I had my 3-month review a few weeks ago. It has been a rough transition. I am an Administrative Assistant to an enormous corporation, a construction company.

Anonymous

July 14,2024 at 2:06PM UTC

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I had my 3-month review a few weeks ago. It has been a rough transition. I am an Administrative Assistant to an enormous corporation, a construction company.

I didn't have any experience in construction or semiconductor production but applied because I am great as an assistant.

I know my review wasn't going to be great but I was disgusted after.

It started like this:

We had picked you out of 30 people, and you were hired. 30 people we skipped to hire you. (not my fault)

You are spineless, you have no backbone. "You need to get a spine." Take things and run with them. (I am not spineless)

You need to block people from coming up to the director. (I am a great gatekeeper) But here is an example:

Tom interrupted my review to say something about someone not helping him. (he was getting the issue off his chest) My director said to me after he left, "Have you been to his office, worked with him, or introduced yourself to him?"

I said, "Yes, he has trained me on the expense reports, we work together on the seating for the new office, and we have had numerous meetings for the transition of the move."

I was so angry! It was like the director and my manager were feeding off each other.

I was also told I had anxieties over an event for 500 people I was planning. I told her "no, I didn't have anxieties, I was stressed because the date changed 4x's, twice it changed the week of. Also, the week of the event the invitations were not sent out. Not because of me, but because of the director not able to make up his mind on the invitation. Too many other things to list.

The week of the event I was also told I needed 3 options for the way the tables were set up. He was mad at me because I didn't have those options. We had a meeting on the tables two weeks before and agreed on the set up.

I feel like I am working for a crazy person and mixed up organization. I have planned numerous events but have never work for a place that has no training, no organization, nor setting up your new hire for success. I had to ask numerous times for training in the beginning. I had to ask Tom to go over the expense reports with me since I submit 7 expense reports every month.

There are so many other things that happened or were said in the review.

After my review was over about 10 minutes later my manager came up to me and told me she was sorry and didn't mean to be mean to me.

I am trying to decide if I should send an email to HR and go into more detail of my review.

I am looking for a new job. I can't work with people that are so disrespectful and down right mean. They have no clue what I have done to get training on my own. I was told in my review that this is a new position so we have had nothing to train you on. That was an excuse!

I know this is long, so many more things were said too many to list, but I just have never been treated that way and I am angry!

What does everyone think I should do? Part of me wants to report them but part of me wants to just move on. Do my job for now until I find something else. Ignore and just be myself. I have been told that I have turned things around 160% by a project manager. So I don't know!

