advice please.....

34 Comments

1. Becca A.June 24,2022 at 2:29AM UTC

   Dont go into 'flight mode' just yet but do brush up on your resume and start applying for other jobs put your nerves at ease. Then wait till how your first one on one goes with said manager to confirm your hunches.

   Some additional things you can do to help calm your nerves in addition to applying for other jobs is to keep a track, as in, write down all of the projects you have helped out with, accomplishments ( no matter how small ) you have done while on the job leading up to your quarterly performance review with your manager.

   Please do not let your worries overwhelm you as it will cause you to potentially self-sabotage while on the job that you KNOW you're great at! You can do this. Don't lose confidence in yourself and don't hesitate to let us all know how it goes!

2. AnonymousJune 24,2022 at 3:57AM UTC

   This is a tough situation and something I've experienced too. I started my job earlier this year and right away knew something wasn't right with the manager on my projects. This manager honestly didn't like me, yet she picked me to be on her team. She also would mislead to cause people on her team to make mistakes or underdeliver.

   When confronted by management she would reply that she doesn't have anyone who can do the work. These are also people who get praised by senior-level people for "all they've done for the company". I'm not new to the role and my suggestions or advice would be ignored, followed by the team being chastised by the client for not delivering. This was all to create a sense that she was the only one who could do the work - which is what she wanted. I documented and reported my experience after 6 weeks there. I think initially I came across as a complainer but gradually they may have started to see a pattern - like why I could do the work on other projects but can't get it together working with this manager.

   So I did what was suggested already, I started updating my resume, and applying for roles. I also stayed on top of my work, didn't argue with this manager, knowing that other people had to put with her as well, and eventually gave a review of my experience with my managers. I don't know the reason for her sudden resignation, but I know my saying helped my case if suddenly they decided to question my abilities.

3. AnonymousJune 24,2022 at 5:32AM UTC

   A bullseye on your back? Why? Is your manager lying about you? Or are you just predicting at some point she may lie about you? I'm trying to understand why you think you've been targeted?

4. AnonymousJune 24,2022 at 4:06PM UTC

   Does your company do written goals? If so, as long as you have documentation that you are completing things and learning from mistakes theoretically you should be fine.

   If the lie could seriously affect the company, go to the VP or someone else you trust in the company, but otherwise if you go to the VP and she finds out that could impact your relationship forever.

   It is a good data point for you to know how she would handle situations that put her in a bad light. You didn't give much detail about the actual situation, so it's hard to tell how little or big the lie was.

   The most important thing is to CYA. Keep copies of all of your emails, get important things written in emails so that you have it and can defend yourself if needed in the future.

   Good luck!

5. AnonymousJune 24,2022 at 10:26PM UTC

   I would like to thank all of you for your input. Here's the story on the lie..a couple of weeks ago she came in on a Saturday and she brought her children (ages 3 and 7) the youngest took a stamp off of one of the desks and stamped void all over the carpet in blue ink. Manager did not bother w/trying to get it out of the carpet and VP ask what happened, she replied "some kid" he proceeded to get on his hands knees to scrub it out and she never once fessed up or even helped him. She made it look like my coworker allowed it to happen due to the stamping was all around her desk. Why lie about something so trivial? It bothers me that she did that.

6. AnonymousJune 27,2022 at 6:58PM UTC

   Thanks for clarifying what the lie was. That's definitely weird and all I can think of is that she was embarrassed by it and probably wasn't supposed to have her kids in the office. Frankly, I'm a bit surprised she didn't try to clean it or make her kid help her clean it.

   I wouldn't go to the VP and tell the VP who it was. It sounds like it was already taken care of and they have probably forgotten about it. Bringing it up again, I think could backfire, and hurt your relationship with your manager.

   I think you're probably fine, but definitely use this as a datapoint. She will cover for herself first. Sometimes people who are like this also are the type of people that will cover for their team, but sometimes they aren't. Will be interesting to find out which type of person she is in the coming months.

   Good luck! :)

7. AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 1:15PM UTC

   I think you are reading too much into it. I don’t understand how we get from “some kid” to “made it look like coworker allowed it”. Ignore and move forward. Focus on solid performance that will speak volumes..

8. AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 2:38PM UTC

   You have a huge sensitivity around anything out of line.

   Relax and stop reading into all if this.

