Hi everyone,

Anonymous

April 21,2022 at 4:31PM UTC

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Hi everyone,

I have been working at my current company for two years, having started remotely due to the pandemic. I sort of struggled a bit with the remote start, finding it more difficult to get accustomed to the work but things improved over time. However, my end of year review last year was not great and my manager discussed some areas that I am still struggling with and what I need to do to improve. As a result, I did not get a raise, which wasnt totally unexpected. We revisited this conversation a couple of months ago as I had slowly been implementing some strategies we discussed but had not put quite as much effort and urgency into it. Since then, I've really ramped up my efforts and things have been steadily improving.

The thing is, I don't really think this particular job is the best fit for me, which is why it has been such a struggle. So I started applying for new roles and just accepted a position that I think will be a better fit for me. When I broke the news to my boss, she seemed very surprised but said she understood, of course. Since then, I've not been able to shake this guilty, sad feeling about leaving. I know it's the right choice for me and for the team honestly, since they'll be able to hopefully find someone who will be a better fit for this work. But I don't understand why I'm feeling so unsettled about my decision. Since putting in my notice, I've felt a sense of relief about leaving and I'm on track to successfully wrap up and hand over my current projects before my end date (I am not really behind on anything and won't be leaving anything in disarray). Am I just overreacting? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? If so, was there anything that you were able to do to put your mind at ease? I feel really silly for feeling this way.

