I finally quit my very toxic job that was taking a huge mental and physical toll on me.

137 Comments

1. AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 4:01PM UTC

   Well, there's two sides to this question. Do you want to burn the bridge? Are you OK with that? If you never plan to work in that industry or with those people again, I would just send them a polite notification that you have left resources, and that you would potentially consider answering questions for a consultant's fee (if you're open to that). But bottom-line, let them know you don't want to be bothered. You don't owe them anything, but word does get around. So think carefully before you act.

2. SzautkeOctober 4,2021 at 4:31PM UTC

   I would cut the ties. You quit. You should not be expected to train your replacement when you are not working there anymore. Just ignore those questions. If someone asks how you are just tell them fine and don’t elaborate. The less they know the better it is for you. It was a toxic job. It’s going to be hard enough to get your mind straight. Don’t let them back in for any reason.

3. Denise UtterOctober 4,2021 at 4:39PM UTC

   We live in a big, big world. It's full of negative and POSITIVE people. Ignore the texts. You owe them nothing. "Your Health" is more important than other people not knowing how to do the job they are paid to do. Let the employer wonder about how to train its employees. It is not your responsibility. Let go. There are so many bridges, burn this one down. You are strong, you are independent, you are fierce, you are a woman. Go find another bridge :D

4. Joanne RosenOctober 4,2021 at 6:13PM UTC

   I want to say the short answer is NO. However, unless you are already working somewhere else, make sure that you aren't burning bridges. That doesn't mean you have to answer, just that you need to say, "Hey, I'm really busy these days so I can't help you. I did leave a guide and that should help instead."

   Be polite but firm.

   Take care of you!

   Joanne

5. AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 6:35PM UTC

   Can these people hurt you in the future? If so, you can offer to do some consulting until they hire a replacement. If not, is there anything online that you can point them to? The relevant software/application companies that I used to engage with at work have training videos & customer support contacts, or internal documentation on shared drives could help them.

   Since you left on your own terms, you had the choice of smoothing the transition before you left. They may be miffed that you didn't do that, and if they were toxic while you were there, they won't be less toxic now!

6. AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 2:00AM UTC

   But OP did. She said she left screenshots. I’m guessing her boss is just lazy and doesn’t want to have to figure anything out on their own.

7. AnonymousOctober 9,2021 at 6:55PM UTC

   In a reply, OP said that the direct supervisor didn't make use of the notice period to get up to speed, but a manager there did. I replied that contacting the manager to let them know what's happening would be better than replying or ignoring.

8. AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 7:02PM UTC

   I would remain professional but not use HR as your messenger. Send them both an email and explain that you are recovering and hope they understand your need for privacy.

   Don't offer any additional responses and try an maintain your grace.

9. AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 1:19PM UTC

   Don’t respond to the personal questions of “how are you doing”. Keep track of all communication and keep it professional. If you end up having any legal issues or need to report harassment of any kind, then you will have the evidence you need.

10. Stacey ShannonOctober 5,2021 at 1:29PM UTC

    I'm guessing that your leaving was no surprise to these people. You probably tried to communicate your unhappiness prior to leaving, saw no results, and so left. Am I right? If so, then they should have seen it coming, should have been prepared for it and asked you these questions and sought direction prior to your last day. They had their opportunity. There is no world in which it is right for them to be bugging you for help when you are no longer on the payroll. A bridge has two ends. Instead of worrying about burning the bridge from your end, remember, they lit the match on their side first when they paid no mind to your health and unhappiness prior to your absence.

11. AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 2:59PM UTC

    Yes you are 100% right, I left partly because I felt like I wasn't being heard and partly because of the way I was treated and how dismissive my direct supervisor was of my mental health issues (she thought I was faking them to get out of doing work). I asked for multiple things over the last year and a half like being able to work from home one day a week, hiring another person to be at the front desk so I could easily leave the desk to attend meetings/create content for the company's social media, a monthly stipend for technology since I had to use my personal phone and laptop for work on a daily basis. None of that got offered to me until I put in my two weeks.

12. BethBOctober 6,2021 at 12:40PM UTC

    Being told you are a liar hurts. Your supervisor never should have made you feel like this. That said, some of the things you asked for may not have been possible. At my company, before Covid, the owner didn’t believe people would be efficient working at home. She also didn’t think it was fair that some jobs could be done at home and some couldn’t. A company isn’t going to add a new hire because an employee asks for it. And many people use their own phones and laptops without any compensation.
    Being overworked and not given the appropriate tools to do a job aren’t toxic. They are bad business and a good reason to leave.
    It feels weird not to respond when people seem to inquire on a personal level and can be hard to do. Could you start by taking longer and longer to reply?

13. AnonymousOctober 8,2021 at 5:48AM UTC

    I agree being told I was a liar devastated my mental health more than it had before. The company I was at, work from home was and continues to be an option, it just wasn't for me, even during the pandemic. I was told that I needed to be there (I didn't, everything I did in my prior job was computer or phone based - why would I need to be in office for that?). The new hire - there had been talk for the last 3 years to hire a new person for where I was, in order to allow me to do my job better and be more efficient (i.e. so I could create social content as well as focus on my job and not do the job of three people). I now look back at this and realize it was an empty promise to placate me into staying longer. I also understand that many people use their own phones and laptops without any compensation, however, I used my personal cell phone and laptop daily (and also outside of standard business hours) because of the nature of the work I did. The amount of extra usage (data and service) I put on my devices, at the minimum, I felt like needed some type of compensation because it was for the business, and I was not provided a work phone or computer.

    I haven't responded to any texts or emails, I have chosen to ignore them but they're not taking the hint.

14. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:28AM UTC

    Would you be comfortable replying with something like: Thank you for checking in on me, but actually it's better for my mental health not to focus on the past. --it's professional, direct, and clear.

15. Denise PopishOctober 6,2021 at 12:29PM UTC

    I love this - it's a clear boundary and professional.

16. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 2:36PM UTC

    thank you! It's funny....I've stayed in a bad situation way too long feeling like I didn't have any agency, but I can see someone else's situation with clarity. I guess that's human nature.

17. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 2:34PM UTC

    ps: want to add I'd also hit them up for a consulting fee! I recently made $150 for 1 hour of talking someone through what I did for a living before being laid off. I signed an ethics clause at that position so I was careful not to break it, but it was liberating to be paid something for my knowledge and experience. BUT if you feel that doing so is more trouble than it's worth, don't do it. But that doesn't mean you can't still make the offer--I doubt they will take you upon it. You'll have the last laugh. That's worth something too. You are my hero for getting out.

18. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:17PM UTC

    Have you ever considered sueing the company for harassment and abuse?

19. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:18PM UTC

    Ignore. Cut ties. You left to get away from a toxic environment so try to steer clear from any communication. Bottom line is that you don't owe them anything anymore as you are no longer employed there. Cheers to a brighter, happier, blessed, prosperous future.

20. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:23PM UTC

    Maybe treating them like you would like to be treated if the situation is reversed. It sounds like they care about you.

21. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:24PM UTC

    Ignore... cut the negativity! You have control of that piece, best of luck to you ! Chin up you got this.!!

22. Healthcare workerOctober 6,2021 at 12:24PM UTC

    Toxic relationships happen for two reasons. 1. Someone continually violates the boundaries of another person or the understood nature of the relationship. 2. Someone doesn’t enforce healthy boundaries.
    Leaving the toxic work environment is only the first step. The next, and more important step is you learning how to enforce boundaries. People with healthy boundaries would not struggle with ignoring former colleagues in these matters you are describing. Now that you are out of there do the hard work on you and learn how to resist the need to please others at a detriment to yourself.

23. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:29PM UTC

    1000000% ignore! They are still trying to maintain a hold on you! If you didn’t have a personal relationship with them outside of the office, you owe them nothing.

24. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:29PM UTC

    I get you left because of the toll it took on you but did you submit a resignation letter? Sounds like you didn’t. Did you even submit one to HR?

    Same happened to me in February but after talking with HR, I sent my letter of resignation via email to my manager and HR. That stopped them contacting me. At the end of the day, they don’t care about you… especially after you quit.

    It’s just a courtesy cause you never know.

25. AnonymousOctober 8,2021 at 5:40AM UTC

    I did submit my resignation letter, gave the customary 2 weeks notice and got everything in order. The assistant general manager set up an appointment with me to go over EVERYTHING I did and to go over some upcoming projects. My direct supervisor did not and they are the ones who are asking all the questions and continue to call/text me.

26. AnonymousOctober 9,2021 at 6:51PM UTC

    You can advise the assistant general manager that your supervisor has questions, then. This will not hurt your reputation, but it won't suck you back in.... and that assistant general manager needs to know what your former supervisor is up to and how they shirked their responsibility to learn before you left.

27. Sara TalcottOctober 6,2021 at 12:32PM UTC

    Just ignore it. Don't waste energy on it.

28. BeaBoss328422October 6,2021 at 12:37PM UTC

    Yes. Ignore them. You’ve already done above and beyond by leaving instructions. Unless they want to hear from your lawyer next.

29. Deb AllenOctober 6,2021 at 12:39PM UTC

    Better than ignoring, block them. You won't need to spend time and energy checking to see who the message/text/email is from. Best of luck to you.

30. Lori CasoOctober 6,2021 at 12:48PM UTC

    Best answer!

31. Alice Frazeur HostlerOctober 6,2021 at 12:39PM UTC

    Good for you for leaving such a place of despair. I would contact HR again in a formal letter and let them since they are aware of the separation that any correspondence from your 2 bosses would be considered harassment and you will take it as such due to the gravity and nature of you having to leave and will pursue contacting council if needed. Now, personally, I feel they are only checking on your well-being because they are stuck and want to pump you for more information, and/or they have a bad conscience of how they treated you and want to smooth things over by being 'concerned.
    Keep track of how often they contact you in the case you decide to pursue 'council' as well as a copy of all correspondence.

32. Diane RodriguesOctober 6,2021 at 12:40PM UTC

    So funny. I was called and texted for about 2 weeks after I left my job. This stopped when one of my responses was "would you like a quote from me for consultation fees?"
    Haha

33. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:40PM UTC

    As long as they are willing to pay you for your time and you want to help them I say go ahead. I have helped my previous employers (whether I liked the place or not) after I left because I like helping people and don’t like to see them in a bind. Because I have been in that place before when someone leaves. I also do it for me because it makes me feel good to help people and plus they are not my current employer anymore or my boss.
    You don’t have to get personal, keep it totally professional and set your boundaries. If it gets to be much, walk away knowing that you did all you could. Plus, a little extra money is always nice .

34. GirlBossanova934974October 6,2021 at 12:41PM UTC

    This is really quite simple from a management perspective. You management, messed up! You didn't manage an employee very well. She took off and quit! But you management forgot to train anyone who could do your employee's job in case she was absent or left. Now, you management feeling you have nothing to lose are contacting said employee hoping that said employee is not too ticked off and she will help you out while you scramble to find a replacement. You management have nothing to lose by asking. YOU as the employee can either ask for a CONTRACT of x hours per week to help out OR you can POLITELY tell management you already have a new position and have no time. Simple and easy. Collect some cash or walk away entirely.

35. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:41PM UTC

    Here’s my perspective. A job is a contract that services will be provided in exchange for money (and benefits like 401k etc). You terminated the contract with your resignation. Never work for free.

