Emotional about something I think I shouldn't be.

Anonymous

March 12,2022 at 12:22AM UTC

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Emotional about something I think I shouldn't be.

Someone on my team (a direct report) who I adore working with told me they were thinking of leaving to pursue a degree. I was heartbroken because I think of them like more than just a colleague and I am obviously fully supportive of them going back to school but I think I was surprised at how hard this hit me. Does this mean I am not drawing boundaries well? Does it mean that I am too involved with my work? Does it just mean we have worked together for 5 years and it's natural / human and its nonsensical that I'm even second guessing my reaction? Just putting it out there to see if others have a perspective to share.

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AnonymousMarch 12,2022 at 12:57AM UTC
No it means you made a valuable relationship that happens to be at work. This is special. My best friend and I met at work when we're 18 years old. We are in our 60s and have shared our lives. We only worked to gether for a few years but remained close.
AnonymousMarch 12,2022 at 1:18AM UTC
At my last role, my admin and favorite coworker wanted to go back to school. I asked her about her plan and interests. We had an honest conversation and she even requested a letter of recommendation, which I gladly wrote. I ultimately left first and we've stayed in touch. Yes, our relationship is not the same, we don't see each other every day and don't lean on one-another for support in the workplace. What we can do now that we couldn't before is be honest about our friendship because we are just friends now. Change is hard but necessary.
Sheryl BrinkleyMarch 12,2022 at 2:29AM UTC
Emotions show that you care and valued the relationship. We all move on at some point and I believe that we can choose to stay connected after the work relationship ends. What makes the workplace most enjoyable are the people. It’s ok to grieve, and then determine the best way to remain connected afterwards.
AnonymousMarch 12,2022 at 3:38AM UTC
My direct report left today and it's been an emotional week. I'm so happy for him as he's grown and ready to pursue his next chapter. Selfishly, I hate that he's leaving and not because of the extra work.
I believe it's because you care and are invested in your staff. Think of the confidence that you instilled that your team member is ready for his or her next step. Give yourself permission to be sad but then remember, it's an exciting for your direct report to figure out what's next.