Help!

Anonymous

August 21,2023 at 11:11AM UTC

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Help!

I've been working at my current company for almost 2 years now. I've come to learn that the company as a whole is not a safe space to work out, as I've watched lots (and I mean lots) of employees slowly get fazed out of the company. This happens when they request for more pay, they're wanting to grow in their role or just communicate where they're at mentally. The gossip is truly toxic. My team apparently protect and defend us to the 'higher ups'. I still can't help but feel that if the roots of the company are unstable and not secure, I end up feeling unstable and unsure of where i stand. It doesn't help that I'm the only female amongst 8 other men. The 8 men are all best friends and hangout on weekends etc, so i end up feeling isolated and out of the loop as they communicate important things regarding work when I'm not around. During team building time I try my best to get involved in the conversation, but i get spoken over and flat out no replies if I ask a question or try engaging...it's very unpredictable what I'll get from the team each day. I can't see a future for me at the company, and strongly disagree with how they treat their employees. I've communicated to my immediate bosses that I've felt isolated being the only woman in the team, that I need more communication and to know where I stand. However, I don't see change. They've hired another male to join the team now, and just today a project that falls under my jurisdiction got given to another team member without any communication to myself. I'm feeling quite hopeless. Advice?

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AnonymousAugust 21,2023 at 1:14PM UTC
Honestly, you are working in a horrible toxic environment. When the "boys club" gets together to talk business at social functions and you are excluded because you are the only female, it sets you up for failure. They see you as the "token female" in the job, and you are probably secure because they can state that they are "diverse." It is certainly not a place I would want to work, and I think you should start looking for work elsewhere.
AnonymousAugust 23,2023 at 2:43PM UTC
This is absolutely correct. No "be the change" toxic positivity will fix this.
Karen PatwaAugust 21,2023 at 1:35PM UTC
That can be an extremely difficult situation. When you asked for support, what exactly did you ask for? Sometimes asking for something more concrete (another woman in the team, a woman mentor in another area of the company, a different position etc) can get results. Additionally, while you're still at your job it might help to meet with the men on the team one-on-one. Do you have solid relationships with any of them? That could help with some of the communication. Ask why the project was given to someone else, and whether there are options to work with that person on it, or take on another project. And if you aren't already communicating by email or other written communication, I think that could be helpful so your requests and questions and answers are documented. If you decide to look for another job, good luck, I think that's a good idea. I wouldn't stop trying and learning to navigate in your current position though.
AnonymousAugust 21,2023 at 5:09PM UTC
Hi Karen, thanks so much for this. To answer your question, when I communicated where i was at in the role I expressed that I would appreciate being more involved in discussions around projects as I know i have a lot to offer. I asked for more space to add my thoughts on projects and to be given the freedom to own the projects for the client i oversee. I did also ask for another woman to be hired, to which they said they agreed and were looking. A few woman came in for interviews however none seemed to be a 'fit'? Which is so strange because I had seen their portfolios and were more qualified than I was when i started out. I have spoken with the guys in the team, and have made efforts to meet Friday mornings with the team for coffee before work...I still can't help but feel this weird barrier. I do think the atmosphere has started to take a toll on my physical well-being now, and my confidence in my skill deteriorates everyday. I will start writing down all communication as that is something i haven't been doing. Thanks for your time.
Karen PatwaAugust 22,2023 at 2:53AM UTC
I understand. So sorry that you're going through this, and thanks for the clarifications. Sounds like their hiring process could potentially confirm that there are issues related to gender bias or discrimination, that's a whole other rabbit hole. On the bright side, every effort you've made and the results you've observed from them is good research for the next job. Try not to lose confidence. It sounds like you are very skilled and care about your work, but you're in an environment that isn't supportive. I hope you remain aware of your true worth and value in the workplace, and wish you the best in finding a position that is right for you.
AnonymousAugust 21,2023 at 1:45PM UTC
I can't see any reason for you to stay there. You don't have to make a lifetime commitment to any job. Just GO!
AnonymousAugust 23,2023 at 1:21PM UTC
Best response
HILDA GAugust 21,2023 at 2:18PM UTC
It clearly is sending signals that you will no longer be productive with the workplace you're in now. Silently scout for another job that can use your talents and skills and when the time is ripe, exit gracefully. No long speeches though. :)
AnonymousAugust 22,2023 at 12:21PM UTC
