My boss just told me that I don't collaborate and put it in my review.

40 Comments

1. Barb HansenMarch 5,2026 at 12:53PM UTC

   Forgive me if I’m misreading your post, but it sounds like you may be viewing collaboration as “people who yap on the phone” or “people who aren’t getting their work done.”

   Another way to look at collaboration is as someone who shares information early, aligns with teammates, checks assumptions, and keeps others informed so the team can move faster together.

   In many workplaces, that kind of communication prevents duplicated work, misunderstandings, or rework later.

   You didn’t mention your role or industry, so it’s possible you’re in a job where independent work produces better outcomes, and that can absolutely be valid. Some roles are naturally more solitary than others.

   That said, your manager (who does have authority over your work) has now formally told you that collaboration is an area for improvement. Even if you believe your current approach is the most efficient, it’s still feedback that’s been recorded and is worth taking seriously.

   I don’t think you’re being penalized for being a “doer.” It may be that your manager is highlighting a gap between how you prefer to work and how the team expects people to communicate and coordinate.

   Learning how to adjust to that, even slightly, can help both the team and your career over time.

2. AnonymousMarch 9,2026 at 1:25AM UTC

   Best advice since we're not there with you.

3. Kim PfeifferMarch 5,2026 at 5:11PM UTC

   Same here, but I have my own policy of if a question or request takes more than two emails, to pick up the phone. This may help your people see you in a different light.

4. GirlBossanova934974March 6,2026 at 1:14PM UTC

   You are dealing with a rookie manager here. First, managers should never blindside their direct reports in an annual review. Second, examples should given to the direct report as what was deemed as non colloborative. Next, we should be asking ourselves, what sort of tasks are assigned to you. Do these tasks REQUIRE collaboration with others? With whom? For what purpose? I would get these questions answered as part of a followup. Often time, groups do prepare group presentations. Input is taken from all sorts of people. DO your tasks involve this?

5. AnonymousMarch 6,2026 at 1:48PM UTC

   I don’t have enough details to know if it is a legitimate criticism. As others have said I think it should have been brought up prior to an annual review. I also consider you may be an introvert or INTJ on Meyers Briggs. You may have to force yourself to reach out more and document the efforts or make them more visible. For example I share reporting with a co-worker alternating days. The co-worker is chaotic and constantly breaking formulas. They are also difficult to work collaboratively with as they always want to tout themselves. I used to quietly fix the report. After advice from others I now post on Teams in the project channel. @co-worker I updated the ___ tab on the Report or I linked X and Y on the Report to make it easier. Let me know if you see any issues. :) But really I would prefer working quietly. This isn’t true collaboration. It’s the appearance of. Corp life!

6. Joan Marie VerbaMarch 6,2026 at 2:23PM UTC

   My read on this situation is that the manager wants you to be more sociable and is labeling it as a lack of collaboration. Introverts and autistics (I am both) prefer being independent and a doer and are constantly criticized for not making small talk and conversation with co-workers. Even if you're not an introvert or autistic, it may help for you to engage more in conversation with co-workers. Yes, it's not your natural way of working, but it may produce results. You may not have to do it at length, but see if you can do a little more of it.

7. Jennifer Chickenlittle RubberchickenMarch 6,2026 at 2:40PM UTC

   I identify with having conflict with this type person. All you can do is try to ride it out. I got severely criticized for just not loving weekly meetings which were to me way too much of a drain and felt like a way to create some illusion of collaboration, when the real conversation was noncongruent with what the meetings were. You should take the Briggs Meyers test and see what personality type you are--the insight might help. As an INFP, I need a lot of alone work and sporadic collaboration. Innovator type on the other spectrums, so an overcontrolling, superfluous, surfacey type management style is the worst. She sounds very immature and has esteem problems about her effectiveness so she's trying to pre-blame them on you.

8. AnonymousMarch 6,2026 at 2:52PM UTC

   As an ENFP, I wholeheartedly agree with Ms. Rubberchicken! I used to have my team members take that inventory, and it really helped inform my work style towards each of them. Everyone approaches their work differently, and it helps to play to people's strengths.

   I'm very sorry that you're having this experience with your new manager. She sounds like she could use some training/patience/wisdom. If you're getting your work done, that's what really matters. Good luck!

