Hi everyone,

19 Comments

1. AnonymousApril 11,2022 at 5:00PM UTC

   I experienced a similar situation.
   1:1s were good comments about performance. New responsibilities and I got more direct reports. But when it was review time, I was not meeting expectations every cycle. I went to HR, and DEI and still got the advice to work it out with manager.

   I had 2 senior VP mentors that I thought could help me switch teams and advocate for me. I documented anything funky. I reported "anonymously". I went above and did more work. I had interviews set up with new teams and informed manager. But in the end it didn't matter, I was terminated for not improving 3 days before an internal interview.

   Long story short. If that manager has it out for you. Doesn't matter what you do. If you can switch teams within same company, set up informal interviews so they get to know you. Unfortunately at my previous company, the manager is still able to block/approve transfers. I had a few teams interested in me but it didn't matter. Sorry I'm venting a little but hope this helps.

   After a meeting, send a follow up email about the good things that were brought up and any steps or resolutions you will take to fix the mistakes. If something improved, document it, if a timeline changed, document it. Either document so you are prepared if anything goes down or just spend the energy finding a new team (since you love the company)

2. amjjenkiApril 12,2022 at 12:30PM UTC

   A similar situation happened to me. I was named Interim ED of my organization while the Board searched for a full-time ED, a position I DID NOT want.

   They hired a new person, and I went above and beyond, transitioning the information to her and settling back into my role. But from day one, all of my one-on-ones were pretty negative.

   After about nine months, during a one-on-one, our new ED told me my external communications needed to improve and asked I start having our marketing director review ALL of my external emails.... such a waste of time for her and me.

   Two weeks later, during my one-on-one, I was let go when I inquired about why; my writing skills were not at the level they needed to be for my role, and she had been documenting that since she started. But she had only told me about it two weeks before, and I never had access to her one-on-one notes.

   Deep down, I know that she never trusted me and was threatened by me at the beginning because I had much more institutional knowledge than her.

   After I was fired, four other Directors quit within two months, and she was fired as ED.

   All this to say is you should get out of there; your manager doesn't respect you and is gunning for you for some reason that has NOTHING to do with you but her insecurities.

3. AnonymousApril 12,2022 at 2:41PM UTC

   Now ain’t that some $h*t. The person who fired you, was later fired. Happened to me too. Lady Karma will come a’knocking!

4. Lindsay HarperApril 12,2022 at 12:55PM UTC

   Thank you for sharing. I also experience the same with my previous employer. After I had worked with HR and ER, my manager gave me the worst year-end review of my career. I went to HR and was told that I would be on a probationary period of three months to improve. I saw the writing on the wall, I knew what the result of the probationary period would be. I made the difficult decision to leave a great company with a great salary, compensation and benefits. Reading all of these comments lets me know that what I experienced is more common than I thought. I do not feel so alone.

5. AnonymousApril 12,2022 at 3:39PM UTC

   I'm sorry this happened to you.
   You are not alone. Wish we didn't have this in common

6. AnonymousApril 11,2022 at 6:32PM UTC

   When this was happening to me, I started taking notes at every meeting and sending them out so that there was a record with both the positive and negative. It ultimately didn't mend the relationship enough for me to stay, but at least I didn't feel crazy when she tried to gaslight me later.

7. Barbara WhiteApril 12,2022 at 12:32PM UTC

   Excellent advice!

8. AnonymousApril 12,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

   Sorry you are in this position. I would also send out follow-up notes after the meetings making sure that they detail the good points and areas discussed to improve. Hang in there! Continue to expand and nurture your network inside the company.

9. Beatriz Albini-RuizApril 11,2022 at 8:19PM UTC

   A couple of good comments already here. So first find your advocates your champions - aka another sr. A manager that is her peer, a team lead that you've been working on such project or any client love that you can gather. Mind you you can always request Linkedin reccos as well and use that as your success portfolio. I second the idea of keeping a log in personal notepad with dates and topics or providing the agenda in advance and follow up with a note via email.

10. AnonymousApril 12,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

    So I think its time to go on the defensive.

    But in a tactful way. Write everything down. The good and the bad. Do you have a Job description? Discuss it with this leader-maybe with an advocate or HR person in the room about relinquishing some of the duties that belong to you because that is after all a part of your job description. But I cant stress enough how important it is to WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN. Each meeting, evaluation, side bar you have with this person write down what was discussed. Keep a record of your accomplishments big or small, as well as your failures/mistakes big or small- it may even help to make a note as to what you learned from the failure/mistake and what you will do differently next time. Because when the time comes for you to defend yourself you will need these notes. When you talk with your manager or they want a meet with you try to have an advocate there as a witness to what was discussed. Also when this manager wants to meet about evaluations and only talks about the good. Ask questions. Is there anything that you would like me to improve on? Any task that I'm not doing that you want me to do? Any constructive feedback that I need to know of. AND DOCUMENT IT ALL. And maybe even send a follow up email- "Thank you for the constructive feedback- here is what I am planning on doing to improve, etc etc." If they aren't bringing up the bad in those meetings and all of a sudden its coming out after the fact then that's a red flag. And I would again- with an advocate or witness in the room- go to that manager and ask or discuss why those criticisms weren't brought up when you asked about them in the first place. And request that in the future when they realize that maybe they "forgot" to mention constructive criticism that they bring it to your attention immediately. AND as always, remember to smile and kill them with kindness. They put their pants on one leg at a time just like you do.

