Cold shoulder from co worker.

13 Comments

1. ChristinaMay 22,2024 at 12:36AM UTC

   Sounds like she is being triggered by you most likely because there is some insecurity on her part. Just be yourself. If she tries to control you or does underhanded things to undermine or cause problems for you, document those in a notebook so you have a good record. Just in case one day you need it. Otherwise, do your work well and shine out your light like you would anywhere else. Don't try to get her favor. People like that have issues they are needing to deal with and likely you are simply a trigger for her - the places where she feels insecure. Don't bend to it. Simply be yourself.

2. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 2:31AM UTC

   Don’t waste your time trying to determine what you did wrong, when in actuality, you’ve done nothing wrong.

   This person seems very temperamental, with borderline tendencies towards passive aggression.. Unless you think she’s totally worth the effort trying to establish a relationship with, Perhaps keeping things strictly professional between you two may be best for right now.

3. AnonymousMay 22,2024 at 2:39AM UTC

   Envy, jealousy, petty competition. She has issues and whatever her triggers are, you tripped them and she is ruminating.

   Not your monkey, not your circus.

   Keep a respectful distance and don't offer further discussion. Be prepared for her inferiority complex to try and make you look bad so she may look better. Don't give her the opportunity if you can help it.

4. AnonymousMay 23,2024 at 4:09PM UTC

   Yes to this.

   Which leads to gaslighting and passive-aggressive behavior. It sounds like that’s what’s happening here.

5. AnonymousMay 26,2024 at 1:17PM UTC

   It's very passive aggressive behavior that beats no logical explanation. Keep your distance from trouble makers who manipulate.

6. AnonymousMay 24,2024 at 2:05PM UTC

   Honestly, you didn’t do anything wrong. Sounds like she has a problem with women she works with, and you’re just the next in line. Just keep your head down and do your work - it will speak for itself. When she talks to you, be polite, but I’d avoid anything other than surface from now on.

   Also, you might want to start documenting these interactions, either emailing your personal email or writing things down in a notebook, just in case.

7. AnonymousMay 25,2024 at 3:21PM UTC

   Replay one of the actions that made you consider writing this to the community. Let her know how it made you feel. Suggest to her that you are better as allies and supporting each other and that going forward if she has concerns about her work shining in front of others that you are totally happy to support her need to be in front for the work she has done. Call it out, definitely be sure you do it in a kind way as you don't know just how insecure she might be.

8. Sarah BordersMay 26,2024 at 2:26PM UTC

   I suspect her behavior toward you on your business trip was noted—either by someone else from your company or (I hope not for her sake) an outside associate or client—and it was addressed by a supervisor when y’all got back from your trip. She may think that you complained to this supervisor about it, and that’s why she got a talking to, but she only has herself and her behavior to blame for that.

   Just keep doing what you’re doing—keep your head down and do your work. Continue to be pleasant and cordial toward her, whether that cold shoulder of hers eventually thaws or not.

   Because I feel you did nothing wrong here, the only advice I can offer to handle situations like these better going forward is this: If something a coworker does bothers you, ONLY IF you feel safe to address it with them directly, do that. If you don’t feel safe addressing it yourself, tell a supervisor you can trust to keep your name out of it, and let them handle it.

   Don’t dismiss unacceptable behavior because “it’s just Cheryl being Cheryl” (apologies to any Cheryls out there—it was the first name that came to mind). Y’all have a job to do and internal strife exposed to external clients makes your employer look unprofessional and weak.

   Keep your head up.

9. AnonymousMay 27,2024 at 12:54PM UTC

   Like others suggested, pull it back and keep it cordial. Sounds like she was being petty and passive aggressive. Work “friends” in my experience are purely political and these so called friendships happen in order to look like a team player with an emphasis on building relationships. They are not true friends, more like acquaintances. I learned the hard way to discern between work buddies and personal friendships. Since we are forced to be around coworkers more than friends and families, it’s easy to blur the boundaries. Going forward, don’t disclose personal information to this woman.

10. AnonymousMay 27,2024 at 1:01PM UTC

    Work “friendships” are fake friendships. They are more like acquaintances. Don’t fully trust them nor disclose personal information.

11. Tahirah WineglassMay 27,2024 at 1:33PM UTC

    Stop trying to figure it out- also, do not share anymore personal information with her! It could be anything- jealousy, envy, loathing, etc.

    Move on and guard your mental health

12. AnonymousMay 27,2024 at 6:05PM UTC

    Work is different these days. I would ignore and yes no longer share information.

13. AnonymousMay 29,2024 at 1:05AM UTC

    If it bothers you that much, I recommend you ask her if you could speak to her about something. Express to her the concerns you shared and how it made you feel to see what she says. Hopefully she will apologize for her behavior and you all can clear the air and move forward. If not, then you will know how to move forward with her, by keeping it professional only and limit small talk.