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Seeking Career / Family Planning Advice

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Anonymous

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Seeking Career / Family Planning Advice

Current situation: large tech company, amazing family leave (26wks), decent pay, I have remote status but others have been told to go back to office, not a ton of travel but also not a lot of room for growth. Been told on "short list" for promotion to next level but no clue when that might be, last few cycles were skipped due to economy... could literally be years.

SEEKING ADVICE: I'm in the final interview stage, very likely to get it, for a much smaller, but somewhat established company. pay raise would be ~$20k/yr and only 4-day / 32hr work week!!! Job would be more challenging but appropriate for my experience and lots of runway for growth.

PROBLEM - new job seems it might be more travel than the recruiter let on initially and they only have 12 weeks paid leave for parents... we definitely want to try for another baby in the next few months

QUESTIONS:

  • Can I ask without jeopardizing an offer if they even offer the paid leave within the first year? (as in, you don't have to wait 12mo to get paid leave)
  • What would you do? Stay with cushy but somewhat stressful and boring job until baby number 2 comes along or take new but uncertain adventure that might not be as family friendly

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16 Comments

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  1. Anonymous

    Take the one with great family benefits! I am currently 7 months pregnant and the first job sounds like a dream. I am feeling stuck with this company that has terrible leave policies because my family is on the company health insurance.

  2. natalia von oertel

    If you like the new offer and the role, and match with your personal and professional expectations, go head! if you many questions marks about the second one, keep looking for something better for you

  3. Anonymous

    i know, I know. one thing I didn't mention, however, was how bored I was with my first baby on that long of leave. I know that sounds ridiculous.. but I wanted to go back to work around 4 months.... maybe I'll feel differently with the 2nd because I KNOW it is going to be much harder. I'm having a hard time feeling like I'm not taking a big career move because of wanting another baby...

  4. Melissa Nobile

    You may have been bored with the first, but - you need to remember that all babies are different. Having the second one means caring for the first while attempting to care for yourself and baby #2. It’s a whole different ball game.

    The first one slept. The second might not. The first one was easy…. The second may not be.

    You need to decide what is more important - your career or your family. Do you want time at home with this new little one or do you want to focus on your career?

  5. Anonymous

    both lol. I want to keep growing my career and have my babies and all the things... I guess I'm torn between staying put for the sake of family at the expense of career growth or vice versa. the opportunity is great, the timing sucks

  6. Anonymous

    I don't think this is quite so stark as saying your family is less important than your career by choosing to take a substantial pay raise and a promotion that might make it a little harder to juggle little ones. This sort of all-or-nothing mindset does not serve women well and we need to work towards a more inclusive discussion. There are plenty of moms who wouldn't even have a choice if they were offered a 20% raise. None of them are saying their family is less important than their careers, but there are a lot of different factors to consider when these kind of decisions are on the table.

  7. Anonymous

    If you definitely plan to have another baby soonish, I would recommend you stay where you have lots of leeway on leave. A place that offers 12 weeks is not going to be supportive of substantially more than that. And maybe the other commenter lives in a state that offers additional protections, but the required amount of protected leave (paid or unpaid is irrelevant) is 12 weeks. The idea is that the company is only required to work around your absence for 12 weeks and then it's a reasonable business decision that they need an active employee for the role. Taking a job with lots of travel is likely to be difficult with an infant/toddler, especially if you choose to breastfeed.

  8. Anonymous

    thank you. I think I needed to hear this from someone who is not my family or friends. the struggle is real with career vs mom. I feel like the people I know think i'm being a spoiled brat (which I KNOW)... but you make a great point just how good I have it.

  9. Anonymous

    I don't see anything wrong with looking at your options. And if you don't end up pregnant right away, you may want to reconsider your decision. This is one phase in your life, and your babies are babies for a short time. There's a balance, for sure, between parenting young children and not losing career momentum and depending on your specific situation, it may well be that one decision is clearly the way you need to go. I see a lot of nuance in this case, so it's totally fair to review pros and cons and weigh them against your long-term goals. You're not being a "spoiled brat" by any stretch of the imagination. You're being a thoughtful, professional woman who has options and needs to assess them to decide which way to choose. If you have a fully-committed partner who is able to be the primary caregiver, even breastfeeding could still be doable while you travel and focus on your career. That's a valid option and one many families make work.

    Also, if you are ready to go back to work at 16 weeks instead of 26, any employer is likely to be happy to see you back early. But it's really hard to know whether things will be better/worse/completely different with baby #2, so going into it with a flexible mindset is helpful. Best of luck!

  10. Anonymous

    Question: Does the family leave at your company mean 26 weeks of maternity (childbirth, recovery, and bonding), or does it also include days you may have to take for a sick child? Is there a recommended time? Does the "family leave" at the second company include accrued vacation? How are your finances? Would it be an option if you take a new job and want additional unpaid leave? I went through this with my children, and the first question is important because my first child had severe health issues that required hospitalization a couple of times a year.

    Another question: Does the second job include the promotion you seek in your current position? This complicates the matter significantly. If you get an offer, you could use that as leverage to negotiate with your current employer.

    What may be your best option is to go ahead with your pregnancy and family leave with your current company but start looking for other jobs while you are out on leave (I did that with my first child. I returned and immediately gave my 2-weeks notice.)

  11. Anonymous

    so many good questions to unpack here... for the leave, it is 26 weeks once the child is born within the first year. if there is additional "care" needed that is separate. the benefits are ridiculously good, so it's a HUGE risk to leave them. at the new job, similarly the time off is "unlimited" however, so I would need to ask about how that works with pregnancy and maternity leave.

    I know my current company will not negotiate, we are in tech and there have been thousands of layoffs (possibly more coming).

    The new job is a promotion and slightly different work, which I am feeling energized by so that is why it feels complicated. Ask me 5-10 years ago when family wasn't on my radar, I would take the new job in a heartbeat!

  12. Mhairi Dunn

    I’d stay and have another baby then leave ?

  13. Laurie Gray

    Don’t let them string you along on the “promotion pathway” stuff if there are not specific and actionable plans in place, agreed upon clearly by both parties.

    You will lose years of your life waiting for your number to come up playing that game like that. Either solidify those plans or pick a role that is right for you.

  14. Anonymous

    so true - and not to mention whether or not there will be more layoffs. OP here... I asked my former manager (we are both still at the company) and she told me without a doubt she believes there could be more coming.

  15. Joann S. Lublin

    I agree with commentators who suggest you stay put at least through the second pregnancy, given the much better parental leave benefits. But you also should not stop making everyone aware of your accomplishments on the job, qualifications for a promotion -- and willingness at some point to jump ship for a better opportunity elsewhere. I also disagree with commentators who contend you can't flourish at home and on the job. That's simply untrue. I highly suggest you check out my latest book on working women for some great tips about "work-life sway." My book is called "Power Moms: How Executive Mothers Navigate Work and Life." Many of the 86 moms I interviewed for the book started their careers at low level jobs and advanced into management while parents. Good luck!

  16. Lisa Malkewicz

    You would be eligible for family medical leave after a year of service and 1250 hours if they are an employer with over 50 employees. The may have a personal leave program but it likely is not a job-protected leave. If you're against travel and alternate caregivers, this may not be the best fit,

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