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I seriously can’t take it anymore.

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Anonymous

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I seriously can’t take it anymore. For the sake of my mental health, I think I need to resign. I work for a big healthcare insurance company (corporate office). I recently had to call out because of a miscarriage. I was then put on a corrective action plan because after 3 call outs in a 12 month period, you get written up. Now I’m not eligible for my bonus, raise, promotion, and can’t transfer. My manager has been so rude to me with no empathy. I am just depressed.

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  1. Anonymous

    This sounds so illegal and discriminatory on multiple grounds… sex discrimination, medical discrimination, I’m not even sure what else. I have no practical advice other than to see if your state’s Dept of Labor and/or Office of the AG has a complaint process you can pursue. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

  2. Anonymous

    I'm no lawyer so I never tell people to sue or that surely HR will change policies if they just approach the HR staff the right way. But the truth about the law and work is that 'awful is not unlawful.' A ffriend in healthcare has the same call out sick policy=it's the number of 'instances' of sick time so you can take several days in a row but only 3 or 4 (I forget) instances in the course of a year. She knew that going in, and I'm sure she'd have consequences if she didn't follow the policy. I am hopeful the OP can get FMLA but I'm not sure if you can get that retroactively. A mental health Dr might be the best bet for getting paperwork signed.

  3. Nancy Hesse

    I am so sorry for your loss. And that should have been the sentiment of your employer. Your mental health comes first and where you are working doesn’t sound conducive to that. Start looking for a place that has a good work life balance. They are out there

  4. Anonymous

    Get yourself an employment attorney.

  5. Anonymous

    You should have been afforded time off under FMLA at least. That 3rd call out was for a legitimate medical reason. Sounds like a horrible oppressive place to work! I can't imagine losing a pregnancy and having to deal with such inhumane treatment on top of it. If i were you I'd take an extended medical leave for some breathing room, while securing another position in the interim and never go back. If they fire you while out on leave, get an employment lawyer and sue for FMLA violation and harrassment by manager. They will likely settle, and you'll get a nice severence :)

  6. Debra Sesholtz

    It’s horrible to hear a big healthcare company would treat you this way. Surprised you don’t get PTO that would allow for time off for legitimate health reasons. Maybe I’m missing something here, but agree with others that you should have at least been afforded FLMA if you were out of PTO. Have you spoken with your HR group? Don’t just resign. Evaluate your options. Consider FLMA for your health issues while considering other employment options. Consult an employment lawyer, they may be able to offer you some advice.

  7. Anonymous

    I agree with this response. I am very sorry for your loss, original poster.

  8. April

    Hello

    First, my sympathies to you and your partner for your loss. Can you and company

    consider this discussion: the loss and absence could be both bereavement leave and fml dependent upon issues related.

    Seek an informed advocate in the Benefits team ( leadership) who can explain your options. Your absences seem medically related based on what you have shared. A leave - absenteeism- policy that is punishable even when medically supported is neither inclusive nor equitable.

    it is possible that your manager is uninformed about FML. Also, it is a great time to ask for the comp/ bonus/ incentive plan to be reviewed for appropriate exceptions such as this situation, especially if it has not been revised in 5 years.

    hope this helps

  9. Anonymous

    Do you have an EAP? Sounds like you could use some therapy before you quit.

  10. Anonymous

    Speak with HR maybe they can htlp.

  11. Anonymous

    You should be eligible for FMLA and Disability. Also check your company’s grievance policy, as you should be able to enact that due to your miscarriage. You may be able to “reclassify” your call out. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I am also pregnant and having very stressful difficulties at work. It was not like this with my first pregnancy, and I do worry about complications with the pregnancy as a result. Although, I don’t know how to verbalize this to my company or what I can do to protect myself. It is definitely different times in the workforce these days!

  12. Anonymous

    I know going through a miscarriage can be devastating and mentally drain you. Your manager seems like they were already this way beforehand which is no good. I agree with the other commenters to try to get a leave of absence or what’s in your company plan. I’m also severely depressed and people don’t realize that going to work everyday 8 hours a day 5 days a weeks, for some even more, can add on top of the mental stress. Remember to always do what’s best for you and still seek to get all your promotions and benefits because you didn’t call out intentional this was a real life emergency. May peace and healing come to you!

  13. Anonymous

    I would utilize the EAP resources to help with your mental health and call your doctor explaining your need to go out on short term disability due to your current circumstances. You need some time to heal from your miscarriage and this toxic work environment. I will keep you in my prayers.

