Revealed my Pregnancy to my Boss — she threatened a PIP. None so far but I fear it or my firing every single day. Red flags? Should I run? I really am torn.

81 Comments

1. AnonymousJuly 11,2024 at 7:19PM UTC

   Yeah, I think I'd be looking for another job ASAP, especially if she's fired others in your role. If the company knows and is turning a blind eye to her shenanigans, that's not someplace you want to work.

2. AnonymousJuly 11,2024 at 7:32PM UTC

   She has mentioned several times in passing in past group meetings about HR talking to her… brushed off with humor and annoyance… :/

3. AnonymousJuly 11,2024 at 7:51PM UTC

   I’ve been in a very similar situation before. The leader was bi-polar but hadn’t been diagnosed until 3 years after I joined. They would treat me this way, and then complain to me about their manager treating them the exact same way (didn’t see the similarities or hypocrisy in it). I felt trapped because I needed a job, but they would block me from transferring internally and I wasn’t able to find something externally. It took years and I didn’t get a new role until after they left the company.

   …my advice - get out as soon as you can : ( sorry.

4. AnonymousJuly 11,2024 at 10:12PM UTC

   Go to your doctor asap and get a letter stating you need to be on FMLA. Then take that to HR. Let's play UNO for a minute. Skip your boss, go directly to HR, then get an attorney to consult so you have some ammunition in your back pocket. What she is saying to you is discrimination at its best. Protect yourself, your job as long as you can, but in the meantime, yes, brush up the resume, and seek work elsewhere. But first, make sure to get a doctor's note and in it, they cannot be told the reasons for FMLA. It protects you, the worker, that during a time of medical difficulty, you can take time off if needed. Don't be hurt by her crazy shenanigans and poor management. Honestly, getting an attorney to talk with HR, will help you, not hurt you. Then you leave, and sue the company. This is not fair to you. Girl, you've got this. Call your doctor first, then an attorney tomorrow and get help asap.

5. AnonymousJuly 11,2024 at 11:20PM UTC

   OP here — really? Lawyers? Surely it wasn’t that bad…but then again I’m no stranger to people like this. Well as luck would have it, I do go to my doc tomorrow for my second prenatal appointment. I’m skeptical of HR…she’s offhandedly mentioned in public meetings her bouts with HR. Nothing specific. Only that they exist and that they’re a joke to her. I don’t qualify for company FMLA — must be with the company for a year or have completed 1250 hours (definitely not yet). But I may be able to qualify for STD.

6. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 12:21PM UTC

   She may not qualify for FMLA given her short time in her position. She should know what the HR policies are concerning disability and accommodations. Only large employers offer FMLA. Hope OP finds a way to get health insurance. That would be my concern given her condition.

7. E CJuly 12,2024 at 1:08PM UTC

   Taking FMLA now, even if available, would leave the OP with little or nothing after birth. Probably better to work with HR to find reasonable accommodations. OP, I feel you. I vomited multiple times a day for 6+ months and was sick for my whole pregnancy. It is very hard to work in that situation. The law is on your side. Demand that HR do their job.

8. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 1:05AM UTC

   Firstly, it's illegal to discriminate based on pregnancy - so document everything. Secondly, she only sees your negatives and your 'weaknesses' and weaponized them against you in a vunerable moment. You were upfront and honest, and she told you to suck it up (just because she had complications, now you must have them), that she didn't think you were the right person for the job, and that she thinks people with ADHD can't lead and preform.

   To me, that's actual crazy lady behavior.

   Go ahead and look for other jobs ASAP. She's begging HR to find a reason to fire you, whether they can get you on a PIP or not and you'll be gone before you know it. Get doctor's notes about your conditions and take them right to HR to get some protection.

9. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 2:50AM UTC

   Geez....you handed her ADHD AND pregnancy? She's got her hands full for a PIP. No more confiding your business. It's not healthy for you.

10. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 1:20PM UTC

    ADA rules cover ADHD and pregnancy. Her boss must provide reasonable accommodations; if accommodations are needed, disclosure is required. The OP did everything right, and the manager did everything wrong.

    OP, make sure you have documented the date and time of the verbal warning. HR and legal probably reamed the manager.

11. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 7:44PM UTC

    OP here - I’m usually super quiet at work. I am no stranger to harassment or stigma so usually, I am quite standoffish and do not open up. What happened is exactly why I don’t talk.

12. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 12:26PM UTC

    It’s likely that HR told her that putting a pregnant woman on a PIP was risking a lawsuit.

