I am underperforming for the first time in my 12 year career.

22 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 5,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

   I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I have been in a similar situation. In a previous company, I had managers who fostered an environment of competition rather than collaboration and constantly focused on small mistakes I made rather than things I did well. It was utterly demoralising and caused me a lot of anxiety and trauma. To this day, I get nervous about going into a one-to-one with a manager because I'm afraid they're going to berate me for something small.

   The only thing I can really offer you is empathy. I ended up taking a voluntary redundancy and it was the best decision for me. My career went really well after that. In retrospect, I should have left a lot sooner (I worked there for 9 years).

2. Bosslady189985December 5,2022 at 2:08PM UTC

   I'm sorry you're going through this. I have experienced awful bosses or coworkers before too, beyond the typical bad mood type stuff, and it really can be soul crushing.

   I would first start by keeping a log of events. There is such a thing as workplace harassment which can include being ignored, yelled at, or told you're inadequate without any discussion on how to resolve the "issue"; not just from your boss but coworkers too. Documenting occurances like this in detail is key to be able to make any argument for change. Be sure to note what exactly happened and NOT how it made you feel. This will help HR get really clear that these things aren't in your head if u need to take the issue upstairs.

   I typically always get along with coworkers but this one job I was at, I was severely ostracized by my senior vp and my belief was it was racism (I was the only black person in the entire building) and there was literally no amount of niceness or volunteering for more work that would get her to see me as anything other that whatever negativity she saw. But the worst was because she was top leadership, when others were around her they would act the same towards me. When she was gone they were fine. It was horrible. I stayed and stayed and tried to push thru it for 7 yrs and my hair started falling out, gained 30 pounds, and felt like absolute garbage all the time. I was outperforming some of my peers and I still would get no recognition. There was no way to prove it was racism because she never was explicitly racist. Ultimately I left and am now in a tech company making way more money, there is more than just ONE black person, and I am treated exceptionally well. Wish I left ages ago instead of trying to prove something to someone who had an irrational concept of me in the first place. Sometimes it's really not worth it to stay. Especially if you have tech skills!! You can go ANYWHERE. Look for companies who ADVERTISE their culture as promoting employee well- being, diversity, etc. This experience can be just like being trapped in an abusive relationship - you see the good in them but these types only believe mistreating you is going to make you work harder for their love and they are never going to show u respect because they are too wrapped up in their own story about how you should be treated and are more interested in proving themselves right. Their changing means they'd have to admit they did a lot of horribly wrong things and most people that awful are that way because they cant ever face that they are horribly wrong and make a change. I spent the time in that hell getting the work experience I wanted on my resume then got the hell out, and life has been amazing ever since.

   The fact you have been there 12 yrs and just NOW there is an issue tells me this has more to do with the others than with you. I think that should be part of any documentation u take to HR as well. Come with recommendations for work culture workshops that may help make a healthier work environment or help u all understand one another better. I definitely wouldnt sweep this under the rug. Proactively fix it (passively doesn't work in my experience) and if HR seems to be on your side then great. But if otherwise, get out of dodge. It's not worth it.

   Best of luck to you.

3. Claire McCabeDecember 5,2022 at 3:34PM UTC

   Yes! And my advice is to just leave. As fast as possible. This job isn't working out, and it's time to heal and get back to your self who is a high performer, confident, and strong.

4. AnonymousDecember 5,2022 at 4:18PM UTC

   I would definitely seek some therapy to help you come to terms and gain insight into the situation for peace if mind abd to help you step back while you look for employment elsewhere.

   It might be something as clear as not fitting into the current dynamic. This team shares the same attitude so they will never come to your aid. So before the situation results in a PIP and write up in your file, keep looking for a new job so you can start over. I wish you luck.

5. AnonymousDecember 5,2022 at 4:28PM UTC

   I once had a direct report that experienced something like this. I would try and direct her to our EAP but there was so much anxiety going on with her I couldn't connect and the team was so overloaded other coworkers were just frustrated with her. She ended up having a breakdown of sorts and had to leave for medical reasons. We all felt bad for her but clearly she was overwhelmed and carried so much inside and with the workload none of us had the skills to help.

   I suggest you take care of yourself and maybe get some professional help. This sounds serious and you should get help and not try and deal with it alone. You shouldn't go to work in complete confusion without any perspective. That can be utterly devastating.

