I have had a new boss for about a year now.

Anonymous

October 4,2021 at 6:29PM UTC

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I have had a new boss for about a year now. My previous boss treated everyone the same. She never played favorites and was very professional.

My new boss, however is crossing the line in my opinion.

She is constantly in another co workers office talking. If she isn't in there , the co worker is in her office. There are two girls that sit and chat with her for 45 mins at a time.

One of the coworkers even sold her a house (doing all of this on company time). She probably made about 10k off of this sale. I honestly feel this is very inappropriate. She also talks and texts her boss's husband. I just think the closeness is very weird. I am also sure they talk or text after hours because they just know TOO MUCH about each other. One of the co workers just comes and goes as she pleases.

Am I wrong for feeling left out or slighted? It is definitely a clique with my boss and two other co workers. Maybe I am just jealous because they don't talk to me or ask for advice and I feel I have just as much to offer. It feels like junior high school all over again. I just feel if you are in a power of authority, there should be some boundaries.

I also fear retaliation if I was to report this to compliance on our corporate level.

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Amy EdmondsOctober 4,2021 at 6:31PM UTC
Polish up your resume and plan your escape, ASAP!
AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 6:53PM UTC
Everyone's style and boundaries are different and I'm afraid this is your new normal.
To report something like this is petty and a great way to alienate yourself. It's not illegal and your reporting it would be highly inappropriate. Please rethink your reasoning. It is not adversely effecting the work. Try and stay professional and not take their relationship personally. I know it's hard to be the odd man out.
AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 8:47PM UTC
Great advice, because I also don't really see anything in the original post that's reportable. Keep your head down and do your work. If you report this, it will backfire.
Jennifer FalandysOctober 4,2021 at 9:16PM UTC
I agree. This sounds like more of a personal issue here than one that would be professional to bring up when it is more about feelings and perhaps projections than the situation adversely interfering with work. I've been here and yes, it can be hard some days, but to be honest, reporting something like this could make things go from difficult to worse. Office culture and cliques can be challenging. Maybe it is time to find a new space. However, one may be hard-pressed to find an office setting where this doesn't happen in some capacity with one group or another. Something else to think about is how you want your peers to perceive you, too. I have never seen reporting of these kinds of things ever go well, or prevent them from re-occurring.
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 2:47AM UTC
Agreed. They are friendly and you feel cast aside. Oh well. Not everyone feels open and friendly to the entire group. Even at work. You generally have closer relationships with some employees than you do others. It's a personal choice.
Focus on your work and not their friendship. It really doesn't have anything to do with you. Make new friends outside of work for support.
AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 8:36PM UTC
Is your old boss in this same company? Any chance you could switch back to working with him/her? This new manager just sounds like a terrible fit for you. It won't work in the long term. It's worth investigating other opportunities within this company. Maybe even discussing it candidly with HR without faulting your coworker or manager - just to get some advice. If all else fails and you just don't fit, it makes sense in the long term to find someplace you will.
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 1:10PM UTC
My previous boss retired. I thought of reaching out to talk to her but afraid to do so. You don't know where loyalties are.
Thanks for the advice.
AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 8:52PM UTC
If you are not comfortable speaking to your boss then I really agree that speaking to HR is warranted. If you speak with your boss, without going into specifics, let them know how you feel left out, socially, within the team. Or approach it by asking how to become more engaged on the team. I would caution your approach against attacking the existing relationships.
I have been quite close with my boss before and it is the responsibility of your boss to draw those lines in the workplace, especially if the subordinate cannot. Your teammates should too, but the leader needs to be made aware of the behavior and its impact on the team members that are not their personal friend. I can tell you, as a person that experienced a friend/boss situation, it is difficult not to blur the lines but it is important to do so.
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 1:15PM UTC
Thank you
Good advice
AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 9:01PM UTC
Arrange a time to sit down and talk with your boss alone when she won't be distracted. Let her know your observations and how that might impact your daily work. She will likely be defensive so be prepared for that. What type of working atmosphere do you want and how can she help get you there? Here's the thing ... going to HR is going to make things a lot worse before it gets better and usually doesn't accomplish anything. I don't think this falls in a compliance issue either.
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 1:15PM UTC
Thank you
AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 11:27PM UTC
That sounds miserable. But I would caution you against speaking to the boss or HR, personally. It doesn't sound, from what you'e said, that she's doing anything that's unfair. Cold? Yes. Showing favoritism? Yes. But those things are not illegal or even unusual. What good could possibly come from you bringing this up? It's not going to change anything and will probably end up hurting you. If the boss wanted to talk to you 45 min. at a time, she'd be doing that. Complaining, even while it might make you feel better shortterm, isn't going to make her want to talk to you and it'll probably push her away in a way that could be very harmful to your career success (and maybe even keeping the job, sadly). Try to take all of the emotion out of this. All of it. Hard but not impossible. At least she's not micromanaging you or getting so close that you risk a falling out over personal stuff (what if the house she bought turned out to be a lemon or she got jealous of the texts to the husband?). You want, first and foremost, to keep your job secure. Being closer with her might be wonderful...but it might also NOT be wonderful. And even if it were heaven on earth, you can't make it happen just b/c you want it to happen. Know what I mean? I absolutely do not mean to be cavalier, but I think you owe it to yourself to reframe this. You mentioned 'jealousy' above--I think you're right. You're feeling jr. high jealousy. But remember how so many of those friendships crashed and burned and everyone meangirl'd it and gossiped when we were 12.? Stay away from that. Make sure to document EVERYTHING going forward, be sure to keep putting your ideas out there or saying that you are open to giving advice, or whatever, and keep track of that too someplace, but give up on the dream that this is going to be Barbie's Dream Palace. It won't be, and that's ok.
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 1:15PM UTC
Thank you
very good advice and something to think about.
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 1:14PM UTC
Thank you for all your input.