    So, if I’m understanding correctly, you’ve been in the role for 4 months and pregnant for most of them - so it is true that she doesn’t have any way to evaluate what is morning sickness vs what is normal for you.

    Work with your doctors and HR, and see if a hybrid option is possible as reasonable accommodation. Although she may feel some kind of bravado/pride for barfing into a trash can and never leaving her desk, the reality is that it’s dehumanizing…not to mention likely uncomfortable/productivity-affecting for cubicle neighbors.

    Don’t stress the adhd. Just focus on meeting metrics and doing your work to spec.

    And yeah, maybe this isn’t a forever position for you if she’s going to demean, but just cya and see if you can hold onto it till mat leave and then re-eval.

13. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 12:28PM UTC

    ding ding ding

14. GirlBossanova934974July 12,2024 at 12:48PM UTC

    99 chances out of a 100, the HR Department sat this manager down and read her the riot act! OMG! After that, the HR Department probably picked up the phone to the Legal Department and let them know what had already been said. Legal probably went nuts! This is a first rate way for a company to find itself into a good sized out of court legal settlement. I would be looking to go on FMLA leave if you cannot continue your duties at your place of work. What needs to happen here is some sort of plan on helping you and your employer during this time. The employer should be contacting staffing agencies to get a TEMP in to do your job while you are absent.

15. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 1:06PM UTC

    You need to have worked 12 months to be covered by FMLA. She is still discriminating against you and I would get legal advice to guide your next steps. My city has legal resources. I just searched free legal clinic. DOL.gov has info about FMLA.

16. maria roseJuly 12,2024 at 3:51PM UTC

    Let’s start with bringing up FMLA into this ongoing conversation. The Original OP has just had a discussion meeting with their immediate supervisor ( I am gathering that this supervisor tends to follow up with their employees with feedback on their work performance) —and the OP of this post discussion realizes that their performance is not up to par, so in their explanation of their performance, bring up the fact that they are pregnant ( first trimester which means they just recently got pregnant within the 4 months they have been at the job. I am not going into the semantics of the timing of the pregnancy but I am going to address the elephant in this post discussion. The OP author of this post, knows that their job performance is not up to par and in their attempt to admit that they need to either get re-training or better feedback to do the job as required, they want to rely on being pregnant as a means to not be held accountable to perform at the job level performance for the job they were hired for—4 months ago. Again I am leaving the fact of the pregnancy timing out of this equation.

    When someone takes on a job, regardless of their physical state,, there is a mutual agreement between the employer and the employee that the job will be done—unless one is absolutely desperate, no one takes a job without knowing that they can perform the basic tasks that are needed to perform the job. There is nothing wrong with an employer having a standard of performance required to perform the job. If this OP knows and probably knew from day one of being at this job, that they would not be able to perform as well as expected, then they should not have been surprised or put on the stop, to be asked why they weren’t able to perform as well as expected. Asking for help/training/retraining is not a negative but an acknowledgment that perhaps you do need a little time to learn how to perform to the job performance standard. The pregnancy factor has nothing to do with the job performance skills and there was no mention of the job needing high physical intensity skills ( like lifting or constant bending movements). At this stage of employment ( including the being pregnant) the discussion should be about work performance and using a PIP fits in to continued employment. Remember that this OP author has been working on this job for only 4 months not years and it should be expected that one gets feedback on your job performance often to help improve performance.

    Now back to bringing FMLA into the equation, it appears that too many people have not read the requirements of where, when and how one can use this for leave of absence and throw it into any discussion. It has no place in this conversation discussion because the OP author is only at the job 4 months. The advice needed is for a path forward that keeps the OP employed through the now announced pregnancy, plus develop their job performance skills where lacking, and plan ahead accordingly for their maternity leave and whether they are considered coming back to work after. Each one of these factors needs addressing but not necessarily all immediately. The most important factor is continued employment at present if that is the goal of this OP. It would be helpful if the author OP gives feedback in a reply on what is their most pressing concern—if keeping employment because they need the job income despite their poor performance , they should accept any help given including a PIP. Any other assistance is a completely different conversation.

17. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 1:24PM UTC

    I work in HR….you need to know about the PDA (Pregnancy Discrimination Act 1978) and PWFA (Pregnant Workers Fairness Act 2023-thanks Biden) These will be your best friend. Esp the PWFA! You need to know them like the back of your hand. Also I would document EVERYTHING. Request a meeting with your boss and HR. Ask to record the meeting with your phone for documentation. I wouldn’t resign/quit unless you really don’t like the job/your boss etc. Can you asked to move to another team/different supervisor? Ask for accommodation, get a DR note. Document document DOCUMENT! Also you have to work somewhere 12 months (and work 1250 hrs) prior to being eligible for FMLA however. Once you’ve worked that even if you took time off for the pregnancy prior to becoming eligible the employer can’t count any time you were out prior to being eligible toward the FMLA time. You get 12 weeks (unpaid in a lot places unless altered by state/local law) you can use the 12 weeks to bond with your baby any time between when they are born-age 1. Hope this helps!

18. Lisa McCartneyJuly 12,2024 at 1:39PM UTC

    To piggy back on this, FMLA does have pregnancy caveats in place as well, so it's worth knowing that as well. There are forms on the government website you can print out and have your dr sign.

19. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 7:19PM UTC

    She’s the supervisor for the whole region except in MD and the MD location doesn’t have any openings.

20. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 1:36PM UTC

    I have a different perspective, and I am sure many people will slam me for it (but I will preface it by saying that I do think the manager could have handled her reactions better and that the trash can comment was inappropriate and rude). You are in a role 4 months, and by your own admission, you said your performance is tanking. At that point any manager would think you were the wrong person to hire. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm just looking at it from the other side. So you tell your manager that the reason is because you are pregnant. How is she supposed to know which part of the bad performance is pregnancy and which part is just you? She doesn't. And now she can't do anything about it for fear of a lawsuit. PIPs aren't always used as a way to get someone out, I have seen good managers used them as a tool to help the person actually improve performance- when the person admits the performance needs help and isn't defensive and takes feedback well. Granted, this may not be her, but if it were, now she can't do that.

    I think you've put her in a bad position. I wouldn't be happy either if I were her. What I think you need to do now is actually show improvement. Perhaps ask for feedback, let her know this is important to you and you are making an effort. Don't be needy about it, perhaps ask if you can schedule a 1:1 maybe every other week just to be sure you are on track. Good luck.

21. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 2:17PM UTC

    I agree with a lot of this and am honestly kind of surprised by some of the comments. This isn't a simple case of she's pregnant, everything else is great, and the boss is now threatening her. By her own admission, her performance is not good. So, the boss is supposed to now just accept that because she's pregnant? The trash can comment was unnecessary, but it's not as simple as she is discriminating against pregnancy. She has an issue with the poor performance, which rightfully so. The OP sort of set herself up here. If there are medical conditions and accommodations needed, it would have been better to talk to her doctor first and then HR to see what the options are.

22. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 6:30PM UTC

    I concur with the previous statements above, as well as that the manager could have handled things better. I agree, showing marked improvement and reaching out for feedback more often is a good idea. Maybe even request a GAPs analysis to see what can be done immediately vs long term development. Good luck.

23. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 3:24PM UTC

    I agree 100%. Unfortunately, the pregnancy won't excuse poor performance. To be clear, the boss didn't handle this well but your laundry list of requests for a new employee that is also a poor performer is hefty: over look the brain fog, a special hybrid work situation so you can focus better from home, and a continued decreased work load. Frankly, this is unfair to your department and your coworkers.

24. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 12:42PM UTC

    Seriously? Brain fog, trouble focusing or concentrating, can be symptoms of the pregnancy, the ADHD, or both. Asking for a hybrid or WFH accommodation is a completely reasonable request under the ADA unless the business can prove it would be an undue hardship, which doesn't sound like they'll be able to considering OP mentioned there are already others on the team working hybrid. She's literally telling us (and her boss) what her restrictions and limitations are at work and that needs to be taken seriously. She's pregnant. The PWFA was passed for a reason. She has rights under both PWFA and ADA. Just the mention alone of the longer bathroom breaks needed. The employer needs to be working with her through this, not immediately moving to PIP.

25. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 12:37PM UTC

    I think y'all are missing the point here. Isn't OP saying that her performance is bad BECAUSE OF her pregnancy symptoms and ADHD? That's how I read it. if she got accommodations in place to help her, they might actually see her performance improve.

26. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 12:59PM UTC

    There’s a key piece of information missing from OP: did her boss mention any of these issues before the pregnancy announcement?

    Employers building a retroactive performance case when they have issues with an employee is not uncommon. Based on the original post, OP has been proactively taking steps to improve their performance.