  14. Anonymous

    First, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Above all else, I want to remind you that, despite your struggles right now, you are not alone and you WILL get through this.

    Second, I highly recommend taking short-term disability if you are offered that benefit **BEFORE considering FMLA.** The reason for this being that short-term disability plans will pay a portion of your regular salary while you are out from work, whereas taking FMLA means you must go unpaid. Also, FMLA is primarily in place to ensure that your company does not dissolve your position or replace you, and if this company is as toxic as you describe, then it sounds like this strategy would not benefit you in your current situation, especially if you are looking for other employment; it would likely be best for you to find work elsewhere, where you are supported and can remain healthy. You could even use your time on short-term disability to apply elsewhere, if you feel up to it. Please know that it's 100% okay to not seek employment elsewhere during that time if you aren't well. Focusing on your mental and physical health and learning how to heal from this unexpected loss are much higher priorities.

    I chose to take short-term disability at a toxic company I was working for, and that gave me the opportunity to heal through an intensive therapy program for 3 months (partial hospitalization program--highly recommend if you are interested in this option) while also being paid 60% of my regular salary so I could pay my rent in the meantime. Two weeks before my short-term disability was up, I submitted my letter of resignation and never had to return to my toxic workplace. Best move I could have made.

    I wish you the best and hope that you are able to find the answers and support you need based on your specific situation. My thoughts are with you.

  15. Valerie Rieger

    I would recommend that the OP do both. Short term disability will insure her paycheck while FMLA will insure her job.

  16. Anonymous

    Great point, Valerie. I appreciate your input!

  17. Anonymous

    Contact your local EEOC office. There is recourse for the illegal actions of your employer. If you earned the bonus and it is stated as such and you have bonafide documentation of the reasons behind it you are experiencing bias because of that. Do also speak to a lawyer, there are some that will work pro-bono to help you get some sort of package to separate quietly in this situation.

  18. Anonymous

    That's a bit ridiculous (their part, not yours)! I think there's already some pretty sound advice for you below, but I do want to extend my condolences and, yeah, that is really crappy of your employer.

  19. Anonymous

    I am so sorry for your loss. I experienced a miscarriage last year from my first round of IVF. I had just returned from a week vacation and was 10w when I went into the OB and found out we had lost the pregnancy over the week. I then had to call out of work immediately following my vacation and explain to my boss (a woman) why. She was nice on the onset but as I scheduled my d&c, etc she seemed annoyed.. collectively I was almost off work for 3 weeks in a row trying to schedule, recoup, etc.

    I wish miscarriages, stillbirths, etc were viewed more under bereavement leave - its a loss and should 100% be treated as such. It's unfortunate I can get 10 days of leave by policy if my brother dies but not if my baby dies inside me. You can tell these policies are 100% written by men.

    Take care of yourself. This is just so much to add to an already awful situation.

  20. Daniel Arno

    Your company is probably violating the American disabilities act by not giving you reasonable accommodations to do your job. You should see human resources department and if they can’t help go to a private attorney specializing in labor law.

  21. Anonymous

    I would also talk to HR and the EEO. You have rights as an employee. People often do not know what rights and supports they have and employers often take advantage of this.

    Many times it's just that no one has ever stood up to them before.

  22. Anonymous

    I have a friend that's a social worker in a large hospital. Her policy is that she can call out 3 (or possibly 4) times a year and then 3 or 4 days in a row, to make up to 12 days. But if she, say, calls out 3 times and takes a day each then that's that. That's what she gets. She knew that going in, of course and has made it work but I think it's terrible esp b/c she works direct with AIDS and cancer patients and you don't really want to be bringing any of those patients colds or the flu.

  23. Ryann Redmond

    First, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the mental and physical impact that must be having on you and then to come back to a work environment like this is awful. This is absolutely not OK.

    I would definitely talk to HR but ultimately, if your manager is unsupportive, there is likely also a problem with your culture and that will not change easily.

    Continue to put your mental health first and if you need to resign, speak up about why so that your company has documented feedback and will hopefully take action.

    If/when you start to look for a new position elsewhere, make sure to ask how the company supports wellbeing and what the culture is like.

  24. Anonymous

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, and that your boss isn't supporting you the way they should be. I agree with others on this thread in consulting with a labor lawyer, as your rights will depend on the state and locality you reside in. While there is a federal Pregnancy Discrimination Act, there are around 30+ states/localities that offer greater protections, including in some cases the right to time off after miscarriage.