    You had a detailed transition plan. That is more than many people do/expect.

    You can A) ignore, B) say no quietly: respond that any requests will be slotted in behind your new priorities or C) say no boldly: “Please consult the transition documentation. It is comprehensive and has guidance for a wide array of questions.”

    There are pros and cons to each. You’ll need to language it a bit.

36. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:41PM UTC

    Yes ignore them

37. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:44PM UTC

    i think, over time, these texts etc will wane. I'm guessing you just quit in the last couple of weeks, so everything is new. Over time, they will all move on ...someone else will be hired to replace you...and you will be a distant memory. All of us are replaceable. And so, you can choose to ignore right now, or not. If it were me, I would be mildly helpful to them for the sake of being civil but don't over engage. In a few more weeks/months, you wont' hear from them.

38. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:51PM UTC

    You are doing the right thing to protect your health. The faster you get away from any connection to that environment, you can begin your healing. I went through a similar situation and it has taken me a year to finally start getting back to my normal self. Remember healing is a process and don't be afraid to get help. I developed ptsd from a number of factors that contributed to the high stress, toxic environment I was in. Move forward and cut off all communication. Remember, HR is there for the company and not you.

39. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 2:03PM UTC

    Sadly your comment about HR seems to be generally true. I work in HR and try to be an employee advocate but it seems that's not the norm and it's working against me, but at least my conscience feels good. Time for me to leave and find a career in another field (though I'm not young and am not sure how that will work).

40. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netOctober 6,2021 at 12:51PM UTC

    I do not know why you continue to engage .Hopefully, you gave the customary 2 weeks notice during which time the company had every opportunity to fill your position and ideally have you train your replacement or ask you to stay on an extra week. If you did not give a notice (yikes) you probably should still disengage and understand that going forward that may be reflected in a reference from that company.
    Wish them well and ask the folks who continue to reach out to you to go to HR and you are sure that they will answer all their questions. Then stop answering the calls and stop participating. It takes two parties to create a toxic relationship.

41. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:52PM UTC

    If you don't want to maintain a relationship with them at all, just don't respond. You don't owe anything to them. And don't train them for free. They should have treated you better so you didn't leave and they should have made sure more than one person knew how to do the job. Just cut the ties and think about your own wellbeing. Only speak to people that bring light into your life.

42. ReachingGoalsOctober 6,2021 at 12:54PM UTC

    Ignore. Don’t feel bad about it either. In fact, block them if you want.

43. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 12:54PM UTC

    Congrats on getting out of a toxic work situation! Block their number and emails. Do not engage and move on to better things.

44. Carvella HudsonOctober 6,2021 at 12:54PM UTC

    To make it plain, simple, and professional, do not answer their calls. If your ex-employer continues to call or even leave a voice message asking for your assistance, get a lawyer and file a harassment claim. If you no longer work there, and they continue to ask you questions, they need to pay for your services.

45. Juanita JamesOctober 6,2021 at 12:54PM UTC

    I agree, if you don't want to after you gave a full detailed description on how to do things, it's your choice to answer.

46. Samantha s.October 6,2021 at 12:56PM UTC

    My suggestion would be to take the high road of enforcing your boundaries but giving them the opportunity to understand and grow. Perhaps you could kindly but assertively state in finality that you no longer work for the company and the reason you left was because the environment was not healthly for you, and with that being said, the best thing for you at this time is to no longer engage but you wish them the best. Then, stop responding to anything else.

47. Julie AshOctober 6,2021 at 12:59PM UTC

    I agree with SamanthaJane1396. I am in HR and would recommend this to any former employee who is in your position. Good luck and I am glad you left a toxic environment.

48. Jason LeeOctober 6,2021 at 1:03PM UTC

    You dont have to respond obviously but if it were me i would at least give them the option to pay me as a consultant for my time.

49. Candace VelezOctober 6,2021 at 1:08PM UTC

    Hey, your friendly talent advisor here. They can pay you a consulting fee if they have questions. (Period) and jack up the rate if you so choose to do.
    Overall you left them for a reason and you are not obligated after you parted ways to continue to speak or support them.
    Work place toxicity is equivalent to an abusive relationship and once you get out I'd stay far away.

50. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:09PM UTC

    Send one final message to HR letting them know that you wish no further contact and will block any future calls or emails from your ex coworkers and should anyone persist to contact you a restraining order will be issued.

51. Maureen B. WeisnerOctober 6,2021 at 1:12PM UTC

    Definitely NO free advice and given the toxicity of the work environment, it's not healthy to reengage with them even on a consulting basis.

    Consider what will give you the greatest closure. One simple statement that you did provide all resources when you left, wish them well and then block them is an option. Each contact may act as a trigger which is unhealthy.

52. Paulla Fetzek, MSEdOctober 6,2021 at 1:15PM UTC

    I'm sorry you were in such a hostile environment. And I'm so glad you got out of that situation.

    Was your boss or boss' boss responsible for the toxicity? If not, and you'd been there for some time, ignoring them could burn the proverbial bridge. For the future. If these people weren't responsible, they may genuinely be concerned for your well being.

    You mentioned you don't want to keep communication open so you don't get hurt. You took the first huge step in stopping this when you left. You now also have the power to determine if they continue to hurt you or not.

    My former job only lasted 4 years and I absolutely hated it. The overall foundation of the company and some of it's core people were horrible. But not everyone - including my boss. And I keep in touch with several of these people to this day. It's been a blessing not only professionally, but personally as well.

    If you'd like to continue helping them - you have every right to tell them that if they expect to continue coming to you, they'll need to pay you a consulting fee. I can honestly see this being my case when I leave my current job (Been here 18+ years).