9. AnonymousMarch 6,2026 at 2:40PM UTC

   It depends on if your work is cross functional. It benefits you greatly to seek input, gather ideas, and achieve success both independently or as a team. Based on how you describe yourself, your managers feedback sounds valid.

10. WendyRMMarch 6,2026 at 4:44PM UTC

    How have your past reviews been? Is she younger than you? Did this review happen 1:1 or was HR there? I totally get your work style. It's my preferred way, too. So the next question is do you interact with your colleagues? Unfortunately, in offices, if you aren't as interactive with your coworkers, you'll be labled as difficult or non-collaborative. People don't like anyone who is perceived as different. Even if you do good work, meet goals, and don't cause problems.

    Since you like to get answers, it's time to ask your manager for concrete examples of "collaboration". Like: "Hi Manager. I was thinking about my review. Could you give me some ways on how to be more collaborative?". If she can't provide you with actionable feedback, maybe have a chat with HR. Just friendly but let them know about the review and how you asked for actions to take which she couldn't provide.

    It is also quite possible that your manager doesn't make allowances for different types of personalities. And her review of you is more: you're not like X, therfore you are a bad employee.

    If you don't already, try talking more to your coworkers. It doesn't have to be deep. Maybe ask if they've bern to a restaurant you enjoy. Or talk about your pets to a fellow cat/dog mom. Find little ways to connect. Yes it's draining but it's part of the office herd dynamics. Good luck!

11. AnonymousMarch 7,2026 at 1:41PM UTC

    I just finished the book Teamship it may give you insight into today’s more team forward work styles. Do you have a work bestie? You could ask them for tips you don’t need to share that you had feedback from your review. . Do you work remotely?

12. Julie EMarch 6,2026 at 5:07PM UTC

    I would need more context but sometimes collaboration is needed. Why spend hours researching when you could just ask a subject matter expert? Also what if your research is leading you to the wrong conclusion or you’re not seeing the big picture? If it’s just about socializing though I see your point.

13. Erika REYNOLDSMarch 6,2026 at 5:34PM UTC

    Hello Julie, I have a master's degree and have exceptional research skills that those without (both) have a difficult time reading what I find. In my masters programs (2) we rely on critically analyzing information (especially when written by laypeople). We never believe one piece of information over another. We analyze what we see and combine some facts and we can then formulate an answer to our question. So, if Anonymous is searching for answers, then she just may find what she is looking for in her compilation of info. Oh, and BTW, NEVER have that Google answer as your answer.

14. AnonymousMarch 6,2026 at 5:47PM UTC

    Take a deep breath here. First you are getting real feedback from the person who you directly report to and that means that your livelihood, reviews and salary are going to be guided by their input. What they are telling you I believe is to work more with others and not so siloed. Meet with them again as soon as possible now that you have absorbed the info, and to ask for some examples and also for some expectations of what behaviors they want you to adjust. Will it be hard to listen to? Possibly but do take notes and listen and absorb without being defensive. If you have feedback for her as a new manager as to how best to manage and motivate you save that for another meeting. Clearly you have to set expectations and also to let her know what is demotivating to you. Don't make it tit for tat because that will hurt you in the long run. If going forward she uses language that you find offensive or infantalizing please let her know in a kind way. As a new manager she too needs feedback and giving it to her in a productive way will help you as well.

    Now as for being a doer, keep in mind head down is great but if you work as part of a team others may also be giving her feedback on working with your style and that can be career limiting should they continue to let her know that you don't play well with others. Wishing you the best and hoping to know you take the information from her and others here to heart as ultimately the person it will help most is YOU!

15. Dr. Patty GrossMarch 6,2026 at 8:22PM UTC

    Collaboration is more than just talking. It involves bouncing ideas off each other and reaching consensus on the best way to approach a particular problem or project. It is an essential skill to use when working on team projects, as one person's idea can spark creativity in others, with the result greater than the sum of the parts. I have worked on solo projects and collaborative ones, and I enjoy the collaboration, as people of like mind mixing their talents and ideas can do amazing things. Is there something that holds you back from social situations? I also get that some team situations are better than others, as those who don't want to contribute to the conversation end up going off on tangents that are hard to integrate. This all, of course, depends on the type of project you are working on and how conducive it is to either work ethic.

