I got low-balled on my offer and I can’t stop beating myself up about it

13 Comments

1. DeniseJanuary 25,2023 at 2:31PM UTC

   Fear makes us do things that may not be in our best interest in the long run. Sounds like y9u were afraid that you would not get the job if you pushed for a higher salary. For future, write down the number or range you want to get and stick to it during negotiations. The worse they can say is no and then it is up to you to decide whether to accept or not. Ask for what you want vs asking the company what they can pay you. For this situation if you have not started the job yet you may want to reach back out to the recruiter and explain that after more consideration you realize that you need $x amount to make it work and that you are really interested in the role and the company and hope they can meet you at that number. At this stage this may be risky but you will feel better about yourself that you advocated for your worth.

2. AnonymousJanuary 25,2023 at 3:54PM UTC

   Thank you for this. I’m worried I could get off to the wrong foot with the Director of the agency. She really seemed to like me and I think she would need to approve a higher salary. I’m worried about potentially fracturing the relationship out the gate if I go back on the offer now.

3. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 26,2023 at 12:36AM UTC

   That is always a possibility.

4. AnonymousJanuary 25,2023 at 3:52PM UTC

   Hi, I’m not quite sure I understand your question. Are you saying I should reach out to the HR person again?

5. Barb HansenJanuary 25,2023 at 4:22PM UTC

   Learn from this lesson. Don't beat yourself up. Keep moving forward.

   Here is how I would proceed if I was in a similar situation (and I have been in your situation when it comes to wishing I'd asked for more in a salary negotiation) :

   1-- Start the job

   There was a reason that you accepted this position (trading off salary for a work-life balance), so start the job and see how you feel once you start working. Your work-life balance might be perfect, the work you are doing may be super meaningful and the team you work with might be great, so take a breath and move forward.

   2-- After I felt settled in (a month to a few months into this role), I would meet with my manager to discuss my future at the agency, and I would talk to co-workers about their career growth here.

   If you like the work and the agency, then talk to your manager about what your career would look like there, and ask about bonuses, raises, and promotions.

   Regarding asking for more money after you accepted the compensation package, personally I'm torn on that one. I'm all for women speaking up and asking for what they think they are worth, but what would I do in your situation after I have accepted the compensation package for an organization that I wanted to work for?

   After thinking about this for a 10 minutes, I would send the email and ask the question. "Upon consideration, I would like to discuss my compensation package with the hiring manager. We are very close to my requirements and I know that we can resolve this issue quickly. Is the hiring manager available today or tomorrow for a quick discussion?"

   Hint:

   If this agency is unable to match your salary requirement and you really want (or need) this job, you can ask for additional vacation time or a reduced hours work week (maybe you work a 9-day work schedule instead of a 10-day work schedule? or you end work at 12:00 every Friday, whatever works for you) and you can ask that next year, you get a increase in your annual wage based on your performance.

   Good Luck!

6. AnonymousJanuary 25,2023 at 8:12PM UTC

   Great Advice Barb. I was planning to comment this same line of thinking.

   I would advise negotiating other benefits as well as it all amounts to compensation. Use framework provided above ?

7. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 25,2023 at 11:57PM UTC

   At no company that I have ever worked for does the hiring manager negotiate comp.
   That is done between the candidate and the internal or external recruiter or in a small company with no Talent Acquisition function, with HR.

   Hiring managers interview for fit - they discuss comp with the recruiter.

8. Michelle AJanuary 26,2023 at 2:05PM UTC

   Having family who has worked YEARS in the Federal Govt they do tend to be pretty flexible with hours and there is incredible long time security because you can jump from agency to agency for years. You should be able to look up the salary range because it would be a GS level position unless its via some other contractual means. Also because its federal you can look up an employee and see their job and salary online. I absolutely understand the lack of confidence as a POC having been underpaid for years and what has not been mentioned in comments is sometimes when you do request what you're worth, you are seen as uppity and therefore a noncompliant difficult woman because the angry Black/fiery Hispanic trope is alive and well in almost all workplaces. There is a lot of good advice here, I would research your range, try to negotiate up a bit and if you don't get the $$ get the time.