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AnonymousApril 21,2022 at 4:48PM UTC
I think you are feeling more regret that this job was not your finest hour. That you never really put in the effort and that you are regretful for not leaving sooner.
No big deal. It's the best decision for you as well as the company. They deserve someone who really rocks it.
You deserve a job you really can relate to
It's a win/win for everyone.
AnonymousApril 21,2022 at 5:46PM UTC
I know this risks sounding not supportive but I mean it in the most empathetic way possible: I believe this is an uncomfortable / guilty moment because it is one where you're learning something / realizing something. I wouldn't rush to get out of feeling that way and just accept you feel the way you feel. Two weeks is not a long time to feel a certain way and it can take a lot longer to take the meaningful lessons out of a moment of discomfort.
KatApril 21,2022 at 5:55PM UTC
I understand feeling guilty. At my last job, it felt like I was leaving them with more work and they were really nice people, didn't want to upset my boss, etc. But I did what was best for me and I knew it was the right decision for me at the time. The new job was a better fit for me- less stress, more independence and self direction. Maybe you're feeling some guilt about not succeeding in your job, like it's your fault you didn't do well. If that's the case, you need to rethink that idea. You didn't fail at the job - the job failed you. It wasn't a good fit, you weren't doing well, so you found something better. That's the best thing you can do for yourself and the company. Good luck at your new job and be proud of yourself for moving on to a new adventure!
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistApril 21,2022 at 7:01PM UTC
Guilty about what?
I promise you, neither your boss nor your team members have ever, WILL ever say "gee, I'd love to take this great new job, but I would feel so guilty leaving anonymous."
Never. Going. To. Happen.
They'll get over it. Trust me on that.
Do NOT let any of this bother you or give it one single second more of bandwidth in your brain. Forget about it - don't look back, use your energy to look forward to the exciting new opportunity you have in front of you.
GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW ADVENTURE!!!!!!
Heather CutlerApril 22,2022 at 1:27PM UTC
This is harsh but your employer won't give you a second thought once you leave this position. They'll be focused on finding your replacement and a slew of other crises that come up every day. Please consider how much time you'll invest in your exit strategy. Give an appropriate amount of notice, commit to a smooth transition, wrap up any loose ends and thank them for the opportunity. Best of luck in your next steps.
CassandraApril 22,2022 at 6:53PM UTC
You took the words right out of my mouth.
AssistantApril 23,2022 at 2:49PM UTC
Could you be anxious about change in general? Or sort of beating yourself up mentally along the lines of “if I had done better, I would have to leave”. Try to listen to whatever the negative words you are telling yourself and dispute them. Bottom line: it was not a good fit and that’s OK.
AnonymousApril 23,2022 at 5:33PM UTC
Congratulations on coming to this realization and for taking action to benefit your happiness! In my own experience, I've felt guilty about leaving because I liked my former coworkers and knew my leaving would cause them additional stress. However, staying is their choice as leaving was mine. We all need to do what makes us happy, it's as simple as that. All the best to you in your new job!
AnonymousApril 24,2022 at 2:04PM UTC
Just a reminder to never feel guilty about doing what you have to do to take care of yourself and your career. A company is not your family or friend; they would be rid of you in a hot second if it benefits them.
ElizaApril 24,2022 at 2:34PM UTC
Good job wrapping up your tasks and handing things off! Not easy to do.
I had a sad, guilty feeling leaving my job a month ago. From the beginning, two years ago, it felt like an imperfect fit. When I was leaving, I wondered why I felt so sad but decided to continue on my decision to leave, just to see how it went. I left on good terms in case I wanted to return.
Fast forward and the new opportunity is not working for me, and I may go back. I’m not saying this will happen to you, but I think your best bet now is to sit with your feelings without trying to fix them or understand why you’re feeling this way and continue on the path you’ve chosen. Keep sitting with them at the new gig and see what rings true for you—staying, going back, or doing something else.
One other really important part of your post is how you think you’re doing your team a favor by leaving. I also thought I was doing everyone a favor by leaving until I actually resigned and received an outpouring of validation for how well I’d been doing. I didn’t fit the role at first, but imperceptibly, over time, I totally fit the role! I say this because maybe you are modest and don’t realize your incredible value.
That’s a lot about me—but hopefully some of it maps on to your experience!
AnonymousApril 24,2022 at 8:34PM UTC
Since you weren’t happy in your role and felt a sense of relief about leaving, I’m wondering if it’s the new position that’s making you unsettled. Sometimes, we are so eager to leave that we miss red flags in the new opportunity.
Joanna PoeApril 25,2022 at 2:04AM UTC
This is a totally normal feeling of uncertainty. Even though you are sure that the new position is a better fit, it IS heading into the unknown, and although the current job is not a great fit, it's clearly been FINE, so your brain is in overthink mode.
You will do great; shake this off, and don't beat yourself up for feeling completely natural human feelings.
Sabrina CortesApril 26,2022 at 12:08AM UTC
I understand that you're feeling guilty and that's completely normal. What speaks to me more is that you feel relieved and that is what you should focus on. Hopefully this new job will help you reach your professional and personal goals. Congrats and warm wishes to you!
Karen GongawareApril 26,2022 at 4:20PM UTC
Nope, never felt guilty over leaving a job that wasn't right for me. Or leaving one period. Any guilt you feel is due to your being unhappy and not giving the job your best effort. Own it and move on.
Miranda FairrowApril 26,2022 at 5:17PM UTC
I think that everyone has felt a bit sad about moving on to another job at one point in their career. What I've felt guilty about many times is leaving more responsibilities to my coworkers because they will be the ones to pick up the workload.
WFH was unexpected and the rush made people adjust at different rates. A good manager would have been able to see your struggles and assist with your improvement. Of course, with all of the craziness they may not have had the ability because of the workload put on them.
WFH has been a mashup of many factors so I don't think that we can really pinpoint one. We are allowed (and some would encourage) to explore opportunities and growth. Sounds like that's exactly what you're doing.
Best wishes!
AnonymousApril 26,2022 at 5:19PM UTC
It's normal to feel that way, especially if you've made new relationships with your colleagues.
I personally have left two jobs and I had been at both for ten years each. It was tough but it was the right thing for me. It sounds like moving on will be the best thing for you. Don't feel guilty.
Nela BudimirApril 27,2022 at 2:26AM UTC
Keep going forward, set up your mind on a good things. Say to yourself "good thing are coming my way" and focus on that. I hope this will help you to overcome that feeling. It helps me.