    If you really wish to completely sever ties, you aren't obligated to tell them anything. Again, however, to not burn the proverbial bridge, I would suggest you craft a short email to HR, stating that since your employment has come to an end, you are no longer available and don't wish to be contacted.

53. Jean NeuhartOctober 6,2021 at 1:18PM UTC

    "I'd be happy to answer that question. My consulting fee is $xxx. How would you like to make payment?"

    Or

    Let HR know that you will no longer be accepting any calls from them, then ignore or block any further calls you may receive.

54. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:22PM UTC

    I would not respond. You have served your time and now you are free of the toxicity. Perhaps you should do a whole body cleanse and move on. I'm sure that is there way of keeping you connected to the cesspool. Be free of that and move on! Say a prayer each day that you are gone. I too work for a Toxic office, but am glad I only have to work there 2 days a week. I could tell hours of the horrors of working at my office. Thank goodness for Edibles that enable me to endure .

55. CJB62October 6,2021 at 1:23PM UTC

    I would be very careful not to burn bridges with you ex-employer. People move around and often a person from an old toxic job could end up be a co-worker again. Or the hiring manager at the company you are looking to go to work for may know your old boss and reach out for a recommendation.

    When they reach out for help - refer to paperwork you left or set a boundary- I am focused on my new job/endeavor. I am not available to answer questions or will only be available for another two days…whatever. In terms of coworkers reaching out to see how you are just be curt but polite - I am fine. Hope you are too. Leave it at that.

    Good luck.

56. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:32PM UTC

    I left a highly toxic workplace environment. I gave my notice and more or less disappeared. I had to if I was going to survive mentally and physically. I received one email asking for my materials to help others. Due to it being an academic setting, I have intellectual property over my work. I did not respond on the advice of my wife, my counselor, and a trusted friend. I will also add that I’d been on a listserv and when I stopped getting the emails because I was finally removed from the list I felt a beautiful freedom. I also finally lost complete access to the email and again felt like a weight had been lifted. The truth is, I likely burnt bridges. I have little doubt. However, at the time and even now, I know I did what I needed to do to be okay. I have not regretted it once. I now have a quiet little job that pays my bills and then some. I am enjoying the less competitive, slow moving life. Good luck, I hope you’re able to honor your needs with boundaries that feel safe.

57. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:33PM UTC

    If you have provided the necessary documentation to perform your job, there is no reason for them to continue to contact you. I was contacted for two weeks after I left my previous position. I stayed professional, they did not. Remember the reasons you left this company. You owe them nothing more than a two weeks notice. Good luck!

58. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:35PM UTC

    Good for you for leaving a toxic workplace. I'm in the same boat but haven't yet left and I'm sure they'd be reaching out to me about questions. I'd tell them that they need to pay you as a contractor if they can't manage to figure things out from the instructions you left. Were either of the people who have reached out to you part of the reason you left? If so, it's none of their business how you're doing.

59. Allison StoutOctober 6,2021 at 1:43PM UTC

    Burnt bridges are ok if you've been harmed by those you've left behind. They are being dependent on you because they still want to control you.
    Your peace of mind is much more valuable than being “the nice guy” lending a helping hand. Running their business is their problem now.
    Charge for any help or just block them. Otherwise, they will continue to squeeze you for every little thing you have left of your sanity and peace. Cut the cord. Don't live by cliches that dont pertain to your circumstances.

60. Gayle WilliamsOctober 6,2021 at 2:12PM UTC

    "Burnt bridges are ok if you've been harmed by those you've left behind." This is some of the best advice I've heard in a long while.

61. Karen GongawareOctober 6,2021 at 1:43PM UTC

    Why are they harassing you? And why do they believe that it is OK to harass you? AND why do you think you need to respond? Block all texts and emails from these no respect for boundaries jerks. You left that work. You no longer are there. It is their problem now. Not sure why this is an issue as ignoring or talking to a lawyer about suing for harassment would be the way to go.

62. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:53PM UTC

    I was thinking along similar lines. Continually attempting to engage an employee who has made it clear that she will not be responding to contacts is harassment. If you have informed the managers who are trying to connect that you have quit with a capital Q and the attempts continue, fire a warning shot over their heads and inform HR that you will be engaging a lawyer to discuss civil and criminal charges pertaining to harassment. If HR doesn't resolve the issue internally, that's their problem. Just make sure your communications are in writing!

63. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:49PM UTC

    Block the calls. They are either accustomed to bothering you or they are fishing to see if you plan on filing any kind of hostile work environment suit.

64. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 1:56PM UTC

    Block them via phone, text and email. You owe them nothing.

65. Darci DeRoinOctober 6,2021 at 1:59PM UTC

    You owe them nothing. You owe yourself everything. Block them or just ignore them, they will get the picture. Good luck in your next endeavor!

66. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 2:05PM UTC

    “I’m available to be hired on as a consultant. My fee is $100/hour. Please respond with how you’d like to proceed.”

67. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 2:11PM UTC

    I would block them at this point. I did the same as you. I only keep in touch with one person on the QT, but it took months for me to do that. It took two years for me to start to 'recover'/

    Toxic is toxic and your health is more important!

68. Valentina Huang, MBA, SHRM-CPOctober 6,2021 at 2:18PM UTC

    Let them know that you'd be happy to help with the transition as a consultant and this is my fee... If you really don't want them to contact you, then charge an astronomical fee! That'll send the message while still being professional.

69. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 2:19PM UTC

    Ignore. Block them if you need to.

70. AnonymousOctober 8,2021 at 6:20PM UTC

    And block them on social media so they can't see your profiles.