11. ANDREA RAGGAMBIApril 12,2022 at 3:00PM UTC

    Oh goodness that sounds toxic.
    Great comments here. I’ll just add that you may be able to engage differently with her by sharing you want to take ownership of the feedback you’re getting and that’s why you will also be capturing notes. Try asking her questions like ‘what do you see as my strengths’ and ‘how can you see me using my strengths more in this role to support you and our goals’? Keep focused on strengths and figure out what’s important to her. Sounds like she may feel threatened and insecure so she comes down harder and more forcefully with control around what doesn’t go right for others to make herself feel better. Otherwise, own up to what isn’t going well and ask her to make a commitment to share and capture a positive item for every critical one so you know what to do more of since she is making you well aware of what isn’t going well. Good luck and hopefully you both grow from this if you stay.

12. Joanne RosenApril 12,2022 at 3:31PM UTC

    When I was the teller supervisor in a bank, part of my job was to track all the things they did wrong so I could do their performance appraisals. So, I went to my new team and said, "This is what I'm supposed to do. Here is a notebook for each of you. Every time you do something amazing, jot it down. I'll ask for it before your appraisal."

    Needless to say, upper management wasn't happy but I believe that we have good days and bad days.

    Our team was so awesome that we went through a whole bank audit with ZERO notes (errors) found in a week.

    Definitely track these things. However, I think that you may not have a choice about a new job. She obviously is a negative person who uses it as a way to control people.

    Good luck!

13. Karen GongawareApril 12,2022 at 5:18PM UTC

    She sees you as a threat and her mission is to get rid of you, and then the next person, and the next, and so on. You can sit down with her along with a neutral party and have a discussion over why such negative reviews as NOBODY is a screw up 100% of the time! List everything good you have done and ask why she hasn't addressed the good things too? Ultimately it is up to you how you want to handle this. I am an aggressive/assertive person so my approach to most things is more direct and nipping in the bud early style. So my advice may not be comfortable for you to follow.

14. AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 1:16AM UTC

    it sounds like a bad situation but does anything stop you from taking your own notes at the meetings and keeping them? Or if you feel you can, somehow address the compliment (from her, from anyone, or anything about a project you finished on time, etc) in an email message. Then keep a copy.

15. Madam anon663April 13,2022 at 8:47AM UTC

    I have a new semi micro manager who clacks her keyboard the whole time we have a 1:1. She is taking notes, so I do too, and let her know I am also typing my perception of our conversation.

16. AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 12:23PM UTC

    Yup, me too! The person in that position before her was an excellent coach, this one just is not. It’s not what I would describe as a genuine conversation and I will do just about anything not to have to talk with her. I’ve been interviewing and confident I’ll have something else shortly. A good manager is hard to find!

17. AnonymousApril 13,2022 at 1:50PM UTC

    Where are the 1:1 notes recorded? If you know they are all negative, you must have access to them? Are you not allowed to respond to the negative comments, and add ones of your own on the positive accomplishments you've done? I was in a similar situation where my boss kept telling me I need "more visibility," which was a ridiculous statement to begin with, but never listened in our 1:1s. Then tried to pile more work on me. I started sending my own email status reports to him at the end of each week to document everything. Still not a perfect situation, but it helped.

18. AnonymousApril 14,2022 at 3:37PM UTC

    Love it!
    Yeah, I hear the "more visibility" thing as well. I just haven't been able to explain that "more visibility" doesn't mean I should micromanage everyone around me and pester my client to have unnecessary meetings in order to have face time with him. I do have access to the 1:1's (which is why I know what's in them) - they were shared with me a long time ago under the pretense of giving me a template of something to use with my team. Whether my manager has forgotten that they gave me that access or they really mean for me to see those notes to put me on notice is another thing. To be quite honest, I couldn't say for sure. Both are completely reasonable explanations from what I can tell. I will be taking the suggestions here - I have been documenting my own notes, but I'm going to start sharing them as well. Thank you!

19. Liz MilneApril 22,2022 at 5:08AM UTC

    Ask her why she only notes negative concerns and tell her you would be more comfortable if the notes were a more accurate reflection of your work ethic: ie, not overblown and with the positives included. But, who told you she doesn't know why you're on the team? If you want to keep the job, I think you need to clear the air, have whoever hired you make it clear, in front of both of you, why you were hired, and come up with a plan that will allow you both to work together amicably in future?