Advice for comments from boss - Loyalty to the team...

25 Comments

1. Kimberley Ferretti HammettAugust 28,2025 at 3:15PM UTC

   Is this the first time a comment like this has been made outright? My instinct here is to say address it quickly, humbly and professionally. Be open, maybe they have other pressures to have their team in and that accidentally spilled onto you. Maybe there's a misunderstanding. Let them know you felt that had been upholding the expectations and were surprised by the comment so you wanted to clarify where you had given them that impression. If they come back and describe a "loyal employee" as someone who goes above and beyond in terms of being in the office you can find a polite way to let them know how you define loyal employee and how you've been carrying that out (example: I'm committed to this team and to producing quality work.. I aligned with the structure of the hybrid policy which is why I have been so grateful for this role and following the policies with respect. If I ever thought my output or support for the team was wavering I would make adjustments but I feel that the hybrid setup has actually helped me be an even more loyal employee")

2. AnonymousAugust 28,2025 at 3:19PM UTC

   Yes, this was the first time a comment from my direct boss.

3. Kimberley Ferretti HammettAugust 28,2025 at 3:27PM UTC

   Hopefully it was just misdirected stress/bad day. I always think it's worth an open conversation.. otherwise it can just fester and build negativity. And sometimes an open conversation actually turns blip into an overall positive moment that builds trust. It's never a bad idea to keep a finger on the pulse of what is out there.. but if you've got a lot of other good things going at this job, don't let a small red flag ruin it without some inspection.

4. AnonymousAugust 28,2025 at 5:49PM UTC

   both are an option. address is politely, directly, and inquisitively with your boss. Also start looking elsewhere.

5. AnonymousAugust 29,2025 at 12:20PM UTC

   That is kind of a harsh thing to say outside of a more formal feedback conversation so I would definitely explore what he might be seeing that you don’t. But to be honest if my manager were judging me through a lens of “loyalty to the team” and bean counting over my time in the office in a place with a hybrid schedule that I was adhering to, rather than my skills and contributions, I would start looking anyway.

6. AnonymousAugust 29,2025 at 12:56PM UTC

   Do both, unless you are pleased to be there for the most part. This could be the first of similar comments from this manager.

7. GirlBossanova934974August 29,2025 at 1:18PM UTC

   Your company made a bad hiring decision when it comes to your supervisor. Plain and simple. Obviously a rookie supervisor who somehow persuaded someone some other place to promote him and then he sold your company a bill of goods.

   Directly questioning a subordinates loyalty to the team and using that as an excuse to deny a few hours of work from home? That's out of some comedy show or Instagram video on "bad bosses". That is a completely unnecessary personal attack on an employee's work ethic and demeanor.

   Start sending out resumes this weekend.......Do so quickly. I can only imagine that others in your group are already doing the same thing. In this job market, one cannot afford to waste time or be dragged down by incompetent bosses.

8. Dr. Patty GrossAugust 29,2025 at 1:32PM UTC

   Is the "loyalty" thing a part of a continuing conversation? How is it defined? If you were to discover how "loyalty" is defined and how important it is to your job, then you may have your answer. Unfortunately, there is a perception that when people take a WFH day, their productivity is not the same as when they are in the office, when often the opposite is true. Follow up with your manager to determine the source of those comments. Was it the quantity or quality of your deliverables or the time clock? Did you deliver your projects on time and in accordance with the specifications? Has your WFH time been creeping up as the manager suggests? Does his time in the office coincide with yours, or are your in-office days when he WFH? I know this is more questions than answers, but it is a conversation you need to have to make sure you are both on the same page for what is expected.

9. AnonymousAugust 29,2025 at 3:42PM UTC

   Yes, ask him for specifics around why he or others have come to that conclusion. Ask him what he means by loyalty. Concerns that what it may mean for him may not be completely clear and you need clarity. If it is about being physically there you can adjust your in office time to suit his wants. If that doesn't work then you should consider a change if you cannot adapt to his request. If something is shifting because his perception is that you might be looking for a job or he is fishing to find that out you should correct what he is thinking. Go into the conversation unemotional about it and take the feedback. Follow it up with something in writing as to what you agree to and be sure to think about how to move past this without tainting your current role and relationship.

10. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 11:53AM UTC

    Yes. Talk to him and address it first, bringing all the receipts about days worked in person AND what you did when working from home. Ask if you should be doing something differently, and if he says yes and it's a reasonable request, then do it. However, I would also start looking for other work because you deserve better. You deserve a boss who understands that you're a human being who, like other humans, occasionally has an appointment or a family issue that makes it hard to come to work on a particular day.Not even taking off the full day for a doctor's appointment and wanting to work the rest of the day from home tells me that you're NOT a chronically absent employee; far from it. Here's hoping you find a better job that pays more, is closer to home, and has a boss with a heart.

11. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 3:52PM UTC

    I guess my first question for you would be to ask what your co-workers schedules are like. Do they work in office more than you? Was this hybrid schedule created for only you? If so, that may be what your supervisor is basing his opinion on; not knowing the specifics of why that arrangement was originally made.

    If not, I would approach him with records of the time you work in office, as well as the time you work from home and I would kindly ask him if he could please explain in further detail why he feels the way he does; it could be a simple misunderstanding or it could be that there is some area in which he would like to see you improve and just does not know how to communicate effectively.