71. Changemaker766792October 6,2021 at 2:20PM UTC

    If you stop answering work questions, you will find that they stop asking how you are. I fell for "the friend" issue also and when I told them my fees would be $100 an hour, no one cared how I was doing. But me...

72. Sylvia L. BlalockOctober 6,2021 at 2:27PM UTC

    Your time is valuable. If they are your friends aside from work and you care whether they can carry on without you, by all means HELP- it goes a long way in the way of networking and not burning bridges and such. If, however, they gave zero f's about how you were doing before you fired them, then the possibility that you are being exploited for free is very real. VERY. Invoice them for all the questions and calls with a call log and the actual problems you solved and present them with a bill- cc human resources and the highest level of leadership that you have contact for. The presumption that you will do for free what they once paid you for is their error, not yours.

73. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 2:33PM UTC

    I’ve been there. Set boundaries by telling them you’ll help until XX date, and after that date you’re out of pocket. Or, if you’re done helping, just tell them you’re no longer available and wish them well.

74. Carolyn BoothOctober 6,2021 at 2:36PM UTC

    Block phone numbers and emails , that simple. They don't care about you, you are being used.

75. Rosa GoesOctober 6,2021 at 2:48PM UTC

    Remind them of the screenshots & instructions you left them so they can do the job. You resigned and are no longer available. You mentioned they are toxic so I don't recommend offering your consulting services either. Keep a log of everything, you may have a basis for harassment.

76. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 2:52PM UTC

    Just like any relationship, we need to set boundaries with our employer.
    The employee/employer relationship is or SHOULD BE a fair- two way street. If they can’t respect your boundaries then you have make changes, as you did, so bravo! Now you need to activate those boundaries.

77. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 3:00PM UTC

    ".... move along ... nothing to see or do here ...."

    if youDO NOT already have a personal relationship with any of these people, I believe you have responded the correct way. If they are so desperate for your help, then they can pay for it on a consulting basis.

78. KathyOctober 6,2021 at 3:03PM UTC

    If you absolutely want to cut off all contact block their telephone numbers and email addresses.

    If you are interested in 'helping' the company, tell them you need a contract arrangement for 30-60 days. You dictate the terms of the contract including the hourly rate or lump sum.

    Good luck. It takes time to heal from a toxic situation.

79. Laryssa BraatenOctober 6,2021 at 3:13PM UTC

    You’ve already done a very brave thing by leaving. If that doesn’t make you feel empowered to tell them you no longer want contact with them, then you have every right to block them or bill for your time.

80. Madam anon663October 6,2021 at 3:35PM UTC

    Ignore them, block them, whatever. You owe them nothing.

81. Kady SyllaOctober 6,2021 at 3:35PM UTC

    First, all me to tell you that I look forward to channeling you, I relate to your story. So congratulations and well done !
    I am interviewing like crazy, and look forward to following in your footsteps, so thank you for sharing!

    But I am reaching to add suggest my recommendations : kindly, professionally but FIRMLY cut them loose! You’ve worked hard to gain your peace of mind, so politely reiterate your unavailability for very obvious reasons or suggest they pay consulting fees on your limited and precious time which you have the power to structure.

    But I will honestly take them out of your life - the latter is too short for this kind of mind numbing stress.

82. Nadia SobhanOctober 6,2021 at 3:36PM UTC

    I think you should tell them exactly why you left and what working there cost you, and then let them know you will no longer be able to answer questions.

83. Amy CampbellOctober 6,2021 at 3:37PM UTC

    Friday is my last day. The job itself is toxic, not my team or my boss. I've let the person who's likely going to get my files know she can call or text me we've been actual outside of work friends for years. I'll also take some questions from my boss. Over him, though? They can get lost. They're why I'm leaving.

84. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 3:37PM UTC

    Congrats on leaving! I just left a job that was affecting my well-being as well. I did one favor for them and that is all I will do.

85. Nikki KoonOctober 6,2021 at 3:42PM UTC

    I have faced similar issues when leaving past jobs. Even if the job wasn’t toxic, you don’t owe them your time once you’ve left. But especially since it was toxic, it’s definitely good to cut ties.

    If you want to be “polite” you can tell them that helping with your former employer is a conflict of interest with your new job. (That one actually happened to me. My old job was willing to pay a contracting fee, but new job was consulting so taking side gigs that didn’t go through them was a conflict.)

    Or if you don’t care about polite (I’m not sure I would in your situation) just tell them you are not answering former work questions and then block them. They aren’t entitled to your mental or emotional energy anymore.

86. Terri ClarkOctober 6,2021 at 3:47PM UTC

    Choose the high road. Respond politely when they ask how you are doing, but don't do any work without compensation. You never know when you will meet these people again, or end up working with them again.

87. Adrianna StankovichOctober 6,2021 at 3:51PM UTC

    Take care of your own mental health. Ignore/block them. Especially if you left detailed directions, there is no reason for them to call you.

    I worked in a super toxic place and I feel if my supervisor did this, it would be her trying to maintain her presence in my life to keep the torture going. She knew she got to me so she would continuously push and prod me all while pretending to care about me. Cut yourself free from the cycle.

    For me, it's been just about a year since I've worked with that boss and I'm still getting my self esteem back. You really don't want to prolong that.

    Also, good for you!! Leaving a toxic job was the best.

88. Ivy FrankOctober 6,2021 at 3:55PM UTC

    Do not answer back!!! You are correct. You do not work there anymore and if they need assistance then pay you as a contractor. That is even if you want to do that.

89. lilahgaelOctober 6,2021 at 4:02PM UTC

    Why is it that so many of us feel an obligation to be polite and respond to people who cause us mental, emotional, and/or physical pain? I would not respond and block their calls and texts.