9. SJune 26,2022 at 2:40AM UTC

   Emails. Emails. Emails. That is the best way to back you up in many personnel issues.

   I would advise from this point forward to email and after phone conversations, do follow up emails and recap the conversation. This has helped me before in the past.

10. AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    is there anyway you could communicate the information anonymously? That way you call the lie out without being the obvious target.

11. Patricia Wilks MacPhersonJune 28,2022 at 12:31PM UTC

    I read your comment with the additional information. Bad and honestly dumb move for your manager but I wouldn’t go to the VP at this point. Going over someone’s head as new employee almost always backfires and makes the person look high maintenance and not a team player. I advise documenting everything because I have the feeling at some point you’ll need it

12. Jennifer KlinkoJune 28,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    If your job requires proper grammar then I can see why you have a bullseye on your back.

13. AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 12:35PM UTC

    Ok not helpful Karen.

14. Lori Laurito BetzJune 28,2022 at 8:50PM UTC

    Wow, was your day complete because you got that in?

15. AnonymousJune 29,2022 at 1:33AM UTC

    How nasty

16. GirlBossanova934974June 28,2022 at 12:36PM UTC

    Not convinced a bullseye is on anyone's back here. The manager in question has 2 out of control kids she brought into the office on a SAT who did some mischief. Carpet cleaned. Problem fixed. Not job related. One can only hope that after this mishap that said kids are not brought into the office again.

17. CStiggerJune 28,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    No do not go behind your manager’s back to report that she lied. It can only get worst for you. Trust will erode and this will only reflect poorly on you. Eventually her lies will come out. However, you are not to deputize yourself as the lie detector/catcher. Tell that voice in your head to simmer down.

    Instead document your work and after every meeting send a recap with next steps…. “e.g., a re-cap to ensure we’re in alignment, just want to confirm our next steps.”

    Typically, I do not use “just” because it’s passive language. Yet, in your case, I’m inclined to tell you to use it because you may want to appear non-threatening/friendly in email communications. For some reason, some women are labeled aggressive if their language is too direct.

    if you are making mistakes, then take a beat to review the process & learn from your cohort on what can be improved collectively. Schedule a weekly 1:1 with manager to outline items you have mastered and area where you are improving or yo review 30/60/90 goals. Remember to leverage lessons learned.

    Take control of the situation because it can go south quickly (e.g., continued micro management, PIP (Performance Improvement Plan)

    wishing you the very best on your next steps.

18. AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 12:43PM UTC

    The manager I had in a previous company consistently lied and used retaliatory behavior when individuals communicated with HR. If your company has an ethics hotline where information can be communicated start tracking. Cameras are plentiful in most office environments. Documenting these situations anonymously is key to identifying the pattern. It only intensifies if it isn’t documented and upper management realizes there is an issue.

19. AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 12:48PM UTC

    I would say what Bex said very to the point and great insights of how to handle the situation. I'm was going through a similar situation and left because I couldn't take the gossip and blame game . I'm so much happier and it's been a learning lesson also.. wishing you the best.

20. AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 12:52PM UTC

    Ok, Now that I know the back story, all I can say is, move on.
    I don't think this is a "quitting" moment. This is the sort of thing that, stupid as it is, just gets glossed over and forgotten about. If anyone cares enough to look at the situation, they'll see that the manager was less than truthful. Not your circus, though. Now, if you still think that the manager is doing a poor job of managing, especially with regard to you, you have a couple of options. One, you can planning an exit strategy with the resume and some job interviews. Or, you can wait this out and I bet that within a year or so, this person will be outed for the pattern of scattered management and lack of authenticity. Who knows whether or not she'll stay? Again, not your circus, except it will be on you to take the mature approach and say nothing. I do agree with documenting everything, but keep it in a private journal.

21. Maggie StoneJune 28,2022 at 1:15PM UTC

    Unless you are asked directly if you know anything about the incident, I would say nothing. It is not your responsibility or problem. But I agree with others who recommend documenting everything performance related as you now know your boss is not 100% truthful or accurate.

22. Doris AppelbaumJune 30,2022 at 3:39AM UTC

    I agree with others who recommend documenting everything performance related. It does pay off!!

23. Sabrina CortesJune 28,2022 at 2:33PM UTC

    I agree with what Maryann said -

    ~~ You don't know what the VP already knows about your Manager.