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AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 2:41PM UTC
Do your job and look for another. As soon as you get the other, leave. Your current workplace sounds like a nightmare.
AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 2:43PM UTC
OMG what a horrible experience. Funny how management doesn't know what it wants, so can't train you, but everything that goes wrong is your fault.
Get out of there as fast as you can. I'd take a temp job just to keep my stress level down and my sanity up.
Good luck!
AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 4:37PM UTC
This position is not a fit. Aggressively look for new roles because this is definitely coming to an end.
AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 7:58PM UTC
just reflecting back that you mentioned: “I feel like I’m working for a crazy person” LISTEN TO THAT. Re-circ your resume again… you’ll never be successful working for crazy people. No matter what you do - it’ll be the game of gaslight. Re-circ your resume. Listen to that inner voice.
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 6:21AM UTC
Definitely I always take insults with me to my CV that's what motivates me to moveeee onnn.
AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 8:02PM UTC
Clearly keep looking for a new job, as this one is NOT a good fit for you.
Though keep in mind that assistants are expected to have superhuman patience and remain cool and calm, and be able to pivot no matter how many times and how close to an event that the boss changes his/her mind.
I've been an assistant for over 30 years now (4 different companies, moving up in my career) and outlasted several bosses. I love what I do, and know that I need to stay sharp and cool as a cucumber and just get the job done. I had no one to train me in my current position (started 2 weeks before covid shut down, and I was the only assistant on campus). Hang in there. You'll find something that suits you where you can grow and thrive.
AnonymousJuly 14,2024 at 8:03PM UTC
Get your resume out there !!! Keep notes or even a dictation voice note of your experience- file it away. Also keep notes of everything You have done well and ways you had to seek training yourself. It’ll help keep your confidence up. And look elsewhere - next time ask them about their training transitions… if they have no support for training - keep interviewing
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 6:19AM UTC
If a job is giving you anxiety already perhaps they have a point.. you need to leave, let them give anxiety to somebody else! .. I would take it as feedback and just do it to their liking for now.. while I would search for a job high and low! .. plus they may be used to running things a certain way... no training resources that's no excuse to be treating you like that.. that's why when I interview one of the questions I always ask is if they have training resources available or how will I catch up .. is there a handover.. because if you have experience sometimes just by shadowing you can pretty much understand how they operate.. I personally never take insults to heart ..
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 12:51PM UTC
I would take a few sick or personal days from work to face this without constantly day to day work.
take a few days to reflect. You will also show them you are ready to walk away. Retreat. It’s a psychological game.
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 1:13PM UTC
I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I have worked for the “crazy person” where deliverables are constantly changing and I have received the critical review. You can’t win in that situation. Unless you have been put on a performance improvement plan, I would not recommend talking to HR. The crazy person will become highly defensive and make your life worse. Look for another job while you still have the energy and your sanity.
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 1:25PM UTC
I’ve also been there. And at the end of the contract, the crazy person (CP) made some very unreasonable, unrealistic demands. When I refused, the CP told me to never ask for a reference. After 3 years of working for them. HR didn’t care.
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 7:53PM UTC
HR is for the company 1st. And agreed a CP doesn’t have to play by any rules if they’re the boss. HR is employed by them.
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 5:37PM UTC
Breathe, it's time for you to learn how to manage your manager. I think you need to sit them down and let them know how you take feedback. Tell them that as you move forward from this review you want to have some controls around doing events and supporting people. Create a google form for events with clear questions that need to be answered kind of like a questionnaire for what needs to be done and what timeline and budget and any no-no's for that as well. Be clear in that as things are being done in the moment you want clear direction and to know the edges of what you can and cannot make decisions about to make it happen. Let them know that your goal is to support them but that you are not a mind reader and need to understand the ways of decisionmaking and things so that you don't fail them. Make it more about them than you because ultimately your role is a support one and if they do not feel properly supported then they think you are not doing the job.
Create a daily 5-15 minute check in with each person you support at the beginning of the day to set expectations. Start to keep a spreadsheet of what you have done and your accomplishments not only for them but for you. Don't necessarily share it but do keep one on your own computer so that you have a record for when you do change roles. Yes, you are going through a rough patch but giving up IMHO is not the right move. Prove them wrong about you, keep your chin up and when you get through the next quarter with a revised plan of workflow with priorities on what you do P1-3 ( 1 being drop everything and do it now and 3 being it gets done during the quarter) then you can reassess how things are going. If someone is downright mean to you directly tell them that you do not respond to mean comments but corrective action that is helpful and intended for betterment is what you can change with. Get it done, you got this, running away means you fail. Don't let them fail you!
