My team consists of three people- the department head, me and another lady.

Anonymous

June 4,2023 at 6:32PM UTC

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My team consists of three people- the department head, me and another lady. This lady is on maternity leave currently and there will be no substitute for her till she resume, which would be another 7 months easily. I had discussed this with the head and requested to find a substitute as two people managing the department would be difficult. I have a 10 months old baby and aged mother at home. So i had made it clear that stretching beyond a limit, may not be possible for me as i need to support home as well. He had assured me of assigning someone else in her place. But now he has changed his mind. He said we need to share the load. The working hours i am putting my maximum effort to finish the tasks and not to keep anything pending. But i do not feel supported. He had taken leave on couple of crucial days when the workload was expected to be more and i had to manage it all alone. Also on many days he comes late to office citing personal reasons like his daughter’s badminton tournament, parent’s meeting at her school so and so. Also sometimes for official work he goes out and would return only after quite some time. He has taken up the work done by the lady who is on leave and most of the days he would do only that and rest everything i need to take care. So i feel i am doing two people’s work and he is taking advantage of me. He sits late in the office but only to finish the pending works which he has taken up on her absence. Also he is coming to office on weekends to finaih that. So other people in office is looking down on me as though i am evading work and putting all the work load on him, which i am finding so hurtful and embarrassing. There is no option of talkibg about this to higher ups because he is very close to them and convinced them that 2 people are enough to run the department. As i am new here i do not have the rapport with others as he has. I am finding this extremely stressful and on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I am not having any support system at office. How to handle this without me bursting out in anger/emotionally which i am afraid that might happen anytime?