16. Lilye Stallworth ChaffinMarch 6,2026 at 10:23PM UTC

    Totally agree with this response. This is where you display your Value to the organization. ??

17. Ally MorganMarch 7,2026 at 3:31PM UTC

    You said exactly what I was thinking in such a respectful way. OP sounds like she thinks her work can't be improved by input from others. That's hardly ever true.

18. SPQMarch 7,2026 at 4:19PM UTC

    Introverts are asked to function as prescribed in an extroverts world. It's difficult.

    I think you're right that OP can make some adjustments. Even sharing research and docs transparently, asking for feedback through typed messages (rather than verbally), or providing written feedback is a form of collaboration.

    But yeah "doing my own research and only asking questions when I have exhausted all other methods" is cause for concern for most managers--they lead a team, not a a group of consultants.

19. AnonymousMarch 9,2026 at 11:31AM UTC

    It feels like a circle jerk or echo chamber, especially when your organization has gaussian distribution to rate IC's at year end.

    From my own experience, team work is only valuable in OR environments (my dad was a surgeon) or on missions (I was tier 2 special forces CANSOFCOM) - otherwise it really makes zero difference.

20. Dr. Patty GrossMarch 9,2026 at 12:45PM UTC

    That's why I qualified it with "it depends on the type of project..." at the end of my post. I have worked on highly effective collaborative teams in R&D during product development. Creative environments are also conducive. Customer service teams, perhaps not so much, unless there are SMEs who work as leads and train new employees as issues come in. I can see other basic paperwork roles (insurance filing, billing, etc.), might not.

21. AnonymousMarch 6,2026 at 11:24PM UTC

    Sorry that you have experienced this. Your boss clearly doesn’t understand your style of accomplishing work. I don't necessarily collaborate with my peers much either, as I love the challenge of coming to resolutions on my own. It has been a bit of detrimental input on my annual reviews too. So I learned to sort of play the game and just keep my boss in the loop more often. Eventually she left and I had a better boss later.

22. AnonymousMarch 7,2026 at 12:08AM UTC

    I'm sorry this happened to you. Sadly, our culture has a bias against introverts, even though we quietly get a LOT of good work done behind the scenes. You might want to schedule a meeting with her and respectfully explain that your work style isn't unfriendly; it's efficient and is what's natural for your personality type. Tell her that you are happy to talk about new ideas and to problem-solve complex situations, while for some issues, it's easier to simply read the email. Tell her

23. AnonymousMarch 7,2026 at 1:38PM UTC

    Got similar feedback once: wasn't a team player because I....didn't go to the annual holiday party. No other examples, my own supervisors could not come up with another example of this (I specifically asked because I certainly wanted to address this if it was a problem for my co-workers!) but leaders (in my case, it came from upper leadership) want performance instead of substance, unfortunately.

    The position did not require that I interact with the public or even with any "outsiders" (media, partners, experts in our field, whatever) so I never saw the point. If you get it done, why waste the time?

24. AnonymousMarch 7,2026 at 5:48PM UTC

    I personally I hate going to company parties. I spend 40 hours a week with these people (some of whom I would not choose to socialize with outside of work) and then am forced to eat, drink and schmooze with outside of working hours. I wish more companies would just get a clue. I decided to suck it up for the sake of PR and just remember I was getting pretty decent food on the company's dime. I think its pretty petty for a company to call non attendance out as the only reason someone isn't a team player.

25. AnonymousMarch 9,2026 at 11:28AM UTC

    I drank two bottles of wine at my companies Xmas party back in 2008 and nobody knew at the time thankfully. I felt I had to, as 90% of the ppl there I would not associate with outside of work, and I am sure they feel the same way. All good.

26. AnonymousMarch 9,2026 at 2:58PM UTC

    I had a similar bit of feedback from a manager once. She told me I don't interact( socially) with my coworkers in my dept. I answered that I couldn't because I was helping clients while they were on DND talking. Gone are the days where you can just go to work, do your job, and go home. Now you have to do your job and play the game of office politics

27. AnonymousMarch 8,2026 at 2:21PM UTC

    The language that you used to describe your behavior versus consulting with others is a bit concerning. Your post has a very negative tone. Perhaps your desire to work alone and move through and past collaboration with others is Coming through as disinterest in being part of the work team? I'm just Like you and I don't enjoy endless meetings but I will do what I need to do to play the game of work expectations. If you truly dislike this type of work , then I would suggest that you find something else.