As for the comment about training, many companies hire you assuming you are ready to jump in, and you probably sold them on that when they took you on. If you didn't ask about how they onboard and train a new person then it's on you that you need to do that for your next employer. Or history will repeat itself. It's sad that the comment about hiring you over 30 others was in there it's totally uncalled for but that is another reason for you to prove them wrong. When you rise up, you can then if you decide to walk away say ha you lost a good person because you did not take care of me in this relationship. In a big corporation change is constant be assured that you need to be mindful of this as you move ahead, this means deadlines, and decisions too.
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 8:03PM UTC
I might try this and see how the crazy person responds.
If they respond to you setting limits by being nastier - well that’s informative … escalate your search and you’ll be proud that you stood up for yourself.
How’s that for having a spine. ;)
It’s important to note that some people thrive in chaotic communication environments and some do not. You ultimately cannot change how that boss communicates (or doesn’t) and you put in a lot of workarounds to try to get in their head about what’s priority for them… but at the end of the day - you do need to protect you health and sanity.
And if you go in - take charge - create work arounds - lay boundaries AND they are still quasi crazy… (all the while you are quietly looking…) then you know this is who they are and you can’t fix it. Next right step for you is key.
Tami L CannizzaroJuly 16,2024 at 3:21PM UTC
Agree with so much of this answer. (I do think your manager was over the top with calling you "spineless" - uncalled for and better ways to state what she wanted to say) I've had that same boss a few times, where they don't remember what was said or understand that they are the road block to progress.
That said: this sounds like a fast-paced organization. I thrive in this type of environment; not everyone does. When I was in event marketing, I was always asking myself, What are the worst-case scenarios (date changes, weather issues, catering cancels, etc.) and what's my back-up plan? This helped me be prepared not only for changes but also for questions from execs. I didn't need a perfect solution; just an idea that showed I was thinking about it.
In addition, it's on all of us - no matter our job - to manage up. The best advice I ever received was "Publish or Perish" - meaning, put everything in writing. To manage up, I schedule weekly one-on-ones with an agenda to show progress and next steps. If my manager would cancel, I email the info. If the meeting goes as planned, I email a recap of our discussion and decisions. Publish or perish.
And - as others have stated - organizations rarely provide training anymore. It's up to us to learn on our own, sort of baptism by fire.
Allow yourself to reset your mind and move forward. You have this; don't let one set back slow you down!
MBee170July 18,2024 at 1:59PM UTC
Anon 1:38
This post should be shared with all new support hires. You have so many great ideas.
Thank you
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 4:55PM UTC
I am the writer of the piece above, thank you and yes, when things get tough, running away is not the best solution. Share at will!
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 2:22PM UTC
We did set up a meeting to go over his calendar every morning. About 6 weeks into to the great meetings we had, which were so informative for me to understand what meetings he needed to attend and which ones he was tentative and so on, he told me in my review: "I work best in the morning and don't want to meet to go over my calendar" then about a week later he told me, "let's go over my calendar and figure out my day". Lovely! Changing his mind constantly and being so incredibly difficult to work with is a drag! One minute he is sharing a text he received from a friend, the next preaching to me about critical thinking. His field manager made a mistake, but took it out on me. I just laugh now because you can't change crazy or even make them happy.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 3:15PM UTC
Well, I disagree. Once again if he turns and shifts 180 do call him on it. The line to use is. Okay so now I am confused. We spoke on Month (insert month here) 1st and after 6 weeks of this process you now prefer instead of that to have me do ABC instead of XYZ? I want to be sure I do it as you prefer. Then let him respond directly. Memorialize it on your calendar and in notes dated. If things shift again do the same again. Let him know you can shift back and forth but consistent information makes it easier to do your job and to make him happy.
AnonymousJuly 15,2024 at 7:49PM UTC
You really cannot fix someone else’s mental health. You can create a zillion ways to improve work flows… and you can reverse engineer systems that never existed to begin with and at the end of the day - if the boss is batsh*t crazy … that will roll downhill to impact you. Look quietly.
AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 12:47PM UTC
Hey there. I hope all works out with you, but I feel you would be leaving the company too soon. You give an impression that this is your first time working for a big company and instead of looking at the whole picture you’re pointing to others as the problem. Reading your post did give me a feeling that you were suffering anxiety. It’s important to have open lines of communication with all important stakeholders. There is no reason why a certain change should stress you, when it didn’t appear everyone else was stressed since the date was changed twice in the week of the event. Take a moment to reevaluate everything and see ways you can improve because this will be an experience that will be beneficial in the long run if you choose to decide to work for another big company. Don’t run away from challenges, face them head on. Regardless of what they said, there’s a reason why they hired you. Look on the brighter side, your evaluation could have been a meeting to let you go. Believe in yourself and turn things around. All the best.
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 3:51PM UTC