6. Rosa GoesDecember 5,2022 at 4:30PM UTC

   I'm sorry to hear your going through this. I'm glad you came to the realization it is not a good environment and moving on. There is no shame in doing so. There was favoritism and no opportunity for you to grow. Reach out to others in your network, past co-workers & managers (with 12 yrs experience in tech I'm sure there are many) for support. You were a top performer and I'm sure they can validate it. Let them know your in the market for a new opportunity. Good luck to you!

7. AnonymousDecember 6,2022 at 4:17AM UTC

   To be so completely lost and clearly struggling is not worth the pain. This situation is not going to get better and I'm not sure why you would want to stay.

8. AnonymousDecember 6,2022 at 2:51PM UTC

   Hi there - Yes, I feel like I know exactly what you are talking about.

   I have been at workplaces where it seemed like I was put in a position that was inexplicably designed to fail, and my new coworkers were as excited as bloodsport patrons to see it happen.

   While it's important to take stock of your own behavior and performance (for example, do I feel like this at every job I work at or is this a brand-new situation? Am I depressed or anxious about other things that are spilling into my work life or is it the other way around?), if you have done this and still cannot honestly come up with anything other than confusion (-it sounds like you are at this point based on your post-), it likely means the (lack of) organization and (poor) quality of the company culture is at fault. Mature, qualified, compassionate adults with established professional feedback loops, clearly delineated responsibilities and areas of influence, objective performance evaluation processes, and a developed understanding of and focus on business goals don't behave in a way that leaves their employees feeling like children lost in a labyrinth of failures and emotional landmines.

   I know it's not always possible to just up and quit a job, but I'd say getting out of this dumpster fire is a top priority.

9. Meghan BDecember 9,2022 at 1:34PM UTC

   Yes! Early in my IT career, I had an extremely toxic boss. He promised me Flex Time, important as I was a newly single mom of a toddler. Also flexible work from home as needed. Turns out, his version of that was choose whether my 10 hour day started at 7 or 8 then be consistent with it and dial in when answering call at night or weekends instead of driving in.

   My first annual review consisted of a long list of my shortcomings, none of which has ever been addressed with me at the time not had I been given an opportunity to correct.

   18 months into the job my self confidence was shot. I thought I was an awful employee and wouldn’t be able to find work elsewhere but I also knew I was miserable.

   i reached out to the manager I’d had in my previous job to see if by any chance she had an opening for me. She didn’t but she gave me a pro talk that saved me. She reinforced my skills and talents and told me that this guy was wrong and was a toxic boss. She gave me the courage to accept a contract to hire job (as a single mom that was scary to go contact) and that job ended up being one I stayed at for almost 11 years and only left when I changed careers.

   I’m not saying I was or am a perfect employee but I bring a lot to the table and strive to do a really good job and learn from mistakes when I’m given a chance to. This guy was absolutely abusive and toxic. It happens.

   you’re doing the right things… evaluate where you have responsibility in what’s happened, what things you need to learn and grow… but mostly get out. Reach out to your network for support and help getting out and rebuilding your confidence.

   Toxic bosses and environments wear you down and destroy your mental health. Find a good fit and work will always be work but it can be pleasant or even enjoyable.

   best of luck to you!!

10. Lisa AndersonDecember 9,2022 at 1:39PM UTC

    Yes just left a position where something similar happened to me. Took me 11 months to find my next position but have changed as of November.

    The relief and feeling of being welcomed, having the right fit is amazing!

11. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 1:51PM UTC

    Find another job. You’re already damaged goods in their opinion. You deserve better.

12. Christi MillerDecember 9,2022 at 2:09PM UTC

    You need to get out while you can. Your mental health will only get worse if you stay. There is nothing wrong with your work. Go somewhere else and you will see that. Reach out to your network especially old bosses to find a new opportunity. Don't try to stay with this jerk or the company that values him.

13. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 2:19PM UTC

    Reading this reminds me of a dynamic that narcissistic people often create, where one person becomes a scapegoat who can do no right, and another person becomes a golden child who can do no wrong. If you've become a scapegoat it's not you and there's literally nothing you can do to change this for yourself. Dr. Ramani on YouTube is a good source of information if you want to learn more and personalized therapy isn't an option for you. Although definitely find a therapist to work through this as soon as you can! And good luck on the new job search

14. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 3:07PM UTC

    Please get another job and get out of this one asap. It does not have to be the job of your dreams, just get another job. You can still search while working somewhere else . It will never get better for you there, only worse . Better to leave on your own . Best Wishes

15. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 3:08PM UTC

    You have done nothing wrong, you are being gaslit. I am not sure why your boss has targeted you but it’s not your fault. I agree with everyone says get a new job. Your boss isn’t going to change and you don’t deserve this.