I'd your feeling left out- the next time you hear them talking about getting into the coffee or even about them all hanging out on the weekend- insert yourself and say "I'd love to hangout with you guys to get to know you better, can I join?" Chances are they won't flat out say no, but it could be a nice try. But after a few times of trying this, I'd look for a job.
AnonymousAugust 22,2023 at 11:56PM UTC
You’d seriously look for another job if your requests for weekend socializing or coffee dates was rebuffed?
AnonymousAugust 23,2023 at 12:25PM UTC
Uhhh, no! These guys do not invite you on weekend hangouts because it could probably cause an awkward experience and questions from thir significant other. So, no, don't ask to join them. They are coworkers, not your beasties.
maria roseAugust 22,2023 at 3:00PM UTC
You said that you have been in this position for 2 years and the whole time you were the sole female in the group, which means you have known since you were hired that you were the only female. So using that as a reason now to complain about your workplace situation is not really your issue but rather it’s your frustration in trying to achieve something in the workplace setting. Obviously you are in a workplace that is primarily a male oriented type of job but you have the same skills as the men, also.
Unless the male bonding sessions (weekends off work )that you are feeling left out of are essential to your development , you shouldn’t feel upset by already established friendships. You are there for to achieve becoming an important workplace team member, not to become best buddies with your colleagues. There must have been some reason why ( other than the lack of turnover of openings) there hasn’t been any new female hires for new positions .
But if you are uncomfortable with being the only female in the group, then find another job in the same field in another workplace so you can find female colleagues to work with and talk to, but it may be not be the workplace but the field of work you do that creates this “isolation” environment. I highly doubt that you are not considered a vital member of your group to have been kept in your position for so long. You just want to have another female member in the group.
AnonymousAugust 22,2023 at 4:18PM UTC
You can choose where you work and if you end up in a company where you are the sole female member you need to find a way to collaborate the way the rest of the team does. This would be the same advice I would give to any member of a group that is different having joined as the sole person who is not like the others. You can be the change, speak up and do it openly and vocally or move on.
Cindy GrossAugust 22,2023 at 6:51PM UTC
I've been the only woman on a team and/or project many times in my past tech career. It can really suck and therefore I decided never to do so again. The systemic problems are too pervasive to fight alone. Get really clear on what you truly want out of a job and career then go find those things. https://befriendingdragons.com/
ChristineAugust 23,2023 at 12:37PM UTC
It seems as though it's not a place you feel good about. If I were you, I'd start looking elsewhere but, while you are there, continue to do the best work you can and when the time comes to leave you can do so knowing that even though this wasn't the right fit for you, you gave it your all.
Good luck!
AnonymousAugust 23,2023 at 2:29PM UTC
I clearly understand what you are saying. I've been in some of the same situations myself.
Anita SatkiewiczAugust 23,2023 at 3:24PM UTC
"just today a project that falls under my jurisdiction got given to another team member without any communication to myself."
That statement got my attention.
It may help to ask who redirected the work and why. If you feel hopeless, then please take a step back (mentally) and breathe. Then consider your options.
All my best wishes for your future success.
Wanda ShawAugust 23,2023 at 4:15PM UTC
Wow! Talk about blantant sexism!! This company exhudes it through and through. And the prevailing attitudes and culture all trickle down from the top. And when a culture is ingrained in an organization it's hard to change or shift it. And probably not worth the fight. As you've mentioned yourself that you really don't see a future with this company. If that's the case, then you'd do well to begin exploring and finding other opportunities sooner rather than later. All the best!
Farah BajwaAugust 23,2023 at 5:53PM UTC
From your description, this sounds like a small and/or family-owned business. In those cases, change doesn't happen as quickly as at larger companies. If your feeling the company is unstable and you feel a bit isolated, and they haven't really addressed these concerns for you then perhaps its time to start looking around for a new opportunity? You lose nothing to start asking around, and its always good to be proactive because only you can truly look out for yourself in these situations. Good luck!!
AnonymousAugust 24,2023 at 2:55AM UTC
Time to pack. Update your resume and go. Just saying.
AnonymousAugust 26,2023 at 6:35PM UTC
Yes! Just do your work and go home. Focus on getting your resume together. Toxic doesn't get better, especially if you're seeing the repeated pattern. Good Luck with your search!
AnonymousAugust 30,2023 at 9:09AM UTC
I have worked in my role since may 2023, However my line manager has taken a dislike to me, she is desperate to get rid of me and always very nagative towards my planning.
My students passed 100 percent in one exam and 70 percent in the other.
She has moved my probation meeting forward and says she has no confidence in me. They are looking at dismissal. she has also shed doubt on my honesty with no base.