    If you like your position there and are unhappy with his response to your questions, is there someone above him that you could discuss your concerns with? If all else fails I would quietly start looking for another position, keeping in mind that the job market is tough right now I would continue to do your best work and push forward until you can secure something else.

12. AnonymousAugust 30,2025 at 5:49PM UTC

    I'd do both cause if he doesn't like the fact that the job allows employees remote work, then he should change the requirements otherwise it sounds like he's just picking on you.

13. AnonymousAugust 31,2025 at 1:25PM UTC

    I agree with all the advice above, plus I would recommend you mention that your performance matters to you, so he knows where you’re coming from. On top of that, follow up from that meeting with an email summarizing all you talked about and ask if there was anything he wanted to add to that conversation. If he continues to pick on you or say things that are unfair, you’ll want to have evidence of that in writing.

14. AnonymousAugust 31,2025 at 3:23PM UTC

    ? tell him he can question your loyalty and commitment again when he reaches 5 years. A doctor's appointment too? I'd send an email to his supervisor.

15. AnonymousAugust 31,2025 at 3:51PM UTC

    Your job isn't to be "loyal" your job is to get good results.

    I would recommend addressing this issue with him immediately.

    Also, WHATEVER YOU DO, DONT try to overcompensate to prove your worth to the company. For example, if a co-worker has some "fun thing" and asks you to cover for them so they can go, you DON'T have to say yes to prove you are loyal.

    You are PLENTY LOYAL!

16. AyianSeptember 1,2025 at 12:48PM UTC

    Do both. Go in with an expectation that he will escalate rather than communicate with you honestly. Expect that he will tell you that WFH is unacceptable to him in general. Expect that the company will back him up, whatever he says. It's okay to be pleasantly surprised rather than being blindsided.

    Also, expect that his inappropriate comments are showing you who he is and what he thinks of you and that he'll try to force you to quit by making your life miserable or fire you with PIPs, so start working on alternate sources of income.

17. AnonymousSeptember 1,2025 at 1:09PM UTC

    Let's back up. It is NOT fine that he denied the request for a medical appointment. We're still women who think that our personal lives and our health should take second seat to our jobs. It sounds like HE denied it because he has a snarky little grudge not for a legitimate reason. He is also a boss who believes when you aren't in the office you aren't working--even though there are studies to the contrary that hybrid workers often work longer hours and have more concentration and productivity at home. I would have a meeting and remind him of all that you have contributed and the hours you put in both in office and home. I have a problem with the whole loyalty thing. You aren't hired to be loyal. You are hired to do a good job--even an excellent job--during work hours. Your loyalty is always to yourself (your health) and your family. He's a control freak...I'd think about moving on.

18. AnonymousSeptember 1,2025 at 2:33PM UTC

    I would address your concerns with the manager directly. And stand your ground. Given that this person has only been in his position for a year, he doesn't yet know everything about the company culture or even his team. I'd almost say that he's being reactive.

19. Kimberly McKenzie-KlemmSeptember 1,2025 at 3:28PM UTC

    Address him directly and privately.

20. AnonymousSeptember 1,2025 at 7:37PM UTC

    It's a typical ill-advised power play - he is trying to extract more work out of you (hoping that you get scared and start overcompensating) and he doesn't care about you or your wellbeing. You cannot trust him. Talking to him is probably useless and can even backfire. HR is usually no help in these matters, in my experience - they just back the management no matter the facts. That said, it's worth it to keep track of these incidents (dates, details), in case things get ugly at some point. I would take this very seriously and start immediately and quietly looking for a more sane work environment that you desrve. You said that you successfully contributed throughout the organization - maybe it's a good idea to try getting a transfer within the company. Unless you are sick and tired and want to find a role with a competitor - these moves can work to your advantage and usually result in a healthy raise and even a promotion.

21. Stephanie H. WicalSeptember 1,2025 at 10:10PM UTC

    Do nothing. Let him shoot himself in the foot. Reschedule your dr. Appointment and work your normal schedule. Get a note from your doctor to cya. It is possible that a work colleague threw you under the bus.

22. AnonymousSeptember 2,2025 at 5:44PM UTC

    Reading this post and the comments put a pit in my stomach because I’ve experienced a similar situation. Unfortunately new people managers are often intimidated by their competent reports who have tenure, and instead of supporting them in their work and professional development, focus instead on their own position/power and flex their muscles in trivial ways like this. Even giving the manager the benefit of the doubt, if someone complained about you or there is a real issue, there should be an actual conversation — not a note alongside refusing you a medical appointment. Unfortunately, even if HR sees through the nonsense, they will always back the manager. I fought the situation for way too long, constantly being gaslighted by HR and upper management and ultimately lost my job. I hope your organization is better managed, though, and am sorry you’re having to deal with this.

23. Lynn KleinSeptember 2,2025 at 7:56PM UTC

    Take the day off, go to your appointment and don't log in for the rest of the day.

    Let him see how silly his stance was

24. KathySeptember 3,2025 at 1:55AM UTC

    Assuming you are salaried simply send an email stating you will be out of the office. I don't believe it's necessary to provide a reason to be out of the office.

    I would have asked for clarification as to what constitutes 'few and far between' and what it means in context of working hours and current WFH and in-office policies.

25. AnonymousOctober 8,2025 at 2:24PM UTC

    Take the day as a sick day if you still have them. Never tell people about doctor's appts.