What to do when women tear down other women?

Anonymous

November 7,2022 at 4:30PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

What to do when women tear down other women?

A female colleague has a reputation with some as one who is not to be trusted. People told me to watch myself around her as she uses people to get ahead.

Call it naive, but I thought this colleague was a better person than that. I was wrong. Now that she has the promotion she wanted, she is using it to systematically tear down any chance I may have.

As I apply for a leadership position in my work I face her on the opposite side of the hiring board. What can I do to protect myself? I don't want to stoop to her level, but how do I prevent her from destroying my career?

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

5 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

5 Comments

Join the conversation

Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterNovember 7,2022 at 4:48PM UTC
We're not sure from your post what this colleague is doing to tear you down. Is it something provable, to do with your work quality, quantity, or timeliness? Or, rather, is it gossip-based?
If it is the former, this is typically something you would go to your boss with - is this possible? If so, make sure your conversation is around facts - try to be as unemotional as possible (easier said than done, I know).
Sharon GrehanNovember 7,2022 at 6:48PM UTC
Have you observed these behaviors yourself? Being told by others about someone's reputation and to 'watch yourself around her' is an example of gossip that can be incredibly harmful. Do not participate, don't allow others to bias your perceptions, show up to the interview as your best self, if she is truly tearing down your chances, document her actions objectively and report to HR. Remember that she may be the victim of jealousy from others and may feel alienated
AnonymousNovember 7,2022 at 9:12PM UTC
The only thing you can do is conduct yourself with professionalism and tge highest ethics. No one can destroy your career if you are beyond reproach. Keep your distance and never speak about her behind her back. Keep things professional and allow your character and reputation to preceed you.
Will she be able to do some damage? Absolutely but on for awhile until other people figure her out.
The damage will be limited to influence so build some and again distance yourself and ride out this time. Pick your battles if you must fight to ensure you will come out looking honorable and honest.
Lesson learned.
Shelly EdwardsNovember 8,2022 at 2:53PM UTC
This is not exclusive to women tearing down women. This happens with all genders. This is about insecurity, not gender. When you go to the hiring board for the new position, go armed with facts about why you deserve the promotion. Bring your listing of qualifications and a long list of examples of what you have done for the organization to warrant a promotion. If possible, I would also bring recommendations from coworkers and other leaders in the organization who feel you are a good employee and deserve the promotion. She cannot argue with facts and figures. If she attempts to refute your claims or if she tries to cut down your experience, go back at her with requests for specific reasons and examples. You don't have to stoop to her level to make her come up to your level. Be prepared and ready for her actions and you will be able to quickly shut her down.
Gaby CadenaNovember 8,2022 at 8:27PM UTC
Organizational culture can be a great contributor to this phenomenon. Granted, many factors may play a role here, but if the company relies on the correct values and acknowledges your work and qualifications- her attacks may not directly impact you. I'm sorry this is happening. In my experience, when you keep all interactions professional and avoid taking things personally- it is difficult for others to tear you down. Once personal emotions are involved, we can be blindsided by our feelings and thoughts and focus our energy on the wrong things.
Good luck and hope you share your resolution and triumph story in the near future.