9. AnonymousJanuary 25,2023 at 5:05PM UTC

   First, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s much harder to negotiate for yourself than for a third party because your emotions naturally enter in, especially when you’ve been out of work for awhile. (The difficulty of negotiating for yourself is why top performers and athletes have agents. Goodness knows, we all could use them.)

   Here is a step by step guide for negotiating salary, and the steps can be applied to other negotiations, too.

   1)Preliminary Research. Research the market for salary ranges for the job, calibrated to experience levels.

   2)Set Expectations. Create a schedule of salaries that you will/will not accept. Be realistic in light of the market and your experience. An entry level worker has less leverage than an experienced one. Your schedule of acceptable/unacceptable salaries should include:

   Stretch target (you will be extremely happy with this figure or anything above this)

   Acceptable range (the salary range that you think is fair, based on your market research and your experience level)

   Walk-away Point (you will not accept a salary at this figure or below)

   3)Get the Company’s Salary Range if They Ask Your Salary Expectations. The company should state its proposed range or salary first. If you are asked your salary expectations, respond: “Market. What is your range for this position?” This step saves you from underpricing yourself. The hirer will always have a range that they can quote. Never state your salary expectations before the company has quoted its salary range.

   *If the company’s salary range is at or below your walk-away point, you may not want this job. Feel free to respond politely that your research indicates that the market salary is up to (cite the top or something toward the top of your acceptable range. If you have considerable experience, cite your stretch target or above.) If the company says it can’t make any improvements, you might want to walk away at this point.

   *If the company’s range is within or above your acceptable range, your goal is to get the highest figure possible, if they make you an offer, depending on your experience.

   4)Responding to the Initial Offer. When the company makes you an offer, you need time to consider it. You should not accept on the spot. Express enthusiasm for having received an offer (“Thank you, I’m so pleased that you’d like me to join your team”) and that you’ll get back to them in (name a date 2-4 days in the future.) If they say they need an answer now, you can say (if you’d like) that you’ll get back to them the next day. You can also stick to a longer period (“I really need to discuss this with my family.” “My partner/spouse is traveling and we’ve agreed to make these decisions together, so I can’t respond until (date.)” “I have a really hectic week and need until (date) to give your offer the careful attention that it deserves.” ) Asking you to respond on the spot is a pressure tactic, so do deflect politely. If they don’t want to give you at least overnight to think about it, you probably don’t want to work for this company.

   5)Considering the Offer. Review the offer in light of the market and refine your salary expectations. How much more salary can you reasonably expect? (It is probable that the company can offer you a higher salary than first offered.) What are market norms for hours and vacation? If you are highly experienced or a senior executive, what perks do you want (expense account, profit-sharing, performance bonus, additional vacation, flexible schedule, accelerated salary review)?

   6)Countering the Offer. If you feel that the base salary can go higher (it probably can, within reason), counter the offer respectfully. (“Thank you so much for the offer. I’m really excited to join the team, but would the company consider a base salary of (cite higher salary.)”) Make your counter offer somewhat on the high side, to give you room for negotiation. Calmly bolster your reasoning with your market research on salary and/or a restatement of the value you bring to the table: special skills, training or education, strong results at past job/s that relate to the company’s goals.

   *Negotiated Offer. In most cases, the company will counter your counteroffer with a salary between what it originally proposed and your counter. This usually gets you to a deal or close to one. If you’re still not happy, you can counter again: “I can accept (state counter amount) to start on (name date.)”

   *Best and Final Offer. If the company can’t/won’t improve on its offer, you need to decide if you will accept it, walk away or negotiate further. If you want to negotiate further (you have less latitude if you are any entry level worker or if the job is a government position), you can respectfully propose that the offer be improved by a performance bonus, an accelerated salary review, and/or perks (additional vacation, flexible schedule, etc.) If the company still says no, they’ll probably re-state the great points about the job. At this point you can accept, walk away or, if you are still not happy, politely ask the recruiter, HR person or hiring manager if they could check and see if what has been proposed is the company’s best and final offer, stating that you would love to join the team and very much hope that an agreement can be reached.

   *Once the company’s best and final offer has been proposed, the negotiation is over. You can then accept or walk away.