    You may also be able to qualify for FMLA, which guarantees you'll have a job to come back to after your unpaid leave. You can continue to receive a portion of your pay during leave if you also have a short term disability plan. Your HR department can help you with the FMLA and short term disability process.

    Good luck to you. I hope you get the support you need to heal.

  25. Laurie Taylor-Harrison

    Yes, to FMLA and short-term disability!! And while you are out, seek mental health support/therapy and look for a new job. Take some time off if you are financially able. YOU are more important than any job. So sorry for your loss. ❤️❤️

  26. E C

    I agree with seeking to use your rights under FMLA, but in the long term, get out. I have a sinking suspicion that a company who would be so awful about a miscarriage is also the company who would make sure that people who use FMLA are targeted for the next round of layoffs. It's not uncommon. Get out, share your experience on every website you can (name them and shame them), and vote for leaders who understand that this kind of crap can't be allowed to continue.

  27. Anonymous

    Dear,I'm so sorry for your loss. These bullying tactics are very common these days. Seek alternative streams of income, while applying for other available financial benefits within your state. Poorly trained managers are everywhere. Put yourself 1st,your mental wellbeing is very important.

  28. LeftyLuke54!

    I cannot even fathom being in this situation. Please reach out to HR - and seek legal guidance regardless of how HR responds. You have not been dealt with professionally at all. The lack of empathy is ridiculous (but may just be the people and is not a legal issue). I am sooo soooo sorry for what you are experiencing. You have definitive rights in this situation. Take care and no you have support.

  29. Liz Milne

    I'm so sorry you are going through this: a miscarriage is not a mere medical issue, it is a bereavement too. Find a new job asap, and walk away without a qualm. For the sake of your mental health as much as anything else - what a terrible workplace...

    I would also raise the absolute ableist unfairness of that company policy - it's not cleverness or ambition that makes someone fit for work on any one day, it is sheer happenstance and luck...

  30. Paula Manczuk-Hannay

    I am so sorry for your loss. This is an unconscionable situation. I am both heartbroken and enraged for you. If you can afford to, leave. If you can’t afford to, start looking right away. This is not a company that values you and never will.

  31. Anonymous

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Please take care of you.

  32. Sandra Warren

    Miscarriage is a serious emotional trauma. You have every right to feel mistreated. Try to look past this and find that this may be a time you look back at and realize it took you to a better place. I also hope you have communicated with your HR department. You may not find satisfaction, but you may help another woman at some point.

  33. Anonymous

    Easier to say than done. Please try not to let some company, some boss, some people ruin your life. Life is too short. Stay strong and carry on. You can always make more money, but you cannot buy a happy life/health.

  34. Jennifer Finger

    I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're going through this. I would document all these interactions with your coworkers and then bring them to HR's attention. I'd also find out what rights you have. And even though you're under intense stress, you may well want to consider looking for a more congenial job.

  35. EMILY KIKUE FRANK

    You are worth more than this. If you have a decent sum in your savings account, just leave. If not, think about gig jobs that sound okay and will tide you over-- and leave. If there are people there you're close with, let them know you're on your way out and hope you can use them as references. You don't even owe this workplace 2 weeks' notice because that's a courtesy they have just un-earned. Take a few mental health days and then let your network know you're looking. I'm so sorry this all is happening to you.

  36. Anonymous

    Sending heartfelt condolences for your loss.
    I found out the hard way too that health issues are grounds for dismissal. We are human, not robots. Robots break down and need time off for repair, sometimes out of commission for days/weeks until parts can be procured. Love yourself more than loving any job regardless of how hard it may be to leave behind those you loved working with.

  37. BethB

    Talk about adding insult to injury. That doesn’t sound like a company that values its employees. Why would you want a promotion or transfer within an organization with so little respect for the people who work there? Do your job, keep your head down, and work on getting out.

    So sorry for your loss.

  38. Anonymous

    I am truly sorry that you had to experience any of this. You suffered one of the most traumatic experiences anyone can ever have. That you are being penalized for it is just despicable. I think you owe it to yourself to contact HR as other people have suggested. We all need a job, and our livelihood depends on having stable income, but if they are going to treat you this way then I think you are well within your rights to start quietly looking for a new job.

    Again, I'm truly sorry for what you're going through right now. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I have to believe that things are going to get better for you; this could lead to a much better job.