With all due respect, I could not disagree more. Have you ever planned an event for 500 people? I have many times. It is stressful even if it does go to plan (especially if you are new and trying to make a good impression). If a date changes a lot, that means you have to update vendors, attendees, speakers, etc. It can be a lot of extra work for no reason. Changing such a big event up to the last minute shows how chaotic this company really is.
Feedback: Feedback is important for all of us to grow and learn--but what they gave is not feedback. Saying you are "spineless" does not help someone change or fix any problems. Giving specific examples of what happened and what they would prefer her to do, would be--right after it happened. Don't wait until a 6 month review to give feedback. This should be done at the very minimum in a weekly or bi-weekly 1:1.
She should not stick around, she should RUN for the hills.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 2:05PM UTC
I was not filled with anxiety! I had been there for three months and that was the third event I had planned. I am not an event planner. I am an Executive Assistant/Administrative Assistant. There was no need to speak to me that way! If you want your team to succeed, you set them up for success! NOT bully them and then decide that they don't have any type of training for the position, which I had made very clear in my interview that I had never worked in Semiconductor/construction before and wanted extensive training because I didn't want to be thrown in a position where I couldn't succeed, if hired. Must have fallen on deaf ears.
The other events I had planned were A+! We all had a great time. This one was a "circus" themed, so fitting. Great, had all the games, bounce houses, 5 different food vendors all scheduled. Then maybe a week later was changed to "taste of culture". The date changed so did the amount of people from 1000 to 500. So this was not an easy plan. He even told me one morning, "you are going to kill me but, the date changed again". I didn't say a word, I just let him ramble on.
Anyone in their right mind would have been stressed. Please look up the difference between stress and anxiety! I actually told that to the manager. She pooh poohed that! She didn't understand what she was speaking about!
I will listen to the others and continue to look for another job.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 7:16PM UTC
The poster with the “all the best” sign off is clearly an owner/ gm. They were armchair diagnosing and gaslighting… take care not to allow your ears to be garbage cans for others emotional manipulations… take care of you first.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 7:12PM UTC
Hear the gaslight in the post above?
AnonymousJuly 21,2024 at 6:08PM UTC
NO I do not, what I hear is intelligent advice which is intended for the betterment of the OP. Her story is not uncommon and she does need to own her part in things so that she can get what she needs from the situation. Why take the low road in giving people advice, she came here to vent and this advice from the person you responded to is sage advice that she should consider. Running doesn't solve the problem.
AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 12:58PM UTC
OMG!! Sounds extremely toxic. It’s plain as day they do not either value or respect administrative assistants! Get out, now! Document everything regarding the event planning and just tell them, flat out, that this cannot and will not be done if there are constant changes. My heart goes out to you.
AnonymousJuly 16,2024 at 1:30PM UTC
Spineless? Spineless? I would have immediately put a stop to the review and told them that this was in appropriate, unprofessional and insulting. Did they write that down on your review? In my experience you are able to respond to your review and I absolutely would. Definitely look elsewhere for a job outside of this circus. In the meantime you want to get paid. Respond to the review and ask for specific actions they want you to take for improvement..I. Writing. Then set out to accomplish what you can and do not pay attention to their ridiculous demands. Document everything with annoying emails confirming all you’re doing or have been asked to do. This willl improve your confidence and bring some joy back into your life while putting some pain in to theirs. Ensure that you go to HR and report it all including your serious willingness to improve but unwillingness to be abused.
Beth LeporeJuly 17,2024 at 12:47PM UTC
Don't report. Just look for another job ASAP!
CMTJuly 17,2024 at 12:48PM UTC
You have a lot of great advice here I highly recommend you get your résumé out there. There is no reason to be talk to like that in any workplace. I worked in a toxic work environment for five years with a passive aggressive boss and let me tell you it took a mental toll on me, I am sure you are good at your job. These comments are extremely positive and we are all in agreeance…that you deserve better !!!!so go for it. Waste no more time and energy at this place. !!!!!
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 12:57PM UTC
yeah, I would just leave. Like quietly get everything of yours out of there without them knowing and then just leave and never come back.
Lori CasoJuly 17,2024 at 12:58PM UTC
You need to get out of there…Leave if you can. If you can’t leave yet…start looking for another job. For your sanity have a goal to be out within 60 days. Better if they fired you - then you can get unemployment.
Alley KeosheyanJuly 17,2024 at 1:02PM UTC
I feel your pain on this. On one of my first jobs out of college, which I busted my @ss on, my performance review basically said I was a whiny, defensive know-it-all who "blamed her shortcomings on others", "became combative when confronted with her errors" and "whose lack of interpersonal skills alienated the entire staff." It was nearly 40 years ago, but I remember those hurtful and untrue comments word for word! What I did was go over my supervisor's head and write a rebuttal which I hand-delivered to the GM, who ultimately took my side.
I don't know if your company culture would receive that very well, but it sounds like your co-workers are a bunch of dysfunctional narcissists. Reporting them to HR may fall flat or backfire especially if these people make the company money (been there, too).
Dust off your CV, start looking, maybe get some freelance work or a side hustle and get the hell out of there.
