Reflecting on my last two roles and while there were some scenarios that were out of my control, I'm contemplating my part in the equation.

Anonymous

February 9,2024 at 4:40PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

Reflecting on my last two roles and while there were some scenarios that were out of my control, I'm contemplating my part in the equation.

In the first instance I received promotions and accolades from senior leaders. The other, I recognize that it wasn't the right fit from the beginning and wanted to do my best and then move to another position that better suited my skills.

The first instance, when I was promoted (the second one not by my boss but the company) and it changed our relationship. We had a good one prior and he's the one who hired me. After being promoted, senior leaders would come to me when they didn't receive answers from my boss. I tried to help as I could but always mentioned, they should check with my manager to make that's what he wanted.

One time it came to a head when my boss was on vacation, I needed to handle an urgent situation and received accolades for my quick action that saved the company money. A senior VP jokingly made an inference in a group setting that why was my boss needed. My boss didn't take it as such and from that point on, it seems a line was drawn and it was his mission to have me leave. He finally succeeded a month later...

The more recent situation as I previously alluded to, there are some jobs that you know from the beginning that it's not the right fit. I tried my best and was able to mentor my team into promotions and grew the department's revenue. There was restructuring in the parent company and reporting lines changed and they wanted to select their own management teams. What I brought to the table wasn't aligned with the direction they wanted to focus on and I understand their decision. While knowing the end was coming, I tried to learn those skills and I felt myself making progress but I could tell it didn't matter what I did, they had someone in mind for my role and I was let go...

While looking for a new position, I'm trying to learn from these situations. Is there anything that I could have done differently? Was I too ambitious in the first scenario that caused problems with my boss? In the second, when I realized it wasn't the right role, should I have left earlier? I felt like I tried my best in the second situation and put in extra hours just to learn and make myself fit into what they wanted but it didn't feel like it was enough.

Sorry for the long post but I want to do better in the future. Tough criticism would be appreciated as I don't want to make mistakes in the future!

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

13 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

13 Comments

Join the conversation

AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 6:34PM UTC
What I've learned is careers, roles and situations constantly change.
I learned very early on not to be hyper analytical. I can tell if there is a lesson to be learned and move to learn it quickly. But what you've described are not life or professional lessons. They are are shifts due to ego and alignment. Not based on performance or personal actions.
My suggestion is do not second guess the past if there are not clear lessons there. And there are not. True lessons are pretty obvious.
Don't go looking for things to take on as personal development. For those, you don't have to look for them.......they find you.
This is simply life.
AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 7:39PM UTC
Thank you, Anonymous. I appreciate your advice. I wanted to make sure I wasn't the problem and needed to change things in order to be successful in the future.
I give my all and it's frustrating when opportunities you were excited about at their beginning end in spite of your best efforts. It sounds like I need to get out of my head and focus on moving forward!
AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 8:58PM UTC
It sounds like you are already doing great both personally and professionally.
AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 10:11PM UTC
OP: Thank you, Anonymous! I'm realizing that I need to look forward instead of focusing on the past. I'm disappointed that they didn't work out but I'm taking what I learned in those roles to make the next one better.
AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 8:12PM UTC
My worst moments at work came from people having expectations for me to be more competent in areas where I have no experience. I think this is due to my self confidence, but since I never know what I don't know, I blame the people who want to blame me instead of trying to see things from my p.o.v. and communicate better. In my last job I asked for feedback and more coaching and still got slammed by the jerk who claimed to be available and willing to help but really wasn't.
AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 8:57PM UTC
Again....so not a lesson there. Maybe just a walking example of who not to become.
AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 10:07PM UTC
OP: Sorry that you faced unrealistic expectations. It's hard especially these days with navigating what's listed in JD and communicated during interviews. Often you don't realize the truth until you're working there. The lack of training makes it harder to navigate those expectations as there's not opportunity to learn those aspects on your own. I hope you're in a better situation now!
AnonymousFebruary 9,2024 at 8:07PM UTC
It's not a mistake to wind up with a bad boss. Assessing fit is part of the interview process, but really hard to do, and it's natural to discount red flags. Employers are on their best behavior during interviews.
Stephanie Branch LekowskiFebruary 10,2024 at 2:28PM UTC
I agree- it's like a 1st date and both have their "company manners" on.
AliciaFebruary 10,2024 at 7:05PM UTC
May I please suggest you do some work on emotional intelligence. I think this will help you gain insight into the people you've worked with in the past, people you will work within the future, and your place in the equation. Just a thought.
AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 4:26PM UTC
Good idea and I appreciate your suggestion!
AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 3:54PM UTC
I think the core of all this is transparency, with others and yourself. It's not always a cure all in every situation but maybe if you kept your boss in the loop when they asked you to do tasks he would normally do, or ask him what he prefers you do in certain situations you've encountered, it could save you from whatever went down. Keeping people in the loop, especially potentially ego-driven higher ups, makes them feel respected and needed (and less likely to want to push you out).
Similarly with jobs you aren't a fit for from the beginning, be honest with yourself and start looking for other opportunities immediately (like first week) or ask your supervisors for tasks more related to what you'd thrive with (while still looking for new jobs). It sounds like this particular job wasn't a waste though - - you learned a lot, grew the company, and we're simply let go the way many companies have been letting super talented people go lately. Don't be too hard on yourself and discuss all the positives you brought to said company in the next interview.
AnonymousFebruary 11,2024 at 4:25PM UTC
Thank you and those are great tips!