  39. Terrie McWhorter

    I would simply smile and do your work all while looking for another place to go. If you can financially walk out, do so. No one should be treated like that! Otherwise wait it out and then make a bee line for somewhere different. I wish you the best of luck and I am sorry for your loss and the way you were treated.

  40. Anonymous

    I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know

    what state you live in or how long you’ve had your job, but there is FMLA And state leave that may give you protected time off. I would also review your handbook and speak with HR.

  41. Paige Neighbors

    I am sorry for your loss. Working for a large company is already stressful enough. Depression alone takes a toll on your body and mind. You are worth more and you deserve better! Start looking for something new and take a few weeks after you quit before starting the next job (if you can manage it financially).

  42. Farah Bajwa

    If its not a healthy work environment, then its time to move on. Work led me to adrenal fatigue which led to a short term medical leave. leaving for medical leave, they had to get my coworkers to cover for me. it was very eye opening that 3 co-workers had to share the load of my work. when i returned to work, my doctor, having other patients who worked at that company, capped my hours to 32 per week because she knew they'd throw me in and then all the health improvement i made would be lost. 6 months later, i was laid off in a "reduction of workforce". I'd been there 9.5 years just 6 month shy of being vetted for all the 401k perks. I went on to work for their competitor, with better pay.

    Also keep in mind no one has to know you're looking. Brush off your resume and start to see what else is out there. Then jump only when you feel comfortable. You have the power here. Good luck!

  43. Kat

    It's time for a new job at a new company. You need and deserve a fresh start. I'm shocked that a large health care company (or any company at all really) has such a punitive sick leave policy. Three absences in a year puts you on an improvement plan, cancels your bonus and prevents you from transferring? Forget that! You had a miscarriage! You should be able to take as much time as you need to grieve and heal (physically and emotionally) from something like that. For you boss to be so horrible to you afterwards is just ridiculous. Short term, find out if there's Do you have an EAP (employee assistance program) at your job. If so, use those resources while you have them. They can often refer you for short term counseling to help you cope with your loss. When you're up to it, look for another job. There are plenty of places with a more supportive atmosphere and more flexible, generous benefits. Start networking - even if it's just telling friends and family you're not looking not work people. Polish your resume and get out as fast as you can!

  44. Debbie Reynolds

    Move on. This company is not worth your time or your mental health!

  45. Mishti Anurag

    no seriously why

    like please if the employees aren't healthy then how are they supposed to work

  46. Thalia Moshos

    This is why we need a better work-life balance in this country. Sorry about your miscarriage and screw them. God forbid you need time off for any reason.

  47. Beth Corcoran

    I would think at a large company, you are entitled to some bereavement leave. At a minimum, FMLA.

  48. Ashley King

    I'm so sorry. How can they get away with something like that? Wouldn't a miscarriage be considered temporary disability? If it's not illegal it should be. Gotta love a country that dismantles abortion laws and allows companies to treat women this way.

  49. Joycelyn M. Siame

    First and foremost, I am soooooo very sorry for your loss! Shame on your company! Especially being an insurance company. The workplace seems so toxic. Please, if you can, look for another job. This is so horrible and I'm sorry this is happening to you. I wish you all the best.

  50. Becca Condreay

    since all of the absences were due to the pregnancy, is it possible for FMLA?

  51. Anonymous

    And FMLA can be retroactive as well.

  52. Anonymous

    Is that three unpaid calls out? It seems unrealistic for it to be just 3 in 12 months. That could happen in one illness.

  53. Anonymous

    My roommates used to work for a large US health insurance company. Their policy was tracked by unexpected absences period. Didn’t matter if you had a doctor’s note. This was pre-pandemic but I honestly don’t think they changed their policy.

  54. Karen Burke

    I am sorry you are going through something so painful.

    You have to take care of you. If resigning before you find other work is something you can do, then do it. My mental health has been destroyed by my company as well (for other reasons), and I would absolutely quit if I could manage it financially.

  55. Emily

    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of a challenging loss.

    As others have said, definitely look into FMLA and disability leave. Also depending on your state, county or city it's possible that there are rules about a minimum number of sick days that need to be made available to you each year. I haven't seen a location with that rule where the minimum was fewer than five.

    I'd also like to strongly second the notes around connecting in with an expert on employment rules in your area outside of your company. That might look like a lawyer, but it might also just look like a local nonprofit advocate who's more familiar with them than you.

  56. Cindy Glover

    Yes!! I’d not thought of that!! Great suggestion!!