    The boss’ language is also extremely concerning (‘toughen up,’ ‘people like you’?!). Given this interaction, it’s equally possible that OP is being gaslit into thinking her performance is worse than it is by a manager with limited understanding of the modern workplace and ADA compliance.

27. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 2:09PM UTC

    I agree with most of the others. ADA covers both ADHD and pregnancy. If you need accommodations (part-time or hybrid, for example) for your ADHD, and it is reasonable for your company to accommodate, then they are required to do so under the law. I also agree that your boss probably came out of HR with claw marks all over her body.

28. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 6:46PM UTC

    Get a doctors note in place asap regarding your pregnancy and all the details times, date, how you communicated it to her. Be sure you read thoroughly your companies policy on maternity leave as well. Then start to document your daily work and progress and keep track of any off days you have. You are in a protected class and if you play it right should have what is called medical accomodations from your doctor if there are symptomatic things you are going through now. You can as an alternative seek a leave or absence if you think taking time away is better. Good luck and congrats on the upcoming baby.

29. AnonymousJuly 12,2024 at 8:06PM UTC

    Thank you all for your comments. I am so grateful for the support. My boss will come out unscathed — for those concerned — considering how many decades she’s worked with the company. She admitted in a public meeting to hitting her child — after the child BROKE HER ARM nonetheless. She’s untouchable and she knows it. I am no stranger to PIPs. Not once have they EVER been used for constructive reasons. One that was used for retaliation (good luck proving it in Virginia), and another for adhd/chronic pain (right after my second endo surgery) it was used to fire me because they wanted someone else with more experience. They were not subtle. I have seen examples of PIPs used for good reasons but only written on this site. The few times I HAVE talked to HR about accommodations resulted in run arounds, shrugs and no responses. I gave up on HR a while ago. But I suppose this is a new company…one that’s top rated in workplaces. I did talk to my OB and asked him to write a letter or doctors note to which he said “talk to HR first and I’ll write whatever you want.” A close relative is a lawyer, he said “don’t talk to HR until OR unless you get the PIP.” After 3 weeks my boss talked to me today — just about timesheet edits, nothing else. At this point I don’t think the PIP is coming. I am continuing to work and am doing what is being asked of me. I am documenting everything. I still think telework/hybrid would be the most effective accommodation and since I have other coworkers working hybrid (even the guy here 8 months), I think it’s a decent ask. Given my past exp with HR and considering my relatives advice I think perhaps waiting until the PIP comes — if it does by this point — may be the best course of action. I have hired an ADHD coach to help me with task prioritization/executive functioning/organization. I am not here to coast or get $$ for free, I love being a workhorse. I used to constantly work OT at previous positions. It’s just hard working in a field and environment that are not exactly tuned to my strengths.

30. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 2:46PM UTC

    Just so you know, nobody is "untouchable" when their actions cause the company to become embroiled in an EEOC complaint or ADA lawsuit.

31. maria roseJuly 13,2024 at 8:17PM UTC

    You, the OP of this post conversation, are not seeing any reasons why you can’t get changes made to where you perform your job. I have been following your post since you first posted and each time I get to read the start post, you have added more details about your viewpoint situation. Yes, we all know that you are presently pregnant, congrats, and you are having physical reactions as your body adjusts to the pregnancy (everyone is different). But you also have admitted that your job performance could be improved and was already needing improvement before getting pregnant. You also think that you can do better doing the join a WFH position which is not the job you have been hired for—did you know that your company has WFH positions when you were hired for your present job position. That conversation of switching positions from in office to WFH should have been part of your hiring interview process and you can’t assume that you could easily be switched in position. You have now at present a dilemma that you created yourself. And you have to now find a path forward that will continue your employment during your pregnancy after the pregnancy ends ( maternity leave), and if you plan to return to work at this job. Since your goal is to work in a WFH position, your first priority is to continued employment until your give birth with the any needed accommodations that you need . Your doctor is not wrong in asking you to contact your HR department who will provide you with the correct forms for your doctor to fill out—every geographic location has their own version of the forms, so you don’t need to make a mountain out of the molehill of the perceived misunderstanding that you got from that supervisor who has been informed by HR of the correct way to proceed with your employment, so any future employment changes should be made using the ADA guidelines. But none of that will accomplish your main goal of getting that desired WFH position at this point. You have to get through working throughout your pregnancy, going on your maternity leave before asking about changing your job position employment status at this point. Your pregnancy status and accommodation is only for your present job not a change in position job. You can ask and have a conversation about qualifying for that converted WFH position if there are any at this company but there’s a big difference between wanting that position versus qualifying for that position. You may not be able to make the switch unless your job performance equals their expectations. Good luck

32. AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 1:15PM UTC

    Most relevant post on this entire thread.