16. EMILY KIKUE FRANKDecember 9,2022 at 4:39PM UTC

    Been there. It's a terrible feeling and will make you begin to question yourself and your contributions. Start making a list of things you've accomplished. Chances are good that nobody in your current workplace will care about it, but YOU will care about it. Writing that stuff down will help you move forward with applications and interviews, and it will remind you that this isn't your fault.

17. Kimberly GrahamDecember 9,2022 at 4:50PM UTC

    I was in a position years ago that on paper and in theory was perfect for me yet I was miserable. I went through the Strengthsfinder process and it changed my professional world forever. Two of my top strengths are strategy and execution (activator in the Strengthsfinder terms) and I wasn't able to executive in my role. Whenever I feel I am in a slump I refer to my top 5 strengths and make sure that I am in a position and environment where I can be my best me. I am so sorry that you are struggling and am confident you will get past it.

18. Kristie WhiteDecember 9,2022 at 5:03PM UTC

    I have experienced this situation where a new manager chose to undermine my performance to get rid of me. I was very young and very confused. I suspect it was jealousy, but since I had never met her before - I was clueless. So the first thing I want you to know is - IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU! There could be drivers behind the scenes that you will never know. There is also the possibility that you are in an "oiI & water" situation. I am convinced some humans are just oil and water. I've experienced this several times in my life as well the opposite, meeting someone for the first time and feeling like I've known them forever. So if you are in an oil & water situation, you can't fix it and you can't really explain it. I do think its an excellent idea to do the Strengthsfinder assessment, MBTI, or anything else that helps you know your strengths. This will help you logically restore your confidence by assessing the fit of the position/company/mgmt. Either way, there is no success for you here in this position. Let go and move on and TRUST ME, it is not about you. You have 12 years of strong performance - you've just landed in a environment that is punitive rather than supportive. Why bother to stay?

19. Claire McCabeDecember 9,2022 at 7:03PM UTC

    "You have 12 years of strong performance - you've just landed in a environment that is punitive rather than supportive. Why bother to stay?" This is excellent advice!

20. Brenda CrawshawDecember 9,2022 at 5:32PM UTC

    I echo everything that's been said in that this is NOT about you - it's about them and their failings.

    The once piece I would recommend is to document EVERY.THING. It's exhausting, I know, but your being able to show a pattern on their side can help you if you need to pursue any kind of remedy.

    And if you can, make a list of the things you KNOW you are good at, successes you've had - anything and everything you have to give you visible PROOF that your current paradigm is situational and NOT who YOU are. Look at this every single morning as you arrive at the office, throughout the day when you feel your confidence flagging and I would challenge you to add something every day.

    It takes a boatload of positive self talk to overcome negative feelings but you CAN quash some of what you are feeling right now by using FACTS to challenge your thoughts.

    You've got this. And when you do leave they will see just how much you did bring to the table. Boohoo for them!

21. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 9:17PM UTC

    I am very sorry this happened to you and you’re smart to know the situation wasn’t great by listening to yourself.

    I agree with most others on the recommendations to prioritize your well being and health and look for another job.

    I have had a similar situation that I am working through and the most important thing I do is rest, eat well, exercise when I can, use affirmations and seek help from people who are supportive. It’s not easy. But having left I chose myself and my boundaries over a toxic environment for me.

    Good luck!!

22. AnonymousDecember 9,2022 at 10:15PM UTC

    I agree with BossLady below - the fact that you’ve been a top performer for 12 years, and only NOW they’re finding something wrong with your performance tells me it’s definitely not you.

    I had this happen in my first admin job. I was there for seven years and I always had good to excellent performance reviews, was a great performer, etc etc etc., and suddenly, in year 8 (despite no discernible difference in how I was working, from my point of view), I was put on a PIP, was removed from the person I had been supporting since day one, and placed with someone who didn’t have nearly enough work to keep me busy. They let me go on my 8 year anniversary because “it was not working out.” I should have left sooner- that experience absolutely destroyed my confidence in myself, and I think has shadowed all jobs since.If you can, make sure you’re talking to a professional. I wish I had sooner!