28. Rosa GoesMarch 8,2026 at 3:58PM UTC

    Lots of good advice from most posters. Take baby steps. For example you can piggyback on someone's opinion at meetings. Even saying "that's a great idea" or "I agree" is helpful and others will take notice. Just be prepared to speak a little more if asked "why do you think/agree". Wishing you the best!

29. Dawn CrossMarch 8,2026 at 8:17PM UTC

    Collaborating is more than “yapping”. It is more about making a connection with those around you.

    Compliment someone on an idea they have, ask someone to show you how they came up with an idea, always have one solid question in a meeting.

    Being a doer is fine, but learning to work with others is important too.

    Take small steps - ask a coworker how their weekend was, show an interest in your department more than just doing, even finding a mentor is good - just someone who interests you and ask them questions.

30. AnonymousMarch 8,2026 at 11:02PM UTC

    Unfortunately, this is the mentality of a lot of leadership: You have to "perform" for them and for the team. It doesn't matter how well you execute at your role if others see you as "in collaborative" or "too direct." etc. I'm with you; I wish I could just keep my head down and do my work (the performing is exhausting), but if it's going to hurt merit increases/chances of promotion, you (literally) have to grin and do it. Good luck!

31. BarbaraMarch 9,2026 at 3:42PM UTC

    Great idea NOT!! But funny

32. AnonymousMarch 9,2026 at 3:54PM UTC

    I got spanked for something similar when I started working in banking. I had always been in financial world and in account management. I was prized for my autonomous independent actions and how I would anticipate what needed to be done....and just did it. In the world I came from we collaborated by having clear lines and goals and everything I did and those on my team did were towards those goals. I was always a stickler for being on time with projects and deadlines. I was really ruthless about removing obstacles and again this was supported by the culture and team I worked with. WELL....going into banking was a rude awakening. My whole way of focused strategic independent work skills were not valued at all! My boss freaked out at how much stuff I did on my own. Other colleagues in my department were complaining to her that I wasn't cooperating and going off on my own figuring things out. I was absolutely gob smacked!!! But, I wanted to learn and I adored my boss and she really needed the help and an ally. Sadly the majority of the department she managed were rather disgruntled and didn't have her back. I also learned that in banking because of the huge amount of compliance and regulations and such, I was not only stepping on toes, but also putting the department at risk of being out of compliance. SO, long story short, I'm very grateful for the smack in the head and learned how to "collaborate' better, even though there were soul killing moments where I had to slog through junk that I could have powered through in an instant, but had to go through the process and be a good girl. It was good for me and chippped away at some arrogance and most importantly once I changed my attitude and adjusted my skills I started to have a pretty good time. Though, I wouldn't go back to that world again it was excellent training.

33. AnonymousMarch 9,2026 at 10:20PM UTC

    must have worked at Citi

34. Robin Pederson RueggMarch 9,2026 at 6:23PM UTC

    Some great feedback! From my perspective as a retired manager, the people who isolated themselves (one guy wore earphones to block out the noise all day long) are not the best employees despite what they may believe or even what they accomplish. Every job requires contact with others and collaboration of some kind. I do get it--I always liked to put my head down, get it done, be efficient and go home.

    However, I had to learn to be and be seen as more approachable. There's an old-fashioned concept of "management by walking around." That worked for me. I'd get my coffee and each morning walk by my folks' cubicles and say, "good morning." Took 5 minutes from my day but really paid off in goodwill and positive feelings that that ultimately helped our team get more work done. Even the guy wearing headphones handled my cheerful "good morning" well, and sometimes had something he wanted to say to me.

    I realize you're not a manager, but you are getting good feedback. It's so much better to get feedback than silence. Think of feedback from your manager as a gift--it will help you become an even more valued employee when you can work on what your manager sees as a weakness.

    Regarding your preferred work style--not a lot of people read their email thoroughly--a quick hello can be so much more productive. Find a way that is quick and easy for you to make in person contact with others on your team--even as simple as saying "good morning" really does work!

    Best wishes as you navigate your career. And do your best to get along with your manager. She too is learning.