   Recruiters versus HR versus Hiring Manager. Recruiters get paid only when the deal is finalized, so they have an incentive to reach an agreement with you. HR might be a little less flexible, but will want to get this wrapped up, which can work to your advantage. Hiring managers who do their own negotiations will want to save face, so be especially pleasant to them.

10. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJanuary 26,2023 at 12:32AM UTC

    Ok, let's unpack this.

    I'm not sure what you're making, but I do not really consider this a low ball offer. It turned out to be a first offer that you then negotiated higher. A low ball offer typically is one that is 20 to 50% below market.

    YOU SAID: "even though I could be earning at least $30k more than what I agreed to (if I went to the private sector)."

    That's comparing apples and bananas. You can't compare what you could be making in the private sector to the compensation structure at this government agency. If you want to make $30k more, then look for a job in the private sector.

    Do you know the salary range for this position? Until you do - and most importantly - what other people with comparable experience to yours were brought in at, there's no way to really know if you were lowballed or not.

    YOU SAID: "I’m about $3k away from the amount I’d feel more comfortable making."

    The question really is not what you feel comfortable making - the question is is this fair compensation for this role at this government agency for someone with your experience.

    YOU SAID: "I’m trying to stop beating myself up but they definitely got a 25% discount on my worth."

    This does not jibe with you saying you're looking for $3k more. I'm not sure what your offer was for but unless you're making $24,000 on a base, I don't see how they got a 25% discount ($24,000 times 25% = $6,000 (the $3k you got and the additional $3k you want)).

    Again, if you're taking about what you could make in the private section, again - you can't compare them.

    YOU SAID: "this repeated failure on my part to advocate for myself and my worth feels like a big setback"

    You DID advocate for yourself. You DID advocate for your worth. You got them to come up $3k.

    I would never tell someone not to negotiate or advocate for themselves but that being said, I have seen people negotiate themselves right out of an offer.

    Negotiating salary is hard. It's a fine line to walk. You don't want to lowball nor highball yourself. I always talk compensation with my candidates on our first conversation. And then talk about it again as we go through the interview process.

    Please stop beating yourself up. You have an exciting new adventure in front of you - CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW JOB!

    Please let me know if you have any questions.

11. AnonymousJanuary 26,2023 at 12:57PM UTC

    I don't think $3k is low balling.

    Also, if you could make $30k more in the private sector, why are you not going for those jobs?

    Once upon a time back in the 90's a MBA would automatically translate into a substantial bump in salary. Now days we all have Graduate level degrees. There is no bump at all unless you're in a Union of some kind.

    So if you want to earn more all you can do is work for yourself or find and get those jobs that pay you what you're looking for.

    Don't beat yourself up. Be realistic and go for what you know you are worth. It's just business so if you feel there is more money on the table, don't leave the table until you have claimed that $.

    if you fear tge recession and job scarcity, then that colors your decision. Why beat yourself up for your need for safety and security?

12. AnonymousJanuary 26,2023 at 5:45PM UTC

    Why are you putting a price on your own head? I think you need to search your soul for what makes you happy at work. Is it the content of what you do? Is it the culture of the company? or is it money? If money is at the top of your decision making you should do research on what those roles pay and look at many external tools that will provide you that insight. When asked for what you hope to earn share that data and step back. Ultimately they will pay you what they can afford based upon their budgets and internal alignment but you will walk away feeling better about things. As for your self- confidence, you just need to be prepared to walk away if they don't meet your numeric needs and go elsewhere if you do ask. But definitely ask.

13. AnonymousJanuary 27,2023 at 2:00PM UTC

    If you don’t already have a therapist, you should seek one out. More for your peace of mind and helping you understand what it will take to boost your self esteem.

    Also, really very seriously consider a leadership development program. There are many out there that are heavily discounted, some with a specific focus towards women of color. These programs are great for helping to understand that you’re not the only person that feels this way and they help you to discover those things that are the most important to you in order to get to a point where you are more comfortable in asking for more money and going after jobs that fulfill you.

    And finally, never stop looking for another role. Always keep your resume updated. Post on LinkedIn. Be your authentic self. As a woman of color myself, I understand the pressure you mean. Even so, there are other ways to navigate and get the pay parity we need. Don’t stop looking!