Honestly, working moms, how do you do it?

Anonymous

April 11,2022 at 4:19PM UTC

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Honestly, working moms, how do you do it?

I'm sure plenty of new moms relate but, I'm struggling to juggle my worlds.

I actually love what I do and my employer (for the most part), but I'm increasingly aware of how much of my time and attention it takes. I feel like I'm constantly letting things slip through the cracks and beginning to resent my job because of it. My baby is 5 and a half months old and he's growing and developing so quickly now. He's a very content, happy baby and his sleep isn't awful so we're pretty lucky, and yet, I feel like I'm so unfocused, tired and unable to do it all. I keep forgetting to just pay the dang hospital bill. I keep putting off making my doctors appointments. I leave friends and family texts unreplied for days and constantly forgetting simple things at work like submitting my time to payroll. And when I get frustrated the smallest annoyance at work makes me want to announce "*cough cough* I'm sick", and run to pick up my baby from daycare and snuggle the rest of the day. I work from home one day a week and it is my day to get laundry done, actually exercise and do a little bit of catch-up around the house. One day just doesn't feel like enough though and I keep wondering if its worth it or if I should figure out a way to work less. Part of me feels like I should be able to feel a little more on top of things and part of me is like "you've barely been back to work for 3 months, give yourself a break, balance will come". Most of the time when I express that I'm trying to get it together to parents of older children they say something along the lines of it just being my life now which they seem to think is funny but it seems so bleak to me. (Granted, most of these people have been men and I just don't think they have the same experience)

I can't tell if its priorities or focus (maybe even a touch of post-partum) or just a normal experience. I don't expect to be able to have everything down perfect, but I feel like I'm struggling more than I should and I shouldn't feel like everything is getting on top of me when I at least work from home once a week and have a fairly easy baby. Does this sound normal? Does it get better? Should I seek help? Any tips or shared experiences welcomed.

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AnonymousApril 11,2022 at 5:22PM UTC
Hi Mama - I am going to reiterate one of the things you said. Give yourself a break. No one has it together especially in the early days. I have a 5 and 2 year old so those days are not that far in the rear view mirror and I am still trying to be on top of everything. But the truth is we can't. So some weeks the household chores go to the wayside because you actually want to be present for your little one, or a big project pops up at work. It is OK. Also - mommy brain is a thing! those forgetting text messages for a couple days, been there done that. That part gets a little bit better with time :).
Try looking into something small to help manage some things. Time blocking can help. I do it at the beginning of the week so that I can focus on one task rather than trying to multi-task a bajillion things. And you know that you will get to the other things, because you have scheduled it. I am not saying this is 100% the cure, because when baby needs you, they don't care about your schedule. But it can help some - and schedule breaks too!
I felt this way when work from home became my new norm, and I couldn't focus on just work because my house was a disaster from the toddler tornadoes. But some things you just have to let go... Hope this helps a bit and just know you are not alone in this!
Lisa HughesApril 11,2022 at 5:32PM UTC
I think you're right. Give yourself a break. There are a few things you say here that make me think you might benefit from a new mommy support group. In that setting, you'll be able to talk about this with other parents that are going through the exact same things right now.
In addition, you can do small things to make sure that you aren't missing anything important. You could consider working part-time for now or request more days of remote work. You could block a certain amount of time on your calendar for the details you know you normally forget. (Like answering text messages or paying attention to payroll)
My biggest suggestion is to let yourself concentrate on your baby. He is only going to be this little once. You won't be able to go back and re-live this time. But work will still be there. As he grows, you'll find yourself adjusting and getting used to the new work/life balance.
AnonymousApril 11,2022 at 6:32PM UTC
I hope you'll forgive those of us who've been doing this for years and have seen it all.
We can be a bit cynical because we live on a scale of varying degrees of tired from pregnancy to our child's adulthood.
It IS normal, but that doesn't mean that you aren't entitled to help and relief. Some things to consider:
Mother Nature wires us to want to take care of our young. That's why they're so stinking cute, cuddly, and smell good to us (most of the time!) Our brains will want to de-prioritize anything that isn't them. Baby brain is real, my friend. It's not just you and it's not just before the baby is born.
You don't mention how much help you are getting from your spouse/SO, or even close family. If your spouse/SO isn't shouldering any of the burdens in the house so you can actually work or care for the baby on the WFH day, then they need to ante up with either sweat equity or paid help for you. No one but you both needs to know that you have a housekeeper for the time being or a nanny (while you're home). People can be really judgmental, but do what you need to do to feel rested and in control.
PPD is serious. If you aren't sure if you are experiencing symptoms, go through an assessment with your doctor. It's ok to ask for help. Only a medical professional can properly assess whether you have it. Not family. Not friends. Not your mom. Not your partner. There are varying degrees of it. All deserve treatment.
If your budget can bear it, yes, definitely be a SAHM or part-time SAHM. As I've been both an executive and a SAHM while I've been a mom, I can tell you that one of them isn't easier than the other. Go into it with realistic expectations. Sometimes being a SAHM means people think you need help even less than you do now. You will still need to care for yourself.
Whatever time you have with your baby, make it count. It doesn't sound like WFH day is really working or parenting. Separate the two and be present. As someone else said, it only happens once.
Hope that helps! Take care of you!
Emily StarkApril 11,2022 at 6:32PM UTC
Thank you so much for sharing your story. First, you sound like an incredibly loving mom and dedicated professional. So many moms are feeling this way and the more it's talked about, the more we open up discussions offering community, support, and solutions.
I work with working moms as a career and life transition coach. More and more companies are opting to build 1:1 coaching support for working parents as part of their benefits. I wonder if that's something you could tap into.
It's important to remember that you are still transitioning into parenthood. Before having your baby, you may have had certain expectations of yourself at work, in friendships, etc. I wonder if you are still holding yourself to those same expectations.
I recommend thinking about how you can adjust your expectations and ask for help from your community. Most working moms don't do that enough, including myself, but feeling supported can be such a gamechanger. I'm here if you'd like to talk more!