TracyJuly 17,2024 at 1:11PM UTC
Pretty unprofessional on their part.
"... my manager came up to me and told me she was sorry and didn't mean to be mean to me. " Seriously? Of course, it wasn't mean, but it WAS unprofessional! Talk about spineless.
Training? It's a new position so no way to train because it's new position? That is a ridiculous response they gave you.
My thoughts? Get out of there as soon as possible. Very toxic work environment. There's no pleasing these folks.
Luci WurdemannJuly 17,2024 at 1:20PM UTC
I'm sorry this happened to you. I have never heard of such disrespectful performance review process. It seems you were the scapegoat for leadership's shortcomings.
I would definitely involve HR - this could be a case of harassment (depending on the legal definition for your jurisdiction).
If you are a member of a bargaining unit, you definitely also have grounds for a complaint/grievance - they likely did not follow the CBA in terms of performance review processes, and especially if they directly/indirectly threatened dismissal.
In the meantime, shop for a new job. This firm is definitely disfunctional.
Cindy GloverJuly 17,2024 at 1:29PM UTC
Holy CRAP
They accused you of having a medical condition? I can’t……
it’s only going to get worse honey - I say get out of there
I’m absolutely flabbergasted at their comments- back bone?? I’d have shown them my backbone alright….
walking out the door
Cindy GloverJuly 17,2024 at 1:31PM UTC
Definitely write everything down (if it’s not on here) - it’s so easy to forget the “little” things that may seem trivial in comparison to the above
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 1:33PM UTC
Find a new job. As soon as you are ready to give notice, go ahead and file a complaint with HR officially, and give your notice based on that complaint.
No one should have to put up with gaslighting and mean-spirited people at work, no one. Good luck.
RachelJuly 17,2024 at 1:44PM UTC
150% agree. They don't want an employee; they want a punching bag. Don't ever let anyone make you their punching bag. We all deserve better than that.
Colleen HansonJuly 17,2024 at 2:13PM UTC
I would start looking for a new job immediately! When you give your notice to leave I would relay all of the above to HR in your "exit interview". If the company is so disorganized you may not have an exit interview, but I would go ahead and report it to HR once you know you have secured another position. Large companies often do not know about a lot of things that take place internally, so this information could be helpful to them going forward when they are choosing managers, etc.
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 3:39PM UTC
This is the answer.
Jennie MontañoJuly 17,2024 at 2:15PM UTC
Whole bunch of red flags there and it sounds definitely like a them problem - not you. A performance review should be written, so if they used this terminology in writing, do not sign off on it.
Mich.Fr.July 17,2024 at 2:40PM UTC
Do not go to HR. They are there for the company, not for you. Keep looking for another job and try to get out quickly. This place sounds like a nightmare. Do your job to the best of your abilities, and move on as soon as you can.
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 2:40PM UTC
OMG . . . you need to get out of there. FAST!!!
What horrible people to work for.
EMILY KIKUE FRANKJuly 17,2024 at 2:41PM UTC
You can refuse to sign the review if it was in writing. I've had to do that before when I had a crazy manager, too. If it wasn't, refute each point they made (that you can remember) with an example and submit it to your manager and HR. It probably won't do much but you will know you did what you could. Then do what you can in your job (a little quiet quitting would be appropriate here) and hit your search hard. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Lots of people get put in leadership roles when they really shouldn't.
EMILY KIKUE FRANKJuly 17,2024 at 2:42PM UTC
Oh, and if you're in the US, absolutely write a review on a site like Glass Door after you've left! At least warn others away.
Shelly HughesJuly 17,2024 at 2:41PM UTC
Don't go to HR, you should be able to respond in writing to the review if things are inaccurate. Just look for another job and RUN!
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 2:42PM UTC
Like everyone else said on this thread, that is a horrible place to work and yes, look for another job. Also, HR is not your friend so wait until you secure a new position before explaining to them why you are so unhappy. They will all take sides against you and fire you if you turn in a report now. Just get another job, as I said, asap and then turn int that report. HR will be dealing with a high turnover rate if that is how they operate.
Lori DolanJuly 17,2024 at 3:47PM UTC
Wow. Just reading you've been called spineless was enough to send me into apoplexy. I would at least set up a meeting with HR, BUT do not show your hand. Do not give an inkling you're searching for a job. This market is beyond brutal, and you might be stuck there a while. However, make your valid points known, and give them the whole "what can we do to move forward?" rhetoric. It'll hopefully help lower the temperature until you're gone.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 7:01PM UTC
Do not go to HR right now. They will use everything and everyone against you. When you give your notice still wait until the last day… then do the exit and be gone.
Christi LopezJuly 17,2024 at 3:48PM UTC
As others have indicated, I would not contact HR about the way your review was handled, but I would dispute any inaccurate statements and back that up with supporting documentation.
For example, the issue with the director not making a decision on invitations - indicate you reached out to the director (specific dates and times) and include any quotes from emails that indicate you do not have the authority to make those decisions. Have a clear timeline.
You say there was agreement on the table setup - if he didn't send his approval in writing and only gave it verbally, in the future follow up that meeting with an email summarizing decisions made and ask for his confirmation.
Overall, this sounds like an extremely dysfunctional and chaotic work environment. Despite being there only three months, I would be seeking out new employment. Otherwise, it sounds like you'll need to be spending a lot of time managing up.
