I share an office with the admin asst of our group.

10 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 24,2025 at 9:48PM UTC

   Feeling ill and being friendly is difficult.

   Mustering a hello and goodbye for your office mate regardless of how you feel might be a wise investment.

   Good luck OP ?

2. AnonymousMay 25,2025 at 12:26PM UTC

   Are you sure you didn't contribute in some way to this? I share a space with someone who has, on occasion, treated me like she's my boss. She has been hypocritical in so many ways that I am at my wits end... Prolonged calls with speakerphone on with family members. Every. Single. Day. Fine, but then leave my medical calls alone without commentary. We used to have the most demeaning director and office mate would tell me she wanted her gone but ALSO literally cackle out loud whenever director would insult me in front of her (not even necessary, but hey... whatever you can do to get ahead...). She'd have outbursts at me in group Zoom meetings just for speaking at all, then later ask me what's wrong when I would go quiet (this is gaslighting, folks- other depts have observed that I am the "quiet one" of this dept so I definitely do not hog conversations). And just generally talk down to me ("That's NOT what I asked you" in front of others). Also outbursts at me whenever she would be stressed (because apparently, "emotional dumpster" must be somewhere in my job description). She is now claiming this is all in my imagination- even things she's admitted before and apologized about. So...look really inward...are you sure that you didn't contribute to this somehow?

3. AnonymousMay 25,2025 at 2:55PM UTC

   Well this is all about feelings. If one doesn’t feel well then tell your office mate, hey my head is killing me so I may be a bit quiet today. Always say good morning and have a nice evening. The small gestures we provide to humans make us better people. It’s hard sharing space with people we work with but not speaking invites negativity.

4. AnonymousMay 25,2025 at 2:57PM UTC

   You feel unheard by your boss…in the same way she feels unheard by you. Sorry to hear about your migraines (I get them, too). But your trigger…your responsibility. Doesn’t give you a get out of jail free card to be gnarly or ignore people.

5. AnonymousMay 25,2025 at 4:17PM UTC

   Oh yuck. Sounds like your inward struggle has been causing issues with your colleagues. Your boss clearly has some pent up issues with you as indicated by his response. Why is this hard? Translation, why are you making me deal with this petty junk? The admin feels

   blindsided and unfairly criticized by you. So your migraines are negatively impacting your emotional intelligence. This happens and you can fix it. Don’t be a victim take care of yourself!’

6. AnonymousMay 26,2025 at 12:56PM UTC

   All of this! Excellent and actionable advice.

7. AnonymousMay 26,2025 at 2:04PM UTC

   Only adding because this point hasn’t been addressed. I too suffer from migraines so I feel for you. However when they hit, I stay home. You cannot power through a migraine. It’s literally impossible and you’re not doing yourself or your coworkers a favor by showing up to work when you’re not feeling well. Stay home and see a doctor to get ahead of them. Apologize to the admin and take her out to lunch or bring her flowers- something to clear the air. You have a short opportunity to

   course correct the situation but the onus appears to be on you. It’s also abundantly clear that the admin will not be filling in areas of your report, and she has the backing from your boss on this, so don’t let

   this become a hill you die on.

   Migraines are sheer misery - take care of yourself and get help from a doctor and these issues should resolve on their own.

8. AnonymousMay 26,2025 at 5:11PM UTC

   Document this whole experience in an email to yourself and also to your personal email bcc just to be safe. Also, in a private meeting disclose to him that your migraines have meant that sometimes you are quiet and less social in the workplace and that might have set her off. Clearly she is dealing with something, everyone is and she might not want to share what that is with you but perhaps she did with him. If this report is something that you cannot do alone and it is now something that your manager expects you to do perhaps find out how you can get help to complete this. It sounds a bit like a rough day for you both and maybe extending an olive branch to her over a coffee would help. Feel better as I know as well how rough and debilitating migraines can be.

9. AnonymousMay 27,2025 at 5:15PM UTC

   From what you're saying it doesn't sound like you were rude to her or anyone else. You're saying that on the days you don't feel well you just want to power through, get your work done and not make idle small talk, which is perfectly reasonable. She sounds a little butt hurt and blowing something small out of proportion. If the boss agreed that she should do this project, then why is she ranting and raving about it not being part of her job? I get migraines too and sometimes I am able to power through them but other times, I can't do anything but go home and sleep them off. (Thankfully with the help of medication, I can catch them as they are just coming on.) Maybe as others have said, you should explore the idea of taking a sick day and/or working at home or alternate hours on the days your migraines hit badly.

10. AnonymousMay 30,2025 at 3:18PM UTC

    All I can say is, I am sure the admin feels pretty silly for her very public and unprofessional tantrum.

    There are few individuals that can avoid feeling like a fool after that type of meltdown... So let it run its own course? Hopefully she can self-reflect on her actions, or she'll feel a change in the atmosphere of the group (a social influence and pressure that will shape her future actions and behaviors).

    Secondly, her trigger may have been work, but her build up may have been something personal (much like your migraine situation).

    Personally, I think it's a good idea to be the 'adult' here. Tell her which actions and behaviors she took were inappropriate and then afford her the grace you wished she would've given to you.

    I fully understand that I can't begin to understand the severity or impact of this situation from one post. However you can ask yourself if this is worth escalating? And be very, very specific on the outcome you are trying to achieve... As it sounds like it's not about the admin anymore, but that you didn't feel heard with your boss. Be careful though because this could tread into misinterpretations of 'taking sides' and 'playing favourites'. So again, be very clear with what you intend to get out of the conversations you choose to have, and lead with the outcome in mind.