I have reported to the same manager since 2014 and feel we have a good working relationship.

12 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 12:42PM UTC

   I am currently in a similar situation. I wish I had a solution; however, I do not. I am looking for advice on this as well. Best of luck to you in this.

2. Kathryn MontbriandOctober 18,2022 at 1:22PM UTC

   Good morning. You've been in the same place for a while and now you are experiencing disruption because of a new entrant to the established system.

   Let me challenge you to take this moment to investigate what's going on below the surface for you. As I put my coach hat on.....things to ask yourself and sit with:

   • this new employee is triggering some sort of fear in you - think about where that fear is coming from and what it means
   • spend some time with your identity and how much it is tied to this job. You have been there for almost a decade, is there a chance that if you didn't have this particular job you would have to revisit 'who' you are?
   • investigate some other paths you could take - if you weren't doing this role at this company, what else might be interesting to you? what sounds exciting and would get you out of bed looking forward to the day?
   • what is most important to you in a job (think: security, manager relationship, interesting problems to solve) - are any of your top 3-4 things not being met by your current role? If yes that might be a sign to move on to the next thing.

   This reflection process may take some time - I recommend coming back to it over the course of days or weeks and really being open to what comes up for you. Good luck!

3. Shelly EdwardsOctober 18,2022 at 1:44PM UTC

   Is it possible that you are feeling threatened by the new team member unnecessarily? You've been on the team a long time and now this new person comes in with new ideas, new ways of doing things and new attention from the boss. I would self examine the situation for yourself and see how you can still be a more vital member of the team, before you approach your boss. I would not approach your boss until you have asked yourself a few questions, such as have you become complacent in your role, are you unwilling to change your old patterns of work, is the new team member really doing things incorrectly or could you possibly learn from this person, etc. If you still plan to speak with your boss, then I would make sure you can provide specific examples of improper or detrimental behaviour from the new team member. Don't approach it with my feelings are hurt, unless you can say she did XXX or said XXX and it was upsetting because. For example, she took over my project that I have been working on for months which caused delays. Or she insulted my work and tries to take over all of my projects, rather than working with me as a teammate. Specific examples and self examination are critical in these situations.

4. AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 6:19PM UTC

   Thank you very much for your feedback it is much appreciated.

5. AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 2:26PM UTC

   Guard your work if that's what is causing issues for you. Taking this to your manager is obviously not welcomed nor does it cast you in a flattering light.

   I would distance yourself from this person and keep your work to yourself. If you still feel pressure and can't keep yourself from reach, I'd say it's time to leave because your mental health is at risk.

6. Melissa Boillot, SHRM - SCPOctober 18,2022 at 2:50PM UTC

   As a leader, I try to understand where all my team members are at and how they are feeling during check-ins. Do you meet with your leader regularly where you could bring this up as being on your mind? If it were me, I wouldn’t stew on this - I would share it. However, be very deliberate with how you frame your concerns. Be diplomatic, solutions oriented and use I statements. Use recent examples to support your position and share specifics. Such as “Hey Lisa, I wanted to talk to you about something that happened and get your thoughts. Yesterday when you asked me to do XYZ, I was working on it and discovered Samantha had already began the project. When I told her I would take over she brushed me off and said she would own it. I’m not sure how to take this, can you give me guidance?”

   It is possible that your leader is asking this employee to step up and take on more, perhaps grooming for a larger position. If that is the case, a conversation would give your boss a chance to discuss her division of work on the team. If your leader gets defensive during this conversation or isn’t opening to your thoughts and feelings, perhaps it isn’t the best work environment for you and time for you to start seeking a new role.

7. AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 6:24PM UTC

   Hi, yes I have regular check ins with my manager. I feel as if I bring up my concerns that I am possibly being overly sensitive. I like your suggestions to use I statements and provide solutions rather than just coming with complaints. I am not certain if she has asked her to take on more to prepare her for a promotion. Not that she would share that with the team but it would be helpful if she could let the team know that she has asked her to take on more so the team wouldnt think she is trying to do everything. Thank you again for your feedback, its much appreciated.

8. AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 5:18PM UTC

   Try to separate hurt feelings that affect work from those that are just one person's sensitivities. Nobody should feel badly at work, but we're all human and sometimes we rub people the wrong way. If you have a serious problem with that person and your discussion with the coworker got back to your manager and your manager took the coworker's side, your next conversation should be with your manager about your manager, not the coworker!

   You haven't really given enough detail for us to know whether you were really being defensive or have a legitimate complaint, so I just threw out a few thoughts.

9. AnonymousOctober 18,2022 at 6:29PM UTC

   Thank you for your feedback. The newer team member is an analyst and she tends to do the other team members work in addition to her work. I feel as thought my manager doesnt really listen to me because she does not like conflict within the team. I dont know if my concerns are valid enough to go to HR. Thank you.

10. AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 1:15AM UTC

    Yes it is, if the new person is constantly crossing the boundary of doing others work.Your mgr gaslit you.
    And it looks like this new person already has an upper hand in terms of favour. And no it’s not fair and I am sorry you are going through this. But if you stay, it won’t get better. You could have another discussion with your mgr regarding boundaries and ownership of work. And address that the coworkers behaviour is making it difficult to understand what your mgrs expectations are. For ex, if you spend a week doing work that your colleague will go in and completely change beyond original recognition it almost seems like wasted efforts. If other team members have the same experience, see if they are willing to approach your mgr to discuss the same issue. If more than one person is experiencing the same thing, it makes you and others look credible. Hopefully your mgr values all of you and not just the favorite. Try to clarify why and how it’s impacting your productivity. If it still falls on death ears, then you now know your boss does not genuinely support you and consider a lateral move, promotion or applying elsewhere

11. AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 12:18PM UTC

    Your manager does need to consider your perspective and the other team member's. None of us are there with you to know the full breadth of the situation, but it's possible that your manager has sought to understand your position and not found the "proof" for lack of a better word. Emotions are tricky. What impacts you vs. what might impact another person can look different, and your manager is only human. I think you need to take a step back and assess what the issue really is - Is it a personality issue or does it rise to the level of an HR concern? If it's the latter and your manager did not address it, loop in HR. This would mean that it's an ethics or work related issue (not following protocol, not carrying their weight, being disrespectful in a way that is not appropriate to a workplace). If not - meaning the issue is more that your working styles don't mesh or you don't feel included on the team but the team is not doing anything wrong - the best option probably is to look to move on.

12. AnonymousOctober 19,2022 at 6:06PM UTC

    Thank you for your feedback it is good insight, and it is much appreciated.