35. Rhonda MageeMarch 27,2026 at 12:40PM UTC

    Great advice and insights!

36. AnonymousMarch 9,2026 at 9:31PM UTC

    You’ve likely been in the workforce for a while. Collaboration is the new push in work environments. It helps to support their “in office” models. However, I’ve learned our lack of unnecessary speaking has more to do with the way we process info and not our personality. Just start separating the two. I had to start making intentional effort to go around the office and chat for about 5 mins a day and it seemed to satisfy everyone. It was really draining for me as an introvert but they don’t care about that.

37. Neon PhotonsMarch 11,2026 at 3:53AM UTC

    Finding your own answers, being self-sufficient when you encounter problems (i.e. doing your research) are valued where I work (a laboratory). Unless it is a safety issue, where it is better to make others aware even if you are solving it on your own. Keep on communicating via email when possible; this will document interactions and leave less room for misinterpretation. This protects you. Unsupervised, unrecorded phone calls can be a boon for those wanting to retroactively paint you in an unfavorable light to higher ups (i.e. gossip...."she was rude" without any witnesses or proof).

38. AnonymousMarch 12,2026 at 3:29AM UTC

    This sucks, not going to sugarcoat it. Most corpos are like this and it's extremely annoying. Also, there is no real right answer.

    In one of my jobs I tried to make friends with people and it ended with me getting targeted for workplace bullying because people found me annoyingly cheerful. Ok, won't do that again.

    Next job I kept to myself and performed so well I kept getting all-time hig metrics. Was laid off after 7 months for not being "visible enough" and only being "the second best on the team." (You can't make this stuff up. I had also just given birth 4 months prior).

    Third job I tried to be helpful, friendly, and more visible. They ended up trying to switch my role because I was too helpful and the woman who was supposed to be training me but was never available threw me under the bus for mistakes made due to her lack of leadership, and I got put on a PIP that was verifiably false and accused me of stuff I had proof I didn't do.

    So really there is no winning. At my current job I "play the game." I speak up in meetings to remain visible, throwing in a joke every now and then to seem likable. I make sure my work is visible. I let my coworkers yap my ear off about their stupid cars and pets and weekends and the weather or whatever sportsball event they went to last night - and I smile and act like I care.

    I don't.

    These experiences have left me jaded against the working world, and I haven't even talked about the time the sexually harassing CEO fired my all-female team in a fit of rage because his ex-wife won alimony the night before.

    The point is be cordial, be collaborative, but DON'T be overly friendly, don't tell them your personal business, don't offer to "jump in" and do their jobs, and for goodness sake - never get emotionally attached to these people or your job. You are renting your job for this time in your life, and when you are ready to move on you will rent another.

    I would identify the key players in your workplace. Who are the decision makers? Who has the boss's ear. Try to make them like you if you can without being a wretched butt-kisser. Ask about their weekends even if you don't care. Do the motions on the drivel and small talk.

    It's dumb. I agree with you. But when it comes to layoffs they don't really care who is the most competent, they care who they like. It's grim.

39. AnonymousMarch 15,2026 at 4:24PM UTC

    Sounds like you have a manager just like I had for 8 months, after that the company moved her up to a senior manager instead of firing because she is a someone who related another someone. Finally fired her in another 4 months. And now she is a director in another company. I don’t understand how a person who could not manage 2 people and was asked to leave is now at the director level . Next is probably a VP for her. And I am here with a bad review because i did not let he micromanage me.

40. Rhonda MageeMarch 27,2026 at 12:37PM UTC

    You are annoyed that your way of working independently is not valued at your company. This could mean it is a bad fit for you. If so, when you interview for your next job, be clear that one of your skills is working independently and solving problems without causing problems for others. You need to know your strengths and weaknesses and be able a to articulate and assess whether they are looking for someone like you.

    on the other hand, this could be a growth opportunity. Try setting a meeting with your boss and getting clear (asking good questions) about how they define “collaboration”. Is it just being friendly and approachable? Is it approaching your work by bringing in the perspectives of others? Offering to help a colleague? Asking for help or more information from team mates?
    then ask for examples of the desired behaviors. And: how does a different approach result in better outcomes? They might respect you more simply because you took the time to try to understand.

    rather than being so disgruntled by this, try getting curious.