33. Cindy GloverJuly 13,2024 at 2:28AM UTC

    Did I read that correctly?

    Yoi announced your pregnancy? That’s a good thing right? You have my support and I’m very happy for you!!

    yet I see PIP in the next line?? I have t read your whole post yet because I don’t want to throw my phone across the room….

34. AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 1:14PM UTC

    Finish the post Cindy, because the next sentence is about her poor performance. Pregnancy unfortunately a blanket get out of jail free card.

35. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 12:35PM UTC

    I may be in the minority but I saw some red flags in this post, starting with “my performance has tanked.” If you are unwell, you should have a conversation with HR to determine what accommodations are available to you. That conversation should be separate from anything else. Pointing out your boss’s perceived flaws will not serve you well and distracts from the very real concern that you have a health issue. Do not get derailed from your legitimate request for an accommodation by off-topic or extraneous things.

    Of course, if you’ve had performance issues before, that’s a different discussion.

36. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 12:53PM UTC

    OP, you have disclosed medical information to your boss and shared some of the things you are struggling with: the longer bathroom breaks needed, the brain fog, the trouble focusing. Your employer is now on notice and they have an obligation to engage in the interactive process with you to see what, if any, accommodations they can put in place for you. NOT to be putting you on a PIP.

    I don't care if you say the manager is untouchable or that HR sucks. All the more reason to document everything!! If you haven't been already, you need to start ASAP.

    You have rights and protections under the ADA and PWFA. Please read about these and educate yourself. You can ask for the hybrid or WFH arrangement as an accommodation and they cannot retaliate against you. Document everything, especially if they insist on PIPing you.

    I also disagree with your Dr, you don't need to talk to HR first. Tell your Dr you need a note stating that you need to WFH (or this hybrid arrangement you spoke of) due to your pregnancy symptoms of brain fog, frequent bathroom breaks, etc. You don't need anything from HR, the Dr can write you that note right now.

    I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it sounds like your manager, HR, the company you work for need training on how to properly recognize accommodation requests and how to handle them. Good luck!

37. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 1:03PM UTC

    I say this respectfully but I’d never reward a low performing employee with hybrid work. Just because you deem the work able to be completed from home doesn’t mean your employer has to accommodate that request. I’m sorry your early pregnancy has been challenging but your circumstances don’t change your responsibility and it’s unlikely this org will bend entire HR policy for you.

38. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 3:24PM UTC

    I see where your coming from but I kinda think that’s an awful way to respond to someone who just revealed a medical issue. Her boss should be more understanding and allow for longer bathroom breaks. No two pregnancies are the same

39. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 7:32PM UTC

    There are ways to address medical issues. One should always go to HR to be properly on the record as having asked for accommodations. For all we know, this boss may not be empowered to even do anything other than making sure her people do what they were hired to do.

40. AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 9:54PM UTC

    If hybrid or remote alleviates issues to performing one's best work, it is NOT a reward.

    It's a reasonable accommodation that does not cost anything.

41. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 1:30PM UTC

    Unfortunately you cannot trust any boss with your private life. You’re doing everything you can. It usually gets better after the first trimester. Hang in there

42. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 2:51PM UTC

    I’d get out of there as soon as possible, before she tries to really destroy you. By the sound of it, that is exactly what she is looking to do to you, do not let her. Save yourself.

43. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 3:22PM UTC

    It seems like she’s addressing your performance issues against your health situations in a veiled way that keeps her just on the side of legal. Regardless of your pregnancy or ADHD, you still need to be able to perform the essential functions of the job. I’m not sure how big your company is but you may want to consider family medical leave if your pregnancy is causing complications that may affect your job performance. Now she could be reasonable and understand that your slower performance is temporary and accommodate it, if it really is related to your pregnancy. If she’s that tough of a boss with no empathy for you as you work through it, it’s time to move on.

44. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 4:04PM UTC

    Your health needs to come first. Though if you're not able to perform at work, even though you feel she's being mean, she is looking out for the company and not the employees.

    Some employers are tunnel visioned, seeing only productive employees. Not saying it's right; though they pay employees to only work, and don'ttake into consideration that new life is a beautiful thing..