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 3:55PM UTC
Seems like a weird flex that they told you they picked you out of 30 applicants. To me that is a red flag that they didn't have more. I work at a small company (less than 100ppl) and I get over 500 applications for each posted role.
Get out of that toxic place as fast as you can. Start looking and tell them your thoughts on your last day.
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 4:13PM UTC
Given the job market, you likely need to try to make this work in the short run. Document everything. For events, be clear about next steps and to do's. You don't need expensive software, a simple chart with item, responsibilities, time frames and comments will work. When something's done or irrelevant be sure do briefly document those details as well. Communicate achievements, next steps, etc.
Don't ever use any emotion in your communication, not even double question marks or exclamations. Finally, consider a one page weekly report to your boss that sums up what you did in the past week relative to your job description, what you plan to do next week and any roadblocks/milestones. Keep it brief, factual and without emotion. It's a great way to document that you are doing your job and a subtle warning that you are documenting so not to mess with you. SO valuable if things get ugly or if you end up with a reporting change. PS if they tell you it's not necessary, do it anyway, just don't send it.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 1:22PM UTC
Your ideas are great! I was told about 10 days ago I need to try to stay at 40 hours a week. They have put so much on my plate that not one person can do it all. Even the person who sits next to me that has become a good friend said to me on Thursday, "I hate that you are so busy now, we can't even chat". Part of me thinks they are adding to my list to try and drive me out. I wouldn't put it past them! Also, with all this extra responsibility, I am not even close to making what an assistant with these duties should be making.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 6:56PM UTC
Appreciate this approach
LORI-ANN BURLINGAMEJuly 17,2024 at 5:41PM UTC
That is a lot going on in your posting. What stands out to me is the need for planning, better communication, and clarification.
An inexperience manager is difficult to work with, and your manager sounds like she is unsure of herself. Make a list of pros and cons and what you want your job/next job to look like.
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 5:57PM UTC
I'm an Executive Assistant and I am blown away but what happened to you. I understand that they may not know how to train someone as it's a new position, but they still have some training and be respectful. I recommend finding something new and just walking away. Good luck with your future endeavor. I would probably have quit on the spot. Changing a date 4 x is ridiculous. They are the clown show!
MelanieJuly 17,2024 at 8:47PM UTC
Start your job search and find a new role asap. The culture doesn’t sound good. Determine what you will tell employers if you are looking to move so quickly - make sure it is diplomatic and not bashing them. Save the feedback to HR during your exit interview or set up time close to your last day of work.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 6:54PM UTC
Be strategic in what you say in that exit interview - there can still be blowback impacting your next step.
AnonymousJuly 17,2024 at 11:44PM UTC
I would look for a new job, don’t bother with HR that won’t help you , keep doing your best and find abetter oppurtunity
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 12:17PM UTC
This is the best answer. HR will only help management push you out faster. Accelerate your job hunt and lay low in the meantime.
AnonymousJuly 21,2024 at 6:04PM UTC
STOP! bashing HR
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 12:23PM UTC
If you go to HR, while it is supposedly illegal, you will become a target for retaliation. They won't do it for this, they will nit pick any and everything you do until you either quit or they have enough to fire you.
Good luck! I am sorry you have to deal with this!
AnonymousJuly 21,2024 at 6:04PM UTC
STOP! bashing HR
AnonymousJuly 23,2024 at 6:28PM UTC
I am not bashing HR. I have watched it time and time again. An employee went to HR for something. Within 6 months, the employee was gone. Suddenly written up for things that have been happening everywhere. The employee would get put on worst shifts, hardest duties, etc....It was retaliation without being called retaliation. It was not by HR, it was by the people that the employee reported to HR>
AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 5:04PM UTC
Direct managers make decisions about who to fire, HR is not the one that does that. If the manager has documentation about the persons behavior and they want to get rid of someone they do it. In many states where it is at will you don't even need a reason. But if you don't follow the rules set forth in a company handbook or culture they will let you go. They owe you nothing, this has zero to do with HR it is just a fact.
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 1:23PM UTC
I'm sorry you experienced this. Very similar thing happened to me ... after a year of abuse I finally just left. They were targeting me just like they are targeting you.
HR is not your friend, despite what they may tell you. Anything you say to them will be used against you (completely counterintuitive, I know). Your manager sounds just like mine - mean, rude, and on some kind of
power trip. I was salary shamed multiple times "we gave this job to YOU, and YOU asked for more money and we gave it to you!" Ya, and??? It's a tactic they use to gaslight you. Salary / being the one hired out of 30 applicants has ZERO space in a conversation once you've been hired. Completely irrelevant. I'm glad you're looking for other employment. Good luck! :)
AnonymousJuly 21,2024 at 6:04PM UTC
STOP! bashing HR
AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 1:21PM UTC
You must be HR. Those of us who have had to bring issues to HR have learned the hard way that HR is not interested in solutions for a healthier workplace. They protect the company first.
AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 5:02PM UTC
