A new boss recently invited our department to her family's home for a get together one Sunday afternoon.

53 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 3:51AM UTC

   I can see why you are uncomfortable with this-I'd make a brief appearance with a premise of "other plans, gotta go!". Stay 15m to show your face and bolt. You fulfilled the "duty" and are free - and your boss sees you made the effort

2. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 4:13AM UTC

   Good suggestion.

3. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 12:17PM UTC

   Nope. On a Sunday afternoon?? Unless your department/job requires you work on the weekends/it's shift work, etc. the weekends are yours.

   I fully recognize the arguments for going but from my own experience, there's no point. Sure, you'll be noticed if you DON'T go but there also isn't really much of an advantage if you DO go. And really, the weekends are weekends!

   Good luck.

4. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 12:29PM UTC

   Situations are what you make of them. If your job is just that, your job, then yeah don’t go, but if you’re trying to climb that corporate ladder, you already know what time it is get dressed up go with a smile on your face for an hour and leave.

5. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 1:19PM UTC

   It's not technically wrong of you...however, as unfair as this may sound, it will put you at a bit of a disadvantage with your coworkers. If you don't care, then don't sweat it. I'm not an extrovert, and I really would prefer not to gather with the same people I work with after work. In the 10 years I was with my previous employer, I made maybe half of the holiday parties (they were huge blowouts) and at one point, I was told by my manager if I didn't go I as only hurting my own career. With that said, I outlasted her and several others and eventually left the company on my own (most of them did not).

6. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 6:39PM UTC

   She is probably doing this to help everyone feel at ease with her in a new role and it's a way to break the ice. I probably wouldn't go if you are uncomfortable with going to their home. Plus it is a Sunday afternoon, that is time I use to spend with my family or just take a mental break from the week. I don't think this would hurt your career. You can also say you have other plans for that day, are they really going to check if you do?

7. Dr. Erica WallsMay 20,2024 at 8:26PM UTC

   No, not wrong. Ask yourself 2 questions: 1) Pros and cons of going or not. 2) What’s the worse scenario, if you do go?

   If it's really uncomfortable, you can leave early. But would it be a good career move to attend, meet some new faces, and let people get to know you? Who knows, it might be a good time : )

8. AnonymousMay 20,2024 at 10:29PM UTC

   Some folks draw strong boundaries with personal information and getting familiar with people. Maybe visiting her home crosses that boundary for you. Don't stress. It's a boundary and you are allowed to enforce it. Protect your anxiety.

9. AnonymousMay 21,2024 at 12:37PM UTC

   You should show face and keep it professional as possible. Show face and go home.

10. AnonymousMay 21,2024 at 12:42PM UTC

    I do not mix work with personal. If there is a work group event I will attend for the minimal time and NOT drink alcohol. After work happy hour nope. If your entire team was invited, you should go. You don’t have to stay long. If you work with these people, they are not strangers.

11. AnonymousMay 21,2024 at 12:47PM UTC

    Its a personal judgment there is no right or wrong and nobody should give you pressure to do it one way or the other, its a huge stretch to say it will hurt your career, do what makes you feel comfortable.

12. AnonymousMay 21,2024 at 1:23PM UTC

    Invite says it all, it was nice of them to try to connect in an outside setting and although you feel that was too comfy, it was nice. I don't think that this meant that it was going to be a big friend group gathering, but as put a casual event. It's a you thing more. you do you.

13. GirlBossanova934974May 21,2024 at 1:37PM UTC

    To be candid here, this is the way we used to do things back when the workplace wasn't a minefield laden place where every little word and thought was being put under a microscope. Your new boss is being very generous here and extending a kind invitation to meet and greet everyone in an informal setting. I myself am not the party type but I sure would be there on that Sunday afternoon. Might have a good time and have some good food. It's on the house as they say. Last but not least when many bosses these days aren't worth much and would throw you under the bus at the first sign of trouble, I think this boss deserves some credit here.

