Hello - A colleague has a habit of being aggressive when things aren't going her way, exaggerating things, and manipulating situations.

Anonymous

October 10,2021 at 10:56AM UTC

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Hello - A colleague has a habit of being aggressive when things aren't going her way, exaggerating things, and manipulating situations. She elevates herself - as she and the CEO are best friends - name dropping she's been to dinner with them, has direct meetings with the CEO and founders etc. It's easy to manage when not working with her, however, the CEO has her leading a project so I'm now having to work closely with her. I'm finding her very condescending in meetings and by email - talking down to me, telling me what my job entails and even aggressive. She exaggerates interactions and puts me in a bad light, for example, saying we have arguments all the time over said project, however we haven't. I've raised possible issues without being negative, and been positive to possible outcomes.

I feel I need to do something. I feel my two options are 1. raise the issue with my boss but they are in a relationship with the CEO. The CEO is pretty protective of her best friend so I'm concerned if I raise something I will bear the brunt of the twisted information feed to the CEO.

2. Say something to my colleague - perhaps let her know I'm finding her communications abrasive and I feel they are condescending? It is likely it wont be taken well and also she make a direct compliant about me to the CEO.

Any advice?

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AnonymousOctober 10,2021 at 12:19PM UTC
The only way to contribute and be effective would be to do both. Outline the issues with your boss as succinctly as you can and let him/know that you'll be speaking directly with this colleague and ask for pointers for that discussion.
Since the CEO and colleague are close, you’ll need to prepare your thoughts to better hold your ground and not be intimidated by her because she will most likely escalate the issue. Also include suggested guidelines or solutions to address how these things can be dealt with in the future so you can avoid any misunderstandings and/conflicts that might impact the project.
Document the results of both meetings in case it becomes an HR/employment issue.
All you can do is be professional and address the issues calmly. Abd then you wait.
Eileen RedmondOctober 10,2021 at 1:50PM UTC
Understand how tenuous your position is given all the nepotism. Meet with a labor lawyer to understand exactly what your rights are as you plan for the worst-case scenario; eg. they box you into a termination path as it sounds like that woman is already setting you up for.
AnonymousOctober 10,2021 at 4:00PM UTC
Is this a job you’re willing to walk away from? I think your connection to the job might drive your reaction. Obviously I don’t think you should stay in a position where you feel belittled or worse, but if you’re not willing to walk away from the job, all you can do is minimize the impact on you. When your boss, your bad colleague, and the CEO are buddy-buddy, it’s hard to disagree with them and define your own success.
AnonymousOctober 16,2021 at 1:23AM UTC
Thank you.
This person is now making demands on my time and telling me what my job entails (which isnt aligned to my boss's direction). She is also refusing to speak with me outside of email (she wants everything in writing, and she is a great email communicator as communications are her expertise - I'm not as great by email). It is causing me alot of stress as I feel like I'm being set up.
I'm thinking I have to put this out in the open now, and cc my boss and CEO to clarify what they see as my responsibilities - I can do the work but it does mean that other work will be delayed and I think I need to be transparent on this. I also feel if I pushback on not doing the work that she is pushing onto me as my own decision she will blame me if her project fails.
I'm ok with bringing up the work side of things but still conflicted on bringing up how disrespectful and aggressive she is. It could be that she too is stress. I could say in email directly to her that although she may not intend it her correspondence is coming across as disrespectful and aggressive, and I dont appreciate her telling me what to do - she is not my boss. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.
AnonymousNovember 21,2021 at 12:54AM UTC
The update (for anyone interested) :).
I brought up the work side of things with my manager and gained approval for external support. I also brought up the behaviour issues up with my co-worker. She responded with a ''well if you are going to bring this up then I'm going to bring up that you also do this to me, and I have a list of examples". She did bring things up with the CEO. CEO says she's not taking sides, and "clearly there are communication issues on both sides"(i.e. equal responsibility). My co-worker has a direct line of communications with the CEO and the CEO has been making comments about my work & behaviours that are not accurate, but CEO doesn't like discussion or clarification on the presumptions.
Co-worker still won't take my calls. And now has been given accountability on a particular area of work for a department I'm responsible for so we have to work closely. Any advice on how to handle myself would be greatly appreciated.