I was let go in March of this year.

Anonymous

October 24,2022 at 12:43PM UTC

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I was let go in March of this year. I find myself still not over it, which is something I am working through with a therapist. When I was terminated, I was told it was my personality, my performance was no issue. I was a person with 23 years of experience who moved from one department to another. I am in an at will state, and there was literally nothing I could do. They told me I had a grumpy face, so this is the mentality of the people I was dealing with.

I find myself thinking about my next interactions with the people who terminated me, which will certainly happen given my industry and job location. I often wonder what I would say to them or even acknowledge their existence. Anyone have real stories to share or advice on how I should behave around them? I have moved onto another job, the people I work with are wonderful. But my urge to spew obscenities at my old bosses is real.

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Shelly EdwardsOctober 24,2022 at 1:38PM UTC
Unless you want to risk your new job, your interactions with former bosses and coworkers should always be courteous and professional. I understand feeling like they were unfair to you and hurt your feelings, but I promise you that they have moved on and you have found a new job, so it's really best for you if you are just professional and respectful. If not, you may end up proving their point and really painting yourself in a bad light with the new bosses.
Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterOctober 24,2022 at 1:58PM UTC
I echo what Shelly has said; stay above the fray.
AnonymousOctober 24,2022 at 3:48PM UTC
I can sympathize, in 2019 I was assigned a new Manager. I knew of him because he had been been caught in affairs with 2 of his staff (while also married). His wife even showed up at the office wanting to confront his mistresses. HR was involved and nothing happened. He destroyed our team and blew off our feedback. I resigned after he pulled me aside to tell me he was restructuring my team and threatened to fire me if I told anyone. I cannot tell you how many times I wish I had cussed him out that day. My revenge is being in my dream job now.
You need to continue to work on letting go of the anger so it doesn't eat you up. It's absolutely pathetic how they framed your termination. Only a very poor human would say such things to someone losing their job. If you find yourself interacting with them, mention how wonderful your new team is and how you are finally in a position with true professionals.
Barb HansenOctober 24,2022 at 4:20PM UTC
Don't let a past company/manager's lousy behavior bring you down. They are in the past and don't deserve any more of your time or energy.
When I concentrate, I tend to furrow my brow, which I have been told makes me look angry. Early in my career, after being asked more than once, "what was I mad at" I decided to preempt that question with an explanation.
When I join a new team, I tell them that if they see me looking angry or concerned about something because my brow is furrowed, it only means that I'm concentrating.
If anyone comments that I look angry, I happily tell them that this is the face they get when I'm making the company a lot of money by solving problems - if they want wise me, they also get my furrowed brow. :)
AnonymousOctober 24,2022 at 5:29PM UTC
Ha ha, this is great!!
AnonymousOctober 24,2022 at 4:21PM UTC
My experience is the best way to move on is with grace. It not only made me feel wonderful, proud and quite frankly a bit superior. What I was told by former colleagues was I looked amazing, glowing and very accomplished after we would run into each other at conferences and trade shows.
I love that you are working with a therapist to help you move on with understanding and confidence.
Grace allows you to reflect your self confidence, elation and joy. No one truly moving on with grace spends much energy spewing nonsense. It takes away their joy of a life filled with satisfaction.
This is not meant to devalue your feelings of rejection and anymore. On the contrary, it takes time and work to heal and to put those feelings behind you. So feel what you feel but also know that they is a lightness of being waiting.
AnonymousOctober 24,2022 at 4:32PM UTC
Completely agree.
I had to put on a forced joy on my previous position when they basically demoted me and my coworkers with a change in Administration (but preserved our salary). I hated the position for the 2vyrs it took me to finally go out on stress leave. My doctor was fabulous. I found a new job back at my level that I love, returned to crappy position just one day and cleaned out all my stuff and handed in my resignation with a smile on my face at the end of the day. And when visited the old place for routine medical care, they all raved how wonderful I looked.
AnonymousOctober 24,2022 at 7:20PM UTC
I wouldn't even waste your time on them. That sounds like a horrible situation, I wish you the best on your future!
AnonymousOctober 24,2022 at 7:26PM UTC
It's called a "Resting Bitch Face".....doesn't mean a thing. A great coined phrase circa 2015 I believe.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 12:25PM UTC
Exactly right - another way to shame women for not having perpetual smiles.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 6:03PM UTC
Exactly.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 1:23AM UTC
Think of it as a blessing and you've moved on to a better position. I'm a bit spiteful so I would make sure when I interact with them to show how happy and successful I am in the current role.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 1:57AM UTC
I always worried about running into the boss who bullied me and eventually fired me. Haven’t seen her around in almost 3 years.
Jessica Hill-KnudsonOctober 25,2022 at 12:35PM UTC
i always liked the concept — “don’t let them live rent-free in your head”. Meaning don’t think or dwell on them because they don’t matter at all. Concentrate only on the things that actually are important to you, like kicking butt in your new job.
Though I know from personal experience that it’s tougher than it seems to move on! I dwell on crap ALL the time. :)
Lisa GregoryOctober 25,2022 at 1:14PM UTC