This is total BS, there are amazing people in HR on many awesome companies and their role is a complex one especially in situations where there are grievances. I won't bash your career choice either! HR's job is not to protect the company it is to work alongside the business and to support the rules that are fair across the business and the employee base. And no I do not work in HR I work in legal alongside some of the best HR people in the business.
AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 5:25PM UTC
You don't know my career choice. Regardless, I have been in the workforce for over 30 years in multiple fields and I have never yet encountered an HR department that actually protected its employees. I see why you feel the way you do, though - you "work in legal alongside some of the best HR people in the business". I worked with in-house legal, who worked with HR once upon a time, and in-house legal also protected the company. I believed once too.
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 1:42PM UTC
Definitely report it to HR. If she really said those things and you have proof, you have a case of harassment under Title VII the civil rights act. If HR doesn't take it seriously, a labor law attorney will happy to help you. As a former Executive Assistant to high level executives, I now work in HR in internal investigations. Believe me, it is more common than you think. Check this out: www.eeoc.gov/harassment
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 1:59PM UTC
Do not even waste your time with HR. Anything you say can and will be used against you, and nothing will be done to or about your manager. Find another job where you are treated with the respect you deserve!!
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 2:37PM UTC
I would continue looking for a new position and move on as soon as you can. Not only is it completely unprofessional how you were spoken to during your review, but it appears they don't have a clue what they're doing when it comes to your position.
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 3:09PM UTC
I wouldn't bother with HR at this time, but continue to look for another opportunity, keep your head down, and do the best you can. When it comes time to give your notice and your exit interview, be completely candid in why you are leaving. Continue to take notes and have them with you. Additionally, I would start backing everything up via email. "To confirm what was discussed in our meeting, you have approved table set up Z for event on DATE. Set ups X and Y have been eliminated. Also, menu options A and B have been approved. Please let me know if there will be any adjustments to this plan." and attach relevant items, like table set ups and menu options, to the email. It's a pain, but it covers you in cases like this.
AnonymousJuly 18,2024 at 3:26PM UTC
Get OUT. I once had a principal "Susie", who went to my church and was super friendly to me regularly.
The day we had to put down our dog, "Kitster" was a Friday during Covid. I was a paraprofessional in charge of a remote learning group of several elementary students. During noon recess, a fellow para had his puppy out on the playground with him (Fridays were "Bring Your Pooch to School" day.) I lost it and when he asked what was wrong, I told him that our family had a 4 o'clock appointment to put our dog down at home. He asked me why don't you just go and be with your pup. I told him that I had no one to cover my classroom. He agreed to do that for me. I reviewed what the afternoon plan was (watching a video). No brainer, right? Susie later comes busting into the classroom and tersely asks, "Ok, so what's the plan?" Yikes!
Afterward, when I posted on Facebook regarding putting my "Kitster" down, guess who the first condolence post was from? Good ole Susie. :)
AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 8:23PM UTC
Maybe not 'Susie's' best comment, but that does not seem toxic like what this op has shared.
KathyJuly 18,2024 at 5:41PM UTC
Run away as fast as you can. Good luck!
AnonymousJuly 19,2024 at 9:56PM UTC
I've been there, done that, and signed the evaluation, stating that it is up to interpretation and debate whether it reflected the reality of my performance. The evaluators had neither the qualifications, experience, insight, or understanding to perform such an evaluation, for there was not enough interaction between us to have a clear picture and expectation of what was being evaluated. Thus, it was unfair and unrealistic, all things considered (no training, no support, no schedule, no orientation, etc.).
Humbly, I would be glad to give honest feedback with specific examples of my performance based on the evaluators' evaluation that they are certain to have missed, overlooked, and taken into account on their minds if that would help the company improve its evaluators' skills in the future for a fair, equal, respectful, serious evaluation of staff members. signed/dated.
I had made up my mind, heart, and soul to leave the company right there and then, so I requested a meeting with both (CEO/Director and Manager) and gave them feedback on such an evaluation that no doubt was based on someone else's performance but mine. I gave my evaluation of their evaluation and performance with specific examples, such as the likes you mentioned, " turn things around 160%, etc." I thanked them for the fruitful, enlightening meeting opportunity and let them know moving forward, it would be great to have one evaluator, not two, three, or four , and have that one mentor, train, and spend time with the new hire for the first three months. I let them know that, hopefully, there would not be any hard feelings should they let me go or should I decide to leave. Regardless, I would very much appreciate a review of that evaluation if it is part of my permanent record with the company.
Three weeks later, I found my dream job and gave them my two weeks' notice as a courtesy. I heard that the problem was chronic and ancient, so an independent company evaluator was hired and provided a 41-page report recommending drastic and immediate changes in their low-grade, unethical, unprofessional, outrageous, disgusting behavior. The report highlighted 80% of what I and other staff had brought to their attention. Sometimes, a new hire can better understand what is going on than veteran ones who might desperately need the job and choose to stay stuck in a toxic, dysfunctional environment.