14. Beverly MolnarMay 21,2024 at 2:55PM UTC

    I don’t think it’s that unusual. I’ve attended many informal gatherings at the homes of former bosses and co-workers. That said, the same rules for professional decorum apply no matter the setting.

15. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 3:53AM UTC

    Me personally, I would not give up one of my two precious weekend days to go "on duty" at my boss's house. It would be one thing if it was during the work week (and even then, still awkward), but on the weekend, no way, those days are my time.

16. Jacqueline CutlerMay 22,2024 at 1:43PM UTC

    Wouldn't say wrong, but it is a way for co-workers to socialize and was once far more common. You are still on good work behavior but can have a drink, relax. I've found it does help to attend.

17. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 9:36PM UTC

    I work 40-50 hours a week. When I’m off the clock I’m not spending it with co workers. Sorry not sorry. I don’t do mandatory fun.

18. Tom ReulandMay 22,2024 at 11:04PM UTC

    Not at all. Business is business pleasure is pleasure. I never attended any company events. I would avoid these at all costs.

19. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 12:25PM UTC

    Absolutely not! As a seasoned professional I have learned why attending events at supervisors home are an absolute do not do. Stay the course, to protect yourself, not professional and can cause undue conflict due to favoritism and too friendly a work environment. Work is that, gatherings with friends, family is relaxing.

20. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 12:31PM UTC

    I think it's awesome ur boss is that open! However at the same time I don't fault u at all if u r uncomfortable and want to skip. There is no obligation for u to attend so dont.

21. Vivian Chern ShnaidmanMay 23,2024 at 12:32PM UTC

    I don’t work in a corporate environment but I am the boss and owner of my business. I’m a forensic psychiatrist. I have occasionally had a going away party for someone at my house and I’ve invited my staff (mostly young women just out of college doing a year or two off before going to medical school) to my home for barbecues or birthday parties. It’s always been fun and not awkward. The girls to this day stay in touch, ask to meet for dinner, and call me with their medical school or career issues. I think it’s absolutely possible to have a supportive and friendly relationship with the people you mentor and supervise. IOW I wouldn’t be suspicious of such an invitation. But I agree to go with your gut. My work situation is unusual. My best friend, an attorney, does not have this kind of relationship with her assistant but she does with all the young people she has mentored and hired as interns over the years.

22. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 12:37PM UTC

    If you don’t want to go then don’t go. Just don’t resent everyone else if they’re all talking about the get together the next week in the office either.

23. Sir John McPoopington XVII JrMay 23,2024 at 12:38PM UTC

    Not at all, that’s perfectly natural. If this manager is sensible they’ll realise that some people have very clear boundaries when it comes to work social stuff and respect them accordingly.

24. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 12:38PM UTC

    You are well within your right to avoid off hour work gatherings.

    I do think the new boss has good intentions and wants the team to feel comfortable with her. Also the company may not have a budget for a restaurant get together.

    Typically, if I do not have plans I will go for an hour with pre set other plans so I have an out. Like "I wanted to come by and thank you for your hospitality, however I am not able to stay long as my family has another commitment. "

25. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 12:44PM UTC

    What is one or two hours on a weekend. I understand the want/need for downtime. But I am quite certain you are not busy the entire weekend. Go, you might actually enjoy yourself. Be a member of the team. She is trying to provide an ice breaker for the whole team. Think of all the time and energy she and her family are providing to host this event. You can always say you have some other plans, but will drop by but you will not be able to stay to long. At least meet her half way on this.

    Interviews and jobs are getting harder and harder to come by - just look at the posts on FGB. You don't have to drink or even eat. Personally, I strongly suggest you at least show up, be seen, talk to a few people so you are at least seen as someone who is willing to be part of a team and support one another - then leave. At least on Monday morning you can participate in some conversations instead of maybe being the conversation.

26. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 12:50PM UTC

    While it may not be your cup of tea, you may want to reconsider. These team building events do indeed build teams, everyone that attends becomes much closer. You run the risk of becoming the odd man out at the office.