90. Veronica ContrerasOctober 6,2021 at 4:03PM UTC

    Remind HR of their continued contact or simply forward their emails to HR. You do not need to respond & if they insist they need to pay you as a consultant. I went through a similar situation where my boss & her boss were simply horrible — the definition of toxic! It took a great toll on my health -/ physically & mentally — good gir you for walking away!

91. Angie MartinOctober 6,2021 at 4:46PM UTC

    Let them know you are available for a consultation fee of *fill in ridiculous amount*.

    Then if they continue to bother you about your previous position, ignore.

92. Focused721350October 6,2021 at 4:49PM UTC

    HELLO!!!!! YOU DON'T OWE THEM SQUAT!!!! CUT ALL TIES TODAY!!!!! ;)

93. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 4:58PM UTC

    Hello I hope you are doing well ,

    I don't know if I have the answers that you are looking for , but I can defiantly understand how you feel. I am also not a professional.

    My mother use to work at a hospital that did not treat her well . This same hospital was where her husband was taken to when he passed away. It was a horrific experience for her , ultimately she had to quit because every time she walked through the door she would remember . The people there were not kind to her nor did they get her grief. That is just a very basic story of what happened.

    She had to do what was best for her and I believe you should as well .

    Maybe you feel torn and conflicted , because the good nature in you wants to do what you feel is right? Which can make decisions worse esp if you second guess yourself .

    Do these people know about your mental health? Are they aware? If they are then I think they should back off . People that really care about you would understand or at least try to and respect your boundaries.

    Being pressured while you are upset or dealing with issues isn't going to make it better for you. In the long haul you have to put yourself first.

    Mental health is just as important as physical health. Now I'm not saying to burn bridges or anything, It is not my place to to that . However I am saying that it is perfectly ok to make a division here. You can tell them that you don't mind if they want to check on you(if you don't mind) , but you prefer to not talk about anything related to work. Make it clear that your personal life and work are not connected and that you need this for yourself. Regardless of how this sounds , you aren't obligated to answer everyone's questions esp if it is stressing you out. Nothing wrong with telling pple you need space what so ever.

    It is apparent to me that you have done your job and you have left with good reason. It is up to them to read what you left behind and give you the space that you need. (Esp if they know the reasons of why you left in the first place.)

    If these people know the reason you left and still pressure you and they don't respect your boundaries then do what you feel is the best choice for your mental health.

    At this point I'd say that if you have a couple of friends that are genuinely concerned for you and you need space, take the space esp if you aren't sure you want to maintain a relationship with them. You can tell them you are going to be busy and taking a break from your phone so you can relax. If they really care about you then they will understand and that would give you time to think on it if you need to.

    If you truly don't want to keep or maintain this friendship, then you are not obligated to do so. I don't think it is wrong to separate your self from a toxic situation or people. You need a chance to heal and if that is what you want to do then that is your choice.

    You are not a bad person for not wanting to be hurt and separating those people from yourself so that you can heal.

    if anything Just make sure you are in a good frame of mind before you make your decision. Stepping back and giving your self a chance to breath may help you with that. Just remember that you matter, and that you are the one that knows what you can handle, don't push your self so much esp if it affects your mental health .

94. Andres GuevaraOctober 6,2021 at 5:13PM UTC

    I was in the same situation except when I was asked about how something was done at work, I would tell them and then the communication stopped. There was no "how's it going?" or "what are you up to?", etc.

    I feel that if the individual that is contacting you was a part of the toxicity that you experienced, yeah, cut all ties.

95. Huong Nguyen-ValleOctober 6,2021 at 5:20PM UTC

    Hi! You have no obligation to text them back. They will get it. If the place is toxic, it is best to leave it when you walk away, even if it questions how you are doing.

96. Cynthia Armistead NewmanOctober 6,2021 at 6:19PM UTC

    IF you're willing to do anything at all, respond with, "Here are my consulting rates..."

    If you're not wanting any connection, just refuse to respond.

97. Maxine CameronOctober 6,2021 at 6:49PM UTC

    If you decide to consult, remember to ask for sufficient compensation to cover liability insurance or, consult only if offered a liability waiver.

98. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 6:26PM UTC

    Try not to let your hurt and anger dictate your actions. Though toxic, you are all professionals and the world is small. You're better off establishing a firm boundary than ghosting them. Best wishes for a healthy recovery.

99. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 6:33PM UTC

    You could say, “the directions for completing that task are…” and remind them of the location or person you left it with. If people ask how you are say “fine thank you”.

100. Anne SweeneyOctober 6,2021 at 7:08PM UTC

     So many posts here on toxic workplaces. I know it is easy to say quit, but like an abusive marriage or relationship, it only gets worse and is certainly detrimental to mental and physical health. I have known a number of women in these situations. Every single one of them told me "I stayed too long."

101. Sonya LewisOctober 6,2021 at 7:42PM UTC

     Let it be known how preoccupied you are in / with your current endeavors. Make a one time offer of advice, and state that for the sake of potential conflicts of interest you ought not involve yourself in their processes / company business. Deflect when it comes your current work and wish them the best.

102. Rebecca MillikenOctober 6,2021 at 8:06PM UTC

     You have not obligation to them. I would simply ignore them just as you would spammers or any unwanted call, text or email.

     While some business communities are small worlds, no one professional would expect you to work for free. I can't imagine anyone else holding it against you that you ignored the place you quit when they came calling.

     I would not do any consultation with a place that was toxic. Cut the ties. I've been there myself and it's the best thing to do.

103. Regina BrownOctober 6,2021 at 8:30PM UTC

     Tell them you are fine and if that person emails more than once...just don't answer or tell them that you are busy these days and can't always get back in a timely manner. THEN if they are asking a question, let them know that you have implemented a service fee of $15.00 per hour and send an invoice to HR.

104. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 9:26PM UTC

     I recently left a toxic work place ( it’s still surprising that these places still exist with all we’ve all been through !) …. I blocked them all ..

105. Angela MasonOctober 6,2021 at 9:29PM UTC

     We all have different perspectives and I absolutely LOVE it!
     I would block their numbers or charge them $50 per question. Your retainer would be $5000. That would be enough for the inconsiderate to leave you in peace.

106. Coach Nancie Kay ShumanOctober 6,2021 at 11:13PM UTC

     I have been in this position. I finally offered to come in and train my replacement, for an exceptionally high amount of money, to be paid upfront, and an agreement that they would not contact me again without having cash on the table each time. That stopped the calls.

     You may not want to burn bridges, but you can definitely do things to make them harder to cross.

107. Craig DaleboutOctober 6,2021 at 11:29PM UTC

     It really comes down to whether or not you want to maintain any semblance of a relationship with them. The fact that they have to ask so much help of you when you are no longer there tells you that they probably are realizing they made a mistake by not focusing on employee retention.

     I have always taken the position that it is best to answer questions as well as one can, and try to maintain a positive dialogue. Its a very small professional world and word gets around. If you have a reputation for helping when you have no obligation (or desire) to do so, that can elevate you in the eyes of professional colleagues you may not have encountered yet.

     At the same time, you should not be expected to be at their beck and call. Its a tough balancing act and its hard to know at what point you should cut your losses. If you suspect that they may talk to future employers, it might behoove you to continue to help, but set expectations that you will not be working for free.

108. Audrey KirschOctober 6,2021 at 11:44PM UTC

     I think it depends on whether the 2 bosses were part of what made the company toxic for you. If they are suffering under the same toxicity that you were, take pity on them and give them a limited amount of help. If they were part of the problem and are clueless, let them know that unfortunately you cannot help them since you no longer work there. Then, if the emails and texts continue, just ignore them.

109. Healthcare workerOctober 9,2021 at 6:21PM UTC

     No bosses aren’t victims of the culture they are responsible for the culture. If they are just lackeys, yes men, CYA sheep then screw them they can lie in the bed they made.

110. AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 11:49PM UTC

     I was fired from a position at a very demanding company early in my career. I was working 80 hours a week and sometimes more. The work took a horrible toll on my health. Eventually one of the sister companies, that was losing money like a stomach hemorrhage decided they wanted to take over all IT operations from the family of 5 companies. I, of course, serviced the holding company and the real estate firm (this was back in 2001 and 2002).

     The VP of operations of the .Com that was a sister company wanted to charge an inter-company charge for taking over all IT and Network responsibilities. Unfortunately, the guy had a sales background and had no clue about how accounting and ratio analysis worked.

     We had migrated several systems (including e-mail) to large corporate servers that housed the entire family of 8 companies and 1,500 users. The .Com had a network engineer who carried a VERY out of date certification for Windows NT 3.5.1, and we were on Windows 2000 Active Directory. The guy was seriously so incompetent that he was causing massive outages of e-mail, accounting software, and drive space.

     Ironically, anyone who had been with the company prior to the jokers from the .Com company joining were forced out and the VP and President figured they could use the Inter-Co billing to show a net profit on the income statements for the periods. Problem they ran into is that the CFO was smart enough to move all common costs from intercompany billings and show how badly the .Com was hemorrhaging money.

     Strangely, the person who I had worked with for several years, and who had chosen the path to save herself and send the rest of us down the river actually ended up eventually meeting me for lunch and apologizing for abandoning her ethical considerations in can effort to save her own butt. She had a technician she worked with for nearly 8 years and she backstabbed him when they decided to move him out.

     I was forced out after being accused of pursuing through e-mails and violating privacy. The problem was that I didn't have administrative access to the e-mail server when the problems with e-mail dropping for half a day happened.

     I was upset and angry for a time, but later realized just how much better it was being out of the situation. I was absolutely astounded that this person INSISTED on meeting me (she would normally have flaked) and she was determined to apologize for ethics and a backbone. By this time, I was working in a far different field and I was much happier.

     What this lady told me was that she had no idea just how demanding the company I serviced as IT Director/Network Administrator was. There were calls all through the day, at night, and always something major going on.

     I realized that as angry as I was when I was canned, I could not have been given a better way out. I didn't have a severance agreement and I had no compelling reason to respond to the bazillion questions they should have figured out BEFORE sending me and all others packing. Somehow, sooner or later, these things always end up bringing things back to roost.

111. Cindy CastanedaOctober 7,2021 at 1:24AM UTC

     Since I don’t believe in burning bridges, I would have a last meeting to explain the process and no longer would be available to work because the way I was treated. If they harass you, I will tell them clearly that resigning means none of my services are available to show how i was treated was unacceptable. Of course check with a lawyer.

112. AnonymousOctober 7,2021 at 2:47AM UTC

     You don't work there any more, you left clear instructions re: how to perform essential tasks, you are not being paid a consultant fee to respond to their help requests,and you do not desire to maintain a personal relationship with them. You've politely and appropriately requested no further contactfrom them. Block their numbers, send their email to spam. Could they be concerned about a suit?

113. DanielleOctober 7,2021 at 4:00AM UTC

     Yes!!! Ignore all the emails. Better yet, block emails, phone calls, social media. Purge them from your life. You took control of your well being when you left, continue to take control by standing up for yourself.

114. AnonymousOctober 7,2021 at 6:39AM UTC

     Please do not communicate with these vipers! The audacity and arrogance of them for continuing to reach out to you after you no longer work there AND you reached out to HR to inform them that these people are still contacting you. Unbelievable. Good for you for removing yourself and I just know you will find something that you feel good about.

