I have decided to look for other opportunities.

Anonymous

June 30,2022 at 1:34PM UTC

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I have decided to look for other opportunities.

I have been with my current company 3 years, almost 4 and in that time I've moved teams into a people manager role a year and a half ago. I am thankful for the opportunities but unfortunately I have a very toxic direct manager who (more often than not) makes me hate my job and current company.

It is my fault for going after this role and I wish I could go back in time because I do love the company. I have been holding on this year because I love the health insurance benefits which has allowed us to continue our personal IVF journey and I thought I'd be pregnant by now so bad time personally to switch but the longer that doesn't seem to be the case, the longer I can't justify being this unhappy professionally. Every Wednesday I have my 1:1 and I swear my stomach is just in knots because she is so berating and condescending about everything I do. When I've asked for feedback, its always so negative and she just does no mentoring - just tells me everything I do wrong and ultimately if I am that terrible I'm not sure why she hired me or why they keep me around.. I honestly am just starting to feel like she wants me gone and so she is pushing me out by treating me terribly.

When I've talked to peers under her as well about ways I can interact with her better, how they have gotten by for so long, they tell me they have just learned to deal with her and call her a narcissist. She prides herself on having an entire team of female managers but deep down she does absolutely nothing to build any of us up, just breaks me down every chance she gets and undermines me to my direct reports - going around me more often than not and wonders why I get annoyed when I have to answer for their actions but she directed them rather than coming to me.

She came down on me recently saying someone had come to her to tell her about me (basically someone bad mouthed me behind my back to my manager) and she wouldn't share who it was (so I have no context) and when I asked how I could do better - the complaint was I haven't been communicating the way they would expect - she just brushed me off saying I should basically know by now and that she's tired of telling me what my job is. Without specifics I have no idea what the heck this is about, most likely I have no update so whoever it is expects that I am just going to tell them nothing .. I don't ignore people or projects for the fun of it?? But this is just how she seems to be with everything. It is getting exhausting.

Anyway thank you for letting me vent, I really don't have the capacity to even start job hunting, I don't even want to leave but I just can't really stand this any longer. If anyone has suggestions on places to look for job postings besides Linkedin - I feel like I fell into this company as it was a competitor from my previous role and I just don't know how people are out there finding new roles lol. Thanks ladies.

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AnonymousJune 30,2022 at 1:56PM UTC
First explore changing departments internally if that is possible. Discuss your issues with HR and see if you can be moved under someone else.
For a job search, I would begin networking and looking at your old company to see if there are opportunities available. Put feelers out to your network.
Update your resume and LinkedIn profile. That always makes me feel empowered looking at all my accomplishments.
AnonymousJune 30,2022 at 5:41PM UTC
It sucks but in order to change or apply internally, the company requires you to tell your current manager before applying and I feel sooo uncomfortable about having to have that conversation and then uncomfortable about her bad mouthing me to any potential new hiring managers.. Thank you! I updated my resume months ago when I first started feeling this coming.
AnonymousJune 30,2022 at 6:35PM UTC
It's never comfortable and the fear and apprehension will be there but it's your life and career.
AnonymousJune 30,2022 at 7:25PM UTC
Look at your last written performance evaluation and be sure you are on track with the goals. Second, if your organization has an employee assistance program you might talk to a counselor there. You will want to rebuild your confidence before you change positions. Stop talking about your boss to others. It’s making you look bad. Finally, you should get another job. Either your boss is a problem but your company is OK with it, or your boss is only a problem for you. Either way it’s a bad fit for you.
Jacqueline CutlerJuly 8,2022 at 1:52PM UTC
It sounds as if you should be looking hard now. It does not sound as if there will be a reversal of her opinion, and as wrong, as it is, she's been exhibiting her feelings all along.
I would spend my free time looking and getting out as soon as possible. I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. While still there, stop talking about your boss to others. She sounds vile but it gets back to her and no reason to make this worse.