I have found that the best thing to do is to take the high road. Don't speak ill of your former boss or colleagues under any circumstances to anyone, as it will come back to bite you.
Consider how lucky you are to not work in close proximity to them and wish them well in your mind and with your words to others.
When you run into them, be pleasant and cordial. Kill them with kindness. You cannot go wrong by doing the right things, even when those things are hard to do.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 1:14PM UTC
Try writing a letter with everything you want to say to your old bosses, then destroy the letter and release those bad feelings into the universe. The best revenge is to not care about them any more - they don't deserve to take up that real estate in your brain.
Leader135412October 25,2022 at 1:24PM UTC
Kill em with kindness, if you have any dealings with them make sure they see how much happier you are now that your not with them anymore.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 7:38PM UTC
Yes!! The best revenge is living well!
I was fired from a job a few years ago. I moved states to take this job, a field with which I had over 10 years experience and a highly regarded reputation. I was lied about to a state board that I have no recourse with. I am not able to work in that field anymore because of their lies.
But that's ok. I switched industries and have become very well known in the new industry (in the best way) and found that I am actually doing a LOT better now.
Just do the best you can with the new job, and they will see it was them, not you!
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 2:18PM UTC
The grumpy face statement are those their literal words or your characterization of what they said? Did they provide specific feedback? About the behaviors?
When I find it hard to
move on it’s because I’m unable to accept what happened. Reflect honestly on the situation. Take one lesson. Just one. Acknowledge it. Identify what you can do differently. Then move on. Sometimes moving on requires learning a lesson that “made it all worth it.”
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 6:02PM UTC
Literal words. It’s my face!
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 7:35PM UTC
What else did they say? It seems they made a correlation between your facial expressions and perceived attitude.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 2:18PM UTC
Probably did you a favor.
Cecile PittsOctober 25,2022 at 2:25PM UTC
Depends on what serves you best. This happened to me and it really bothered me a lot.
I decided I needed to be more transparent. when people asked why I made a change I’d say something like:
I left unhappily. Was feeling ganged up on.
i won’t say the typical “it was the best thing…….” Because it felt unfair.
hurtful and bad for me and my work place.
surprising how many folks have the same experience. I had no idea. This approach served me well for healing and for career advancement.
good luck.
Dcre1977October 25,2022 at 2:27PM UTC
The opposite of love is indifference. If you run into them treat them like you treat a stranger.
Attacking personalities is a common tactic when someone feels threatened by your qualifications. They can not attack your work so they go after subjective things no one can prove.
Obviously you are doing well in your new position, so you were not the problem. It can take time to get over your treatment.
I was in the same position as you in a small field. The reality is, it spread quickly that I was treated badly. My new boss heard from someone else. Getting to know me, she knows the issue wasn't me. Working somewhere where I had basic human respect again gave me the opportunity to rebuild my confidence.
Tami HolzmanOctober 25,2022 at 4:30PM UTC
Spewing obscenities will only validate their reasoning that your personality is the problem. If you're not ready to face them, I suggest attempting to avoid them. If you get cornered and have no graceful way to duck out, a civil hello or head nod as you continue past them shows you're the bigger person and gives them no further ammo. It's hard when you're hurt and angry. But devolving to their level only hurts you and reinforces their beliefs about you.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 4:30PM UTC
Pretty sure you can get a lawyer for this. Press charges.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 7:33PM UTC
Based on what?
AnonymousNovember 5,2022 at 11:56PM UTC
Based on the fact that she was told she was fired based on her appearance. Der.
AnonymousOctober 25,2022 at 11:55PM UTC
Wow. Being told it's "your personality" and then told it's "your face"? WTF??? That could have been communicated in a more constructive manner. I'm happy you're working through it with a therapist because what are you supposed to do with that?
I've been terminated for a host of reasons that ended up being illegal and discriminatory (age, sex & race). I got an employment lawyer (the majority will do a consult for free) and won a settlement. While I do think all of these events do call for self reflection, I also believe most companies do these kinds of things all the time because they've gotten away with it.
You're in a good place. Sharing this past experience serves no purpose except to make you potentially look very bad. That's what the therapist is for. You're working through bad employer PTSD. It's real. Compartmentalize the past to get through the day now. Sounds like you're better off where you are. That's what I did. It was like being in a new relationship after an abusive one. You gotta work hard to not drag the past into the present.
AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 6:07PM UTC
Work ptsd for sure. My new boss was wondering why I was being so uptight and careful. And you are right. I have to keep the past in the past. Nothing can be done.
AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 2:26PM UTC
Were you dealing with clients or customers of any kind? I worked with a woman who was let go because she had a bad attitude, I mean bad attitude. She too had a "grumpy" face but she had the demeanor that went with the face. I hope you work through all of this with your therapist, unfortunately an at will state doesn't really have to give a reason.
AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 6:06PM UTC
Nope. No clients! Actually me posting on this has been therapeutic! I’m not alone!