27. Kimberly McKenzie-KlemmMay 23,2024 at 1:07PM UTC

    Yes. I had a manager that scheduled two Holiday parties at his house. Both years I had already scheduled my vacation during that time. It hurt that I was the only one in the department that could not go. Later he took everyone to a hockey game so I made it a point to show up (even though that is not a favorite event of mine). Sooner or later you are going to have to take your boss up on a social event, at home or elsewhere. There really is not that much of a difference. (I had a team lead had a party at her house that I did attend.) When work leads to social opportunities, they may not always be comfortable, but once you attend you relax a bit.

28. Bridgette GilsonMay 23,2024 at 1:07PM UTC

    Great opportunity to get to know each other on a personal level. My work team has enjoyed team building activities, and we have become a close knit group.

29. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 1:09PM UTC

    Yes

30. Marcia SmithMay 23,2024 at 1:25PM UTC

    I feel the same way. I am truly not interested in going to my boss's or co-workers' homes. I love my job and I love the work I do - but that is crossing a line, when I know that I could be replaced at the drop of a hat if they need to trim a budget.

    I have strong boundaries around what is my personal life and what is my work life. Go if you want or don't if you want. This is your decision to make and you should follow your heart and do what is best for you!!!!

31. Lesa GoodmanMay 23,2024 at 1:42PM UTC

    While I understand that you'd like to keep your work/personal boundaries in place, your argument that 'I could be replaced at the drop of a hat if they need to trim a budget" is the perfect reason for one to go to this event. Building stronger relationships, being seen as a strong, contributing member of the team, while not a guarantee to not get fired, may make the difference for you not getting fired over someone else, especially if it's a strictly budgetary decision. In my 40 years of working across many different industries/businesses, "politics" do play a part in who get what/where in business...for better...or worse.

32. Marcia SmithMay 23,2024 at 6:56PM UTC

    I get that the strategy you propose may work in some positions - but I'm 57 years old and my hard work and/or commitment/passion/relationships/etc. rarely got me anywhere. I have found that organizations will abuse your commitment and care very little for your professional outcomes.

33. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 1:33PM UTC

    I don't understand why it's professionally awkward-you'll be hanging out in someone's living room or backyard. And missing the first opportunity to network out of work with your new boss is probably not a good idea. I would go for a bit and if you still feel awkward, have an excuse to leave early. But I would give it a try. I'm an extreme introvert and I dislike socializing with not close "friends," but I would not miss this first opportunity with the team/new boss.

34. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 1:59PM UTC

    I agree. I am slightly introverted as well but wouldn't miss this networking opportunity. Unfortunately, networking is critical. You never know when you will need one of those contacts in the future.

35. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 2:04PM UTC

    OMG...... YOU NEED TO GO. You don't have to stay a long time. Just say you have another event you are committed to attending as well (baby shower, whatever). But do not miss this.

36. Milissa JacobsMay 23,2024 at 2:19PM UTC

    Take a deep breath and calm yourself, but you NEED to be there. She's having at her home for convenience more than likely. While I am also a huge proponent of the 'don't crap where you eat' philosophy, this seems like something that would be worse for you if you didn't go.

37. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 2:24PM UTC

    I also used to get anxious about outside of work gatherings. It's part of life to do some things that are not comfortable. You do not need to go and you are not wrong for not going, but you will be at a disadvantage in life if you avoid things that make you a "bit" uncomfortable. My advice would be to show up for a short time.

38. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 2:27PM UTC

    I am a sr. executive and I would never put my team in a position to have to give up their time on a Sunday to join a work-related event. I don't have an issue with the boss hosting at her house. It's less expensive to the company. My problem is Sunday. I have been on both sides of the situation. You have people who have responsibilities to their families or other obligations in the little time that people have outside of work. I wouldn't begrudge you for not coming. Boss should carve out a Wednesday afternoon to have a team building event during "work time" and leave people's "life time" alone.

39. Lisa OGradyMay 23,2024 at 2:40PM UTC

    I work in a very friendly environment where most of us have been for years so this doesn’t sound strange to me. I think it depends on your company and how people work together.

