Need some help with a direct manager who constantly miscommunicates and cuts me off while talking.

Anonymous

June 27,2022 at 7:41PM UTC

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Need some help with a direct manager who constantly miscommunicates and cuts me off while talking. Thanks to this community; your advice and posts, I've been in my current role for a little over 2 months; and my direct manager tends to miscommunicate. We have regular meetings for him to get an update on my current task and possibly give me more tasks (not an issue). In these meetings, I'm always writing notes because I want to be efficient. We have regular meetings, and we always start by going over last week's, or previous tasks. Yet when I provide the update he has a tendency to talk over me, and say something must've gotten miscommunicated. He's even just come out to say "You must've misunderstood what I said". Today, I somewhat called him out on it. I calmly explained what he told me and that I have a note stating that he me something different. He proceeds to say, "you're right, however,...". He's not clear in his direction, and it's becoming frustrating. I'm trying to find ways to get him to be clear, and I haven't found something that sticks. Help, please and thank you!

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Heather CutlerJune 27,2022 at 10:46PM UTC
I had a former colleague who interrupted people ALL the time! It was so frustrating so I did one of two things: I either stopped talking until she was finished and picked up where the interruption happened...OR...I would talk over her until she stopped talking. I hated choosing between those two tactics, too!
The wishy-washy communications / direction from your boss. This must be mind-boggling to you! I applaud your decorum and ability to self-regulate by taking notes to be efficient and adapting to his style.
It seems like this is a habitual issue with this boss, this "gotcha" style of management. if this were me, I think I'd say something like: it's clear we're both after the same end goal XYZ. But we're working past each other in these meetings when there continues to be so much confusion over work tasks. What am I missing about your management style, how can I better partner with you so we can avoid these miscommunications in the future?"
As to the "You're right, however..." I think I'd stop that conversation mid-sentence and post that question...what did I miss here? How did we get to this place given the email exchange?
This must be really challenging given your newness to the organization and your commitment to developing a rapport with this manager. Best of luck to you and keep us posted!
AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 1:46AM UTC
Heather, thank you! Your response is super helpful!
AnonymousJune 27,2022 at 10:48PM UTC
These folks are the absolutely the most obnoxious.
If you told them the sky is blue, they would look at you square in the face and say no its red. You are going to have to be more strategic with him. I would try to engage in more 1 on 1 meetings with him to try to guage his patterns. Sometimes even managers are poor communicators and they say things and mean something completely different and then blame the person on the receiving end.
A good practice I have seen another executive and many fantastic people in leadership do, is before each meeting concludes, the person will address the take aways from the meeting to parrot back what they think they heard from participants. And then ask, did I get that right? Did you need to add more or clarify further what I just mentioned? That is a good way to repeat back what you heard and then the manager can get right what he meant to say.. So atleast in those instances, you are hearing things twice. I know it does not solve him talking over you. Thats a jerk problem you will have to learn how to navigate. We all face jerks like that in our careers. You are doing great, hang in there! Don't forget to pray. If you have to pray before you respond, let those angels swoop down and give him lock jaw so he is not talking over you.
AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 1:49AM UTC
Thank you for your response! What you said is helpful! I never thought to pray before the meetings, adding that to the top! "Give him lock jaw" until I'm done speaking!
AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 11:04PM UTC
I went thru a similar experience. Praying in that moment helped a great deal. Let God do the dirty work
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJune 28,2022 at 4:43AM UTC
I would go over everything covered in the meeting point by point - to confirm that you're on the same page - and then send him an email confirming everything you confirmed in the meeting.
You can close the email with something like "please let me know if you have any changes to add or have any questions."
You're leaving a paper trail, his non-response signifies agreement with the content of the email or gives him the opportunity to make changes.
AnonymousJune 28,2022 at 12:46PM UTC
Joan, thank you! I'll also be incorporating this advice!
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistJune 28,2022 at 4:15PM UTC
GOOD LUCK!