115. AnonymousOctober 7,2021 at 7:30AM UTC

     OF COURSE YOU SHOULD IGNORE ANY & ALL forms of communication with these people!!!! You said that you LEFT for your mental & physical health .... you are NOT taking care of yourself if you are continuing to allow yourself to be pulled back into that pit of despair. You've WALKED AWAY - now you "gots" to let it go or get back on their payroll if you're going to keep helping them.

116. AnonymousOctober 7,2021 at 10:11AM UTC

     Before answering any questions you should also be aware of any personal liability issues. If this group is as toxic as you say what is to prevent them from doing something wrong, then claiming you purposely gave them bad advice? Unless I was getting paid as a sub-contractor and carrying professional liability insurance, I would only maintain contact on a personal level if I didn't want to burn bridges and explain to them that I could not answer any work-related questions without a contract.

117. AnonymousOctober 7,2021 at 10:23AM UTC

     They reached out to see how you are doing to be fake. If they are toxic, abd you understandingly quit, then you are done. LET THEM FIGURE OUT THE ISSUES

118. AnonymousOctober 7,2021 at 10:58AM UTC

     Please IGNORE them !! You owe them nothing!!! Very often companies that don’t tackle healthy work place relations put good employees at risk of their mental health!! Please be proud of taking this step and take care of yourself and move forward!! Good luck !!!

119. Carolyn HipkinsOctober 7,2021 at 12:27PM UTC

     Yes, ignore them! You no longer work there and left them detailed instructions. Block their numbers and emails.

120. anon3796October 7,2021 at 12:55PM UTC

     Block their phone numbers and mark their emails as spam. They will eventually get the message.

121. SueOctober 7,2021 at 2:33PM UTC

     Step away, do not let them consume another moment of your thought process. Sounds like you covered your basis. I know for a fact that some people do not like to read standard work. I left a job to transfer to my next role in the same company. I was given so much time to transfer I left a 4 inch binder (before it all went digital) with standard work for everything I did over a quarter. I still got calls. I started to respond with "check the binder" and then let the calls go to voice mail - it was easier for them to call - but it put more on me - and I left that job with all that was needed. I also had my standard work tested to be sure it was accurate - so I know they could get their answers. I wish you well.

122. Kristie LongOctober 7,2021 at 2:33PM UTC

     As you have already left the company, you have no obligation to continue to support them. If they want you to continue to consult, they will need to provide compensation. Pretty sure when you left, your intention was not to continue to "volunteer" for them.

123. sara diazOctober 7,2021 at 3:05PM UTC

     Rear view mirror. Put their numbers directly to voice mail. If you want to be paid as an ongoing consultant, give them a price for your services. Make it a high enough number that if they agree to it, you're being paid handsomely, and with that price include your boundaries.

124. Janet ParkhurstOctober 7,2021 at 8:43PM UTC

     I so agree with Sara. Perfect!

125. Susan RoblesOctober 7,2021 at 3:59PM UTC

     Yes. It is your right to own your own time!

126. AnonymousOctober 8,2021 at 12:21AM UTC

     Leave the horrible place behind and focus on your own recovery.

127. AnonymousOctober 8,2021 at 8:25AM UTC

     Put them in your past where they belong !! It’s time to focus on you. Best of luck to you.

128. AnonymousOctober 8,2021 at 3:55PM UTC

     Abso-freakin-lutely!

129. KSOctober 8,2021 at 4:58PM UTC

     IGNORE everything. You owe them nothing!

130. AnonymousOctober 8,2021 at 9:20PM UTC

     They had time to ask questions and potentially train someone if you gave them a basic guide. Block them and free yourself from the nightmare. If they are smart enough to be the boss, they should be smart enough to figure out the job.

131. Rebecca MillikenOctober 9,2021 at 4:10AM UTC

     I'm reading a lot of comments saying to give some kind of explanation or some kind of compromise. To this I say NO. This is why we end up in these toxic situations, because we don't want to be "rude" or whatever.

     You literally owe them nothing. You do not work for them. They are not paying you. Also, they sucked and made your life miserable.

     You don't owe them any kind of an explanation. Just ignore them.

     I never burn bridges when I leave a job as in saying bad things to or about a place. But I have learned not to be so nice. They don't care about you, and you definitely shouldn't waste any more time on them.

     There is no good reason to respond to anything they ask. If the situatin was reversed and they fired you, they would not answer your calls.

132. AnonymousOctober 15,2021 at 12:12AM UTC

     Well said!! And I agree 150% =)

133. rgstaffing@bellsouth.netOctober 9,2021 at 6:40PM UTC

     It has been in my vast experience that people who talk about "toxic" work environments are very much participants. A prime example of this is that the poster has reported that her mental health has been compromised etc. etc. so she quits but alas, she just will not leave, continuing the cycle. It seems as though all of the respondents are urging her to just walk away since she has given her notice and is no longer there, but she does not seem to be able to do that.
     If that is the case, then she will remain in the "toxic" relationship un she, herself, chooses to get out of it.

134. Anne SweeneyOctober 9,2021 at 7:20PM UTC

     Again, I want to say that staying in a toxic job is much the same as staying in a toxic marraige or relationship, Nobody leaves soon enough.

135. AnonymousOctober 9,2021 at 8:50PM UTC

     Solution is EASY: BLOCK THEM

136. AnonymousOctober 11,2021 at 7:11PM UTC

     I dealt with the same situation when I left my last job, constantly being asked questions. I wrote a contract laying out my terms for answering questions - basically an hourly rate, with a minimum of 3 hours each time they contacted me. Once I delivered that to the person who kept asking, I was never bothered again.

137. TheodoraOctober 14,2021 at 8:38PM UTC

     100% ignore them. You owe them nothing.