How can I get more comfortable with confrontation?

Anonymous

May 23,2024 at 5:19PM UTC

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How can I get more comfortable with confrontation?

I'm leaving a job where my boss' discomfort with addressing issues lets problems fester and leads good employees to leave. My new position will involve management of direct reports and contractors. My old position didn't involve direct management, but I ended up de-facto managing several people and contractors who were giant headaches because they weren't doing their jobs, and I had no authority to do anything about it beyond documenting and scrambling to fill in the missing pieces. When I'd ask my boss for help, she would tell me 'just ignore it'. Ignoring it meant a few all-nighters making up for coworkers slack to get deliverables completed, so I found a new job.

I don't want to be this kind of boss, but conflict and confrontation don't come naturally to me. I'm a recovering people pleaser who has learned boundaries but I still struggle with keeping them and can give people the benefit of the doubt a little too often. I would love some tips or thoughts on how to professionally and proactively identify and manage pain points before they fester and get worse.

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Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 23,2024 at 6:10PM UTC
I would suggest that a first step would be to stop looking at holding people accountable as "conflict and confrontation". It doesn't have to be. It shouldn't be.
AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 6:46PM UTC
Leading comes with practice. What you see as confrontation others would see as leadership and having comfort with boundaries and clarity.
Time and practice will make the role of leadership more familiar and you will hone both you style and voice in a manner that is more comfortable and effective. It's communication and embuing everything with a clarity and understanding and strenth.
There are a million books, tedtalks, blogs and videos you can expose yourself to to speed up your learning curve. I also watch people who lead well. I get lessons and sometimes mentorship. Keep your eyes open for these lessons.
AnonymousJuly 30,2024 at 5:10PM UTC
OP here, a month into the new role. Thanks for the comments - lots of food for thought, especially the suggestions to not look at it as conflict. I am realizing how incredibly toxic absentee leadership made my last role, and how much that impacted me and my mental health and anxiety. Lack of clarity and direction led to interpersonal tensions that often erupted into conflict because no one knew what they were supposed to be doing, so there was lots of stepping on toes and resulting anger. A whole new environment with whole new people was what I needed, and I didn't even realize how on edge I was from the constant stress of a volatile workplace and the uncertainty of my role.

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