    ~~ Stay professional and do your job to the best of your ability.

    ~~ Keep your nose clean, and don't discuss anything with your co-workers.

    I'd also add that you might want to document everything, including what you did that day (I have a notebook that I use to track my daily tasks) and convos with your Manager. You can take the docs with you anytime you meet with your Manager and VP and use them as a quick reference. Actually, I'd make sure they're handy all the time.

    I hope this helps, and I'm sending you good vibes!

24. Crystal HowellJune 28,2022 at 2:37PM UTC

    Keep track of items, and not on the company computer. Text yourself when things happen.

    Do not discuss with co- workers, they will repeat what you say.

    Keep professional.

    Do your job and pray for people like that, Karma isn't too far away.

25. Gretchen SkalkaJune 28,2022 at 2:41PM UTC

    I think the other commenters are spot on about:

    ~~ You not being aware of what the VP already knows about your Manager - OR his/her relationship with your manager.

    ~~ **** Your need to keep yourself above the fray and remain professional at all times.

    ~~ Your need to not become part of the rumor-mill or anyone else's issue or agenda.

    That being said - I might offer one last suggestion and this one is a challenge because you're already got some opinions of your manager formed ... however, consider extending an olive branch of sorts - an offer of professional partnership on your behalf or that of the other new team members so that you are working WITH her.

    When she understands that you are a team and that you WANT to work with her in that capacity, she'll be in a different headspace when it comes to quick alibis or outright lies to HER leadership. Instead, it may become an opportunity for you all to collaborate on issues and resolve them for everyone's mutual benefit.

    That's a hard one to execute sometimes, but it can produce a huge and lasting payoff. :)

26. Rupali AJune 28,2022 at 3:11PM UTC

    I would practice a good neutral expression, alongwith the rest of the advice of not going above her head..

27. Joanna PoeJune 28,2022 at 4:03PM UTC

    If you like what you're doing, don't go above your manager's head; that is a surefire way to change ALL the dynamics, usually for the worse. But if you're concerned about things, document extensively and save it somewhere offline and secure.

28. Darlene KeeneJune 28,2022 at 4:10PM UTC

    I sympathize with you! If you do not wish to search for new employment, then you’ve got to learn how to play the game and “play ball” unfortunately. Stay quiet and seek out the assistance and help of your management at all costs-meaning dot your i”s and “cross your t’s “at every turn. Make it difficult for anyone to lie on you and make things your fault. See, by seeking out your manager’s help - they will see you as a valuable player and that you hold their position and opinions in high esteem. Simultaneously, keep a paper trail (texts,emails etc) between you and management. This will make it extremely difficult to set lies in motion! Keep the lines of communication open and stay clear of office gossip as best as possible. You do NOT know who are in silent alliances with one another. So keep your nose clean as they say. Vent to family members ! Or here anonymously….

29. AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 5:13PM UTC

    Lots of truth to your response.

30. Doris AppelbaumJune 30,2022 at 3:36AM UTC

    Keep a paper trail (texts,emails etc) between you and management. This will make it extremely difficult to set lies in motion!

31. April MinerJune 29,2022 at 1:59AM UTC

    If two co-workers and yourself made the same mistake, it sounds like it's a "Training Issue." Perhaps there wasn't any procedures written on how to do it the right way or you were never trained to do it correctly. As for the boss, you should discuss the issue with HR. Let them know you are uncomfortable with the way the situation was handled. Long gone are the days of- if you went to HR, you are marked as the "Problem" and should start looking for a new job. Anything you say to them will be confidential.

32. Melissa MohrJune 29,2022 at 10:35PM UTC

    Studies show that up to 57% of people leave their jobs due to poor management, making your challenges very common. There's something to be said for not burning bridges, so tread lightly when going above their head. It's always a good idea to document each issue, behavior. Keeping good records will give you facts and not emotions to be talking points in the event you have to go above their head or terminate your employment. Best of luck in this challenging situation!

33. Doris AppelbaumJune 30,2022 at 3:35AM UTC

    It's always a good idea to document each issue, behavior. Keeping good records will give you facts and not emotions to be talking points in the event you have to go above their head or terminate your employment.

34. Doris AppelbaumJune 30,2022 at 3:34AM UTC

    Take notes and document every fact. That's how I scored with an age discrimination lawsuit.