I was laid off in September of 2023 after a awful year with a company I had been with for 12 years. My manager was unhinged and horrible. I don't believe she is ultimately the reason I was laid off but her treatment of me the year before certainly did not help. As a weird twist, my new company is trying to buy software from my old company. We are almost ready to sign and proceed forward with putting the software in place. Next, we move into the training and putting the software in place. My old boss, who I hate will likely be doing the training. There are a couple of other people in the company who can. I would like to ask our salesperson to leave her out of things. I have no desire to work with her or see her ever again. But by asking that and asking for another resource would that reflect badly on me? I can be professional during the training process but my poker face is lacking. Should I just shut up, grit my teeth, and get through it with her involvement? Or is it ok to ask for her not to be part of the process? I have a good relationship with everyone else in the company..she is the only one. Obviously, I want to keep a good relationship with my old company. It is a small world that we work in, but her unprofessional treatment of me and miserable working conditions make me just want to do everything to keep her away from me. How can I be the grownup here?

13 Comments

1. Anna C AdamsMay 31,2024 at 4:54PM UTC

   I don't think you're going to like my answer, but I think if you want to be the frown up you have to accept that you'll be working with her.

   Unless she's harassing you, you might have to suck it up.

   Now, before you start cursing under your breath, there might be other ways to control the situation. You could ask for additional trainers to accommodate the need for flexibility in scheduling. Perhaps have one session with her and then ask if there are other options for training. You can blame it on time constraints, maybe? Do they offer any virtual training? Maybe think on it for a while and you might figure out ways to make it less bothersome for you.

   Also, if she dislikes you so much, maybe she won't want to be involved.

   Good luck. Being in situations like this is never easy, but sometimes we have to move through it. Again, if this is actually harassment, then you have the right to speak up and might want to go to your HR department for assistance.

2. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 5:20PM UTC

   I do like your answer. Thank you. I think I know the right answer. I just don't like the truth. lol.

3. Denise LevineMay 31,2024 at 6:13PM UTC

   Just to show her how professional you are, let her do the training. Smile, nod, and be super kind. The best karma is living a good life. Show her you are!

4. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 6:25PM UTC

   I get it, I do...but you need to be the bigger person... It will look bad for you to do that (I mean, how would you even explain that?). Just be professional in your interactions with her.

5. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 7:01PM UTC

   I 100% agree with: Anonymous

   05/31/24 at 11:53AM MST

6. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 7:02PM UTC

   yes, it will reflect badly on you. press on with a smile and confidence. you can be the grownup by being and acting like the confident person that you are. :)

7. AnonymousMay 31,2024 at 10:12PM UTC

   In business we are often faced with personal challenges we would otherwise steer clear of. Being professional and in command of our emotions is part of the role of a professional. So, unless she is not equipped or able to perform the work, I suggest you stand down and perform your obligations impeccably.

8. AlexisJune 1,2024 at 1:02PM UTC

   Grin and bear it. You're not part of that anymore.

   If you really hate it, just pretend you are throwing cream pies in her face.

   Grudge holding is bad for your health, by the way.

   You don't have to forget- just let go of the grudge.

   And now when you deal with her, it's temporary. The demo/training isn't 40 hours a week.

   You can do this without sacrificing yourself or being a victim.

9. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 1:06PM UTC

   I wouldn’t mention anything and proceed the training with professionalism and confidence. You got this! you are not the one who should be embarrassed for your past actions, so you should hold your head high. You’ve moved on, and you’re now in a better place. No more letting irrelevant factors (FORMER toxic boss) get to you! :)

10. AnonymousJune 1,2024 at 1:19PM UTC

    Grow up. This is business. Success is the best revenge.

11. AnonymousJune 3,2024 at 3:06AM UTC

    wow..no need to be rude. If you want to tell me to grow up, which I needed to hear there are more tactful ways to say it.

12. AnonymousJune 2,2024 at 1:08PM UTC

    ??‍♀️

13. Erin VegaJune 4,2024 at 4:09PM UTC

    Kill her with kindness.