    Just personally, I think it was a lovely gesture and if it seems uncomfortable I’d have done as you did and politely declined.

40. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 2:41PM UTC

    Why do managers think this is a good idea? Maybe I'm too much of an introvert. end of chat :-)

41. Beverly MolnarMay 23,2024 at 6:03PM UTC

    Your being an introvert wouldn’t make a difference whether the gathering was at the boss’s home or another setting.

42. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 5:04PM UTC

    As a manager, I would NEVER ask staff to give up a day over the weekend for what is essentially a work event. She should have picked a day during the week, shut down mid-afternoon and then host a dinner. You were perfectly fine declining the invitation.

43. Marcia SmithMay 23,2024 at 6:58PM UTC

    I could not agree more. thank you for an excellent point of view

44. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 6:58PM UTC

    Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't see anything wrong with someone opening up their home for a meeting or an event. I've had the rare privilege of attending events in settings like this and was perfectly fine, despite not being outgoing or extroverted. And to top it off, I was able to get to interact with co-workers that I'd normally wouldn't interact with in the office. But, with that being said, I know that this isn't everyone's cup-of-tea. It's important for each individual to gauge what their comfort level is when it comes to interacting with colleagues outside of the office and respond accordingly.

45. Rosa GoesMay 23,2024 at 7:26PM UTC

    I think your boss is a social person. She's just trying to get to know her team. I personally know many social people and this is something they think is normal, part of who they are.

46. Janet ParkhurstMay 24,2024 at 2:52AM UTC

    I agree, Rosa. Especially, since the boss is new. Work can pose constraints in getting to know your team members, time being one of them. We're all humans, first. And if the boss is paying for this event herself, I tip my hat to her. She is being sincere. If I were the poster, I would go.

47. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 8:16PM UTC

    I would go. It’s a rarity for events like this to happen and a great way to bond aka brownie points with the boss. Gooo!

48. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 8:41PM UTC

    As someone who attended a “team building event” at my bosses home and ended up getting assaulted um no. I will not be attending work events at someone’s home ever again unless they are my personal friend outside of work.

49. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 9:11PM UTC

    Not wrong of you, at all. I worked in a Fortune 50 company for many years. Only 1 of my managers ever set up a party at her home on a weekend. I went, reluctantly, and was harassed by an overserved colleague. That fould've happened anywhere at any time, but it made me angry that I'd felt pressured, that I sorta had to go, because it was my new boss invited us staff.

    For me, it's all about a power dynamic that some people aren't sensitive to. If a colleague was the host, I'd have felt free to decline without fear there might be hard feelings that might result in a negative impact on my work relationship with my boss, the person who decides the amount of my raise and bonus and my assignments, etc.

    At my company, only high level execs might do the sort of thing that your boss did, e.g., the CEO or his/her direct reports.

50. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 10:04PM UTC

    I'm supposed to give up part of my weekend--my time to relax and recharge from working--for a work-related event? Nope, automatic dealbreaker.

51. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 10:06PM UTC

    I completely understand how this can be uncomfortable , however this is a networking opportunity you will be missing out on and your co workers will have full advantage of

    but if you dont want to go don’t go but just remember as unfair as it can be they will be networking and honestly that’s how you grow your network is important

    but again do what you feel is best just throwing this out there

52. maria roseMay 24,2024 at 2:52PM UTC

    You could make a short timed appearance—-enough time to greet everyone and have an excuse of prior engagement to leave early. Call it the politician walkthrough approach. No one really enjoys forced social interaction with people who are your work associates and not part of your outside of work circle of friends.

53. AnonymousMay 24,2024 at 6:44PM UTC

    My take on this is that it is your weekend away from work. We have weekends for a reason and should not be subjected to feeling obligated to attend a "work" social event on the weekends. If it was something scheduled during the week after working hours I'd say go for a little bit and enjoy a little time getting to know your co-workers in a non-working capacity and make your exit when you are ready to leave