  57. Anonymous

    I agree with the other comments however I would add while your looking at laws etc lol for a new job , focus on that with the idea you will soon be out start updating your resume and reach out to connections . Look at where you want to be and think about what you would like to do maybe having something positive some positive actions and thoughts will help try not to focus on the bad

  58. Anonymous

    I am so sorry you’re going through this. I had to respond because I went through something very similar where I was only with my company 3 months and was put on a “plan”. Come to find out this very large company was planning to lay off, and I feel like my boss set me up to prevent his favorites, who he constantly flirted with, from getting the ax, as most new people are given a chance to prove themselves prior to getting laid off. After that happened I was treated like absolute garbage by just about everyone. The plan that he put me on would have prevented me from ever getting promoted even if I got out of the plan and it precluded me from interviewing for other positions that I could’ve been a good fit for within the company. I sat up night after night crying or being furious, and made myself sick. Nothing is worth that!!! Please talk to someone in HR asap!!!! Best of luck to you! And I’m deeply sorry for your loss.

  59. Iris Juergens

    I am so sorry. It is work situations like yours that makes me want to start a website that “outs” companies and managers that are so self-righteously cruel and knowingly, smugly mean. (I’ve had 2 in the last 5 years) Please put you first and consider speaking to an attorney. Many don’t charge for first appointment. Sending the best wishes for you.

  60. misskelleyp

    So if you call in sick three times in year, you're disciplined?? Who the heck wrote that policy?? Someone who NEVER gets sick? Doesn't have kids that get sick? This is a terrible policy.

  61. Becky Harborth

    I am so sorry for your loss. Please leave as soon as you can. Quit, and work as a substitute teacher until you can find something you love. They are paying substitutes well b/c of the shortages of educators. It’s what I did when I left my toxic job. You deserve so much better. This country needs to focus on the employee wellness experience. It’s so sad and I am hoping for the best for you. Take care of yourself and screw that place!

  62. Jennifer Taylor

    If you're working for a large company, I would go to HR and find out what the policy is for sick days. Like a previous reply, I can't imagine calling out sick for three days and being written up. Get the policy in writing. I would also dust off my resume and start networking on LinkedIn for a new position.

  63. Keyoung Gill

    My father passed away unexpectedly in September and four months later my sister unexpectedly passed away. When I was back at work, I was written up PIP. I was there for almost 2 years and not once was told I needed to improve.

  64. Anonymous

    we have 5 days payed mandatory sick days a year minimum. we cannot get written up , this is governement mandated. also , after a miscarrige, we have some days off , again gouv overseen. i am very sorry for your loss. i would definately talk to HR. the US needs to do better.

  65. Anonymous

    HR will not help her. HR works for the company. She needs to see a lawyer.

  66. Anonymous

    I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you will find peace soon. As for your situation, you need a labor lawyer.

  67. Anonymous

    I'm very sorry for your loss, this is devastating. It's sad that a place that deals with health coverage doesn't support staff when faced with a health crisis. I'd say it's time to at least go look at other options for employment, where you're more satisfied with the work culture.

  68. Anonymous

    Totally agree. Your mental health is the most important thing. Doesn’t sound like a very healthy place to work. My advice is to search other outlets. Sorry for loss. Good luck on your future.

  69. Cindy Glover

    I’m so sorry for your loss but I do have a question.
    What are the policies of the the state you’re in?
    For example, based on the # of employees we have, we are required to provide 10 days of paid PTO. I’ve not had the opportunity to read all of the comments so I apologize in advance if this has already been discussed. Either way, take care of YOU. I am so sorry for your loss and the company that obviously has zero compassion for their employees. You’ll find something better, when you’re ready. We are all here for you ❤️

  70. Anonymous

    Fight back. At least make a complaint and get it on record of nothing else.

  71. MP

    I am SO sorry for your loss!! I have had 4 myself in the past before I had my son. Another story...anyway, when that happened to me, I thank god had a great boss and was in a union protected govt job already. I can Not imagine how it would have been without time off! It's physically and mentally impossible to deal with that if you have to still go to work during the process. I second everyone's advice of talking to an employment lawyer in your area. I'm a lawyer in govt and previously in plaintiffs litigation. You may have rights the company is violating with this 3 sick days per year policy (per year??? Are any of their employees humans?) It's complete garbage! Make sure to document everything you can in writing.

  72. Anonymous

    I would file a complaint of harassment and toxic work environment. Call the EEOC. You definitely need to get out, but if this is how a health care company treats employees, I would definitely expose them. Take photos of the documents. Share them with the media.

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