    Take care of yourself and keep looking for a position that will allow you to wfh or hybrid.

45. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 4:10PM UTC

    It’s not clear if your performance was not adequate prior to your pregnancy. You need to be able to complete the functions of your job either without or with accommodations for your disabilities. If even with accommodations, you are not able to fulfill your responsibilities, then this is likely not the right position for you. If you are not receiving accommodations, then you should seek them out. Understand you will need to supply evidence from a medical professional during the process of defining accommodations so make sure you have a provider who is supportive.

    I truly hope you can turn this around and I wish you all the best.

46. AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 8:31PM UTC

    You do indeed need to perform at an acceptable level but pregnancy is a disability and covered by federal law. There are so many changes to a woman’s body during this time. Perhaps you should check with your doctor to determine if you’re physically fit to work full time; accommodations can be made.

47. Doris NwanneJuly 13,2024 at 5:50PM UTC

    Employers have issues with female workers because of this issue. This is why I don't take as an employee. If I want a child, I resign from my present job and sit at home let the man I am pregnant for take care of me. When I have delivered and the baby is 2, I go job hunting.

48. SarahJuly 13,2024 at 6:11PM UTC

    Not every woman has this privilege. Employers shouldn't have issues with female workers because they get pregnant. They shouldn't have issues with female workers generally for any reason.

49. Barbara BurkeJuly 13,2024 at 6:42PM UTC

    It’s not the 1950’s anymore

50. AnonymousJuly 13,2024 at 8:12PM UTC

    You could just go on medical leave with a doctor's note and the employer and the state pay your salary. That will give you time to get past the pregnancy related illness, and give you time to search on line for a job that you can excel at and perhaps wfh. Sounds like that's what you need. Your current employer isn't going to be any easier on you, and your boss needs an employee who gets the work done well without errors and such.Best wishes to you.

51. Liz MilneJuly 14,2024 at 3:33AM UTC

    And if the man *doesn't* want to take care of you?

    This also doesn't work for everyone, and it shouldn't have to.... The current way of working was designed by men, for men - it is perfectly possible to be a successful working mother, if the workplace is designed to set women up for success, instead of making them pretend to be mini-men...

52. Heidi.beachnerJuly 14,2024 at 2:47PM UTC

    Terrible advice

53. AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 2:53PM UTC

    Tell me this is satire … no one thinks like this, do they?

54. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 10:44PM UTC

    Unfortunately some women do. I hope this isn’t serious, but it sadly could be.

55. AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 8:21PM UTC

    If this is serious, it has no business being posted on a women’s career forum.

    There are increased protections for pregnant women going into effect throughout 2024 & 2025 in the US. The better advice is to have written communication with HR documenting that there was discussion (threat) of a PIP after revealing her pregnancy and that she’s interested in following up on that in writing, so there is a paper trail.

    We don’t let people discriminate against us and we don’t have babies “for” men. WTF?!

56. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 7:48PM UTC

    This just sounds very mean spirited.

57. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 10:44PM UTC

    You’re joking, right? If not…?‍??‍??‍??‍?

58. AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 4:14PM UTC

    Based on LinkedIn, this Doris person isn’t in The States. Things may be different where she is. Here in the US, pregnant women have protections and can chose to have children base on our own values and desires, not “for” a man.

59. AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 7:59PM UTC

    As much as I agree with the overall sentiment most people have expressed in response to Doris's comment, it's worth noting she's in Nigeria according to her profile. Laws and culture differ, and while English is an official language in Nigeria, it's not uncommon for people who speak the same language to have some variation of phrasing from one country to the next. If English is not someone's first language, this is also common regardless of their location.

    Sometimes the best response is asking for clarification.

60. Liz MilneJuly 14,2024 at 3:30AM UTC

    I should think the moment she mentioned your pregnancy, HR told her you were untouchable for a while...

61. Carla BasleeJuly 14,2024 at 12:19PM UTC

    And the poster really needs a 1 on 1 with HR STAT.

62. AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 4:39AM UTC

    Hang in there & keep putting your best efforts forward. Meanwhile, continue to apply to appealing positions elsewhere where you are an ideal candidate. I wish you the best in your job search & in your pregnancy/delivery. ??

63. AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 5:24AM UTC

    Take care of your health first, these are important moments in life. Seek another employment but it is usually tough to get a new employment while being pregnant, so continue as long as possible in your current role.

