How do I appropriately "care less" about things at work?

Anonymous

August 1,2022 at 6:19PM UTC

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How do I appropriately "care less" about things at work?

Context: I'm a subject matter expert at my job and I've been here for about 6 years, an additional 1.5 as a contractor before becoming a full time employee. I've seen a lot over this time and been involved in many data, product, tooling, and process changes working across teams and parts of the process from prototype to release. Lately I have become frustrated because most of what I do requires influence without control, and every decision seems to be by committee. I have a lot of quality relationships with stakeholders but the higher level structure we are operating in seems fundamentally flawed which has been acknowledged by my management (direct manager and 2 levels above). In addition to all of this, I've been taking masters level communications courses at the expense of my company, the knowledge I've gained has made me increasingly critical of the failings of my org at a high level.

At this point I have been heard and validated, told my passion is appreciated, and I feel for my own mental health benefit have been advised to basically chill out.

Anyone have any advice from real world experience?

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Amy CollinsAugust 1,2022 at 7:07PM UTC
Remember the serenity prayer? Seriously, I think it's hard not to take things personally... But our work is important to us so we can't help ourselves. I do think that focusing on the data, rather than on the emotion, will help you do better work. Good luck :)
AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 7:29PM UTC
I like Amy's perspective of prayer. Also, remember you can only do your best each day. Influence is certainly an art. Just bc you cannot influence the people the way you want, does not mean you have to allow yourself to suffer for it. Everytime you get angry, upset or frustrated bc things did not go as planned, you are not hurting anyone else but yourself, Longterm healthwise and you take a hurt to your well being. Try journaling and exercise to get things out your system. Reflect and make peace. Learn to also accept others for their differences. Understand that people you work with operate from a different lense. Sometimes decisions are made to a detriment or to success. Either way, you can only do your best.
AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 8:12PM UTC
Take a step back and understand your sphere of influence. That's the limit that you have.
After acknowledging your position don't push where it's not invited or welcomed.
You need to take tge extra energy and invest it in your life. Your personal life.
If you build a rush and rewarding personal life, you have more control and influence over your personal satisfaction, content and joy. You feelings of accomplishment and reward will be far greater if you work to balance your life with interests and passion.
It's frustrating to be told to stand down but not as hard to do when there are so many other areas of your life to turn to.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 2:37PM UTC
Agreed. I had started to do this during the pandemic, and then I got laid off, so it was less of a blow when that happened.
AnonymousAugust 1,2022 at 10:30PM UTC
You get to choose what you want for yourself. You have a choice about what you "care" about. Do you want a career where the concepts you are learning are already being implemented or ready to be? Would you seek out another organization to be part of that?
I am posting this anonymously because we are about to eliminate a team similar to what you are experiencing now.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 12:46PM UTC
Dig deeper into why you care so much in the first place.
How much does it affect YOU being able to do your job well and in what ways?
We were not meant to live to work, rather to work to live. Once I realized that, my entire perspective changed.
You are working to provide opportunities in life to travel, be financially comfortable, relax, eat fantastic food and have great memories whatever fuels your fire. You’re not working to make corporations more money.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 2:35PM UTC
It's normal to want to have some control over our life, and you can't control this aspect of your life. Keep in mind that all organizations are imperfect, especially in the area of communication, so your coursework that teaches best practices will make almost any organization look bad to you.
I reached a similar point after about the same number of years as you. I had gained enough experience to know when poor practices were interfering with my job. I was a subject specialist in an organization that had few subject specialists. My clientele loved me, but I was marginalized within my organization, and when I tried to change things, I wound up being characterized as "difficult" and a poor communicator! (i.e., I didn't put up and shut up and keep my head down and follow directions, which was the cultural value of my department)
One way you could disengage that would position you for future success is volunteering for a community non-profit. You could help with social media, press releases, volunteer training, or whichever role might fit your current skill set and future ambitions. I used to do petfinder listings for my local animal shelter. I learned photo editing for it, and describing the animals was a creative activity that I was able to talk about in job interviews as an example of how I promoted services (not something I had workplace experience in, but was required in my next career phase).
You sound like someone who could be a great consultant in the future. You may also be able to direct yourself toward blogging, content writing (e.g., upwork gigs), podcasts, vlogging, etc.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 7:56PM UTC
This is OP, just want to thank everyone for their thoughts. It’s great to hear these things, they make me feel less alone, and to know that this happens. I know it’s not personal. I think since I’m hitting roadblocks that I can’t move, I will see if I can dedicate more energy to my volunteer work in one of our D&I groups.
AnonymousAugust 2,2022 at 11:28PM UTC
If you want to stay with this company, do the best with the existing structure, work around impediments, and concentrate on those elements of your work and personal life that bring you satisfaction.
If, on the other hand, you wish to explore external job opportunities, this is as good a time as any to do so.
Advice for chilling out at work:
-Leave your stress at the office.
-Give your personal life higher priority, whether that be family, friends, hobbies or causes that motivate you.
-If needed, take up a new interest that uplifts you or plan a special occasion or vacation.
-Exercise is an excellent way to burn off stress. If exercise does not come naturally, start slowly and work up gradually; as time progresses, you will see results. A fairly easy way to exercise is to start walking with a friend a few times a week.
-If you’re at a loss as to what activities you might enjoy, check Meetup.com, which lists numerous group activities in major cities. Another great source is VolunteerMatch.org.