd like to stretch my legs a moment. What this does is gives you height above the listener, thus gives you power. Do not allow anyone to antagonize you. It's not allowed nor do you have to put up with it. Tell him, I've found another role that suits me better. I ask you release me and support me. Then you preach. You know, support from managers really brands this company well. And I know it's important to you that we appear well connected and adhesive. Be Brave.

7. frankieMay 22,2025 at 12:37PM UTC

   Professional development to grow your skills. Ask other employees if they could use your assistance. Inquire of your boss if there's a project for you to add to your responsibilities.

8. Patricia Osborne RandolphMay 22,2025 at 12:51PM UTC

   You know your worth and value to yourself! Believe in yourself. You survived 2 different managers you will survive this one. Think outside the box figure out how you can stay one step above the negativity. If that does not work do what is best for your mental health. Stay in the moment do not think about the future, because it may surprise you with a better opportunity.

9. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 1:07PM UTC

   Seasoned manager here…I have never refused to release an employee who has requested an internal move.

   Something is wrong here!!!!!

10. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 7:01PM UTC

    I know. And am scratching my head that HR is on board with this. Tho HR has shocked me before!

11. GirlBossanova934974May 22,2025 at 1:39PM UTC

    First and foremost, your best efforts should be on finding another job elsewhere. You should be applying to a dozen jobs plus each week and interviewing. FACT. You are dealing with what I refer to as a "revolving door company". 3 managers in 5 years says that. The problem with the revolving door companies is that managers have ZERO invested in the company. They screw up? They wreck a company. No big deal. They are out the door in a few months peddling their junk at the next outfit. The company has accepted this. YOUR NEXT JOB? Be sure you ask how long a given average manager sticks around. Better than that? Pull up their managers on LinkedIn and see how long they have been in that role and company. Your current manager is a pure by-product of the revolving door. He is out there doing his thing. HR figures he will be gone in a year or so. So just wait for him to depart. Problem solved.

12. AMMay 22,2025 at 2:27PM UTC

    If you have spoken to your manager and to HR without feeling support or efforts to change, looking for another position outside the company seems appropriate. You may find that the experience you get and the work you do will position you to come back to this company in a position that is not in the same department - that is IF you still think it is a company you want to work for.

    In the meantime, keep doing your work with dedication, building positive contacts within and outside your company. The networks you build can really assist you with support, references, and leads.

    Best of luck!

13. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 2:46PM UTC

    Sometimes you reach a crossroads in a job, and after dealing with quite a few managers, that last one becomes the final straw. It pushes you to seriously consider leaving. The job market may be tough, but people are still finding new opportunities, and many have stayed in toxic environments out of fear. You don’t have to endure abusive treatment, because that’s exactly what it is. Start applying whenever you can. You can and will find a better job.

14. AnonymousMay 22,2025 at 3:50PM UTC

    Sounds like you are working for someone who is not flexible enough to let their folks work to the outcome and not to micromanage. Often when you are inherited vs being hired by that person the ramp up to working together is best done by sitting them down and letting them know what you need how you take direction and feedback and what also demotivates you. Is there a skip level person to speak to?

    Have you read your employee handbook about switching departments? If you are in good standing there should be zero reason for him to hold you back.

    Taking it out of HR (I work in HR) might give you an ally that will help you to get relieved of some of the micromanagement while still aiming for the same goal don't whine when you speak to the skip level instead come with solutions that benefit all.

    As for him speaking over you and also not helping you with his directs that needs to be dealt with separately. Try to ask him how you can both be heard but also that while you don't expect him to always agree with you, you hope he will let you speak because you have things to share which may benefit the overall team. If he is deaf ears to this, you may be left with no other option than to look for something new.

    When and if you do ask prospective employers how they manage, how much freedom you have to do the work in your own style and how the give corrective action. Don't be demeaned in the current situation, hold your head up! You got this!

15. DeborahORellMay 23,2025 at 12:51PM UTC

    I appreciate the fear of trying to find a new job brings up. To try to be able to leave there with a package, or on your terms, one question you may want to consider is WHY is he treating me this way? Does he treat everyone similarly? men and women? or does he favor men over women? that your male counterparts are given more flexibility and courtesy. Then this may be happening because he is uncomfortable with confident women. or something along those lines. That's violating your civil rights and is against the law. it would provide you leverage in negotiating a separation.

    If this resonates, you may want to consult with an employment discrimination attorney to begin to set yourself up with the proper papertrail.

    If this doesn't, if he is an equal opportunity a****, then you may need to face that. this job served your for a time but it no longer does. And the universe is sending you signs it's time to leave.

16. AnonymousMay 23,2025 at 3:02PM UTC

    My recommendation - deep breaths and hold your standards. If you have had 3 managers in 5 years - this guy isn't going to stay or last. You've got this. As one other commenter said - when he interrupts be businesslike and confident and say politely - I would like to complete my statement so you or others fully understand. Stay professional but confident - most men can't handle intelligent, educated and professional women sadly - they don't realize we are their best allies if they would just listen. Hang in there - unless you truly want to move on to another direction - he's going to go annoy someone he can push around shortly. Yay!

17. AMBAR PICONMay 23,2025 at 5:34PM UTC

    It sounds like you've looked for internal solutions, including making sure he understands your perspective, which I commend you for. If you feel that you've tried to work it out and it's just not moving in the right direction, what is left is the decision to stick it out or leave.

    I'm surprised he can keep you from moving to another department. The fact that he hasn't turned on you with HR and made it seem like you're not performing shows that he does think you're a good employee. I wouldn't be surprised (so long as things continue as current) that if you tell them you're leaving they may let you switch departments to keep you. I wouldn't stay if it's to continue to work under him, no matter if there is an improvement plan for him. It take a long time for people to change, and you could lose a great opportunity elsewhere.

    Of course, before giving notice, secure a job first. It's always ideal to know what's ahead for you and get yourself excited about the next chapter.

18. Informed CitizenMay 24,2025 at 4:12AM UTC

    They call it work, not play..suck it up. Are you vested in any retirement? If so, quit, if not? Find out.. then plan..

19. Christina WeberMay 24,2025 at 4:43PM UTC

    I know you asked for advice, but as you can see here, everyone has an opinion, and many contradict one another. The only person who knows what's best for you is you. I suggest spending some time getting grounded in your values. Your values are the things that drive your life. They are at the core of your being. You can refer to them when making decisions.

    For example, if you have a value around security or loyalty, then you might be more prone to stay in the role and tough it out. If you value autonomy or respect, then perhaps looking for work elsewhere works best for you. (and of course, there are many other values that may lead to a different decision). At the end of the day, you can decide if your next step is in alignment with your values and which ones you want to honor the most. Wishing you all the best!