64. anonymous anonymousJuly 14,2024 at 8:10PM UTC

    Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) of 1978 prohibits discrimination on the basis of pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical conditions. I would look for a pregnancy discrimination attorney that will work on contingency (so you don't have to pay the attorney unless you win) and see what advice they have. Perhaps something as simple as a letter from an attorney will resolve the problem.

65. CEJNYCJuly 15,2024 at 12:41PM UTC

    I would suggest also calling your state's employment discrimination office which will let you know your rights under state law as well as those you have under the federal Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) of 1978.

66. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 12:37PM UTC

    If you have only been in the role 4 months take a deep breath. How long have you been with the company?

    Go talk to your HR rep yourself and disclose your pregnancy.

    Talk to your doctor and see if they can write a note you can put on file. I recommend for both the Pregnancy and ADHD.

    Start documenting all of these interactions. Date and time if possible in a journal.

    Also if possible start a bullet journal for yourself. Especially if you have ADHD. My experience with pregnancy is that it makes my ADHD worse.

    I have never heard of a PIP for someone in a complex role less than 6 months. Everyone I knows grants complex roles 6 months to get up and running at full speed. Especially if you want them to do the job right.

    Document each item she wants you to work on and use that as your reference for improvement. She might be tough but sometimes you can show that you are serious and the tough bosses will back down.

67. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 12:58PM UTC

    Wow. She doesn't hold back, does she?? While I'm not excusing her behavior, unfortunately, your boss is a product of her training and her environment, and she is leaning on you because someone did the same to her. (You know the adage: hurt people, hurt people). She's not fired you because maybe she knows that you're putting in the work to improve, but she feels that she has to come across as a bully and threaten to get her point across. Personally, I would bring up your concerns with HR. Maybe they can be an ally for you in this case and also, as someone mentioned here, document everything. Best wishes.

68. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 2:33PM UTC

    So this is a tough one, lots of great advice - yes to document everything. Do you have an online HR system or somewhere 1:1's are recorded for record? I would honestly send a digest of every meeting you have with your manager to her, say "here is what we discussed and what I am moving forward on/action items. If I missed anything or missed prioritizing my responsibilities please let me know so I can make sure I understood and am aligned with your goals for my role"

    This is a CYA situation at this point since a PIP was already brought up and assuming you have more performance issues come up (pregnancy is hard). There is truly no easy way to say this but pregnancy doesn't protect you, truly... everyone likes to say it does and it should but as someone who was laid off while 20w pregnant and spoke with an employment lawyer - cases of pregnancy discrimination are tough to pursue and there is nothing to stop putting you on a PIP during pregnancy and nothing to say if you aren't performing that they won't let you go as anyone else. If you can get a doctor note as to your need for accommodations due to increased morning sickness, etc I would say you need that like YESTERDAY and send it directly to HR while cc'ing your manager. Perhaps HR will approve a hybrid schedule to accommodate you - it never hurts to ask them but in this case I would be going directly to HR (don't let that fool you, they are not there to protect you at all) but I wouldn't play the game of telephone with your manager, your manager may be consulted but HR usually has to be in these conversations anyway and usually has the final say on what they can accommodate, etc.

    Good luck. Honestly it sounds like you know to start looking for a new role but I know its a tough time.

69. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 2:57PM UTC

    UPDATE: came in this morning to find an in-person meeting invite with my boss TOMORROW. She never comes in person — maybe a few times a year. At this point, may be beyond PIP and going straight to termination — though that could be my panic attack talking. I’m about to call HR and my Dr. Probably too late for a note to arrive before tomorrows meeting but it won’t hurt to start the process. Maybe? Hopefully? Wish me luck.

70. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 5:38PM UTC

    This is meant with compassion: please be prepared for termination. Think through what you'll need in terms of health insurance and anything that you have a the office. Your employer may offer you a small severance. Temper expectations given your very short tenure there. Not sure a Dr's note if going to save this sinking ship. Best wishes in your next steps.

71. AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 7:41PM UTC

    Frankly I would not stay in that job. If she doesn't fire you, I would seriously hand in my resignation stating "effective immediately"You are in a losing position, though as others mentioned, ensure you document everything with date, time, and what she said to you. Apply for unemployment, and be prepared to share the specifics of your case with the state representative to explain why you should be eligible to collect unemployment.I went through a similar situation being accused of stuff (discriminated against terribly), and I went on medical leave so I wouldn't get fired. I found a new job, returned for one day to the old job and resigned without notice the end of that day. I didn’t apply for unemployment because I had my new job start date a few days after leaving the horrid boss. Prayers for you!

72. AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 8:11PM UTC

    What kind of POS human actually makes an issue of someone needing to use the bathroom more? SERIOUSLY? That happens with many medical issues.

    I'm childfree by choice so do NOT have or want experience with pregnancy and even I know that's one of the most common pregnancy symptoms, as is what people call pregnancy brain/baby brain. I have read that stimulants are not a hard no in pregnancy anymore (and keeping a job with their help vs the impact of stress from unemployment may make any risk of using them kind of a moot point), but I hope you are working with your doctors to make sure your BP remains at safe levels. I say that with no judgement as a another ADHDer using them; if only everyone else could understand how much worse stress makes ADHD and how much more effort we have to put in sometimes.

    PIPs are TRASH and so are managers who use them in response to an employee telling them about a big, temporary life situation, whether it's pregnancy or a terminally ill parent, etc. I'm sorry things are so rough right now.

73. AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 8:40PM UTC

    OP here. I’ve been quite lucky about my BP. Very normal. Not so with the heart rate always very high. Thank you for your well wishes.

74. AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 9:28PM UTC

    Important Update Again: She apologized, folks! She nearly burst into tears about several very recent deaths increasing her temper. It’s no excuse for bad behavior but I always reward honesty and people trying to do the right thing. I still got a PIP but it is well laid out and provided extremely specific examples and information on what I need to work on to improve and what tasks need attention. This is super helpful and important — especially for my meeting with my new ADHD coach tomorrow. We’re working with HR together to get ADA paperwork done though after how many times I nearly fell asleep today, I may need STD…she sympathized with my troubles but she didn’t sugarcoat — she said she still needs to do whatever is best for the role — referencing the fact that I may not be the best pick. She highly suggested I go on FMLA but didn’t know about the 1250/12 month minimum. I have been given 45 days to improve — way better than the 2 week jokes I was given at other places. I’m going to keep on trying to improve and work with my manager and my team but I will also be actively looking and applying for remote sys admin positions. I think it may be the best for me in the long run…even if it will cut my pay in half T.T

75. Cindy GloverJuly 17,2024 at 12:46PM UTC

    Lmaooooo - Obviously just seeing this

    Good for you and I love when things go the way they should in any work environment!!

76. AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 6:17PM UTC

    Happy to hear you plan to get out but please tell me you recorded this. This woman will use her emotional manipulation behind closed doors and the new documentation to screw you over if you let her. Also the the clock for your PIP shouldnt start ticking until those other HR conversations have been resolved. Good luck and please protect yourself!

77. WandaJuly 18,2024 at 6:16PM UTC

    Great. At least it didn't go as you'd originally thought. It's the best strategy to work on shoring up your performance and doing your part to work with the manager. It could only help your confidence as you navigate your path beyond this current role.

78. Tricia BurroughsJuly 19,2024 at 1:06PM UTC

    Hi, fellow ADHD'er here. I struggle with focus too and I have really struggled since hitting menopause (opposite hormone spectrum). I was going to suggest coaching, so I am glad you are getting that support. Also, what has really helped me be successful is accountability. I declare deadlines for review on projects I am working on (planning for reviewing with someone on those dates). This helps me get done what I need to. If your manager isn't the right person for this find a colleague. If I am not working to a deadline (and all my timelines will stretch to the deadline) I find it extremely difficult to complete anything and end up either just replaying to emails all day or staring off into space. Good luck, PIPs can be a real positive game changer, well defining expectations (also important for ADHD) and congratulations on your pregnancy!

79. Doris NwanneJuly 22,2024 at 8:36AM UTC

    Just saw this.

    Happy to read that you are also considering leaving

80. Cindy GloverJuly 17,2024 at 12:45PM UTC

    i wasn’t going to read this simply for your sake and my phone and putting a hole in a wall.

    First off - THIS STRESS AND BS PUTS YOU AND YOUR BABY AT RISK - this has TO STOP

    As far as hybrid - explain to her when she gets her head out of her ass that there are many programs to track and communicate about your responsibilities (I personally love Asana).

    I want to say talk to HR directly but even that can put you in a bad position (these days).

    Maybe FMLA and new job?

81. Doris NwanneJuly 22,2024 at 8:34AM UTC

    I guess HR and Legal has advised against it.

    Tell HR you want to be working remotely for two or three days in a week.

    Nonetheless, Start submitting your CVs elsewhere just in case and let them know you are pregnant