Quote: "Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment" Lao Tzu.
You're both wise and enlightened.
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 1:03PM UTC
Your insight with my issue is so incredibly spot on and really has given me a lot to think about. All that has gone on I do seem to be quick to snap at things that are said to me from my Director. For some reason this has made him take a step back and realize I will not be spoken to that way and somehow he has had more respect but I know this will mostly be short lived. The other person that was in the interview that told me I don't have a back bone, is still not speaking to me or when she does she acts very meek.
I have been applying to jobs. I do want to leave, I am extremely unhappy with things and still feel like I am walking on eggshells and that is no way to feel at your job.
Thank you again!
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 6:48PM UTC
Sounds like the meek one is projecting onto you..? Glad you are looking, you have inner knowing still intact enough to not get sucked into the chaos. Best of luck to you!
AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 8:20PM UTC
Definitely get out of there as soon as you can!
AnonymousJuly 20,2024 at 6:46PM UTC
I agree with this 100% - sometimes long timers in the company dysfunction inhibit progress! Like a Stockholm syndrome of sorts. They cannot see the Forrest for the trees / toxic tactics.
Damie WilsonJuly 21,2024 at 1:19PM UTC
Go to an EMDR therapist while you're looking for work. Talk to a therapist about you. Find out about you.
Apply for work after you've dealt with this workplace trauma. You don't want to bring this experience to your new job.
Find some references at this job that can write a positive report on paper. Keep copies with their signature that youve managed to secure some positive feedback. Ask an employment lawyer questions about "proving" the illegal bullying being done to you. "Can I wear a gopro?"
Once you've found work since you don't know how to go into business for youreself, you'll have to put in a notice.
Before you go to this new place if hired, watch a flick called Office Space.
Put your notice in at current job.
Bring a red stapler with you and your gopro.
Ensure your employment with the new company is secure.
Now here's where things get interesting. Eff with these a $$ clowns that last two weeks with your red stapler. "I don't have the spine for that." "I'm not sorry for not doing something I didn't know I was to do, remember this position was created without a job description. " "Oh, do you still want me to do that task?" "Say please."
Put secret cameras in places where people love to gossip and create problems for other people because when they see just how awesome you really are, then the envy sin will take over and more deadly sins like wrath and pride. You'll see, why you were chosen of the 30. Because the other 30 were like, ah hell to the no no...no. ain't being your little B*****.
Don't make any threats to burn the place down. You don't have to be mean or evil. But you don't have to give them your emotional energy as you casually stride in earning some pay the last two weeks with the same attitude and lack of patience they have bestowed upon you.
Watch how they react to the same treatment you have received.
Ya see, lots of employers know people need to work. It's a lot like under writing money. They lie to governments about cost and they lie to customers about cost.
People will lie to you about the responsibilities. It's all about energy.
Ex: it's illegal to not have an orientation check list. How can you discipline an employee over work performance when there's no proof of the job description? When someone suddenly sucks at their job its customers to have a PIP.
Get a lawyer. Get a therapist. Like they said. "No spine."
Then go in there with what they will never have. A heart.
AnonymousJuly 23,2024 at 5:00PM UTC
Is this serious advice or satire?
must be satire because no one would suggest installing cameras in an office or record people without their consent, as this is especially risky given the state the OP lives in.
AnonymousJuly 25,2024 at 8:17PM UTC
Strongly disagree with everything about this 'advice'!
Alicia LeeJuly 21,2024 at 2:49PM UTC
HR is never a resource in my dealing and with them just creating this job but not having a clue of your tasks or clear on any directions, leave asap. No notice. Tell them that is your backbone and you stand firm on it. It shouldn't be you getting the blame for all their shortcomings.
AnonymousJuly 22,2024 at 1:07PM UTC
What this organization needs are people that read minds (lol) Seriously, I do know that there are folks out there that have this uncanny ability to anticipate needs well before they're even articulated. That's their gift. But if it's not yours, there's no shame. It simply means that this is not your rodeo. Great that you're looking for other opportunities. I'm sure that there's one out there that's just right for you and you don't have to subject yourself to outlandish outbursts of adults with childish tendencies. Best wishes to you.
AnonymousJuly 23,2024 at 5:07PM UTC
It sounds like maybe it’s an experience mismatch. They need someone who is super tenured and doesn’t need training or guidance and can actually guide them on what needs to be done.
Of course you have experience and a lot to offer. It doesn’t sound personal to you. Rather, it sounds like they assumed they can hire someone at any experience level and it’s the same as someone with 20 years experience.
Now, separate from that, the language (while unprofessional) sends a clear message that they intend to nudge you out. I suggest looking for a new job.
AnonymousAugust 7,2024 at 2:28PM UTC
OP how is it going? What did you decide to do?
AnonymousApril 16,2025 at 2:19PM UTC
I was let go from my job because we lost the bid for a new project. I was the Director's assistant. I have been looking for 3 months now. My last two positions were very short lived. One was 6-month contract, and the other was eliminated due to financial issues with my executive. I am wondering if this is why I am getting turned away from jobs I have applied to. Jobs that I am over qualified for, I am being turned down. I am really getting depressed about this.

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