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AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 7:09PM UTC
I think a couple of things.
I would be firm with your boundaries. I'm assuming you're a FT employee at 40 hours, I would make it clear that is what you can contribute. If you feel like you can offer X more, then cool, but I personally would be very cautious with this, slippery slope and all that. Also, if you're allotted personal time and you need to take it, then you should, no guilt.
You need to get ok with the head putting in the extra time and you meeting your required hours only. I'd been a workaholic in the past and it finally clicked for me one day when I nearly exhausted myself from pulling really crazy hours for 8 months straight. When I was falling ill after this, I was reprimanded for not putting in the extra effort. I literally stopped that nonsense that day. If I'm really passionate about a project I'll give a little extra because I want to, otherwise I show up, do good work, and then go home.
Good luck!
AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 10:47PM UTC
Solid advice!! I'm the admitted workaholic who also learned the hard way with the post above - suggesting a plan for the week.
As you know, the more you give, sometimes the more you are punished. It's ridiculous!!!
Life is short - work the 40 (plus the extra passion IF....) and go home!
Work to live, not live to work!!!
AnonymousJune 4,2023 at 8:39PM UTC
I have been there with being taken advantage of.
Like the other poster that worked 8mths and crazy hours with no appreciation - enough is enough.
I get it with the extra time for passionate projects and being a workaholic... I am one.
What I feel a good option - in addition to other advisors here - make a daily/weekly list to include your job and a few of the lady's from maternity leave (for good measure) and state you will work on a, b, c or whatever. Task "a" is an hr a day in the morning or client B is on Tuesdays at 1p. Then document the results (I document everything large or small) by date to include meetings, projects, training....
Tell them each Monday AM what you ARE planning on doing and Friday before you go home- what you ACHIEVED (I keep this in a spreadsheet - each pay period is a WS; you can do however: PPT slide by week or whatever. Meeting with client on Tuesday was successful because we-- Task A was approved by the board. This also helps with year end reviews as well as general memory jogging. Keep it brief with bullet points
Whether management *chooses* to read is on them. They would have the opportunity to change your plans and you can say ok - or not ok and an explanation of deadlines. Keeping everyone on the same page
If they don't say a word, keep on with YOUR plan. Not like you didn't try to be prioritizing as you ALWAYS have!
At the end of the day, go home. This covers you and emails are a timestamp of telling them your intentions.
You are smart, dedicated and talented! I doubt you are a mind-reader : )
--
A SMART manager would ask others in the group for their own priorities and also make the load as balanced as possible. We'll see how smart (or ignorant) your manager is. If they fall the test, start working on the resume and tell the next employer about your time management and ACCOMPLISHMENTS!!
AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 2:08AM UTC
STOP performing all duties, roll back your time spent working and focus only on your job. When asked, let them know you can only perform 1 person's duties which is your own.
Crystal HowellJune 5,2023 at 9:09AM UTC
Push back, if you allow it he will continue to play hookie. Did he do this MIA when she was around? Are you paid overtime?
You need to send a gentle email to him, to meet on how the projects can be handled with both of in ann efficient way.
Split the time and duties.. leave at 5 to handle home is more important like his is.
Come up with a plan, it's obvious he didn't think it through.
Can you get an intern from college that needs work hours, I don't think payment is needed?
rgstaffing@bellsouth.netJune 5,2023 at 1:17PM UTC
Time to update your resume and look for a new job.
Patricia CrookJune 5,2023 at 1:40PM UTC
Red flag. Time to update resume and look elsewhere.
Mary PoolJune 5,2023 at 2:29PM UTC
Boundaries, make them, love them, and live with the consequences of them. Companies will eat up your life if you let them. (The boundary book by John Townsend and Henry Cloud will change your life.)
I have to ask those still putting the ball in her court, do you honestly see a male running to the rescue, making plans, doing the schedules, dividing the work, and putting their future at risk, all to please their manager? These are management responsibilities. Getting the tasks outside of her original job done is not her responsibility – providing the schedules, resources, and materials needed is her manager’s job! And he is not doing his job!
Let me scream this: THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM; this is your manager’s problem. STOP doing the other person’s work. This is not a team effort – your manager has made that clear! He chose not to replace the person; HE must live with the consequences. Why should he change his behavior if you are willing to rescue him at every turn? Don’t you see you are being gaslighted?
So just stop. When asked about something, say truthfully, “XYZ is handling that. You will need to speak to him.” Repeat as needed. “Can’t you look into it?” “I’m sorry, XYZ is working on that; I don’t want to step on his toes.”
When you burn out, not if, when, who will take care of your child and your mom? Stop caring what others think, do the job you were hired to do, stop rescuing your boss, polish up your resume, and find another position before you become so burned out you are no good to anyone! Afraid they will replace you? Maybe, but can they afford to replace you now with the other person gone? Most likely not. Looks like you have seven months to find a better position.
Eva Condron-WellsJune 5,2023 at 3:11PM UTC
People underestimate things a lot at work, that is why most projects go over budget or are late. It sounds like the time to cover the person on leave was underestimated. Or the leaders above may have signaled to the leader not to add a person. But only 2 things can change to address this, either adjust the scope of work or add more resources to keep the same performance output.
To propose either one, ask to speak about it. Set it up by saying now that some time has gone by you have new insights and you want to ensure the next few months are successful.Use an STP format to the conversation.
Situation: What is happening now in a neutral way that all would agree with.
Target: What the ideal would be that all would agree with.
Proposal: Your recommendation of what will get to the Target.
Then ask if there is any reason this cannot happen.
Problems are part of work. If we see a problem, shifting to problem solving discussions in a constructive way can help.Additionally, as you attempt to solve the problem with your leader you will learn more about what else may be influencing the situation. How you reach the Target (desired future state) can happen in a myriad of ways too, so be open to other ideas as well. If the process of problem solving is challenging and you see things that show you are not valued, speak to it respectfully and ask for what you need to be different clearly..."I need to have the workload fit into an 8 hour day."(or whatever it is you need). Show you will have the conversation, you will bring ideas, and be part of creating a solution.
How that goes will inform your next steps. I sure hope this helps in some way!!
Mary PoolJune 5,2023 at 5:02PM UTC
99.9% of the time, I would agree with you 100%. This is excellent advice! However, in this situation, her manager is making a show of doing the work (staying conspicuously late, making sure everyone knows he was in that weekend) while, in reality, she is carrying the burden. I can see him agreeing to everything and nothing changing. It is worth a try, and I hope it works for her.
Eva Condron-WellsJune 5,2023 at 7:22PM UTC
I totally hear that Mary. Thanks for the note. Until the conversation happens though, it is an unknown. Call me an ever-hopeful optimist in the chance for change. :-) Experiment and take in the new information. And I think if she uses your feedback to add to her process...she may be able to mitigate the risk mentioned. We are all smarter together that is for sure!
AnonymousJune 5,2023 at 8:24PM UTC
Why do you care more than the department head? It's his reputation on the line. Do your job, work your expected hours, do as much as you can get done in that time, then go home. You have a baby. You can't ignore your baby regardless of what else is going on. You won't get these months back. If you need to take time off for a medical appointment or a daycare pickup, do it. He's modeling the proper behavior by continuing to be there for his own family. The weekend work or whatever - his decision to not get help for a long-term absence, his problem to solve. Let it go.
AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 12:42PM UTC
It is optics. If he is coming in on weekends, he looks like he’s working harder. He could be watching Netflix in the office on Sat but he has given up his weekend for it.
Did you ever meet the third member of the team? I hate to sound suspicious but it might be that you are just keeping the department running until she comes back. It seems like you got all the grunt work and he took over all important visible tasks. I would nose around about the woman on maternity leave. You may just be keeping her chair warm until she gets back. If that is the case, start looking.
AnonymousJune 6,2023 at 4:32PM UTC
Personally, I would come up with and present a plan to him to share the work. Yes, he is your manager, but taking the initiative, while addressing your own home/life balance. That may put you in control. He may find it easier to catch up on weekends to make up time needed during the week. If you set the plan and it's sound, then not only will your initiative be recognized, it shows collaboration during some challenging times. I would if you know about days he leaves early on a regular basis to be included... when presenting, ask him about days he knows of in advance where he'll need to come in late or leave early. It's better to know ahead of time and have a plan than making it critical the moment of. Good Luck